Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my original characters, which make me no money anyway, so don't sue me! Your "winnings" wouldn't even be able to pay your lawyer bill.

Part 9
Saizo and Nabiki . . .

Kasumi was about to leave the Tendo Home and go to the market when Nabiki called after her: "Get me a package of army guys while you're out there! Green ones!"
"But I bought you a package of army guys yesterday!" Kasumi said. "Nabiki, are you building an army?"
"Yes I am! And we've suffered heavy casualties I need reinforcements! Do it quickly before all is lost!" Nabiki shouted from her bedroom.
Kasumi shook her head. It'd been two days since the talent show and Nabiki was acting very strangely. She kept asking for army guys, she'd stolen all of Akane's action figures from the attic that Kasumi had completely forgotten existed, and she locked herself in her room all day and night. She was refusing to leave it and making it clear that the only things that were allowed in her room were peanut butter sandwiches, money, and Ryoga, when he showed up again. All of these things were to be shoved under the door.
Kasumi wasn't exactly sure if her sister was getting any liquids, and if she was, Kasumi wasn't sure if she wanted to know *how* she was getting them.

~Don't let up!~ The commander cried. He was well armored, his armor shone like the sun on the battlefield, colored red like the setting sun itself. ~If they breach this line, we're all doomed! Fight harder!~
A surge and lightly armored warriors rushed a column of well-dressed fighters wearing red. The red warriors rode deadly looking battle steeds, and mowed through the not so well dressed warriors.
It was brief; the peasants didn't put up much fight.
It was . . . incredibly amusing.
And oh so familiar.


"It's been two days since the talent show." Ryoga noted. They were, though neither he nor Yuki knew it, on top of mount Fuji.
"And?" Yuki demanded.
"Well I still don't see the Tendo home. And I know it doesn't take that long to get from there to the school and back again."
"AND!?" Yuki demanded.
"I think you're lost." Ryoga shrugged.
"I never get lost!"
"Me neither." Ryoga lied. "I've got the world's best sense of direction."
"Then which way are we headed?" Yuki demanded.
"Well . . . it is very cold, there is snow everywhere, so I bet we are in Canada. We are going in the direction of the setting sun, and since in Japan the sun rises in the west and sets in the east I must assume the opposite is true of Canada. So I'd say if we continue to follow the setting sun we would be going north."
"I concur!" Yuki said.
And so they followed the rising sun all day and then the setting sun and found themselves at the same point they had been when they decided to follow the sun in the first place.
"That is the strangest sunset I've ever seen." Ryoga said. "It certainly took a long time."
"You fool!" Yuki cried. "All this time, we've been following the moon! The night is over, it's day time now!"
"Then why is it so dark?" Ryoga asked.
Yuki thought for a moment. Then gasped. "Egads!"
"E-what?" Ryoga frowned.
"That monster Toyotomi, the man who caused the death of my son, has caused the death of the sun! And now it will be forever dark!"
"Um . . . don't think that's entirely accurate."
"Then what explanation do you offer?"
"The sun took a very long time to set, because we are on the other side of the world, it's that simple. Canadians are the second weirdest people in the world. Americans are the weirdest. I thought you'd know that Nabi-er Yuki." Ryoga said simply.
He didn't want to admit it, but he kept confusing Yuki for Nabiki, even though she was obviously older and had long hair. He wondered if one day Nabiki might want to go on a trip-get lost-with him. He doubted it, but the thought kept resurfacing in his mind.
He kept thinking of Nabiki, he didn't think of Akane whatsoever. He did think occasionally of Kasumi-usually when he was hungry, and he did have a wandering thought of Akari, which he'd dismissed with a shudder.
"Usually I find my way around by sensing Saizo. Some times I sense Sakon. Right now I don't sense either one of them. I know why I don't sense Saizo, but I don't know what happened to Sakon." Yuki said.
"What exactly happened to Saizo?" Ryoga asked.
"She tried to posses a girl who was already possessed. The two spirits canceled each other out, Toki's control over your girl friend was lost, but so was Saizo."
"Are you sure that's what happened? Oh, and by the way, she's not my girl friend."
"I know." Yuki said. "You'd never manage to hook a girl like her."
"What!?" Ryoga demanded.
"I can sense you are purely good. She is purely evil. Like Saizo. You two would never get together."
"Hey, opposites attract y'know!" Ryoga protested. "What am I saying? You're right, of course you're right, I wouldn't date Nabiki if my life depended on it!"
"And you are a terrible liar." Yuki noted.
"Aww shaddap." Ryoga sighed.
Then the rescue helicopter showed up. "You down there! You are trespassing on Mt. Fuji with no climbing equipment. Board the helicopter and we will take you down, don't argue with us!"
"Salvation!" Ryoga cried. "We're saved!"
"We? I'm dead, how can I be saved?" Yuki demanded.
"Man your depressing!"
"I try, young one. I try." Yuki said.

