Demons & Damsels
When Kennedy next opened his eyes it could have been minutes, or hours, later. He wasn't quite sure. The dull ache in his head was horribly distracting, so he closed his eyes again before taking stock of his surroundings. He was lying down on a soft surface, and his first thought was at least its not the floor. The room was dark except for a soft glow off to his right. He gingerly turned his head that way and slowly opened his eyes.
Annie sat in a chair beside his bed, the light from the lamp casting her features in gold and turning her hair bronze. She was leaning slightly to the left, and her head was slumped to her breast. Her breathing was soft and even. She was asleep.
Kennedy was not aware of making any sound, but Annie started out of her doze. She seemed confused for a moment, unsure of where she was, but then her eyes focused on her brother. She slid from the chair and knelt alongside the bed, taking his hand in hers. "Archie! Are you all right? How do you feel?"
The expression of concern on his sister's face was all Kennedy needed to bring memory rushing back, He shut his eyes as a tidal wave of blush swept up his neck and over his face.
"I had a fit, didn't I?" he asked quietly. Disgusted with himself, and not willing to meet his sister's eyes and see the pity in them, Kennedy pulled his hand free of hers and turned his head away from where Annie sat just as she reached out to brush his hair from his forehead. Stung, Annie quickly pulled her hand away and rested it on the bed. She felt her throat clog with tears, but not for anything would she cry at that moment. Instead she leaned closer and rested her forehead against Archie's cheek.
She stayed there until she heard his breathing deepen and take on a slow, regular rhythm. When she lifted her head the lines of strain had smoothed out in his face and his features were relaxed. She stayed a few moments more, watching him sleep, before she gently kissed his cheek, stood, and left the room.
Hornblower was pacing the hallway outside the bedroom door. As soon as Annie emerged he opened his mouth to speak, but she forestalled him. She held a finger to her lips in a gesture entreating silence as she quietly pulled the door to behind her. When it was closed she sagged back against it, all her strength and will ebbing away in the blink of an eye.
"Is he all right?" Hornblower asked.
Annie shook her head. "I don't really know. Physically, yes. But as to anything else..." She looked at Hornblower steadily and searchingly. He flushed slightly and dropped his eyes to the floor.
Whether it was the fact that he couldn't look her in the face or the nervousness of his stance, something in Hornblower's demeanor set Annie off. She reached out, grabbed his hand and pulled him down the hall to his bedroom. She shoved him through the door before shutting it quietly. She stood in front of the door, leaving him no way out.
"I want to know what Reg was talking about, Horatio."
Hornblower sighed. "I don't really think you should know, Annie.
At that comment Annie caught fire. "Bloody hell! I don't care if I should know, I WANT TO KNOW!" She advanced across the room, almost as if she were stalking him. "That's my brother in there, suffering God only knows what. My twin brother, for heaven's sake! Can you look me in the eye and deny that I have a right to know what brought this on?! In the name of God, why does everybody insist on protecting me?!"
Hornblower stood quietly, letting Annie's anger flow until she was spent. When she hung her head and her shoulders began to heave with silent sobs, he reached out and guided her to sit in one of the chairs. He gingerly sat on the edge of the bed, across from her so they could look directly at each other. While he waited for her sobs to diminish he composed himself for what he had to tell her. " I don't know everything, Annie. " he began quietly. "But I will tell you what I do know. It won't be pleasant; I hope you understand that."
Annie nodded solemnly. "I understand, but I still want to know. If it effects Archie, it matters to me."
Hornblower smiled slightly at the determination in her face and voice. He took a deep breath and began the story. "When I first came on board the Justinian things were fine. Granted, I missed my father and my home, and was in strange and unfamiliar surroundings, but I could handle that. Archie was the first of the midshipman to extend a friendly hand, and I desperately needed it. He taught me how to find my way around the ship, the system of watches, and how to keep out of trouble." He stopped speaking, his eyes taking on a far away look as he drifted with the memories.
