Consequences
Disclaimer: I do not own Mutant X in any way; I'm just borrowing them for my story.
Note: Ok I am so, so sorry.
I know that I promised to update last week but I never actually got around to it as you probably noticed.
But in all honesty I have been so busy at work, all I have been doing it seems is work, sleep, work!
So once again I am sorry and I hope you enjoy this chapter.
Chapter 8: Relationships
It had been two weeks since the incident at Naxcon, two weeks of futile searching for Jesse.
Emma sat down dejectedly in her room after just returning with Shalimar from another false lead regarding Jesse's location. Shalimar had headed straight for the dojo to work off her frustrations, but Emma was to exhausted, it had only been two weeks, but to her body it had seemed more like four weeks of pure stress, lack of sleep and pain. Because that feeling of pain that she had received from Jesse when she had managed to connect with him on those rare occasion's kept her awake at night. She could still vividly remember the agony that had brought her to tears when she had attempted to connect to his mind shortly after their failed mission at the safe house. At first she was ecstatic, yeah she had known that Eckhart had captured him, but when she was able to connect to him, it had conformed that Jesse was now conscious, but that feeling had quickly died a painful death, because she felt his agony and suffering, yet strangely it wasn't physical pain at first, it was emotional, like she had connected to a animal that had been trapped for days, knowing that it was going to die, but struggling anyway, never giving up. That feeling from Jesse was so overwhelming for Emma; it still haunted her dreams at night.
However as the days turned into weeks the pain she got from him was no longer purely emotional but physical to, it had become obvious to her that Eckhart was torturing Jesse.
She had informed Brennan and Shalimar of course, but she never truly revealed the extent of what she felt from him, not the emotional pain at least, but the physical she shared when they witnessed her cry out on several occasions. She wasn't willing to witness the further pain it would cause to Shalimar or the guilt it will evoke in Brennan in not being able to locate him.
Unfortunately she couldn't erase her own feelings of inadequacy and guilt. Here she was a powerful psionic, who could now connect to Jesse's mind on certain occasions but still was unable to locate him. She had done it many times before with ease, but when she connected to Jesse, for some reason that she could not fathom it was as if his mind was in turmoil, just keeping the connection open a struggle, making his location impossible to know.
It was possible she thought that Eckhart was using a psionic to try blocking here from doing just this, and more than likely she could take this psionic out if she knew were to find him, however he was no doubt in hiding with Jesse.
However these past two weeks had brought some good news she mused not wishing to dwell on unpleasant thoughts anymore. Adam had made a very quick and remarkable recovery and returned home to Sanctuary three days ago. He was still slightly weak and suffered the occasional migraines but Adam had assured her that they would pass with time. She had cried when he returned feeling that she was at least halfway to getting her family back.
But what had gotten her through this past two weeks she admitted to herself was Brennan. Their relationship had changed since her confession to him, it had grown stronger and he no longer treated her as if she was some fragile doll that would break, yeah he was still protective but that's what she loved about him and would have it no other way. He knew when to comfort her and when to allow her time to herself to gather her thought like now.
They had talked a great deal about her new abilities and some how he never made her feel uncomfortable during these chats. They had agreed that she would inform Adam and Shalimar when they had rescued Jesse, not wishing to divert any attention away from that for now, because they both agreed that Jesse was coming home, they would not lose hope.
But what she had finally allowed herself to admit was that she loved Brennan body and soul, she was no longer content to remain friends she wanted more and unless she was misreading him so did he. They had never kissed again since her confession, she had to stand back and watch has he attempted to locate Jesse and comfort Shalimar, but they had silently agreed although unspoken that they would wait for their nightmare to end before proceeding in their relationship. Surprisingly Emma was content with this, happy just to have finally allowed herself to see the truth.
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To Brennan the past two weeks were the best and worse of his life if that was at all possible he thought. The worst because Jesse was still missing and all attempts at locating him so far had failed and now he had was standing by while Jesse was been tortured, something that was not sitting well in his stomach.
This had caused numerous arguments with Shalimar, one moment she was supporting him aware that he was doing everything that he possible could, while the next moment particularly when Emma connected to Jesse she would turn against him, effectively accusing him of not working hard enough to find him, even though he slept very little and restrained from spending as much time with Emma as he liked.
