I Promise
*Past*
~Sirius' POV~
*^*^* It was three days before the full moon, and I remember it vividly. Remus had skipped all of his classes and went to rest in the Shrieking Shack. This wasn't unusual behavior from him, so, as always, James, Peter, and I would often visit him.
He was sick and ghostly pale, which was common with the upcoming full moon, but it seemed to worsen upon my every return.
The night on the eve of the full moon I decided to visit Remus, alone. When I was sure it was safe to leave the common room unnoticed, James was busy 'studying' with Lily Evans, and Peter had his nose buried in a book while sneaking glances at the happy couple, I grabbed James' invisibility cloak that he let me borrow earlier in the week and headed down to the Whomping Willow.
The night was still, with not a cloud in the starry sky. There was an occasional hoot from an owl hunting in the Forbidden Forest, but other than that it was nothing but a dead eerie silence.
Making sure that no one was watching, I slipped under the invisibility cloak, changing into my animagus form for further precautions. I slipped past the Whomping Willow, down the long, damp passage, and into the room Remus stayed in.
There I stood in the doorway, watching the dim light from the sole candle flicker over his face. The sight was heart wrenching. I shook the cloak off and whimpered slightly to get his attention.
"Padfoot." His voice was weak, but he managed a smile.
I walked over to where he lay, changing back into my human form in the process. "Hey, Moony," I replied. I forced myself to smile, though my eyes must have shown my true despair.
He sat up with a questioning look. "What's wrong?"
I sat on the edge of the bed. "Nothing, just lay back down."
He looked at me pointedly.
"Really, nothing's wrong. I just worry about you." By the end, it had become a rapid whisper. I held my gaze downward, fiddling with the hem of my robes, though then I didn't know what I was so nervous about. Remus had been my best friend for the past six years.
He brought his hand up to my chin and forced me to look straight into his soft amber eyes. "I know," he whispered back, and pulled me into a tight embrace. "Friends since the beginning of time and inseparable from then on. I'd feel the same way if you were in my position."
Shuddering at the warmth of his breath tickling my ear, I drew in a breath to speak, but my mind was clouded over with his scent. That's when it hit me.
"I love you, Moony." My voice was soft yet deep and sincere.
He pulled back, his arms still resting around my neck. Once again I was staring into his deep amber eyes, knowing that mine no longer showed despair but desire and hope. The silence from him was becoming unbearable, and as I was about to pull away, he spoke in a barely audible whisper. "I love you, too."
Many questions flew in my head and right back out again. D...did he...did he just...He did! My heart seemed to have stopped for a moment, and my mind was on a natural high.
I couldn't hold my feelings back anymore. My heart jumped back to life, beating rapidly as I took his face in my hands and brought it up to my own. Oh Merlin, how I'd longed for the feel of his soft, luscious lips on my own. I could tell that he was surprised at first, but soon after, he had one of his hands buried in my hair and his other on the small of my back, seeking for more contact, and I obliged. I wrapped my hands about his waist, slowly and gently I leant him back, never breaking the kiss.
I realized he started crying and pulled back only to kiss away the tears. At that time I didn't bother to ask why he was crying. Haphazardly, my lips found their way back to his, deepening the kiss upon contact. My tongue darted out and licked his bottom lip, seeking for an entrance. He willingly gave in. I could hear a moan escape from deep in his throat as my tongue brushed against his, both battling for control; although, there was no winner.
We were like that for a while until oxygen was an issue. I finally pulled back, both of us gasping for air. "You don't know how long I've been dying to do that," he whispered against my lips.
"Oh, I'm sure I do," I replied, placing feather light kisses along his jaw. "I should get going. Don't want to worry James and Peter, now do I?" I got up, placing a final kiss on his lips. Seeing his sorrowful face I added, "Now don't worry, Moony. I'll be back tomorrow with the others after dinner." He simply nodded, and with that, I took up the invisibility cloak again and was gone.