Annie sat still and didn't interrupt. She sensed that Hornblower needed to talk about these things as much for his own as for her sake; exorcising the demons, as it were. It was certainly a different view of her brother's friend, a far cry from the confident and assured young man she had met just a few short days ago.
"That first week passed by so quickly I hardly had time to think about being miserable." Hornblower continued. "But then..."
"Then what, Horatio?"
Hornblower shook his head to dispel the dark thoughts clouding his mind. "Then Simpson came back to the mess. He had failed his lieutenant's exam, you see, and so he was put back with the midshipman for six months." His voice became hard and flat, unemotional and detached. "Simpson was nothing but a bully. He used his position as senior midshipman to torment and abuse the rest of us. Especially Archie."
"I never actually saw Simpson sod..." He swallowed hard and managed to choke out the word. "Sodomize Archie, but I heard all the talk, and I saw how Archie reacted to Simpson's presence. He withdrew, wouldn't talk to anybody, and stopped smiling. And he started having fits again."
"What happened to this man, Simpson?"
"He's dead. Captain Pellew shot him."
Annie waited for Hornblower to continue, but he simply stared at the carpet under his feet, unwilling to say anything else. She looked at him shrewdly. "I think there's more to this story. Isn't there?"
Hornblower gave a quick, sardonic laugh. "Oh, yes. There is definitely more to the story." He looked up and met her eyes. "Before his own death Simpson had managed to make my life a hell on earth, he killed a good friend, and it was through his actions that Archie ended up in prison. Do you think that's enough?"
Annie drew back away from Hornblower, stunned at the bitterness in his voice. She started to stammer out an apology, but he forestalled her words.
"What do you have to be sorry about? You didn't cause any of this, and you certainly couldn't have done anything to prevent it!" He laughed again, but this time with a touch of genuine warmth. "Actually, I'm surprised at myself. I thought I was over everything, but I guess its been festering under the surface all this time. I suppose its a good thing to let it out."
"Well, it couldn't hurt!" Annie said with an answering laugh before turning serious again. "Who was the friend that was killed?"
"Clayton, Jon Clayton." He took a deep breath before continuing, determined to get the whole story out. "One night in the mess Simpson beat me senseless." He ignored Annie's gasp. "I decided that the only way to get all of us free of him would be for him to die. So I challenged him to a duel. Clayton agreed to be my second, but before we could leave the ship he knocked me unconscious with a belaying pin, and he took my place. Simpson killed him."
Annie thought for a moment, absorbing what Hornblower had said. She had heard his words as well as everything he had left unsaid. "It wasn't your fault, you know."
Hornblower looked at her, puzzled.
"Clayton's death. It wasn't your fault. He chose to take your place. Nothing you might have said would have changed his mind."
Hornblower's expression became agonized. He told the rest of the story in a barely audible whisper. "I got there just as Clayton was dying. I remember him saying 'You were right, Horatio. Someone had to stand against him.'. I don't think I'll ever forget those words. And how can I not blame myself? If I hadn't stupidly started that duel, he would be alive today!"
"But if you hadn't done that, Simpson would probably also be alive!" Annie said, reaching out to take Hornblower's hands. "He'd still be alive and tormenting somebody else. Your friend Mr. Clayton obviously understood that, and chose to put himself in danger for the chance to end the abuse." She clasped his hands tighter. "And it was Simpson's finger on the trigger, not yours. The blame is all on him for being so willing to kill."
Hornblower listened to Annie's words and felt comforted by them. He had been carrying around the guilt of Clayton's death for years, but he recognized that it was time to let it go. Both he and Kennedy had their own lives to live. And its high time we both did exactly that, he told himself.
He met Annie's eyes and smiled. "How did you get to be so wise at such a young age?" he asked.
Annie laughed out loud. "That's odd, coming from you! I am a year older than you, remember?" Her expression became sober again. "I'm not wise, Horatio. But I've seen what guilt and grief can do to people, and I think you are too fine a man to have that kind of shadow hanging over you for the rest of your life."
"Annie..."