He never blamed her, her tried to comfort her, or on the occasions when she was in one of her feral moods he would avoid her, but he always tried to offer her the support that she needed because he understood that she was grieving.
However some small part of him suspected that her feelings for Jesse were developing into a more than platonic relationship and he was happy about that. Because his feelings towards Emma had now grown in that direction to and he was aware that before this whole mess had started Shalimar and him were both madly flirting with each other and he no desire to break Shalimar's heart. But it seemed that everything was working out in that respect.
It also happened to be the best two weeks as thankfully with Adam now back and in charge Shalimar had seemed to stop her accusation and had no doubt started on Adam. But Brennan knew Adam would be able to offer her more comfort than he ever could. Of course having Adam back also allowed him more time to spend with Emma!
Now Emma was someone who dominated his thoughts every second of his day, because for the first time in his life he was truly, madly deeply in love. They had overcome their argument about trust and were now both content with how their relationship was intimate without the physical aspect as yet. The only obstacle that they had to overcome was disclosing Emma's power to the other's something he thought she should do now, but he was going to respect her wishes and wait for when she was ready.
--------
To Shalimar the past two weeks had been pure hell, she knew Jesse was alive and was grateful for that information every minute of the day, but the thought of what he was going through made her vow that when she found Eckhart, he would pay with his life.
In this time she had also looked within her own heart and was as confused as hell. Only two weeks ago she had feelings for Brennan, she had always thought they would eventually pair up, but with Jesse gone she had began to realise that her feelings for Jesse was growing and not in the sisterly fashion either!
Because that was the trouble she had always looked at Jesse as if he was a brother, some one she took for granted, that he would always be there for her no questions asked but now that was all changing.
For this reason Brennan's growing fondness of Emma had not stirred any jealous feelings from her to her immense shock. In fact she was happy for them, although they had not announced there relationship to them or even fully to themselves, but her feral sense's had informed her that she had interrupted something intimate two weeks ago when she had arrived back at Sanctuary from the hospital.
But she had finally come to the realization that there were no jealous feeling's because she loved Jesse, which made this situation all the more difficult to bear because she would no longer be missing a brother but also a potential lover, this making her feral side go into overdrive.
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Adam had only been back at Sanctuary for three days but he was already back into his routine of spending hours in the lab and leading the team even though Shalimar and Emma would have kept him a prisoner in his own room if they had the chance. He was feeling pleased that he had finally got his family back however.
His relationship with Shalimar was as strong as ever if not better once they had discussed what had happened at Naxcon, her farther and why Adam had chose to keep certain information from them.
Emma had apologised for forcing him into revealing that information, he had of course forgiven her because he knew that she was correct in what she had said, they were a team, and therefore secrets were not a luxury they could afford.
As for Brennan he was shocked in the change in their relationship, he had expected him to remain distrustful of him even when he had expressed his regret in withholding information but Brennan had actually apologised to Adam saying that he could understand why he had done what he had.
Adam had realised that Brennan had taken charge in his absence and e was pleased with how he had managed alone, he was also aware that this had allowed Brennan to fully see the dilemmas that he faced on a day to day basis.
But his pleasure of returning home was incompletes as if something was missing, he also knew that Jesse was that something. He also knew that he was responsible for this.
After a week of pure bed rest, he had the chance to fully reflect upon the life that he had lead, and he was not happy with what he saw.
If someone asked him if he felt guilty for creating new mutants and the problems that their mutations posed he would of said yes immediately, but this past week Adam had realised that that answer had changed, because yes he regretted that he was not able to offer a way of stabilising all of the new mutants genetic structure so that deadly mutations would not be a risk factor as with Brennan, but he no longer regretted creating them either.
Eckhart had continually blamed him for going against ethics, but when he reflected he realised that there was a right side and a wrong side, and Eckhart was on the wrong side and thankfully he had chosen the right side in his opinion because he was finally able to answer a simply question. Was he willing to stand by and watch all of those children die knowing that he could have helped them?
The answer was NO because if he had then Brennan, Shalimar, Emma and Jesse would have all died in their infancy, they would never have been able to experience the joys and pains that life brought them, so no his regrets had vanished in that respect but he was aware that many people would not understand that explanation but rather see him as another scientist without morals attempting to see what he could achieve regardless of the cost to human life.