**
The next day, classes went by rather slowly, but thank Merlin they were only half the time than usual, as it was every Friday. I decided that in my spare time I would go visit Remus one last time before the others came.
At the shack, Remus was asleep and looking worse than ever. I took up his hand and gently kissed it. He stirred and slowly opened his eyes. He clutched my hand and pulled me on the bed with him. "Hey, I've missed you," he said, his voice raspy.
I grinned and tenderly kissed his lips. "Oh, really? How much?" I asked playfully.
He smiled back and whispered, "This much," before pulling me down for a very passionate kiss. When we finally broke apart he looked unhappy, though he was trying hard not to show it.
I propped myself up next to him, my fingers entangled in his hair. "What's wrong?"
He let out a sigh and was hesitant for a minute, but he finally gave in. "I never thought I'd fall in love, but I did." His gaze drifted downward, almost as if he were ashamed.
I lifted his head so that he would stare me right in the eyes. Those beautiful pools of amber holding so much love and hope were on the brink of tears. "Why would you think that? You're beautiful, and I'm the one lucky enough to be able to hold such beauty and call it mine."
The tears could be held back no longer, and I knew that it ran much deeper. I kissed them away and waited for him to settle down again. "What's wrong?" I asked again, this time a bit more worried.
Again he hesitated. His next words, though simple and short, were not ones you'd want to ever hear from a loved one.
"I'm dying," Remus whispered, fresh tears now streaming down his face.
I was shocked. No, I was beyond shocked. What I felt was beyond any and all emotions, and my body went numb. "Why? How? Can't Madam Pomfrey help?" I managed to choke out.
He shook his head, let out a shuddered breath, and explained. "It's called the Winaper disease. For humans, if caught in time, it's not serious, but because I'm also a werewolf, my body doesn't react to the medications."
I went silent and he must have taken it for a bad sign. He shook his head again, this time to himself. "I shouldn't have told you, not now, not this soon." He was speaking more to himself rather than to me. "If you want to leave I'll understand."
I finally regained control of my mouth again. "No," I replied, taking his hand in mine, "I'm glad you told me now." I gently kissed his hand, then his lips, and gave him a reassuring smile.
There was a noise coming toward the room. I sat upright, my gaze held at the doorway. It was only James and Peter meaning that it was almost time.
Moments after the others arrived, his transformation began to take place. His cries of agony grasped at my heart, and I was aching to just reach out and hold him. To somehow make all of his pain go away, but I couldn't, not with James and Peter there. They couldn't know just yet, so I just stayed on the bed already in my animagus form and lay beside him. It was unbearable to see the one that I loved go through such suffering.
**
After about a week, Remus wanted to tell James and Peter about us and about his condition. They were, after all, our best friends, and we couldn't keep anything a secret from them for very long.
Their reactions were similar to mine when I first found out, shocked and confused. They were both very supportive, though we were all a bit more careful around Remus afterward. He would notice our precautions and would tell us to stop and just act normal, and we tried, really we did, but it was just second nature to be a bit more watchful around those who were hurt or sick. He eventually got used to it over the months.
It was near Christmas, and he was looking better. We were only together for five months, but I had to do this.
Remus was sitting in the Gryffindor common room, staring at the fireplace, deep in thought. No one else was there. Almost everyone had gone home for the holidays, and I had been grateful. My palms were sweaty, and my heart was beating so hard I was sure it would break through my chest.
"Remus," I whispered. He turned in his seat to face me.
His eyes seemed to have widened as I got down on one knee and held onto his hands. I drew in a shaky breath before I started. "Remus, I know we've only been together for five months now, and my love for you has grown with each passing day. That love for you will never die, and I want you to know that I'll be there for you through thick and thin. I want everyone to know how much I love you." I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small, velvet box. I opened it, and inside was a beautiful gold ring encrusted with three stones, one sapphire, his birthstone, one amethyst, my birthstone, and a gorgeous diamond in between. I slipped it onto his ring finger and asked, "Remus, will you marry me?"