She held up a hand to halt his words. "Don't say anything else, Horatio. No need to spoil this moment of understanding, is there?" She stood up and moved to leave the room. As she opened the door she half turned back to face him. "Good night, Horatio." she said, so quietly that he almost didn't hear her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The morning sun on his eyelids brought Kennedy awake with a jolt. When he opened his eyes a stab of pain pierced his skull, so he shut his eyes tight against the lingering effects of a headache, and lay quietly in his bed, luxuriating in the peace and quiet of the moments alone.
A crash and a clatter in the room next door brought him upright. He waited, breathless, for a moment. When he heard Annie's voice, low pitched and mumbling to herself, he smiled and eased back down to the pillows. Annie had always been clumsy first thing in the morning. When they were children she had been forever dropping things, and had broken more water basins than their mother had cared to know about. It lent a startling sense of normality to the day.
At least it did until he remembered how the previous evening had ended. It had been over four months since he last had a fit. He had forgotten the feelings of embarrassment and mortification that always accompanied such an occurrence, as well as how exhausting it was. He remembered Annie sitting beside his bed, worried about him, and he felt an overwhelming anger with himself that he had rejected her concern and treated her so poorly.
A soft knock at the door caught his attention. Before he had a chance to reply the door opened slightly and Annie peered around it's edge. When she saw that he was awake, she came the rest of the way into the room. She stood nervously, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, clenching her hands together, and staring at the floor beneath her feet.
"Good morning." he said.
Annie looked up from her study of the carpet, and at the sight of the wan smile on her brother's face she darted forward to sit on the edge of the bed. Kennedy sat up at the same time and the pair came together in an embrace that needed no explanations. The previous night's tension was forgotten in that instant
After a few moments Annie pulled away to study his face. She smiled in return. "Good morning, yourself." she replied. "How do you feel this morning, Archie?"
"Fine" he said. "A little tired, and with a bit of a headache, but other than that, I'm fine. I'll be fine."
Kennedy looked into his sister's face, so close to his own. Her eyes still held the vestiges of the hurt he had inflicted on her the night before, but there was a spark of courage in those emerald green depths, and her smile was as warm and gentle as always. He knew in that instant that it was all right; that no apology was necessary. He reached out and cupped her cheek in his hand, giving thanks for this one woman who understood him so completely without words.
"What did I ever do to deserve a sister like you?"
Annie laughed and playfully swatted at one of his hands. "Who says you deserve me? Its not like I have very much choice, is it? I'm stuck with you."
Kennedy grinned. "And I'm so sure that it disgusts you, being stuck with me like this!" His face grew serious. "Annie, I don't know how to..."
Annie shook her head. "Don't! Don't thank me, don't apologize. I don't need to hear that. I'm just happy that you're all right; I don't need, or want, anything else."
"But there is something else that I need." He steeled himself to talk about Reg's accusations. "I need to tell you the truth. I don't want you imagining all sorts of evil things, especially after what Reg said last night."
"You don't need to tell me anything, Archie. I talked with Horatio last night, after I left your room." She blushed slightly as she said it.
Kennedy didn't notice her blush, he only heard the words. "Horatio can't have told you everything, because he doesn't know everything. I don't think he even knows half of it."
Annie shook her head. "I don't need to hear. I know all that is important to me. That you were bullied and abused on that ship, and that the man who did that to you is dead. But I also know that you've become a better man for it. I guess suffering does make us stronger, wouldn't you say?" She gave a small, sardonic smile, and her voice took on a sarcastic edge. "Justinian" she mused. "Not a very good name for a ship like that. I'm sure there was very little justice to be had."
"Did Horatio tell you how Simpson died?"
"He said that your Captain Pellew shot him."
Kennedy absorbed the simplicity of that statement, and decided to leave well alone. Annie didn't really need to hear the whole story of Simpson's death as Hornblower had revealed it to him one night in that Spanish prison. In that moment he realized that some things were best left unsaid. But just to be sure, he asked his sister one last time.
"Are you sure you don't want to know anything else? Just ask, and I'll tell you." He grimaced slightly. "It won't be easy, but I will tell you."