However he was aware that Jesse was the now paying for his decision many years ago. He and the rest of the team were fighting his battle with Eckhart. That he would never forgive himself for!
So he had pledged that when they had rescued Jesse he would stop Eckhart no matter the consequences.
For this reason the past three days Adam had worked non-stop on his attempts to find Jesse only taking a break to comfort a distraught Shalimar.
He was also aware of the change in Brennan and Emma relationship, he had begun to suspect that they had finally revealed their true feelings to one another; he would have to be blind not to notice how they each gazed lovingly at each other.
Adam admitted that this had surprised him, because when Brennan and Emma had first arrived at sanctuary then yes he had thought they were going to become a couple, their devotion to each other obvious but it had never happened and over time he had witnessed Brennan and Shalimar become closer.
He had not broached the subject with either as yet believing that they would revel their relationship it when they were ready, but what did have Adam slightly uncomfortable was the feeling in the pit of his stomach that they were hiding something from him and Shalimar.
He had found on many occasions that when he or Shalimar entered a room they would immediately fall silent and a look would be shared between them as if silently communicating to the other to drop the subject, or at least he thought that was what it meant to represent because he was not able to interpret it like he would have had it been Jesse or Shalimar. At first he had dismissed it as paranoia, that maybe Emma was sharing with Brennan what she was truly picking up from Jesse, but over the past three days now that he was home he realised that they were in fact hiding something, and he had vowed to Emma that there would be no more secrets so therefore when he had the opportunity he would bring up the situation if it turned out to be paranoia then at least his mind would be allowed some peace.
----------
Jesse sat on the cot in the silent cramped room thinking of all he had been though in the last few weeks, aware of how he had almost provided Eckhart with precisely what he had wanted, how he was going to give him the codes to sanctuary and the mutants database just to end the torture he had been put though over and over again.
If anyone was able to see Jesse they would have to have looked twice to realise it was him under all the bruises on his face, how wet his hair was from the intense heat, and how much weight he had lost over the past two weeks. He had lost track of the number of bruises and injuries that had been inflicted upon his body from various beatings, electroshock therapy and those were just the beginning. He refused to reflect upon any more of their torture methods afraid that it would finally tip his sanity over the edge, after all he was already half-way there he thought.
This brought a chuckle from him, even though it caused his whole rib cage to hurt like hell, but hey he thought that's what insane people do when there whole life had been destroyed by some maniac.
"Yep definitely crazy" he spoke out loud not caring if anyone heard his muttered comments, but it felt good to use his voice for some other reason than to scream.
If he was truthful to himself he wished he was as strong as Brennan, he would not have given up hope and half of his sanity, and no way in hell would he even consider revealing the codes no matter what Eckhart would have done to him, he would not be as selfish as he had become in the past two weeks, only considering his own safety and sanity not the people he was going to betray and what Mutant X had stood for.
However at the time the only thoughts vibrating in his head like a drum was the intense, agonising, shearing pain and how he wished it would all disappear, he had even prayed to god several times, though he was not a religious man, just a very desperate man he thought.
The only thoughts that were his salvation ensuring that he did not provide Eckhart with Sanctuary's location or the codes was Brennan and ultimately how his best friend/brother would not have broken for them because he would not betray those he loved more than life it self even if there were dead.
Sighing in defeat he knew that there was no way he was going to make it out of this prison alive regardless of Eckhart's promise, so he vowed if he was destined to, he was certainly going to go out knowing he did something right in his life for once, not being the Jesse everyone had come to know and sees as the team mate who had always needing that little more protection than the others.
Rolling over onto his side very slowly due to the pain his thoughts once again drifted back to their dreams and hopes, that, till this day he wished he could have traded places with his friends, his life for theirs.
Perhaps a selfish thought to some extent he had become to realise, because that would mean that someone else would be his place now, being tortured by Eckhart, but at least they were stronger than him. Even Emma was more powerful and able to carry out more damage to the others then he ever was. But ultimately he had continued to banish that thought, because there was no way he would allow any of his friends to go through what Eckhart had been carrying out on him!
