Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far, I'm sitting on my PC, and
it's a choice of doing this or maths homework, so guess which one won? Lol
Anyway, without further ado, here's chapter 2 – let me know what you think.
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Chapter 2 – Dying
"I have cancer, sir. I'm dying".
************
Dying. She was dying. After years of fighting against the worst evil in the universe, it was cancer that was going to make her meet an untimely end. Damn Cancer! I want to scream to the world. Damn the whole thing to hell!
I pick up a pile of folders, and throw them against the wall. She's leaving me, leaving me, because of damn cancer! Realizing what I just did, I go to pick them up. I can feel the sobs coming, and plead with my body to make them stop. I can't let them see me like this. I just can't. I have to be strong, for her.
She can't know the way I'm feeling. Now, just stand up straight, keep the emotions in check, and be strong, for her. The problem is though, I don't want to. I want to throw my arms around her, and tell her that I'll make it better, I'll find someway to make things OK again. But I can't. She shouldn't find out this way.
And the thought that scare me the most is, I can't make it better, I can't make it OK. She's dying, and there's nothing I can do.
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Dying. I'm dying. No matter how many times I say the words to myself, they never seem quite real. I feel like I'm still dreaming. I make a silent prayer to myself: please let me wake up; please let me find out this is all some horrible dream.
I haven't seen Jack since I told him. The one person I want, more than anyone else is him. I want him to throw his arms around me, and tell me that he'll make it better, that everything will be OK. Nothing can make this better though. Nothing will make me OK.
No one knows what to say to me. Daniel and Janet hover round me, asking if I need anything. I need Jack, but no one seems to realize that. Suddenly I hate them, and the craziest thing is, I hate them for not being Jack. Then I start to hate myself for feeling this way.
Teal'c is his usual grave self. General Hammond has locked himself in his office, and refused to talk to anyone. Why must they treat me like this? I want everything to go on as normal, not be reminded by all the pitying looks. I want to scream at them, to stop looking at me like that, that it won't change anything; I'm still going to die.
I've never felt a loss of control like this before. I've always been good old reliable Major Carter, who is always in control, always on top of things. I hate this feeling of helplessness, the knowledge that I can't do anything.
The anger suddenly changes to fear. A deep uncontrollable terror, that makes me want to scream and shout. I'm shaking all over. It still isn't happening to me, it's still all a dream. But what scares me most of all, is that pretty soon I'll realize. This is no dream.
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I can't believe she's leaving me. Of all the things that have happened to me – Sha're dying, me dying, Sam has always been the only constant: one of the only people I can rely on to always be around. I can't believe she's leaving me.
I can't believe I'm being so selfish. Thinking of myself, when Sam's going to... I still can't bring myself to say it. My mind suddenly turns to Jack, and how he must be feeling through all of this. I know he loves her, he always has done. He's pretty good at hiding things, but the way he looks at her, it's obvious, even to Teal'c.
I have to do something. I have to feel like I'm helping in some way, otherwise I'll go mad. This is why I'm sitting at the dialing computer, trying desperately to help.
Finally I get through, and send the message, my voice still shaking, as I say "This is Daniel Jackson of the SGC. I desperately need to talk to Jacob Carter".
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She's dying. My little baby girl is dying. It seems so unfair; I want to punch a hole right through the wall. A parent should never have to outlive their children. It hurt so much when her mother died, and I know this is going to hurt so much more.
I love her so much; I can't stand the thought that I might not see her anymore. We've had our ups and downs, but at the end of it all, she was there. When her mother died, she was the strong one, the one who held everything together when I fell apart. When Mark stopped talking to me, she was the one who made us patch things up. When I found out I was dying, she saved my life, in more ways than one.
Well, now it's time for me to help her. Now it's time for me to pay it all back. I'm not going to let my daughter go, not without a hell of a fight.
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They're all crowding round me again, their faces all joined in pity. Even Jack is there. I want to run to him, have him hold me in his arms, but he's right at the back, hiding away from me. He's not even looking at me. I feel so useless.
My dad is here. He looks terrible. He's come with some of his Tok'ra friends, and they give me the pity look as well.
"Sam?" My dad says, trying desperately to hold back the tears. "We er... we looked at your scan, and well, the healing device won't work. The tumor's too far gone". He clears his throat, and shifts his weight from one foot to the other. "But... well... there is one thing..."
"What? Dad, tell me... what?" He's frowning, and looking quite pale. He sits on the end of the bed, and puts his arm on my shoulder. "You're not going to like it" I scream inwardly: I don't care if I won't like it, anything, anything that means I can stay here.
"Dad, just tell me" He takes a deep breath, and sighs.
"We want to give you a symbiote" He says.
"OK" I say.
TBC
*******************************************************************
You know the drill, please R&R, and tell me what you think, or I won't write anymore. You have been warned, lol!!!
