Thanks again for the reviews – they really mean a lot 2 me, I can't really
think of anything else to say, so here's chapter 5!!
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Just before I fall asleep, I hear Daniel whisper to my father "What now?" I want to know the same thing, but it's getting harder to concentrate on the words.
"Now we wait" He says.
*****************************
I sit at my desk, not even pretending to work. I feel like such a jerk, and it hurts so much, that I never told her I was sorry. I haven't heard anything yet, and I'm trying so hard to stem the thoughts going round my head about what might have happened to her.
If anything does... I will never forgive myself. I never got the chance to tell her, that I'm sorry, and that I never want anything to happen, and that... I love her. There I said it. I love her. Please god, let her be OK, and I swear, I'll say it to her face. Just let her be OK.
***
The klaxon goes off, disturbing me from my musings. I don't dare to hope it's her. I wander along anyway, taking my time, because I don't think I can bear to go in the gate room, secretly hoping it's her, to have my hopes dashed when it isn't.
This time however, I stroll into the gate room, and standing before me is her. Suddenly, I can't think of anything, except how much I want to put my arms around her, and tell her I love her.
She stares at me, and I can tell the hurt is still there. Suddenly, everything that I wanted to say dissipates, and all that's left is the familiar feeling of anger that I have whenever I think of her with that snake in her head.
She's looking at me, wondering why I'm still standing there, like an idiot. I stare at her. Something's different. I don't know what it is, but there's something in her eyes that's different. When she looks at me, she's not quite there. Well she is, but now there's someone else there. That snake. It's changed her, and now I feel like I'm losing her forever.
She smiles at me now. Not a real smile, one of those unsure smiles. She's not really smiling though. It's a hollow smile that she doesn't realize I can see right through.
"Colonel" She says curtly, and walks past me. She's still hurting. I want to scream at her to forgive me, that I didn't mean it, that I love her. But once again, I can't.
***
We're in the briefing room now. That snake is talking to General Hammond. I don't listen to a word it's saying. I can't. I want so much to see Sam, I want her to look at me, and talk to me, and smile at me. The real smile, not the fake one.
She's speaking now, I want her to talk to me, but I know she's not going to. She finishes giving her little speech, and turns to address both of us.
"General, Colonel... er... there's something I'd like to talk to you about. I'm er... I'm going to keep Madrigal. In the past few days, I've got to know her, and I've grown to have an awful lot of respect for her, and... I've grown to like her. With your permission, I'd like to stay at the SGC, and maybe act as a liaison between earth and the Tok'ra"
She carries on explaining something to Hammond, but I can't concentrate anymore. She wants to stay with that snake in her head? No, no she can't. But I know she will.
She knows how I feel about it. But she's still going to do it. I mean nothing to her. She doesn't care at all about how I feel. And that thought hurts more than anything.
Hammond agrees, like I knew he would. I can't stand this any longer. She excuses herself from the room. I leave as well.
I see her in the corridor. I call her, and she turns round, a look of disdain on her face, she hates me. Oh, god, she hates me.
"Was there something you wanted, Colonel?" I get tongue tied again. I feel the anger rising inside me, and once again, I can't say it.
"No, nothing at all" She turns on her heel, and carries on walking. It hurts so much. I turn as well, and walk towards my office.
***
I'm sitting in my office again, pretending to do something. It's been a few days now, and I still can't get used to it. She looks different, and I can't help the feeling that something's wrong. I know nothing is, apart from that snake, but I can't help the feeling even so.
The klaxon goes off again, and I rise slowly to my feet, feeling too tired for all this. I consider going home early, but ironically my sense of duty gets the better of me.
I walk to the gate room. It's the damn Tok'ra again. They're look really worried, which is unusual. I suddenly feel like I don't have time for this.
"Where is Major Carter?" one says, his voice shaking. A tiny signal of panic goes off in my head.
"The Tok'ra, Madrigal, before she came to Major Carter, she was on a mission, to infiltrate a Goa'uld system lord. But..." He takes another deep breath, "we recently received information that the Tok'ra Madrigal was killed on the mission. And... well there's only one person the symbiote could be..."
"Just tell me will you" I'm getting tired with them.
"Major Carter's symbiote is a Goa'uld".