However his mind continued to stray to Emma for some unknown reason, probably because before this whole nightmare had began, he had noticed that Emma was beginning to avoid him when they were alone and he had a feeling that Emma was holding something important back from him.
"Well, I guess I'm not going to know now" he muttered to himself aloud once again not able to bear the silence any longer.
"God, I miss you all so much" he whimpered, the fresh tears once again beginning when his mind dwelled to much on his friends, especially Shalimar because two weeks ago he had not only lost four of his best friends but the love of his life.
There he had admitted it if only to himself, he loved Shalimar Fox. He was ready to let it be known from the rooftops if there wasn't the small problem of been locked in a cell.
But hey it was head way, he would never have admitted this particular feeling to him self two weeks back because he knew that to admit it would result in his heart been broken. He knew along with the rest of the team that Shalimar was attracted to Brennan from the beginning, hell even Adam knew and this was the guy who spent half of days with his head stuck looking down a microscope!
So he had cast his feelings aside as if they had never existed, and continued with his life, meeting girls and trying to form relationships.
Ultimately that was the problem with to much time on your hands, the woulda, shoulda, coulda scenario.
If he was to have a second chance in his life then he would have revealed his love to Shalimar, no matter her response, at least she would have died knowing how much he truly cared for her.
Then there was Brennan, his second biggest regret in his life. Those stupid fights that began whenever Brennan was left in charge instead of himself who had been serving Mutant X for far longer than him. He was relived now that he had never had to feel that much responsibility on his shoulders.
But the past could not be changed he knew, sighing he finally realised that he had nothing left to live for, his depression to deep, his confidence broken, he just wished that when Eckhart came for him next it would be for last time. At least then he could be with Shalimar,
Taking a final look round at his surroundings out of sheer boardroom and the act of a man knowing he was going to die, the only thing Jesse could see was blank walls, not even a window and of course two guards out side standing in front of the door to make sure he did not have any surprise visitors attempting to rescue him, even though the only people that cared enough to do that were now dead, the thought of his sisters and brothers cold in the ground make his spine shiver like someone had just walked over his grave.
His final thought before drifting to sleep was how even in death they would not be parted!
Disclaimer: I do not own Mutant X in any way; I'm just borrowing them for my story.
Note: Ok I am so, so sorry.
I know that I promised to update last week but I never actually got around to it as you probably noticed.
But in all honesty I have been so busy at work, all I have been doing it seems is work, sleep, work!
So once again I am sorry and I hope you enjoy this chapter.
Chapter 8: Relationships
It had been two weeks since the incident at Naxcon, two weeks of futile searching for Jesse.
Emma sat down dejectedly in her room after just returning with Shalimar from another false lead regarding Jesse's location. Shalimar had headed straight for the dojo to work off her frustrations, but Emma was to exhausted, it had only been two weeks, but to her body it had seemed more like four weeks of pure stress, lack of sleep and pain. Because that feeling of pain that she had received from Jesse when she had managed to connect with him on those rare occasion's kept her awake at night. She could still vividly remember the agony that had brought her to tears when she had attempted to connect to his mind shortly after their failed mission at the safe house. At first she was ecstatic, yeah she had known that Eckhart had captured him, but when she was able to connect to him, it had conformed that Jesse was now conscious, but that feeling had quickly died a painful death, because she felt his agony and suffering, yet strangely it wasn't physical pain at first, it was emotional, like she had connected to a animal that had been trapped for days, knowing that it was going to die, but struggling anyway, never giving up. That feeling from Jesse was so overwhelming for Emma; it still haunted her dreams at night.
However as the days turned into weeks the pain she got from him was no longer purely emotional but physical to, it had become obvious to her that Eckhart was torturing Jesse.
She had informed Brennan and Shalimar of course, but she never truly revealed the extent of what she felt from him, not the emotional pain at least, but the physical she shared when they witnessed her cry out on several occasions. She wasn't willing to witness the further pain it would cause to Shalimar or the guilt it will evoke in Brennan in not being able to locate him.
Unfortunately she couldn't erase her own feelings of inadequacy and guilt. Here she was a powerful psionic, who could now connect to Jesse's mind on certain occasions but still was unable to locate him. She had done it many times before with ease, but when she connected to Jesse, for some reason that she could not fathom it was as if his mind was in turmoil, just keeping the connection open a struggle, making his location impossible to know.
