Well here it is, the penultimate chapter. Just this and the epilogue to go.
Thank you for the reviews, I have got an idea for a sequel, so let me know
if you're interested, but I might do some stand alone fics for a while, as
I haven't got the time for extended pieces. Anyway, here's chapter 14!
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"Sam, if you want to go, you should go" I say, not even believing I'm saying it. I see the hurt flash in her eyes, just for a second, before the defenses go up, and the anger is there.
"Fine" she says, grabbing her box of things, and heading out of the door.
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I walk as quickly as I can out of the base, and when I feel the tears coming, I break in to a run, not caring about all the looks I'm getting from people. The tears are running down my cheeks now, and my vision is getting blurry from the ones in my eyes. I try as hard as I can to stifle them, but they just keep coming.
When I finally get to my car, I climb inside, rest my head on the steering wheel, and let them come. I'm too tired to fight them anymore. The sobs make my body shake.
How could he say that? Do I really mean nothing to him? All these years, the only way I've coped with feeling like this is knowing he feels the same way, and one day, there might be something more than friendship between us. But it appears I was fooling myself all along.
When the tears eventually stop, I turn the ignition, and drive as fast as I can out of there. My driving is erratic, and I know I'm not concentrating fully, but I don't care anymore. I don't even know where I'm driving to. I just drive.
***
I've been on the road for about 30 minutes now. Just driving, to nowhere in particular. I've always found this soothing, and even now, I can feel myself getting calmer. The anger is subsiding. The trouble is, now the anger's gone, all that's left, is the pain. The pain of knowing I made a fool of myself. The pain of knowing that he doesn't love me.
Just when I thought all the anger was going, I feel the engine in my car start to rattle, and the car starts to slow down. No! I think. This can't be happening. I feel like crying all over again.
I pull over by the side of the road, and go to check out the engine. As I step outside, I notice for the first time that it's raining. It was only light before, but now, it's really starting to pour down. Perfect, I say through gritted. Just perfect.
I take a look under the engine. The fan belt has broken. I feel so pathetic, and the tears start to fall again.
I sit by the side of the road, not caring about the rain that's soaking me, not knowing or caring how much time is passing. I suddenly realize a car hasn't come past all the time I've been here, and it starts to dawn on me just how much trouble I'm in, and I feel more alone than I ever have done.
Just in the distance, I see a car, and my spirits rise slightly. But then the car gets closer, and I recognize who it is. It's Jack. The last person on earth I want to talk to, and yet the one person I want the most. It doesn't make sense, even to me. He pulls up, and gets out of the car.
"How did you find me?" I say softly, not even sure whether I care about the answer.
"I followed you from the base, but I er... ran in to some trouble" He looks at my car, smoke still pouring from it "Looks like you did as well"
"Why are you even here?" I say angrily, turn on my heel, and go back to my car.
"Because I want to say, I mean, for what it's worth" He's struggling, I can tell, but I don't care. "I'm sorry" He says quietly "I never meant to hurt you".
"Yeah, well congratulations, you did" I say, yelling at him, not caring about how much he is trying.
"Sam" He says softly, and walks up to me, never looking away from eyes. I want to run, but as usual, as soon as he looks at me, I freeze. He reaches for my hands, and for once I don't protest.
"I am so sorry for hurting you. I didn't want to. Please believe me, the last person that I ever want to hurt is you. Sam, when I thought I'd lost you, it hurt so much, and I never want to feel like that again. That's why I have to tell you".
"Have to tell me what?" I say, trying to dismiss the hope, because I know he can't possibly mean what I think he means.
"I love you" He says simply, still looking in to my eyes. Suddenly, everything else seems so stupid, and all the anger, and pain, and tiredness fade away. I reach up; resting my arms on his shoulders, and kiss him. And suddenly, nothing matters anymore. Not the SGC, or the air force, or even the damn Goa'uld. All that matters is us, here together, in this moment. No star gates, no alternate realities, no alien diseases. Just us here, together.
I pull away slightly, and whisper "I love you too" He grins, and wraps his arms round me tightly. "The only thing I could think off, when that damn Goa'uld was stuck in me, was that I had to get back to you. I had to see you again. And then, when I came back, I thought you didn't care anymore, and it hurt so much". He raises a finger to my lips.
"Sam, I'm so sorry. There were so many times when I wanted to tell you how I felt. But every time, I was so scared you wouldn't feel the same way, and I just couldn't tell you"
"It's OK" I say, and kiss him again. This time he kisses me back, running his hands down my back, and holding me tightly. I don't know how long we stand there, it could have been10 minutes, it could have been a few hours. The only thing that I will remember is being there with Jack. And him holding me, until the light faded around us.
TBC
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Oooooh! As always, let me know what you think. Only the epilogue left now. Aaaw I'm getting quite nostalgic about it, lol PS, I really don't know what's going on, but there's something going screwed up with my ms word program, so if you see any random words or sentences o anything, it's not my fault, my computer's crap. Sorry!
