A/N
There's alot of angst in this chappie, refrences to cutting and such. If you don't like these types of things don't read this story at all, it will be full of it, also thanks to my beta Sarah! Your such a help angel!
Ginny's insomnia was becoming intolerable. Night after night she would lie in her bed and every time she closed her eyes the darkness would encircle her, sending her into a panic. Suddenly Ginny, once fearless in most situations, was terrified of the dark. Tonight was no different. The lamp at her bedside remained alight, its cheerful glow comforting Ginny as she sat in her bed and thought of Harry.
The way his eyes looked when had arrived haunted her. The emerald green had dulled. They looked sad and aged, possessing none of the youthful mischief and joy they were once filled with. Ever since the whole house at Grimmauld Place had been brought up to standards fit for humans, they no longer needed to share bedrooms. Although Ron and Harry stayed in the same room so Ron could keep Harry company, Hermione and Ginny had split. Ginny thought longingly of the nights they stayed up all night discussing their views on the world.
Ginny knew she was in awe of Hermione and didn't mind it one bit. The older girl's mind was one of the most incredible Ginny had ever experienced, rivalled only by Dumbledore's. Ginny was afraid to admit it but she had been harvesting a crush on Hermione almost as long as Ron had been. She knew she wasn't a lesbian. Nothing would come of this childish school girl crush, and though the feelings were light and fun, she knew she could never tell anyone.
Girls in Ginny's year had last year confided to her dorm mates that they where bi or lesbian and Ginny had seen how the girls had been so kind and reassuring to their faces, but behind their backs it had been a totally different story. "I can't share a dorm with her! What if she tries to touch me or rape me or something?" One of the more narrow minded girls squealed in the bathrooms one day, a look of utter disgust plastered across her face.
No…Ginny didn't need the added pressure. Ginny's heart skipped a beat as a long loud creak erupted, puncturing the silence of the night. One thing that didn't help Ginny's fear was the noises this old house created during the night, as though suddenly deciding things were too quiet.
Snuggling further down into her bed, Ginny's mind wandered to her return to Hogwarts. She knew it sounded cliché, but Hogwarts was like her second home. Since Fred and George had flown out of the picture (literally), Ginny was one of the top pranksters in the year. The supplies Fred and George had left for her almost filled her whole wardrobe at Hogwarts, leaving limited space for her robes.
"Ginny, Are you still awake?" Ginny started and looked over to the doorway. There was Harry, clad now in pyjamas but still with the makeup on which had begun to run slightly.
"Yeah! Come in." Ginny sat up and gestured to the end of her bed. Harry smiled gratefully and sat down.
"Couldn't sleep either?" Ginny asked, smiling kindly.
"Nuh. I don't like being back here Gin. I mean I love the fact I am here with you guys, but it feels so wrong to be here without Sirius." Harry tried to smile to hide the fresh tears that had welled up in his eyes but failed.
Trickling down his cheek and tangling in his black mess of hair, Ginny wondered how many more tears Harry would cry before he laughed again. How many days it would be before Sirius's death didn't continuously replay in his mind. Ginny reached out a hand and grabbed Harry's; running her fingers over the fleecy sleeve of his night shirt. Ginny watched Harry's facial expressions change from emotional pain to physical pain.
"Harry, what's wrong?" Ginny asked grabbing his arm. Harry winced in pain and Ginny lifted his sleeve. Up and down his arm cuts littered his beautiful porcelain skin. Ginny's eyes wandered over the tragically beautiful piece of artwork in front of her that had been painted out of pure pain.
"The only time I don't see his face in my mind or hear his voice is when I cut." Harry stated dully. Looking at his arms and then back up to Ginny almost begging her to understand.
"Harry…you've really lost it. You're purposely hurting yourself, what is wrong with you? If you're feeling this bad you should have told us sooner. We would've found a way to come and get you."
"And then what? What would happen then? I would be dragged back here, a place full to the brim with memories of Sirius."
"Damn it Harry, you're not the only one hurting because he's gone! I loved him to, he was like another family member. He effected all of us but he is gone and you are still alive. You're still living, and breathing and standing right here. We can't lose you too. We all love you too much." Ginny glared at Harry almost daring him to answer her back. All he did was lean over and hug her. He hugged her tightly to his body, afraid to let go. Ginny sighed into his neck and rested her forehead on his shoulder.
"Go to bed Harry, get some sleep okay?" Ginny smiled and pushed Harry off her. He returned the smile reluctantly and stumbled out of Ginny's room and into the hall way. Ginny fell back onto her pillows, suddenly exhausted.
~*~*~(~(~*~*~&~&~
Ginny stood before two tables, on one lay a dagger; the silver blade smooth and shiny. On the other, a crystal heart; small and fragile. Easily broken. Ginny fingered the heart, its cool smooth surface sending shivers up her spine. Unsure of what was expected of her Ginny picked up the blade. It felt good in her hands. It made her feel powerful. Its silver blade almost begged to be washed in the blood of the enemy. Ginny stupidly ran a finger over the edge of the blade and it sunk deeply into her finger. Crimson tears leaked out of the cut and Ginny squeaked in pain.
Ginny woke with a start and looked around. The blade was gone. The heart had disappeared.
A dream… it didn't seem like a dream. Ginny looked down at her bed, at the blood stained sheets. At her bleeding hand.