Annie shook her head decisively. "I don't need to hear another word. I know you couldn't..." The sound of creaking in the hallway outside the room brought her words to a stop. The door was slightly ajar, and they both waited, almost holding their breath, for whomever was out there to continue walking past. When no steps were heard Annie got up from her perch on the edge of the bed and quietly moved to the door. She stepped in front of it and pulled the door open wide. At that point she froze, shock visible in every set line of her body.
From his vantage point across the room all Kennedy could see was her stiff shoulders as she confronted whoever was there. He could hear the low-pitched voices, but not make out any of the words. After more than a minute of tense conversation, Annie stepped back from the door, and admitted Reg.
Kennedy immediately pushed back the blankets and got to his feet, determined to confront his brother while standing. However, his head had other ideas; a wave of dizziness overcame him and he sank back down to sit on the bed. He shook his head slightly to clear it, then looked up and met his brother's eyes. "What do you want, Reg?" He deliberately made his voice as cold and as harsh as possible.
Reg glanced toward Annie. "I need to speak to you." His eyes drifted back to their sister. "Alone."
Archie looked to Annie and caught the tiny shake of her head. Whatever else might happen, she wasn't about to desert him. "Anything you have to say to me you can say in front of my sister." He put the slightest of emphasis on that "my", making it clear to Reg that the twins would stand united against him. "But frankly, Reg, I can't imagine what we might have to talk about. You said your piece last night, and, I must admit, you did it in a dramatic fashion. A performance worthy of that well-known actress, Katharine Cobham." He paused and studied his brother's face.
Reg grew uncomfortable under Archie's unflinching scrutiny. He blushed and began to fidget. But on no account was Archie going to feel pity for him; whatever tender feelings he might have harbored for his brother had been nearly irrevocably shattered by the accusations that had been tossed about the previous evening.
"I do have one question for you, though." Archie's voice broke the uneasy quiet. "Why did you lie to me, Reg?"
"What..." His voice caught and he cleared his throat before continuing. "What do you mean?"
Archie stood up again, slower this time, and was relieved that his head didn't start spinning. He stood with an almost unnatural stillness, calling on every ounce of self-discipline he had learned in his years in the navy. He clasped his hands behind his back in an unconscious imitation of Captain Pellew, and even his voice took on the growling tone and intensity of the captain at his angriest.
"What do I mean? You know full and bloody well what I mean! You lied to me from start to finish. All those letters begging me to come home, horror stories of Father's drunkenness, worry about Annie. It was all nothing but a packet of lies! And I fell for it like the rawest Snotty in the fleet! Does that make you feel better? Do you feel like more of a man because you bested me, Reg? Because if you do, I would suggest you enjoy it while it lasts, because it won't last very long."
As he was speaking he had been unaware of moving closer to his brother, but when he paused to draw breath he found he was standing just inches away. To his credit, Reg hadn't flinched as Archie approached, but he couldn't look his brother in the eye.
His voice grew quieter; a virtual whisper heard only by Reg. "I've figured it out, you know. I know all about how you concocted that tale of Annie being forced to marry Robert Chamberlain. You knew that if anything would bring me home and make me willing to stay a while it would be some sort of threat to Annie. But I know the truth now, so you can't manipulate the situation anymore. Its over Reg. All of it" He had raised his voice for those last words so that Annie could hear them.
Reg reacted to Archie's words by backing away toward the door; his face flushed with anger. He laid one hand on the doorknob before firing one last parting shot. "We'll see about that, little brother." he said, practically spitting the words across the room. "We'll see about that!"
After the door slammed shut Archie finally turned around and faced Annie. She was standing beside the hearth, white-faced with fear. He smiled at her to ease the tension that was palpable in the room before he collapsed back on to the bed.
Annie moved to sit beside him. She leaned her head against his shoulder, and Archie put an arm around her. "You looked and sounded very commanding just then, Archie."
He looked down at her face, veiled by the fall of her hair. "And that surprises you?"
"Well, not every man can be so commanding and in control while in his nightshirt."
Archie looked down at his calves, bare underneath the hem of his nightshirt and started to laugh.