His eyes shone and his mouth hung open in disbelief. Regaining his composure he nodded and answered, "Of course I'll marry you, Sirius!" I couldn't have been happier.
I stood, pulled him up with me, and embraced him with a very loving kiss.
We wanted to get married right away, knowing that time was precious. So a few days later, on December 19 to be exact, Headmaster Dipit arranged for us to be wed, James as our Best Man, and Lily as our Maid of Honor.
It wasn't anything really fancy. We had our friends, and we exchanged vows.
"...keep him in sickness and in health; ...so long as ye both shall live?"
"I do," and I intend on keeping that vow.
We struggled through the rest of the year together with the support of our friends and, well, Remus' family. My family wasn't too keen on my homosexuality, therefore had nothing to do with me or our relationship.
Remus hadn't attended graduation because he was too weak, but instead James, Peter, and I held our own little celebration for him. There were laughs and we had fun. It was almost like old times again. Times before he was sick, or we knew he was sick.
He didn't last long into the summer. Many were surprised that he even lasted this long, but Remus was a fighter. He fought to the last day, and his last words I hold dear in my heart.
"Sirius," he managed to whisper. I leaned in closer so I could hear what it was he wanted to tell me. "Sirius, can you please promise me something?"
"Of course, anything for you."
"Promise me that you'll never lose your love for me after I'm gone."
By this time we both were crying. I cupped his face with my hands. He was so cold. "I promise," I whispered back, and I kissed him for the last time, pouring my heart and soul into it. He gave his last breath and was gone. *^*^*
*Present*
And now I sit here next to you on the ten-year anniversary of that day, the tears streaking down my face, seeping into the soil that surrounds what was once the happy-go-lucky boy I knew and loved. My lover, my soul mate, my partner, and most importantly, my best friend. I have come to say that I have not forgotten. I have kept my promise to you and will until that one day that fate will reunite us once more.
I love you Remus J. Lupin.
~End~
*Past*
~Sirius' POV~
*^*^* It was three days before the full moon, and I remember it vividly. Remus had skipped all of his classes and went to rest in the Shrieking Shack. This wasn't unusual behavior from him, so, as always, James, Peter, and I would often visit him.
He was sick and ghostly pale, which was common with the upcoming full moon, but it seemed to worsen upon my every return.
The night on the eve of the full moon I decided to visit Remus, alone. When I was sure it was safe to leave the common room unnoticed, James was busy 'studying' with Lily Evans, and Peter had his nose buried in a book while sneaking glances at the happy couple, I grabbed James' invisibility cloak that he let me borrow earlier in the week and headed down to the Whomping Willow.
The night was still, with not a cloud in the starry sky. There was an occasional hoot from an owl hunting in the Forbidden Forest, but other than that it was nothing but a dead eerie silence.
Making sure that no one was watching, I slipped under the invisibility cloak, changing into my animagus form for further precautions. I slipped past the Whomping Willow, down the long, damp passage, and into the room Remus stayed in.
There I stood in the doorway, watching the dim light from the sole candle flicker over his face. The sight was heart wrenching. I shook the cloak off and whimpered slightly to get his attention.
"Padfoot." His voice was weak, but he managed a smile.
I walked over to where he lay, changing back into my human form in the process. "Hey, Moony," I replied. I forced myself to smile, though my eyes must have shown my true despair.
He sat up with a questioning look. "What's wrong?"
I sat on the edge of the bed. "Nothing, just lay back down."
He looked at me pointedly.
"Really, nothing's wrong. I just worry about you." By the end, it had become a rapid whisper. I held my gaze downward, fiddling with the hem of my robes, though then I didn't know what I was so nervous about. Remus had been my best friend for the past six years.
He brought his hand up to my chin and forced me to look straight into his soft amber eyes. "I know," he whispered back, and pulled me into a tight embrace. "Friends since the beginning of time and inseparable from then on. I'd feel the same way if you were in my position."