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"Sam, if you want to go, you should go" I say, not even believing I'm saying it. I see the hurt flash in her eyes, just for a second, before the defenses go up, and the anger is there.
"Fine" she says, grabbing her box of things, and heading out of the door.
**************************************************************************** *****
I walk as quickly as I can out of the base, and when I feel the tears coming, I break in to a run, not caring about all the looks I'm getting from people. The tears are running down my cheeks now, and my vision is getting blurry from the ones in my eyes. I try as hard as I can to stifle them, but they just keep coming.
When I finally get to my car, I climb inside, rest my head on the steering wheel, and let them come. I'm too tired to fight them anymore. The sobs make my body shake.
How could he say that? Do I really mean nothing to him? All these years, the only way I've coped with feeling like this is knowing he feels the same way, and one day, there might be something more than friendship between us. But it appears I was fooling myself all along.
When the tears eventually stop, I turn the ignition, and drive as fast as I can out of there. My driving is erratic, and I know I'm not concentrating fully, but I don't care anymore. I don't even know where I'm driving to. I just drive.
***
I've been on the road for about 30 minutes now. Just driving, to nowhere in particular. I've always found this soothing, and even now, I can feel myself getting calmer. The anger is subsiding. The trouble is, now the anger's gone, all that's left, is the pain. The pain of knowing I made a fool of myself. The pain of knowing that he doesn't love me.
Just when I thought all the anger was going, I feel the engine in my car start to rattle, and the car starts to slow down. No! I think. This can't be happening. I feel like crying all over again.
I pull over by the side of the road, and go to check out the engine. As I step outside, I notice for the first time that it's raining. It was only light before, but now, it's really starting to pour down. Perfect, I say through gritted. Just perfect.
I take a look under the engine. The fan belt has broken. I feel so pathetic, and the tears start to fall again.
I sit by the side of the road, not caring about the rain that's soaking me, not knowing or caring how much time is passing. I suddenly realize a car hasn't come past all the time I've been here, and it starts to dawn on me just how much trouble I'm in, and I feel more alone than I ever have done.
Just in the distance, I see a car, and my spirits rise slightly. But then the car gets closer, and I recognize who it is. It's Jack. The last person on earth I want to talk to, and yet the one person I want the most. It doesn't make sense, even to me. He pulls up, and gets out of the car.
"How did you find me?" I say softly, not even sure whether I care about the answer.
"I followed you from the base, but I er... ran in to some trouble" He looks at my car, smoke still pouring from it "Looks like you did as well"
"Why are you even here?" I say angrily, turn on my heel, and go back to my car.
"Because I want to say, I mean, for what it's worth" He's struggling, I can tell, but I don't care. "I'm sorry" He says quietly "I never meant to hurt you".
"Yeah, well congratulations, you did" I say, yelling at him, not caring about how much he is trying.
"Sam" He says softly, and walks up to me, never looking away from eyes. I want to run, but as usual, as soon as he looks at me, I freeze. He reaches for my hands, and for once I don't protest.
"I am so sorry for hurting you. I didn't want to. Please believe me, the last person that I ever want to hurt is you. Sam, when I thought I'd lost you, it hurt so much, and I never want to feel like that again. That's why I have to tell you".
"Have to tell me what?" I say, trying to dismiss the hope, because I know he can't possibly mean what I think he means.
"I love you" He says simply, still looking in to my eyes. Suddenly, everything else seems so stupid, and all the anger, and pain, and tiredness fade away. I reach up; resting my arms on his shoulders, and kiss him. And suddenly, nothing matters anymore. Not the SGC, or the air force, or even the damn Goa'uld. All that matters is us, here together, in this moment. No star gates, no alternate realities, no alien diseases. Just us here, together.
I pull away slightly, and whisper "I love you too" He grins, and wraps his arms round me tightly. "The only thing I could think off, when that damn Goa'uld was stuck in me, was that I had to get back to you. I had to see you again. And then, when I came back, I thought you didn't care anymore, and it hurt so much". He raises a finger to my lips.
"Sam, I'm so sorry. There were so many times when I wanted to tell you how I felt. But every time, I was so scared you wouldn't feel the same way, and I just couldn't tell you"
"It's OK" I say, and kiss him again. This time he kisses me back, running his hands down my back, and holding me tightly. I don't know how long we stand there, it could have been10 minutes, it could have been a few hours. The only thing that I will remember is being there with Jack. And him holding me, until the light faded around us.
TBC
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Oooooh! As always, let me know what you think. Only the epilogue left now. Aaaw I'm getting quite nostalgic about it, lol PS, I really don't know what's going on, but there's something going screwed up with my ms word program, so if you see any random words or sentences o anything, it's not my fault, my computer's crap. Sorry!