*Cringes* Yes, yes, I know I'm in the middle of a lot of fics, and there's a lot of ideas I was supposed to start but haven't, but this just begged to be written!!

…plus some people reading this probably won't care since it's my first GW fic, so be nice!

Aaaaaaaanyway, this is only a one shot so if you do care I'll be writing others again soon, as soon as I work out where I'm going in the short term with some stories (I.e. I know how they'll end, just not what'll happen next)

Warning – This story makes mention of yaoi, slash, etc, which is male/male relationships, if you haven't got the picture from my stories already, what do you take me for?? Some kind of…non-yaoi fangirl?? …^^

DISCLAIMER: *sulks* I don't own them now, but one day…one day my preciousss…. *ahem* I lie, so shoot me.

Yea, this fic started out Duo/Heero, and then after a bit of talk with my good friend Beck, it changed, much to her chagrin, but she still has the original, so...

This may also now change from being a one shot to…well, not.

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The thing that most people don't get about me, is how vulnerable I am. How much I desperately need protection.

You may laugh, you may look at me and think, he's a fighter, a leader, a brilliant but brash young pilot who doesn't think before he acts, who doesn't think about consequences, he just has a good time and gets the job done.

The one who's there for everybody, ready to boost their moral no matter what. Sure, maybe he's a little unorthodox, but he gets it done, he's strong for his friends.

And then, then I go away on my own, and I cry, and I despair that I can't really help, that I'm only going to get them killed, and I despair for myself. I am vulnerable, I need protection.

In any relationship I've always been the dominated rather than the dominant, especially with some of the guys I've been with. Yea, I said guys, that's just one of the things I find hard to deal with. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with it, just other people aren't and I hate that, can't they just be happy for people to fall in love? But, I digress, I'm always the one to bow down to their judgement, to let them protect me and look after me, because that's what I need.

You're still probably thinking it strange, but then we all know appearances can be deceiving. Take one of the Gundam pilots, Quatre, for example, to look at him, to talk to him, to see him act, you'd think he'd be the dominated one, but when you look closely, you see that those pleading puppy dog eyes of his make him in control. The difference between Quatre and Trowa and any of my relationships is with them the roles fall only to decision making. When it comes to protection, they look out for each other, they're strong for each other, I can't do that.

You might wonder why I know about them, and how they are around each other, I know a lot I shouldn't. Maybe I'm turning into some kind of crazy stalker, not stalking those two of course, but they're normally around him…

I guess you could say I'm pretty messed up, or selfish, you could say that too, I want protecting but don't want to protect, to take but not give. The thing is, I can't give, so I don't let myself take. That's why I keep ending up with guys who won't protect me, in fact half the time I end up with guys I need protecting from.

I can't fall in love with someone, a certain someone, because I don't want to be protected, I don't want him helping me and forgetting his mission, and not be helped about in return, because I can't protect him and it's scary, I don't want him hurt. I know that if we were together there would come a time when I would have to protect him, or harm him, and I can't protect.

So here I am, sat in my private place, will all my troubles, sobbing that I can't help, can't protect, sobbing that I can't be protected, sobbing that I have to keep him away.

One day, maybe one day, I'll work it out, I'll break out my twisted little shell and find out I can. That I'm as strong and overbearing as everyone thinks I am, and I can save him as much as he saves me, because he does already, just to see him smile, to hear his voice, saves me, every time.

But until that day, here I will sit whenever it gets too much. Until that day I'll continue to watch him from the shadows, from behind my mask. Until that day I'll cheer everyone up because it's all I can do. Until that day I will fail you, my love, my Duo…

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Bless! *Squee* lol, I'm pretty proud of that, kinda.. hmm, yea, it's odd isn't it? It's supposed to be a bit round about and things because it's a monologue, see? Clever.

Please review.

And opinions, shall I post the Duo/Heero version of this? I had ideas for a lil love triangle between the three of them (Duo wants Heero, Heero wants Zechs, Zechs wants Duo), could be fun, what do y'all think?