There's alot of angst in this chappie, refrences to cutting and such. If you don't like these types of things don't read this story at all, it will be full of it, also thanks to my beta Sarah! Your such a help angel!
Ginny's insomnia was becoming intolerable. Night after night she would lie in her bed and every time she closed her eyes the darkness would encircle her, sending her into a panic. Suddenly Ginny, once fearless in most situations, was terrified of the dark. Tonight was no different. The lamp at her bedside remained alight, its cheerful glow comforting Ginny as she sat in her bed and thought of Harry.
The way his eyes looked when had arrived haunted her. The emerald green had dulled. They looked sad and aged, possessing none of the youthful mischief and joy they were once filled with. Ever since the whole house at Grimmauld Place had been brought up to standards fit for humans, they no longer needed to share bedrooms. Although Ron and Harry stayed in the same room so Ron could keep Harry company, Hermione and Ginny had split. Ginny thought longingly of the nights they stayed up all night discussing their views on the world.
Ginny knew she was in awe of Hermione and didn't mind it one bit. The older girl's mind was one of the most incredible Ginny had ever experienced, rivalled only by Dumbledore's. Ginny was afraid to admit it but she had been harvesting a crush on Hermione almost as long as Ron had been. She knew she wasn't a lesbian. Nothing would come of this childish school girl crush, and though the feelings were light and fun, she knew she could never tell anyone.
Girls in Ginny's year had last year confided to her dorm mates that they where bi or lesbian and Ginny had seen how the girls had been so kind and reassuring to their faces, but behind their backs it had been a totally different story. "I can't share a dorm with her! What if she tries to touch me or rape me or something?" One of the more narrow minded girls squealed in the bathrooms one day, a look of utter disgust plastered across her face.
No…Ginny didn't need the added pressure. Ginny's heart skipped a beat as a long loud creak erupted, puncturing the silence of the night. One thing that didn't help Ginny's fear was the noises this old house created during the night, as though suddenly deciding things were too quiet.
Snuggling further down into her bed, Ginny's mind wandered to her return to Hogwarts. She knew it sounded cliché, but Hogwarts was like her second home. Since Fred and George had flown out of the picture (literally), Ginny was one of the top pranksters in the year. The supplies Fred and George had left for her almost filled her whole wardrobe at Hogwarts, leaving limited space for her robes.
"Ginny, Are you still awake?" Ginny started and looked over to the doorway. There was Harry, clad now in pyjamas but still with the makeup on which had begun to run slightly.
"Yeah! Come in." Ginny sat up and gestured to the end of her bed. Harry smiled gratefully and sat down.
"Couldn't sleep either?" Ginny asked, smiling kindly.
"Nuh. I don't like being back here Gin. I mean I love the fact I am here with you guys, but it feels so wrong to be here without Sirius." Harry tried to smile to hide the fresh tears that had welled up in his eyes but failed.
Trickling down his cheek and tangling in his black mess of hair, Ginny wondered how many more tears Harry would cry before he laughed again. How many days it would be before Sirius's death didn't continuously replay in his mind. Ginny reached out a hand and grabbed Harry's; running her fingers over the fleecy sleeve of his night shirt. Ginny watched Harry's facial expressions change from emotional pain to physical pain.
"Harry, what's wrong?" Ginny asked grabbing his arm. Harry winced in pain and Ginny lifted his sleeve. Up and down his arm cuts littered his beautiful porcelain skin. Ginny's eyes wandered over the tragically beautiful piece of artwork in front of her that had been painted out of pure pain.
"The only time I don't see his face in my mind or hear his voice is when I cut." Harry stated dully. Looking at his arms and then back up to Ginny almost begging her to understand.
"Harry…you've really lost it. You're purposely hurting yourself, what is wrong with you? If you're feeling this bad you should have told us sooner. We would've found a way to come and get you."
"And then what? What would happen then? I would be dragged back here, a place full to the brim with memories of Sirius."
"Damn it Harry, you're not the only one hurting because he's gone! I loved him to, he was like another family member. He effected all of us but he is gone and you are still alive. You're still living, and breathing and standing right here. We can't lose you too. We all love you too much." Ginny glared at Harry almost daring him to answer her back. All he did was lean over and hug her. He hugged her tightly to his body, afraid to let go. Ginny sighed into his neck and rested her forehead on his shoulder.
"Go to bed Harry, get some sleep okay?" Ginny smiled and pushed Harry off her. He returned the smile reluctantly and stumbled out of Ginny's room and into the hall way. Ginny fell back onto her pillows, suddenly exhausted.
~*~*~(~(~*~*~&~&~
Ginny stood before two tables, on one lay a dagger; the silver blade smooth and shiny. On the other, a crystal heart; small and fragile. Easily broken. Ginny fingered the heart, its cool smooth surface sending shivers up her spine. Unsure of what was expected of her Ginny picked up the blade. It felt good in her hands. It made her feel powerful. Its silver blade almost begged to be washed in the blood of the enemy. Ginny stupidly ran a finger over the edge of the blade and it sunk deeply into her finger. Crimson tears leaked out of the cut and Ginny squeaked in pain.
Ginny woke with a start and looked around. The blade was gone. The heart had disappeared.
A dream… it didn't seem like a dream. Ginny looked down at her bed, at the blood stained sheets. At her bleeding hand.