gWoot! Chapter Two is up!!!! It's taken me awhile, mainly because I've been so busy with schoolwork. Well, enjoy!
My Perfect Guy By The Mediocre One
Chapter Two: To be a Gentleman
While Kagome was pondering over Buyo's record-breaking furballs, Inuyasha, in the meantime, was preoccupied over the ways of a gentleman. Comfortably settled in his secret hiding spot (a secluded corner alongside a riverbank near the outskirts of the village), he leaned back, before browsing through the list for the tenth time.
"Hm…let's see," Inuyasha stopped, inspecting some items on the paper more carefully while tapping his finger against his cheek.
"Nice smile?" The hanyou paused. He leaned over so that his face was overlooking the water; then bared his teeth, with his lips pulled back into a rather ferocious looking smile. After a few brief moments in that state, Inuyasha slowly turned his head to the right, and then left—dwelling for a few seconds on each pose. When he had finally finished studying his reflection, the hanyou returned his gaze back to the list, satisfied. "Check."
His eyes dropped down to the next item on the list. "Nice eyes?" In response, Inuyasha once again peered out at his reflection, inspecting his golden orbs. A smile graced his lips. "Check." Inuyasha felt somewhat pleased with the fact that he was such a handsome looking fellow.
Now, next on the list. "Am I romantic?" That one stumped him. Was he? How did a person *act* romantic, for that matter? Inuyasha knew that it involved flowery phrases of mush (eyelash-batting popped up in his head)…but as for the specifics, he had no idea. Inuyasha scratched his head.
Girls seemed to like being called beautiful, so maybe he should try complimenting Kagome on her looks. Like say something that suggested she was gorgeous. Even if it felt utterly humiliating.
Here it goes. Think smooth, suave, and sophisticated. "You are so-o be-e-autiful." It came out more as a croak. So much for suave, thought Inuyasha dryly.
Okay. Another try. Inuyasha cleared his throat loudly before opening his mouth. "You are so beau—UGH!!" Inuyasha threw up his hands and groaned—his face a brilliant shade of red. Even saying the stupid thing felt embarrassing. He wasn't adapted to saying this sort of stuff; it made him feel awkward and unmanly. Inuyasha cursed. He was starting to think that this was more trouble than it was worth.
No! His mind shouted, and instantly, the reasons for continuing on with his *gentlemanly charade* ran through his mind.
He had to say it. In order for him to rescue Kagome from the hands of the creep who seduced her, he needed to perfect the arts of being gentlemanly. Inuyasha sighed as he realized there was no way to get out of the situation he was in.
Ah…well, practice makes perfect.
Inuyasha rubbed his hands together and licked his lip nervously. "You are so beautiful."
"Why thank you."
Inuyasha jumped, goose bumps sprouting all over his skin at the voice. He mentally cursed and prayed that it wasn't who he thought it was. Crossing his fingers, he cautiously looked up—and sighed.
"Oh, it's you," Inuyasha said, trying not to let the relief he felt creep through his voice.
The monk smirked, not deceived by the careless tone. "Now who did you think it was? Your lovely Kagome, perhaps?"
Inuyasha scowled and feigned a nonchalant face. "Feh. As if. "
Miroku smiled sweetly, his gaze settling intently on his friend. "Oh really, Inuyasha. Then, please explain why you were blabbing nonsense to yourself a few seconds earlier?"
Inuyasha cocked his head to the side. "Oh, well I was just trying—." Wait a moment, Inuyasha thought hurriedly, wanting to smack himself mentally,--this was Miroku he was confiding his secrets too—Miroku, the perverted monk who had a rather gregarious mouth. Inuyasha clammed up immediately.
"Nothing," he said quickly, forcing his lips into a sugary smile. "Nothing, really."
Miroku returned his smile with one of his own; one that was both equally sweet and equally fake. He tilted his head at Inuyasha, "seemingly" satisfied with Inuyasha's reply.
"Ah…is that so?"
Before Inuyasha had time to react, Miroku's hands lunged toward him, snatching the list gracefully out of the hanyou's paws—all in a record three seconds.
Letting loose an indignant yelp of anger, Inuyasha jumped up and chased the monk. He tried (with no avail of course, for his friend was an expert at "grabbing things") to steal the paper back. Miroku dodged his angry swipes with swift and expert ducks, trained to perfection through Sango's constant attacks. Finally, after a few unsuccessful seconds of trying to regain his possession, Inuyasha let loose a growl and sat down.
Damn that Miroku, Inuyasha fumed inwardly. Damn him and his thieving little hands.
His anger was not helped when his "friend" plopped down right in front of him, holding the desired item in his hand, a mocking smile directed at Inuyasha.
"Now let's see what we have here," Miroku sang in a sing-song voice. He smoothed out the crumpled piece of paper and clearing his throat loudly, began to read.
"Kagome's Perfect Guy: A List of Traits… Must be tall…gentlemanly…," here Miroku paused to look at Inuyasha slyly. "Would you care to explain why there are little checkmarks here, my friend?"
Inuyasha was too pooped out to reach over and strangle the monk; and instead, just glared.
"Fine, fine; just ignore your fellow man," Miroku shrugged and continued on. Scanning the list over, he continued reading, "Must have nice, clean clothes; must have intelligence—that's where you might have some trouble, Inuyasha… (he was interrupted by a snarl from a certain hanyou), and oh yes—must be romantic." Miroku lifted his head and made the pretense of giving Inuyasha a long, searching look.
