A/N : Sorry to all Tolkien fans… *mutters sorry to herself* but I'm changing the story a bit…but no matter! All in the name of the smallest smile to the loudest laugh! Anyway, I laugh at Sev too, and I adore him! (cos he's yummy and cute cos he's so full of himself : )! ) So fair enough, hehehe.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter isn't mine, it's J.K.ROWLING'S. Unfortunately this means Snape ain't mine either…sigh. And Lord of the Rings stuff isn't mine, it's J.R.R.TOLKIEN'S.
**
Professor McGonagall giggled happily to herself, reading the book Dumbledore had just given her. It was wonderful, for the book recorded everybody's thoughts, and seemed to especially adore writing Snape's…
…Severus sniffled unhappily as he sat on the little hobbit bed he was ordered to sleep in by Gandalf. Next door he could hear Frodo burbling happily to Hermione and Ron. It's not fair, he thought, I'M the wizard around here! Why does my wand not work? He poked at it with an experimental prod, and it did…absolutely nothing. Damn. And why is that bloody ring so important? And if Gandalf is so GREAT and WISE then why did he run off and leave the ring with that hairy-footed runt? Why didn't Gandalf take the ring? And why oh why was Gandalf able to use magic and he wasn't? Snape sniffed the air. And why does everywhere smell of sardines?!?! Ooooo… maybe that's me… thought Snape as he then sniffed himself experimentally…
Wiping a tear of laughter from her eye, Professor McGonagall set the book down on her desk.
**
Snape awoke the next morning to several annoying squeals. After dressing himself he went into the kitchen, with a fully bruised forehead, to find out what all the commotion was about. He nearly fainted at the sight. Not only was there that damned Frodo, but another three of the sickeningly jolly little things! Frodo grinned happily as he introduced Hermione and Ron to them,
"This is Hermione, daughter of Mr. And Mrs. Granger." Frodo pointed at Hermione, "And this is Ron," at this point he grabbed Ron roughly and grinned, "Son of Arthur."
The three little hobbits oooooed. Then noticing Snape standing in the doorway, Frodo pointed.
"And this is Serverus, Son of…" Frodo frowned in trying to remember the long name Snape had given him, " Son of my-father-who's-name-is-none-of-your-business-you-absurb-little-hairyfooted-over-cheerful-creature!" Frodo grinned joyfully to have remembered it accurately.
Snape growled,
"You idiot! That's not my father's name! Do you have no brain?! 10 points from… from…" Snape gasped into himself, Oh no! I'm rendered powerless! Frodo doesn't have a house! Oh well, I'll settle for the next best thing… "From Gryffindor!"
All four of the hobbits oooooed, unlike Hermione and Ron who scowled,
"That's unfair! You can't take points from Gryffindor!" Ron said angrily.
"I can do what I want to Mr. Weasley." Replied Snape.
Hermione giggled to herself,
"I'll tell Gandalf on you!"
Snape shuddered at the name, his right eye beginning to twitch. Across on the other side of the room, the four little Hobbits were packing. Snape cleared his throat,
"What are you doing?"
"We're packing Mr. Severus, sir." Said the hobbit known as Samwise. Why the man was called this Snape never did figure out, for if there were an Anti-Christ for the Wise it would be Sam.
"And why, pray, are you packing? Miss Granger here told me you liked living in peace and quiet in your holes under the ground!"
Frodo waved a finger at Snape, tutting.
"Tut tut, Severus, didn't you listen to Gandalf's," Frodo ignored Snape flinching at the name, "Words?"
"I stop listening to him after he repeated that rhyme 7 times over in that silly accent of his." Snape said blankly.
"Which one was that?" Frodo said scratching his head.
"The one about the ring you ignorant little man!" Snape said, having to restrain himself from jumping up and down in a mad rage.
All the hobbits ohhhhed in unison. Hermione sighed impatiently,
"Look Professor, it's quite simple. They are packing because they are to head to The Inn of the Prancing Pony to meet Gandalf," then dropping her voice a couple of notches she said to Snape alone, "Who won't be there."
Snape grinned to himself, the unreliable old sod! But then again, if Gandalf the Annoyingly Dirty-White wasn't to be there, there'd be no harm in him going along with the four hobbits… maybe he'd even get the chance to take that lovely gold band Frodo had dangling round his neck…
"Alright! Weasley, Granger and I will go with you!" said Snape suddenly.
Pippin grinned and hugged Snape around the legs (Snapes eyes bulged out like a fishes through this action) and squeaked in a high-pitched voice,
"Yay Severus son of my-father-who's-name-is-none-of-your-business-you-absurb-little-hairyfooted-over-cheerful-creature is coming to!" then looking puzzled for a moment he added, "Who's been eating the sardines?"
Snape blushed.
**
Putting down the book Harry asked,
"So… Them going with the hobbits…That's a good sign, right?"
Dumbledore, who was twirling his beard with his fingers, looked up and answered vaguely,
"Oh yes, yes. Very good sign. For once in his life Severus has actually made a helpful decision."
Suddenly there was a sound that sounded strangely like thunder. This could be explained by the fact it was thunder. A small, bald-headed man wearing large glasses had appeared in the middle of Dumbledore's office. With a constipated look on his face, he screeched,
"YEARS! AB – SOL – UTE - LY BLOODY YEARS," he paused to take a deep breath, "WENT INTO THROWING MUSES INTO TOLKIEN'S BEDROOM! I USED UP EVERY, AND I REPEAT, EVERY, MUSE THAT EVER MEANT ANYTHING TO ME JUST TO GET THAT STORY OUT OF THE MAN'S MIND! NOW LOOK WHAT YOU MEDDLING WIZARD-FOLK HAVE DONE! YOU'VE RUINED IT! RUINED!" the red-faced man broke down into uncontrollable sobs. Dumbledore went over to him and patted him on the back,
"There, there, Mugfic, may I call you Mugfic? It rolls off the tongue better than God of Muggle Fiction…"
"…And of Sardines," The God sniffed, "Everybody always forgets the sardines…"
"…and of Sardines," added Dumbledore, "Don't cry, I'm sure everything will work out fine. And if it doesn't, well… we can always write a series of books about young Harry Potter! The boy who lived!"
"…'snot the same." muttered the God sadly.
On this note, Harry wandered off in a huff, muttering,
"Not the same, ey?…I'm the boy who LIVED! LIVED! Aren't many boys who can say THAT are there?"
Harry thought about this for a moment, then felt rather stupid for saying it, due to it being a rather stupid statement.
"Oh end chapter!" he shouted into nothingness, slightly confused as to why he did later on.
A/N: Thanks for reading this far folks! It ***should*** get better with time so chin's up! ^_^
Thank you to all my gorge reviewers!