It was possible she thought that Eckhart was using a psionic to try blocking here from doing just this, and more than likely she could take this psionic out if she knew were to find him, however he was no doubt in hiding with Jesse.
However these past two weeks had brought some good news she mused not wishing to dwell on unpleasant thoughts anymore. Adam had made a very quick and remarkable recovery and returned home to Sanctuary three days ago. He was still slightly weak and suffered the occasional migraines but Adam had assured her that they would pass with time. She had cried when he returned feeling that she was at least halfway to getting her family back.
But what had gotten her through this past two weeks she admitted to herself was Brennan. Their relationship had changed since her confession to him, it had grown stronger and he no longer treated her as if she was some fragile doll that would break, yeah he was still protective but that's what she loved about him and would have it no other way. He knew when to comfort her and when to allow her time to herself to gather her thought like now.
They had talked a great deal about her new abilities and some how he never made her feel uncomfortable during these chats. They had agreed that she would inform Adam and Shalimar when they had rescued Jesse, not wishing to divert any attention away from that for now, because they both agreed that Jesse was coming home, they would not lose hope.
But what she had finally allowed herself to admit was that she loved Brennan body and soul, she was no longer content to remain friends she wanted more and unless she was misreading him so did he. They had never kissed again since her confession, she had to stand back and watch has he attempted to locate Jesse and comfort Shalimar, but they had silently agreed although unspoken that they would wait for their nightmare to end before proceeding in their relationship. Surprisingly Emma was content with this, happy just to have finally allowed herself to see the truth.
--------
To Brennan the past two weeks were the best and worse of his life if that was at all possible he thought. The worst because Jesse was still missing and all attempts at locating him so far had failed and now he had was standing by while Jesse was been tortured, something that was not sitting well in his stomach.
This had caused numerous arguments with Shalimar, one moment she was supporting him aware that he was doing everything that he possible could, while the next moment particularly when Emma connected to Jesse she would turn against him, effectively accusing him of not working hard enough to find him, even though he slept very little and restrained from spending as much time with Emma as he liked.
He never blamed her, her tried to comfort her, or on the occasions when she was in one of her feral moods he would avoid her, but he always tried to offer her the support that she needed because he understood that she was grieving.
However some small part of him suspected that her feelings for Jesse were developing into a more than platonic relationship and he was happy about that. Because his feelings towards Emma had now grown in that direction to and he was aware that before this whole mess had started Shalimar and him were both madly flirting with each other and he no desire to break Shalimar's heart. But it seemed that everything was working out in that respect.
It also happened to be the best two weeks as thankfully with Adam now back and in charge Shalimar had seemed to stop her accusation and had no doubt started on Adam. But Brennan knew Adam would be able to offer her more comfort than he ever could. Of course having Adam back also allowed him more time to spend with Emma!
Now Emma was someone who dominated his thoughts every second of his day, because for the first time in his life he was truly, madly deeply in love. They had overcome their argument about trust and were now both content with how their relationship was intimate without the physical aspect as yet. The only obstacle that they had to overcome was disclosing Emma's power to the other's something he thought she should do now, but he was going to respect her wishes and wait for when she was ready.
--------
To Shalimar the past two weeks had been pure hell, she knew Jesse was alive and was grateful for that information every minute of the day, but the thought of what he was going through made her vow that when she found Eckhart, he would pay with his life.
In this time she had also looked within her own heart and was as confused as hell. Only two weeks ago she had feelings for Brennan, she had always thought they would eventually pair up, but with Jesse gone she had began to realise that her feelings for Jesse was growing and not in the sisterly fashion either!
Because that was the trouble she had always looked at Jesse as if he was a brother, some one she took for granted, that he would always be there for her no questions asked but now that was all changing.
For this reason Brennan's growing fondness of Emma had not stirred any jealous feelings from her to her immense shock. In fact she was happy for them, although they had not announced there relationship to them or even fully to themselves, but her feral sense's had informed her that she had interrupted something intimate two weeks ago when she had arrived back at Sanctuary from the hospital.
