Hia, thanks for the reviews, only a short chapter, because I'm going
through a bit of a family crisis at the moment, so sorry. Anyway, here's
chapter 7 – very angsty!!
*** "I'm sorry Colonel, but Sam's gone".
*** Chapter 7 – Empty
It's been nearly a year since she went. For the first six months or so, we sent out hundreds of SG teams, SG1 included to hundreds of different planets, but we never found her.
That feeling of helplessness got worse and worse after she left. I was always so used to being in control, and now, suddenly, there's nothing I can do, and I hate knowing that.
I still hold on to the hope that we'll find her. Daniel and Teal'c do too. But everybody else has given up. She's just another MIA to them, someone who is a sad loss, but everything will carry on as normal, it's not a big deal.
I can't carry on at this place. I see her everywhere, in the corridors, in the gate room. I nearly put my head round her office door yesterday, to ask if she was going to lunch. When I remembered it was closed and locked, and had been for eleven months, it was nearly as bad as losing her all over again.
It's the not knowing that's the worst. She's out there somewhere, but I don't know if she's dead, or alive. I don't know if she's in pain, or if she doesn't feel anything. I could sit here, waiting, for years, and never hear anything. And that thought scares me to death.
I'm used to colleagues, even friends, going MIA. It's all part of the job, when you work in black ops. But losing Sam, I've never felt like this before. I've never felt so... empty, inside.
***
I got a call from General Hammond a few moments ago. I know what this is going to be about; I've been expecting it for months. But it won't make hearing it any less hard.
I knock on the door, and go in. he looks at me, in that pitying, understanding way he's suddenly adopted that drives me crazy.
"Sit down, Colonel" He says, taking in a breath. "I'm, um... well, Major Carter has been missing for nearly a year now, and er... the president thinks we should move on, and er... he wants me to assign a new team member to SG1". He pauses, waiting for me to answer. You can tell he's expecting me to start yelling, by the nervous look in his eyes.
"You're going to need to find two new members, sir" I say to him. He looks at me, confused.
"I've decided to retire. To be honest sir, I'm sick of this, I'm sick of all of it. I don't think I can carry on working here. You'll have my resignation on your desk first thing tomorrow"
With that, I turn and walk out. He's calling me back in, but I can't face this anymore. I walk as quickly as I can out of the base, and drive at break neck speed home. Once I'm home, I collapse on to the sofa, and rest my head in my hands. The sods shake my whole body, and I'm too tired to fight them any more.
God Sam, please come back. I love you so much, please come back.
TBC
**************************************************************************** *****
Wow got really emotional writing that. Sorry for depressing people, but I'm in a really unhappy mood at the moment, and I don't feel like writing happy things. As always, please R n R!
*** "I'm sorry Colonel, but Sam's gone".
*** Chapter 7 – Empty
It's been nearly a year since she went. For the first six months or so, we sent out hundreds of SG teams, SG1 included to hundreds of different planets, but we never found her.
That feeling of helplessness got worse and worse after she left. I was always so used to being in control, and now, suddenly, there's nothing I can do, and I hate knowing that.
I still hold on to the hope that we'll find her. Daniel and Teal'c do too. But everybody else has given up. She's just another MIA to them, someone who is a sad loss, but everything will carry on as normal, it's not a big deal.
I can't carry on at this place. I see her everywhere, in the corridors, in the gate room. I nearly put my head round her office door yesterday, to ask if she was going to lunch. When I remembered it was closed and locked, and had been for eleven months, it was nearly as bad as losing her all over again.
It's the not knowing that's the worst. She's out there somewhere, but I don't know if she's dead, or alive. I don't know if she's in pain, or if she doesn't feel anything. I could sit here, waiting, for years, and never hear anything. And that thought scares me to death.
I'm used to colleagues, even friends, going MIA. It's all part of the job, when you work in black ops. But losing Sam, I've never felt like this before. I've never felt so... empty, inside.
***
I got a call from General Hammond a few moments ago. I know what this is going to be about; I've been expecting it for months. But it won't make hearing it any less hard.
I knock on the door, and go in. he looks at me, in that pitying, understanding way he's suddenly adopted that drives me crazy.
"Sit down, Colonel" He says, taking in a breath. "I'm, um... well, Major Carter has been missing for nearly a year now, and er... the president thinks we should move on, and er... he wants me to assign a new team member to SG1". He pauses, waiting for me to answer. You can tell he's expecting me to start yelling, by the nervous look in his eyes.
"You're going to need to find two new members, sir" I say to him. He looks at me, confused.
"I've decided to retire. To be honest sir, I'm sick of this, I'm sick of all of it. I don't think I can carry on working here. You'll have my resignation on your desk first thing tomorrow"
With that, I turn and walk out. He's calling me back in, but I can't face this anymore. I walk as quickly as I can out of the base, and drive at break neck speed home. Once I'm home, I collapse on to the sofa, and rest my head in my hands. The sods shake my whole body, and I'm too tired to fight them any more.
God Sam, please come back. I love you so much, please come back.
TBC
**************************************************************************** *****
Wow got really emotional writing that. Sorry for depressing people, but I'm in a really unhappy mood at the moment, and I don't feel like writing happy things. As always, please R n R!