*******************************************************************
Chapter 2 – Dying
"I have cancer, sir. I'm dying".
************
Dying. She was dying. After years of fighting against the worst evil in the universe, it was cancer that was going to make her meet an untimely end. Damn Cancer! I want to scream to the world. Damn the whole thing to hell!
I pick up a pile of folders, and throw them against the wall. She's leaving me, leaving me, because of damn cancer! Realizing what I just did, I go to pick them up. I can feel the sobs coming, and plead with my body to make them stop. I can't let them see me like this. I just can't. I have to be strong, for her.
She can't know the way I'm feeling. Now, just stand up straight, keep the emotions in check, and be strong, for her. The problem is though, I don't want to. I want to throw my arms around her, and tell her that I'll make it better, I'll find someway to make things OK again. But I can't. She shouldn't find out this way.
And the thought that scare me the most is, I can't make it better, I can't make it OK. She's dying, and there's nothing I can do.
*******************************************************************
Dying. I'm dying. No matter how many times I say the words to myself, they never seem quite real. I feel like I'm still dreaming. I make a silent prayer to myself: please let me wake up; please let me find out this is all some horrible dream.
I haven't seen Jack since I told him. The one person I want, more than anyone else is him. I want him to throw his arms around me, and tell me that he'll make it better, that everything will be OK. Nothing can make this better though. Nothing will make me OK.
No one knows what to say to me. Daniel and Janet hover round me, asking if I need anything. I need Jack, but no one seems to realize that. Suddenly I hate them, and the craziest thing is, I hate them for not being Jack. Then I start to hate myself for feeling this way.
Teal'c is his usual grave self. General Hammond has locked himself in his office, and refused to talk to anyone. Why must they treat me like this? I want everything to go on as normal, not be reminded by all the pitying looks. I want to scream at them, to stop looking at me like that, that it won't change anything; I'm still going to die.
I've never felt a loss of control like this before. I've always been good old reliable Major Carter, who is always in control, always on top of things. I hate this feeling of helplessness, the knowledge that I can't do anything.
The anger suddenly changes to fear. A deep uncontrollable terror, that makes me want to scream and shout. I'm shaking all over. It still isn't happening to me, it's still all a dream. But what scares me most of all, is that pretty soon I'll realize. This is no dream.
*******************************************************************
I can't believe she's leaving me. Of all the things that have happened to me – Sha're dying, me dying, Sam has always been the only constant: one of the only people I can rely on to always be around. I can't believe she's leaving me.
I can't believe I'm being so selfish. Thinking of myself, when Sam's going to... I still can't bring myself to say it. My mind suddenly turns to Jack, and how he must be feeling through all of this. I know he loves her, he always has done. He's pretty good at hiding things, but the way he looks at her, it's obvious, even to Teal'c.
I have to do something. I have to feel like I'm helping in some way, otherwise I'll go mad. This is why I'm sitting at the dialing computer, trying desperately to help.
Finally I get through, and send the message, my voice still shaking, as I say "This is Daniel Jackson of the SGC. I desperately need to talk to Jacob Carter".
*******************************************************************
She's dying. My little baby girl is dying. It seems so unfair; I want to punch a hole right through the wall. A parent should never have to outlive their children. It hurt so much when her mother died, and I know this is going to hurt so much more.
I love her so much; I can't stand the thought that I might not see her anymore. We've had our ups and downs, but at the end of it all, she was there. When her mother died, she was the strong one, the one who held everything together when I fell apart. When Mark stopped talking to me, she was the one who made us patch things up. When I found out I was dying, she saved my life, in more ways than one.
Well, now it's time for me to help her. Now it's time for me to pay it all back. I'm not going to let my daughter go, not without a hell of a fight.
*******************************************************************
They're all crowding round me again, their faces all joined in pity. Even Jack is there. I want to run to him, have him hold me in his arms, but he's right at the back, hiding away from me. He's not even looking at me. I feel so useless.
My dad is here. He looks terrible. He's come with some of his Tok'ra friends, and they give me the pity look as well.
"Sam?" My dad says, trying desperately to hold back the tears. "We er... we looked at your scan, and well, the healing device won't work. The tumor's too far gone". He clears his throat, and shifts his weight from one foot to the other. "But... well... there is one thing..."
"What? Dad, tell me... what?" He's frowning, and looking quite pale. He sits on the end of the bed, and puts his arm on my shoulder. "You're not going to like it" I scream inwardly: I don't care if I won't like it, anything, anything that means I can stay here.
"Dad, just tell me" He takes a deep breath, and sighs.
"We want to give you a symbiote" He says.
"OK" I say.
TBC
*******************************************************************
You know the drill, please R&R, and tell me what you think, or I won't write anymore. You have been warned, lol!!!