But she had finally come to the realization that there were no jealous feeling's because she loved Jesse, which made this situation all the more difficult to bear because she would no longer be missing a brother but also a potential lover, this making her feral side go into overdrive.
--------
Adam had only been back at Sanctuary for three days but he was already back into his routine of spending hours in the lab and leading the team even though Shalimar and Emma would have kept him a prisoner in his own room if they had the chance. He was feeling pleased that he had finally got his family back however.
His relationship with Shalimar was as strong as ever if not better once they had discussed what had happened at Naxcon, her farther and why Adam had chose to keep certain information from them.
Emma had apologised for forcing him into revealing that information, he had of course forgiven her because he knew that she was correct in what she had said, they were a team, and therefore secrets were not a luxury they could afford.
As for Brennan he was shocked in the change in their relationship, he had expected him to remain distrustful of him even when he had expressed his regret in withholding information but Brennan had actually apologised to Adam saying that he could understand why he had done what he had.
Adam had realised that Brennan had taken charge in his absence and e was pleased with how he had managed alone, he was also aware that this had allowed Brennan to fully see the dilemmas that he faced on a day to day basis.
But his pleasure of returning home was incompletes as if something was missing, he also knew that Jesse was that something. He also knew that he was responsible for this.
After a week of pure bed rest, he had the chance to fully reflect upon the life that he had lead, and he was not happy with what he saw.
If someone asked him if he felt guilty for creating new mutants and the problems that their mutations posed he would of said yes immediately, but this past week Adam had realised that that answer had changed, because yes he regretted that he was not able to offer a way of stabilising all of the new mutants genetic structure so that deadly mutations would not be a risk factor as with Brennan, but he no longer regretted creating them either.
Eckhart had continually blamed him for going against ethics, but when he reflected he realised that there was a right side and a wrong side, and Eckhart was on the wrong side and thankfully he had chosen the right side in his opinion because he was finally able to answer a simply question. Was he willing to stand by and watch all of those children die knowing that he could have helped them?
The answer was NO because if he had then Brennan, Shalimar, Emma and Jesse would have all died in their infancy, they would never have been able to experience the joys and pains that life brought them, so no his regrets had vanished in that respect but he was aware that many people would not understand that explanation but rather see him as another scientist without morals attempting to see what he could achieve regardless of the cost to human life.
However he was aware that Jesse was the now paying for his decision many years ago. He and the rest of the team were fighting his battle with Eckhart. That he would never forgive himself for!
So he had pledged that when they had rescued Jesse he would stop Eckhart no matter the consequences.
For this reason the past three days Adam had worked non-stop on his attempts to find Jesse only taking a break to comfort a distraught Shalimar.
He was also aware of the change in Brennan and Emma relationship, he had begun to suspect that they had finally revealed their true feelings to one another; he would have to be blind not to notice how they each gazed lovingly at each other.
Adam admitted that this had surprised him, because when Brennan and Emma had first arrived at sanctuary then yes he had thought they were going to become a couple, their devotion to each other obvious but it had never happened and over time he had witnessed Brennan and Shalimar become closer.
He had not broached the subject with either as yet believing that they would revel their relationship it when they were ready, but what did have Adam slightly uncomfortable was the feeling in the pit of his stomach that they were hiding something from him and Shalimar.
He had found on many occasions that when he or Shalimar entered a room they would immediately fall silent and a look would be shared between them as if silently communicating to the other to drop the subject, or at least he thought that was what it meant to represent because he was not able to interpret it like he would have had it been Jesse or Shalimar. At first he had dismissed it as paranoia, that maybe Emma was sharing with Brennan what she was truly picking up from Jesse, but over the past three days now that he was home he realised that they were in fact hiding something, and he had vowed to Emma that there would be no more secrets so therefore when he had the opportunity he would bring up the situation if it turned out to be paranoia then at least his mind would be allowed some peace.
----------
Jesse sat on the cot in the silent cramped room thinking of all he had been though in the last few weeks, aware of how he had almost provided Eckhart with precisely what he had wanted, how he was going to give him the codes to sanctuary and the mutants database just to end the torture he had been put though over and over again.