"Are you sure you're adept in that department? Do you even know what the essence of romance is, my dear comrade?"
His question stabbed Inuyasha right in the heart. How did the monk know the trouble he'd gone through trying to figure how to be romantic? Did he read minds? Inuyasha was frightened for a brief moment until he remembered that if Miroku did indeed possess the ability of mind-reading, he wouldn't have earned as many put-downs from females as he did.
But back to the main question: could Miroku actually help him be a gentleman? If Miroku in fact, did know how—his problems would be solved—and he could get this horrible gentleman thing over with.
But before Inuyasha had anymore time to ponder this question over in his head, his mouth blurted out "Are you saying that you do?"
Miroku grinned, for he had already planned on Inuyasha's impulsive nature. "Of course I do. Just leave it up to me, and Kagome will be fainting over you in no time at all. After all, I am skilled in the study of romance."
Inuyasha was still slightly doubtful. "If you're so much of an expert, how come you get slapped by the opposite sex so much?"
His friend feigned a hurt expression. "Inuyasha! Do you want my assistance or don't you?"
Well, Inuyasha debated in his mind—sure, the guy did have some problems, but at least he had experiences— his exes didn't go around trying to drag him to hell and kill his friends. Yes, Inuyasha thought; Miroku was better than nothing, after all.
"Yeah, I guess."
"Very well then," Miroku perused Inuyasha over and wrinkled his nose. "Though we'll have to get rid of that shirt—just how long have you been wearing it? And don't smile like that—it looks like you're eyeing dinner! Hmm…you do have that rugged look, but that hair of yours--!"
Amidst the mountain of complaints, Inuyasha was starting to feel rather ticked off, but had managed thus far to compose himself. The comment about his hair, however, was the last straw.
"What's wrong with my hair? I use a fresh mixture of mashed algae and moss to wash it daily!"
Miroku's mouth twitched into a dry smile. "I think that, along with the crises of your nails and ears may be the problem."
"You dare?" Angrily, Inuyasha sprang toward Miroku, his claws unsheathed and glinting dangerously in the sun. "Claws of Blo—!"
"Now wa---it one itsy bitsy moment," Miroku uttered hastily, a hurried smile spreading across his face. "Remember, gentlemen are as gentlemen do!"
Miroku sighed wearily as the hanyou's fist froze, and watched as Inuyasha sat back down testily.
"Okay then!" he snapped, "So help me already!"
The monk massaged his temples wearily, wondering what on earth had possessed him to volunteer to help Inuyasha. All he got in return were attempted attacks and assailments from his student. It was going to be no fun helping him; no fun at a—
Suddenly, as if struck by some "interesting" idea, a smile curved upon Miroku's lips.
Fun—oh, why hadn't he thought of it sooner? Revenge. This was the perfect opportunity for it. He could take advantage of Inuyasha's current helplessness and pay him back for all those nasty insults in the past—remarks that had quickly prompted a shower of blows from a certain Hiraikotsu owner.
"Oy, Miroku! Are you going to keep smiling idiotically or help me here?"
Oh yes, Miroku thought dangerously, struggling to contain a calm face, —we are definitely going to have some fun…
--
It was a fine, sun-kissed afternoon when Kagome returned to the Feudal Era. The sky was powdery blue with wisps of clouds lazily drifting about. Birds cheekily sang cheerful tunes and the forest was a world of life.
Kagome, however, was in no mood for all of this as she grumpily climbed out of the old well in midst of the forest. During the course of Sunday afternoon, her room had been savaged by a mysterious invader who had not bothered to clean up the mess he made, forcing her to spend hours organizing everything in its proper places. Strands of hair belonging to some mysterious creature had been messily strewn over her bed. To make things worse, her parents had received a phone call from a teacher, notifying them of her failing grade in math.
So much for a nice and normal weekend, she grumbled to herself. "Now, wouldn't it be funny if Inuyasha suddenly appeared and clasped me into his arms?"
Kagome laughed silently; the image was too absurd to even think about. Shaking her head, she bent over to pick up her pack of necessities when a voice shook her out of her brief amusement.
"Kagome." The voice sounded familiar, but was too throaty and deep to be confirmed.
Too frightened to face the owner of the voice, she prepared to launch off into a quick dash. But as her feet lifted, strong arms caught her firmly by the waist, clutching her tightly.
"Let go of me," Kagome hissed hoarsely, "or I'll bite you."
The stranger didn't loosen his hold and only chuckled. "Kagome, Kagome," he said light-heartily. "Darling, it's me."
Flinching at this last comment, Kagome angrily wrenched his arms off her waist and whirled around heatedly. "I already have someone, and get away from me, you disgustin—"
Her mouth suddenly dropped open at the unexpected sight of silky white hairs. Her mouth twitched in disbelief, her mind believing, yet unbelieving at the same time.
"Inuyasha?"
It was him, if a hanyou in a dark black suit, sunglasses, and leather shoes was Inuyasha. (Curiously, it seemed to be right out of the Men in Black II DVD she had brought with her on her last trip to the Sengoku-jidai.)
Kagome screamed.
--
AN: Ironic, isn't it?