An: Ehehehe. *rubs back of head* Uh......by the prodding of all of you
wonderful reviewers (especially sashlea...ok...stop poking me with
that sharpened end of the toothbrush now....yes....that's what you can
poke me with to get me to update.....) I am BACK!

Lawyer 698: *shaken awake* GUILTY! Snrk...huh?

Wow....have I been gone this long? *looks at dusty and cobwebby room
full of snoring lawyers*

Lawyer .02365: *yawn* YES! Where have you been?

Uh....well....you see.....

Lawyer 785: Oh.....were you abducted by extraterrestrial ducks again?
*note sarcasm*

Hey.....that only happened that one time...

Lawyer 6321: Yeah, yeah. You'd better have a good excuse why you've
been keeping everyone waiting...

Two words: Studying for exams.

Lawyer 4: That's three words.

Shut up! Anyways....exams are all this week and I've been so choked up
with schoolwork and winter break activities (I went to Turks and Caicos
in the Caribbean!) that I haven't had much time to BREATHE much less
update. What can I do to make it up to you?

Lawyer 59: Uh....a disclaimer?

Lawyer 65: Yeah....that sounds about right.

Er...ok...uh....all rights of Inuyasha are not owned by me. Or you. So
really you can't brag either.

Lawyer 1.2: Thank you!


Oh...and this little fic is dedicated to Aeja.....who I hope had a
wonderful Christmas and has a wonderful birthday (coming up!).

And to all of my other wonderful reviewers......I am forever in your
debt! You have shaken me out of my slack-off slump!




All's Fair in Love and Reality Shows

Chapter Six

Security Tapes Never Lie



~*~ ^_^ ~*~


"Well, it seems the last of the stragglers have arrived." Sesshoumaru
looked over the little assembly, eager faces peering over their
opponents' heads. "Alright, the scores have been tallied, and are being
transferred to our score screen." As soon as the words had left his
mouth, a large television screen rolled in behind Sesshoumaru, followed
by a bunch of sweaty, out of breath behind-the-scenes crew.

"Aight, 'ere ya are Sess-ah-mare-oo." The biggest, sweatiest, and most
out-of-breath worker stepped up; then motioned for his crew to leave.

"It's Sesshoumaru," Sesshoumaru flinched at their retreating backs.
"Stupid low budget....we get a lousy crew..." He trailed off, seeing
the contestants puzzled faces. Grinning cheesily and adopting a more
gameshow-y voice, he continued. "Ah yes! Are you ready?" The words
seemed rather stupid. The air was thick with tension and they all
looked eagerly and nervously at the blank screen, willing it with their
minds to turn on. Sesshoumaru clicked the button on the remote, and the
big silver screen lit up. Gasps and cries of "No way!" or "ARGH! I
can't believe they beat us..." went up.


Shippou and Rin were in first place, with 800 points to their name.
Miroku and Sango were next, with 600; followed closely behind by two
other couples, then Naraku and Kikyo with 321. Following them were
Kouga, Kagome, and Inuyasha.

In last place.


~*~ ^_^ ~*~


"I can't believe he didn't tell us that you got extra points for what
time you came!" Kouga was sprawled out on his bed, groaning at their
unfortunate luck.

"Ah, stop whining about it!" Inuyasha snarled. Kouga threw his shoe at
him, and it turned to an all out brawl.

Kagome was seated in an over-flowery and overstuffed chair in the
corner, shaking her head at the two's pathetic bickering. "Will you two
STOP it?! What's wrong with you guys?! All you've done since we've
gotten here is argue like five-year olds! Geez!" She stomped out
angrily.

The two male occupants of the room blinked at each other, until
Inuyasha asked, "What got lodged up her butt?"


~*~ ^_^ ~*~


In the garden, among the willow trees, Kagome hid, huddled up on a
sun-warmed rock by the pond. She drew her knees closer in, and put her
chin on top of them. Homesickness washed over her. She sighed, and
threw a pebble into the little pond, shaking the lazy goldfish awake.
"Kouga's right..." she told the fish. "He should've told us. Argh...I
can't believe my life for the next month is going to be on national
television!" Sighing once more, she slunk out of the grove. Sure,
everyone would jump at the chance to compete with members of the
opposite sex on national television. Everyone except for her, of course.
Life was so unfair sometimes.....

(AN: Yesh....I've gotten several complaints about the willow grove...it
being too "clicheyishly magical-like" and whatnot. But trust me people!
IT WILL COME INTO PLAY! And with that said...onto the fic!)


~*~ ^_^ ~*~

"ARGH! How did you get so good? And at chess....a SMART people's
game!" An unnaturally high male voice emitted from the Tiger Lily Suite.