If anyone was able to see Jesse they would have to have looked twice to realise it was him under all the bruises on his face, how wet his hair was from the intense heat, and how much weight he had lost over the past two weeks. He had lost track of the number of bruises and injuries that had been inflicted upon his body from various beatings, electroshock therapy and those were just the beginning. He refused to reflect upon any more of their torture methods afraid that it would finally tip his sanity over the edge, after all he was already half-way there he thought.
This brought a chuckle from him, even though it caused his whole rib cage to hurt like hell, but hey he thought that's what insane people do when there whole life had been destroyed by some maniac.
"Yep definitely crazy" he spoke out loud not caring if anyone heard his muttered comments, but it felt good to use his voice for some other reason than to scream.
If he was truthful to himself he wished he was as strong as Brennan, he would not have given up hope and half of his sanity, and no way in hell would he even consider revealing the codes no matter what Eckhart would have done to him, he would not be as selfish as he had become in the past two weeks, only considering his own safety and sanity not the people he was going to betray and what Mutant X had stood for.
However at the time the only thoughts vibrating in his head like a drum was the intense, agonising, shearing pain and how he wished it would all disappear, he had even prayed to god several times, though he was not a religious man, just a very desperate man he thought.
The only thoughts that were his salvation ensuring that he did not provide Eckhart with Sanctuary's location or the codes was Brennan and ultimately how his best friend/brother would not have broken for them because he would not betray those he loved more than life it self even if there were dead.
Sighing in defeat he knew that there was no way he was going to make it out of this prison alive regardless of Eckhart's promise, so he vowed if he was destined to, he was certainly going to go out knowing he did something right in his life for once, not being the Jesse everyone had come to know and sees as the team mate who had always needing that little more protection than the others.
Rolling over onto his side very slowly due to the pain his thoughts once again drifted back to their dreams and hopes, that, till this day he wished he could have traded places with his friends, his life for theirs.
Perhaps a selfish thought to some extent he had become to realise, because that would mean that someone else would be his place now, being tortured by Eckhart, but at least they were stronger than him. Even Emma was more powerful and able to carry out more damage to the others then he ever was. But ultimately he had continued to banish that thought, because there was no way he would allow any of his friends to go through what Eckhart had been carrying out on him!
However his mind continued to stray to Emma for some unknown reason, probably because before this whole nightmare had began, he had noticed that Emma was beginning to avoid him when they were alone and he had a feeling that Emma was holding something important back from him.
"Well, I guess I'm not going to know now" he muttered to himself aloud once again not able to bear the silence any longer.
"God, I miss you all so much" he whimpered, the fresh tears once again beginning when his mind dwelled to much on his friends, especially Shalimar because two weeks ago he had not only lost four of his best friends but the love of his life.
There he had admitted it if only to himself, he loved Shalimar Fox. He was ready to let it be known from the rooftops if there wasn't the small problem of been locked in a cell.
But hey it was head way, he would never have admitted this particular feeling to him self two weeks back because he knew that to admit it would result in his heart been broken. He knew along with the rest of the team that Shalimar was attracted to Brennan from the beginning, hell even Adam knew and this was the guy who spent half of days with his head stuck looking down a microscope!
So he had cast his feelings aside as if they had never existed, and continued with his life, meeting girls and trying to form relationships.
Ultimately that was the problem with to much time on your hands, the woulda, shoulda, coulda scenario.
If he was to have a second chance in his life then he would have revealed his love to Shalimar, no matter her response, at least she would have died knowing how much he truly cared for her.
Then there was Brennan, his second biggest regret in his life. Those stupid fights that began whenever Brennan was left in charge instead of himself who had been serving Mutant X for far longer than him. He was relived now that he had never had to feel that much responsibility on his shoulders.
But the past could not be changed he knew, sighing he finally realised that he had nothing left to live for, his depression to deep, his confidence broken, he just wished that when Eckhart came for him next it would be for last time. At least then he could be with Shalimar,
Taking a final look round at his surroundings out of sheer boardroom and the act of a man knowing he was going to die, the only thing Jesse could see was blank walls, not even a window and of course two guards out side standing in front of the door to make sure he did not have any surprise visitors attempting to rescue him, even though the only people that cared enough to do that were now dead, the thought of his sisters and brothers cold in the ground make his spine shiver like someone had just walked over his grave.
His final thought before drifting to sleep was how even in death they would not be parted!