Ryoga gulped when he got to the Tendo home, Yuki had disappeared, she had-she said-found Sakon and wanted to go and celebrate the second death of Saizo with him. Ryoga was here to check on Nabiki and to . . . to . . . oh yes! To give Akane presents . . . wait . . . he didn't have any . . . drat!
Kasumi answered the door. "Oh! Ryoga! Nabiki has been asking for you. Go to her-she needs you now."
"What?" Ryoga frowned.
"Go!" Kasumi commanded. "Go now. I'll send some dinner up for you two. Oh, and if the walls start to shake I'll be sending daddy and uncle Saotome in there to separate you two. Be careful Ryoga, in their excitement they may castrate you."
"What? What are you talking about?" Ryoga protested.
"Go to her!" Kasumi repeated. "Go and let true love conquer all!" Before Ryoga knew it he'd been thrown into Nabiki's bedroom by an over enthusiastic Kasumi.
"RYOGA!" Nabiki hissed. "Move! You're in the cannon's firing path!"
Ryoga found the sight awaiting him truly horrifying. Nabiki was . . . well she really looked more like that Gosunkugi guy than the beautiful Nabiki Tendo that Ryoga knew and . . . appreciated. She was pale, and had bags under her eyes. She was clutching a handful of yen and seemed to be overseeing the . . . the combat.
There were three different colors of army men on the ground. Green, Gray, Tan as well as what seemed to be an alliance of cowboys and indians. There were also several action figures splayed around the field, some were covered by army men of all sides, some were surrounded by . . . corpses?
"Quick! Before they slaughter you!"
"Uh . . . this is a . . . really nice set up you've got here Nabiki." Ryoga said.
"Oh god! Your legs! I can't watch! Oh no!"
"Eh . . . you wanted to see me?" Ryoga frowned.
"What? Oh . . . yes. Yes I did. Come over here and sit with me." She said, patting the spot on the bed next to her. Ryoga had to walk on his toes to get to her, trying not to step on the small army she had set up. He sat next to her and looked at the field. It must have taken her hours to set this up, it looked . . . well he had to admit, it looked pretty cool. Nabiki's strange demeanor ruined the coolness thought and made it seem eerie.
"Do you see it, Ryoga?" She whispered.
"See what?"
"Salvation!" Nabiki proclaimed. "I see it on that battle field. Don't you?"
"No . . . not really." Ryoga said.
"The meaning of life Ryoga! I can see it!"
"Are you saying that combat is the meaning of life?"
"Of course not! Oh! Ryoga, I need you."
"Need me?" Ryoga asked.
"Your strong, you'll live." Nabiki said.
"I'm confused." Ryoga admitted.
"You've watched "The Crocodile Hunter" haven't you?"
"Do I look like the sort of person who watches TV?" Ryoga frowned.
" . . . Damnation!"
"Language!" Ryoga scolded. Nabiki threw a pillow over her face and screamed a curse.
"D'you remember that alligator? The one that allegedly ate you?"
"Yeah." Ryoga said.
"We're going to catch it!"
"We're WHAT!?" Ryoga frowned. "I don't think Sakon would like that!" He gasped to himself. He hadn't meant for Nabiki to hear it, and he doubted she'd understand what that meant anyway.
"Sakon won't be there. He's having surgery."
"Surgery?" Ryoga asked.
"Yes. Doctors are working even now to remove that bug from his butt!"
"Huh? He's a ghost, he doesn't have a body! Are we talking about the same Sakon?"
"Maybe." Nabiki said. "Come now! We shall fly!" She kicked her own window open and prepared to leap out. Ryoga grabbed her before she could, and she instead, jumped on his back and shouted, "Go then horsy! To the forest!"
"It's a swamp." Ryoga frowned.
"FOREST!" Nabiki hissed.
(Anyone care to guess where Saizo is?)