"Shut up brat! Maybe it's because I'm SMART?" A much lower voice of the
same gender was released through the cracks in the door.

The higher male's voice rang out once more. "Yeah, sure. Saying you're
smart is like saying that Miroku won't rub another girl's butt ever again! I
bet Kagome could kick your ass at this!"

"HA! I'd love to see her try!"

Said girl happened to be strolling by said suite when this was
said. Curious, she peeked around the corner, only to be blinded by the
garish orange decor. Blinking and scrubbing her eyes silently, a small
red-haired boy and a scowling certain silver-haired roommate were
sitting at a tiger lily-shaped table, starting a new game of chess.
Watching for a few seconds as each player made their fourth moves, she
noticed Inuyasha's king. Grinning broadly to herself, Kagome couldn't
resist what she did next.

Creeping up behind Inuyasha, and motioning for Shippou to stay cool,
she slowly reached out her hand and....

"Checkmate, Inuyasha." Her fingers toyed with the rook in her grasp.

The room was silent.

Five moves.....

Five moves and the game was won.

"Wow….I TOLD YOU!" The stunned silence of the room was quickly
dispersed in an instant, courtesy of Shippou's taunts. "SHE BEAT YOU!!
AND SHE ONLY MADE ONE MOVE!!!" Kagome smiled at Shippou, then turned to
Inuyasha's shocked face.

His astonishment quickly turned to anger. "How the hell did you beat
me? I've been the reigning champ back home for the past three years!"

"Yeah? Well, when your Grandfather insists on making you sit and listen
to his lectures for three hours every single day since you were five
years old, and the only remotely interesting thing in the room is an
old chess set, you'd be pretty good too." Pausing to pat Shippou's
head, who was still ridiculing Inuyasha's grand defeat, Kagome strode
out of the room.

Finally...things were looking up.


~*~ ^_^ ~*~


"Alright Miroku," Sango said through clenched teeth. "Why don't you
take a shower first? I can wait." She balled her hands into fists and
shut her mouth tightly.

"See? That wasn't so hard! You've just got to learn to be more ladylike,
since we're going to be living with each other for a month," Miroku
crossed his arms and smiled.

But ladylike? Sango snapped, "Alright monk. You have made me sit here,
for the past four hours, teaching me manners, all because of the fact
that I forgot to say sorry when I stepped on a crewman's foot."

"Yes. There are four things women should be: nice, considerate, dainty,
and pretty. Especially the last one. Now, I've noticed how wrongly you
hold cups. Here, take this glass of ice water an-" Miroku was cut off
by the unpleasant sensation of a certain iced beverage being flung in
his face. Wiping his eyes, he saw the door slam, and muttered, "Five.
There are FIVE things a woman should be. They should be less touchy,
and less prone to anger."

"That's six things, you idiot." He looked up to find Kagome casually
leaning against the door frame, cracking her knuckles. "I just ran into
a raging Sango in the hall. She says to give you this." Kagome briskly
trotted over to the loud purple chair Miroku was currently residing in,
and smacked him.

Hard.

"Courtesy of Sango!" Kagome grinned and saluted the reeling monk, who
was clutching his cheek and moaning.


~*~ ^_^ ~*~


Grinning up at the ceiling fan, Kagome threw herself on her bed. Her
bad mood had temporarily dispersed. She was just drifting off to the
lull of the fan, when a laughing Shippou, a furious Inuyasha, a
perplexed Sango, and a rather blank Miroku burst into the room. "Whazza
mazza?" she inquired groggily. Sango angrily shoved a rectangular
object into her arms. After rubbing her eyes, Kagome looked from
Sango's glowering face, to Inuyasha's scowling one, then to Miroku's
seemingly expressionless one, and Shippou's grin, then finally at the
tape. On top of the tape a label was plastered with the words, Scurt
tp. Us or tic tell on it. "Scurt tp. Us or tic tell? What the hell is
that supposed to mean?"

"No you blockhead! Look closer!" Inuyasha rolled his eyes at her.

Sticking out her tongue at him, Kagome rubbed her eyes, then looked
again. "'Security Tape. Use for Hectic Hotel.' WHAT?!" She was suddenly
wide awake. "WHAT THE HELL IS ON THIS?!"

Sango pointed to the t.v. in the corner, then motioned to the VCR at
the bottom. "Look." She took the tape and pushed it in, clicking on the
television. A fuzzy screen popped up, before clearing up and revealing
Kikyo screaming various insults at a ducking Naraku while forcefully
throwing blunt objects at him. "HOW COULD WE COME IN SECOND TO LAST
PLACE?! IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT!" The television Kikyo seemed furious.
Imagine what she was like in reality, thought Kagome.