Shuddering at the warmth of his breath tickling my ear, I drew in a breath to speak, but my mind was clouded over with his scent. That's when it hit me.
"I love you, Moony." My voice was soft yet deep and sincere.
He pulled back, his arms still resting around my neck. Once again I was staring into his deep amber eyes, knowing that mine no longer showed despair but desire and hope. The silence from him was becoming unbearable, and as I was about to pull away, he spoke in a barely audible whisper. "I love you, too."
Many questions flew in my head and right back out again. D...did he...did he just...He did! My heart seemed to have stopped for a moment, and my mind was on a natural high.
I couldn't hold my feelings back anymore. My heart jumped back to life, beating rapidly as I took his face in my hands and brought it up to my own. Oh Merlin, how I'd longed for the feel of his soft, luscious lips on my own. I could tell that he was surprised at first, but soon after, he had one of his hands buried in my hair and his other on the small of my back, seeking for more contact, and I obliged. I wrapped my hands about his waist, slowly and gently I leant him back, never breaking the kiss.
I realized he started crying and pulled back only to kiss away the tears. At that time I didn't bother to ask why he was crying. Haphazardly, my lips found their way back to his, deepening the kiss upon contact. My tongue darted out and licked his bottom lip, seeking for an entrance. He willingly gave in. I could hear a moan escape from deep in his throat as my tongue brushed against his, both battling for control; although, there was no winner.
We were like that for a while until oxygen was an issue. I finally pulled back, both of us gasping for air. "You don't know how long I've been dying to do that," he whispered against my lips.
"Oh, I'm sure I do," I replied, placing feather light kisses along his jaw. "I should get going. Don't want to worry James and Peter, now do I?" I got up, placing a final kiss on his lips. Seeing his sorrowful face I added, "Now don't worry, Moony. I'll be back tomorrow with the others after dinner." He simply nodded, and with that, I took up the invisibility cloak again and was gone.
**
The next day, classes went by rather slowly, but thank Merlin they were only half the time than usual, as it was every Friday. I decided that in my spare time I would go visit Remus one last time before the others came.
At the shack, Remus was asleep and looking worse than ever. I took up his hand and gently kissed it. He stirred and slowly opened his eyes. He clutched my hand and pulled me on the bed with him. "Hey, I've missed you," he said, his voice raspy.
I grinned and tenderly kissed his lips. "Oh, really? How much?" I asked playfully.
He smiled back and whispered, "This much," before pulling me down for a very passionate kiss. When we finally broke apart he looked unhappy, though he was trying hard not to show it.
I propped myself up next to him, my fingers entangled in his hair. "What's wrong?"
He let out a sigh and was hesitant for a minute, but he finally gave in. "I never thought I'd fall in love, but I did." His gaze drifted downward, almost as if he were ashamed.
I lifted his head so that he would stare me right in the eyes. Those beautiful pools of amber holding so much love and hope were on the brink of tears. "Why would you think that? You're beautiful, and I'm the one lucky enough to be able to hold such beauty and call it mine."
The tears could be held back no longer, and I knew that it ran much deeper. I kissed them away and waited for him to settle down again. "What's wrong?" I asked again, this time a bit more worried.
Again he hesitated. His next words, though simple and short, were not ones you'd want to ever hear from a loved one.
"I'm dying," Remus whispered, fresh tears now streaming down his face.
I was shocked. No, I was beyond shocked. What I felt was beyond any and all emotions, and my body went numb. "Why? How? Can't Madam Pomfrey help?" I managed to choke out.
He shook his head, let out a shuddered breath, and explained. "It's called the Winaper disease. For humans, if caught in time, it's not serious, but because I'm also a werewolf, my body doesn't react to the medications."
I went silent and he must have taken it for a bad sign. He shook his head again, this time to himself. "I shouldn't have told you, not now, not this soon." He was speaking more to himself rather than to me. "If you want to leave I'll understand."