Kodachi Kuno paced back and forth, annoyed immensely that the middle Tendo was in fact late for their battle.
What made this girl think she was anything even resembling a match for Kodachi was a mystery to the younger girl. However, if it was a challenge Middle Tendo wanted, Kodachi Kuno was ready to comply.
That's about when Middle Tendo-who's name was not important enough to remember-showed up with the lost boy in tow. He was carrying a very large crate.
"Ah! So you have come at last!" Kodachi cried.
"Dish Pans to your "come at last"!" Middle Tendo spat. "We're early!"
"So, you have brought the sidekick of my darling Ranma any your own coffin? How considerate." Kodachi scoffed.
"Side kick?" The lost boy asked. "Saotome's sidekick? You cannot say that and LIVE! Nabiki, hold this crate while I kick her-"
"I'm not holding that crate!" Middle Tendo cried. "That is what you are for!"
"So then! As per the agreement, if I win this battle you will give me my darling Ranma Saotome?" Kodachi pressed.
"Oh aye." Nabiki said. "But if I win . . ."
"I give you the title deed of the Kuno estate!" Kodachi nodded. Tatewaki was walking by just then. He fell on his face then ran up to Kodachi.
"Sister!" He cried. "You are-you DARE to bet our home in a fight to win that fool Saotome?"
"How can I lose to Middle Tendo?" Kodachi demanded.
Kuno glanced at Middle Tendo then nodded. "Yes . . . Nabiki Tendo possesses no real battle strength . . ."
"Hey!" Middle Tendo protested. "Stuppie! Kodachi and I are not going to fight! The agreement was a Reptilian death match!"
"I thought you meant I had to wear green!" Kodachi cried. "What do you mean by Reptilian Death match?"
The lost boy put down the crate and opened it. A huge alligator sprang out and landed on him. "A reptilian death match!"
"Mr. Turtle is a lover, not a fighter!" Kodachi cried. Everyone stared at her for a moment. She then added "Not *my* lover!"
"I would not have been surprised . . ." Tate trailed off.
"She does seem the type." Lost boy shrugged.
"FISH!" Middle Tendo shouted.
"Very well then!" Kodachi cried. "Mr. Turtle! Fight for your mommy's honor!"
The huge crocodile called Green Turtle appeared from out of nowhere.

Sakon shook his head. Jasper would rip that shrimp croc to pieces! He watched Nabiki shouting various languages and some gibberish at Kodachi and her pet. Sakon shook his head. He had no interest in seeing Jasper made into a tool for the middle Tendo's money schemes. And yet he didn't dare do anything about it. What could he do? He couldn't possess Kuno, he wasn't *that* stupid. He didn't want to possess Ryoga, and he couldn't possess a girl.
After the ordeal with Toki he couldn't assume solid form yet either. However what bothered him was Nabiki. What was it about her . . . she seemed so different. It wasn't just the fact that she looked pale as a tissue, or that she had black rings around her eyes, or that she was jumping up and down cursing in languages that she probably shouldn't have understood.
And Saizo . . . he could tell that Saizo hadn't succeeded in possessing Nabiki, and yet how else could he explain Nabiki's weirdness? She'd shouted several words that Saizo had invented to be her own personal curses over the centuries. Hoggo, Ratbat and horse spit were some of the ridiculous things that only Saizo would be stupid enough to shout out at some one.
Ryoga looked as if he wanted to shoot himself. And who could blame him? Sakon felt that Kuno was naturally an idiot. His sister-if that was what she was, he was leaning towards botched cloning experiment-was probably similar. And Nabiki had gone insane. Ryoga was standing there with all three of them, yet he was alone on the island of sanity.
That's when a tiny living mummy hopped by.