"A tad competitive, isn't she?" Shippou looked anxiously at the screen.
Sango shook her head at the on-screen Kikyo, then fast-forwarded to the
next camera shot. They watched as Eri and Hojo, one of the other teams,
quarreled over the remote control, then as Yura and Jaken, also the
other not-as-well-known team, sat in silence, apparently very
uncomfortable with each other's presence. Finally, inside the same
vulgarly orange room that Rin and Shippou shared, Shippou and Inuyasha
came into focus, showing Inuyasha whooping Shippou in three games of
chess, and then his spectacular defeat to Kagome.

"Wow, I didn't know you were that good, Kagome!" Sango laughed as she
hit rewind and watched Inuyasha's marvelous loss to Kagome again. Her light
mood suddenly turned dark, however, when she and Miroku came up. Miroku
was droning on, and on the screen you could see Sango's face flushing
under her dark hair.

"Alright monk. You have made me sit here, for the past four hours,
teaching me manners, all because of the fact that I forgot to save
sorry when I stepped on a crewman's foot."

"Yes. There are four things women should be: nice, considerate, dainty,
and pretty. Especially the last one. Now, I've noticed how wrongly you
hold cups. Here, take this glass of ice water an-" Miroku was cut off
by the unpleasant sensation of a certain iced beverage being flung in
his face.

Just watching this again, made Sango give Miroku a dark look, making
him scoot the other side of the room. All was forgiven for the
moment, though, as Sango saw her revenge take place through Kagome's
palm. Kagome smirked at Miroku, then looked over to Shippou, Inuyasha,
and Sango, all of whom were holding up cards with big "10"'s on them.
Taking a bow, she then asked, "So, why were you guys so mad when you
came in here?"

"I wasn't! I found it all rather amusing..." Shippou beamed at
Kagome.

"Uh, hello, they're using this on the show! This means that nothing
we do, besides changing, will be private!" Ouch. That hit Kagome in the
stomach like the time she was playing dodge-ball in gym, and the guys
thought it would be funny to change the game to "Gang up on Kagome!"
They all aimed for her stomach region, because you all know how
boys can be.

"WHAT?!" Kagome beat the 'eject' button mercilessly with her fist until
it spit out the tape, then marched out the door, calling back, "I'm
going to see Sesshoumaru about this!"

"Should we follow her?" Miroku shrugged at Sango's question, before
grudgingly nodding.

"We've got nothing else to do......."


~*~ ^_^ ~*~

"SESSHOMARU!" Kagome pounded on the host's door with her fist. "OPEN
THIS DOOR! I'VE…." she noticed that Shippou, Sango, Miroku, and the
newly acquired Kouga, were gathered around here. "I MEAN, WE'VE GOT A
FEW PROBLEMS TO DISCUSS WITH YOU!" They heard the sound of murmurs
through the door, and then the sound of footsteps. Kagome barely had
time to ask in a low voice how Kouga knew what was going on (Sango had
informed him after they crashed into him running down the halls),
before the door swung open.

"Well, step inside. How can I be of service?"

Inuyasha stepped up. "I'll tell you how you can be of service you
bast-urk..." He was dragged back by his collar by a deadpan
expressioned monk.

"Listen, Sesshomaru." Miroku held up the tape. "We've got a few
propositions for you."

A flicker of surprise went through Sesshoumaru's calm facial expression.
"Now where did you get that...?" he queried. Miroku looked blankly at
him, and Sesshomaru matched his vacant look. Soon the war was on
between the host and the monk, each giving each other impassive looks.
The rest of the band watched for a few moments, until Inuyasha's short
patience went out.

"Stop it will you?!" The two turned their dull faces towards him.
"That's it..." Inuyasha curled his hand into a fist, but was stopped by
Kagome.

"What we've been trying to say without success, is why the hell are you
using this on national television?!" she asked, holding up the tape.

"I'll answer that as soon as you tell me how you encountered this
certain tape." He smiled wanly at them.

Sango and Shippou exchanged looks. "Uh, well....you see...." they
trailed off.

Sesshomaru shook his head. "Stealing, already? Tut tut." He motioned to
the camera hidden in the top corner of his room. The red blinking light
revealed to them that it was recording. "Remember, security tapes never
lie!"

~*~ ^_^ ~*~


AN: Well, I suppose I'll stop there! WHAHAHA! Will they convince
Sesshomaru not to use the tapes? Or are they doomed to have every
waking moment of their lives displayed on television for the world to
ridicule?

Lawyer 4563: uh....I choose D: none of the above.

Shut up.