I finally regained control of my mouth again. "No," I replied, taking his hand in mine, "I'm glad you told me now." I gently kissed his hand, then his lips, and gave him a reassuring smile.
There was a noise coming toward the room. I sat upright, my gaze held at the doorway. It was only James and Peter meaning that it was almost time.
Moments after the others arrived, his transformation began to take place. His cries of agony grasped at my heart, and I was aching to just reach out and hold him. To somehow make all of his pain go away, but I couldn't, not with James and Peter there. They couldn't know just yet, so I just stayed on the bed already in my animagus form and lay beside him. It was unbearable to see the one that I loved go through such suffering.
**
After about a week, Remus wanted to tell James and Peter about us and about his condition. They were, after all, our best friends, and we couldn't keep anything a secret from them for very long.
Their reactions were similar to mine when I first found out, shocked and confused. They were both very supportive, though we were all a bit more careful around Remus afterward. He would notice our precautions and would tell us to stop and just act normal, and we tried, really we did, but it was just second nature to be a bit more watchful around those who were hurt or sick. He eventually got used to it over the months.
It was near Christmas, and he was looking better. We were only together for five months, but I had to do this.
Remus was sitting in the Gryffindor common room, staring at the fireplace, deep in thought. No one else was there. Almost everyone had gone home for the holidays, and I had been grateful. My palms were sweaty, and my heart was beating so hard I was sure it would break through my chest.
"Remus," I whispered. He turned in his seat to face me.
His eyes seemed to have widened as I got down on one knee and held onto his hands. I drew in a shaky breath before I started. "Remus, I know we've only been together for five months now, and my love for you has grown with each passing day. That love for you will never die, and I want you to know that I'll be there for you through thick and thin. I want everyone to know how much I love you." I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small, velvet box. I opened it, and inside was a beautiful gold ring encrusted with three stones, one sapphire, his birthstone, one amethyst, my birthstone, and a gorgeous diamond in between. I slipped it onto his ring finger and asked, "Remus, will you marry me?"
His eyes shone and his mouth hung open in disbelief. Regaining his composure he nodded and answered, "Of course I'll marry you, Sirius!" I couldn't have been happier.
I stood, pulled him up with me, and embraced him with a very loving kiss.
We wanted to get married right away, knowing that time was precious. So a few days later, on December 19 to be exact, Headmaster Dipit arranged for us to be wed, James as our Best Man, and Lily as our Maid of Honor.
It wasn't anything really fancy. We had our friends, and we exchanged vows.
"...keep him in sickness and in health; ...so long as ye both shall live?"
"I do," and I intend on keeping that vow.
We struggled through the rest of the year together with the support of our friends and, well, Remus' family. My family wasn't too keen on my homosexuality, therefore had nothing to do with me or our relationship.
Remus hadn't attended graduation because he was too weak, but instead James, Peter, and I held our own little celebration for him. There were laughs and we had fun. It was almost like old times again. Times before he was sick, or we knew he was sick.
He didn't last long into the summer. Many were surprised that he even lasted this long, but Remus was a fighter. He fought to the last day, and his last words I hold dear in my heart.
"Sirius," he managed to whisper. I leaned in closer so I could hear what it was he wanted to tell me. "Sirius, can you please promise me something?"
"Of course, anything for you."
"Promise me that you'll never lose your love for me after I'm gone."
By this time we both were crying. I cupped his face with my hands. He was so cold. "I promise," I whispered back, and I kissed him for the last time, pouring my heart and soul into it. He gave his last breath and was gone. *^*^*
*Present*
And now I sit here next to you on the ten-year anniversary of that day, the tears streaking down my face, seeping into the soil that surrounds what was once the happy-go-lucky boy I knew and loved. My lover, my soul mate, my partner, and most importantly, my best friend. I have come to say that I have not forgotten. I have kept my promise to you and will until that one day that fate will reunite us once more.
I love you Remus J. Lupin.
~End~