"Rivals of the Son-in-law, have you seen son-in-law?" Cologne asked.
Ryoga frowned. "No we haven't seen Saotome! Can't you see we're busy here?"
Cologne looked around and nodded. "I see the boy with the sword and his sister are fools as always . . . but the middle Tendo . . . alas I sense a great evil welled up inside her."
"That's Nabiki for you." Ryoga said.
"No, I mean more evil than normal. Something I had not thought possible."
"Hey!" Ryoga said.
"What?" Cologne asked.
"Hmm? Oh nothing, that just slipped out." Ryoga said. "Continue.
Cologne said. "Well it is as if there is some one with her, more evil even than her! YES! Yes that is exactly right, I'm sensing two people!"
"Saizo . . ." Ryoga trailed off.
Cologne gasped. "You speak the name of the Decapitating Witch of the Dark Forest?"
'Dammit I knew she went to China! She told me she just went to harass some burger joint but I knew harassing a burger joint don't take five months!' A voice, which Ryoga recognized as Sakon's shouted indignantly.
"Can you dispel the spirit without damaging it?" Ryoga asked.
"No." Cologne said. "I mean, I could, but what do I get from helping you lost boy?"
"I'll force Saotome to date Shampoo!" Ryoga cried. "Just please help!"
"I will consider it . . ." Cologne said.
"Go, Jasper! Eat the living mummy!" Nabiki cried. Ryoga was relieved when Cologne leapt into action.
First she hit Nabiki on the head. (WHAP) then she shouted "Oh fine then! I will dispel this ghost then put her it in a jar and sell it to that fool who gives me a bottle for every ten I bring him!"
"Please just dispel the ghost!" Ryoga said. "Nabiki is . . . scaring me!"
Cologne cast a magical spell . . . and suddenly Nabiki and Saizo were separated. Cologne caught Saizo in a bottle quickly and waved her around. "I captured another ghost!"
"Nnn . . . now why . . . did you go and . . . do that?" Nabiki demanded. "We were having fun!"
Cologne frowned. "Excuse me?" She asked. "You and the Decapitating Witch of the Dark Forest were having fun together?"
"What happened Nabiki?"
"I'm not sure." Nabiki admitted. "She and I . . . were just suddenly in the same body, but neither one of us had complete control of it. Then she told me-AHH!" Nabiki leapt into the air when Jasper came up to her. She landed in Ryoga's arms. "It's a monster! Get it away! Get it away!"
"That's not very nice!" Ryoga said. Jasper rubbed herself against his leg. It was . . . uncomfortable, but he didn't want to look weak in front of Nabiki by panicking. Jasper then whapped Turtle on the head, then waddled off towards the swamp.
"That, is one strange reptile." Ryoga noted.
"What was it the witch told you?" Cologne asked.
Nabiki pushed Ryoga away and growled at him for a second. Then she nodded. "She told me her story, or rather, showed it to me. She's lived an interesting life you know, I got to see it through her eyes, evil though they were."
"Oh is THAT so . . ." Ryoga said. "Well then why don't we just let her out and let her tell it to the rest of us?"
"No!" Cologne cried. "I will sit and listen to middle Tendo tell the story, but no other. If the story is an appropriate one, I will release the ghost."
Saizo made an inappropriate hand gesture from inside the bottle. Ryoga shook his head. "It's a long way to the Tendo training hall." He said.
"Why would we go there?" Nabiki grinned. "Mr. Turtle is out for the count. We can go right inside the Kuno mansion, it's ours now."
"Fine then!" Kodachi cried. "Take it! Don't doubt that we have millions more all over the world!" Then a squadron of helicopters lifted off taking with them Kodachi's rose garden and moved it over to the next door mansion which Ryoga noticed was also called "Kuno Mansion."
"Holy crap." Ryoga said. "New neighbors."
"Tell me this story! Now!" Cologne cried.

To Be Continued . . .

Saizo: NO! You will not TRULY tell them my story will you?
Grimm: Why not?
Saizo: . . . eh . . . It's boring! Yes, that's it. Nothing but . . . but eh . . . but drugs, sex, guns and money!
Grimm: Cut the crap, you know that's not how the story goes.
Saizo: Reviewers! You tell him not to tell the story!
Grimm: The script says to have Nabiki tell an abridged version of the story.
Nabiki: Abridged?
Grimm: Shortened. Though I really think we should make these chapters longer.
Nabiki: Your telling me. All these short pointless chapters confuse me.
Grimm: Then we agree to make the stories six pages as opposed to the current five?
Ryoga: Only if the extra page contains lemony details about Akane and me!
Nabiki: . . . (WHACK: Nabiki hits Ryoga right out of the ball park)
Grimm: I didn't know you could do that.
Nabiki: Neither did he.