TBC
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Ooooooh dern dern derrrrrrrrrn. Let me know if you want more!!
***************************
Just before I fall asleep, I hear Daniel whisper to my father "What now?" I want to know the same thing, but it's getting harder to concentrate on the words.
"Now we wait" He says.
*****************************
I sit at my desk, not even pretending to work. I feel like such a jerk, and it hurts so much, that I never told her I was sorry. I haven't heard anything yet, and I'm trying so hard to stem the thoughts going round my head about what might have happened to her.
If anything does... I will never forgive myself. I never got the chance to tell her, that I'm sorry, and that I never want anything to happen, and that... I love her. There I said it. I love her. Please god, let her be OK, and I swear, I'll say it to her face. Just let her be OK.
***
The klaxon goes off, disturbing me from my musings. I don't dare to hope it's her. I wander along anyway, taking my time, because I don't think I can bear to go in the gate room, secretly hoping it's her, to have my hopes dashed when it isn't.
This time however, I stroll into the gate room, and standing before me is her. Suddenly, I can't think of anything, except how much I want to put my arms around her, and tell her I love her.
She stares at me, and I can tell the hurt is still there. Suddenly, everything that I wanted to say dissipates, and all that's left is the familiar feeling of anger that I have whenever I think of her with that snake in her head.
She's looking at me, wondering why I'm still standing there, like an idiot. I stare at her. Something's different. I don't know what it is, but there's something in her eyes that's different. When she looks at me, she's not quite there. Well she is, but now there's someone else there. That snake. It's changed her, and now I feel like I'm losing her forever.
She smiles at me now. Not a real smile, one of those unsure smiles. She's not really smiling though. It's a hollow smile that she doesn't realize I can see right through.
"Colonel" She says curtly, and walks past me. She's still hurting. I want to scream at her to forgive me, that I didn't mean it, that I love her. But once again, I can't.
***
We're in the briefing room now. That snake is talking to General Hammond. I don't listen to a word it's saying. I can't. I want so much to see Sam, I want her to look at me, and talk to me, and smile at me. The real smile, not the fake one.
She's speaking now, I want her to talk to me, but I know she's not going to. She finishes giving her little speech, and turns to address both of us.
"General, Colonel... er... there's something I'd like to talk to you about. I'm er... I'm going to keep Madrigal. In the past few days, I've got to know her, and I've grown to have an awful lot of respect for her, and... I've grown to like her. With your permission, I'd like to stay at the SGC, and maybe act as a liaison between earth and the Tok'ra"
She carries on explaining something to Hammond, but I can't concentrate anymore. She wants to stay with that snake in her head? No, no she can't. But I know she will.
She knows how I feel about it. But she's still going to do it. I mean nothing to her. She doesn't care at all about how I feel. And that thought hurts more than anything.
Hammond agrees, like I knew he would. I can't stand this any longer. She excuses herself from the room. I leave as well.
I see her in the corridor. I call her, and she turns round, a look of disdain on her face, she hates me. Oh, god, she hates me.
"Was there something you wanted, Colonel?" I get tongue tied again. I feel the anger rising inside me, and once again, I can't say it.
"No, nothing at all" She turns on her heel, and carries on walking. It hurts so much. I turn as well, and walk towards my office.
***
I'm sitting in my office again, pretending to do something. It's been a few days now, and I still can't get used to it. She looks different, and I can't help the feeling that something's wrong. I know nothing is, apart from that snake, but I can't help the feeling even so.
The klaxon goes off again, and I rise slowly to my feet, feeling too tired for all this. I consider going home early, but ironically my sense of duty gets the better of me.
I walk to the gate room. It's the damn Tok'ra again. They're look really worried, which is unusual. I suddenly feel like I don't have time for this.
"Where is Major Carter?" one says, his voice shaking. A tiny signal of panic goes off in my head.
"The Tok'ra, Madrigal, before she came to Major Carter, she was on a mission, to infiltrate a Goa'uld system lord. But..." He takes another deep breath, "we recently received information that the Tok'ra Madrigal was killed on the mission. And... well there's only one person the symbiote could be..."
"Just tell me will you" I'm getting tired with them.
"Major Carter's symbiote is a Goa'uld".
TBC
*******************************************************************
Ooooooh dern dern derrrrrrrrrn. Let me know if you want more!!