As requested, Tsuzuki's point of view. A little less fluffy. As it stands, I'm not planning to add to this unless many people beg. So reviews are a must.
Warning: "A little less fluffy" was an understatement.
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Idiot.
The word pounded against Tsuzuki's skull.
Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.
Ad infinitum.
He was an idiot. If one chose to look up the word idiot in the dictionary, his name would be there. No. Not possible. Very few people in the world of the living knew him, so his name could hardly be a common reference. He was just being even more of an idiot. Now if Meifu had it's own dictionary….
Idiot.
Why did it have to be that word? Well, it was a perfect description of him; it would be the only word Hisoka could choose.
Hisoka.
Tsuzuki sighed. He shouldn't have done it. He never should have. It was cruel. It was selfish. It was wonderful.
Great. Now he was not merely an idiot but a pervert as well. A bastard. A sadist.
Muraki.
No. He was not like Muraki. He hadn't intended any harm. He'd just sat there, staring into startled green eyes as Hisoka'd kissed him. It was an ideal moment, rare in his long life. He'd been kissed before, by other people and in other places, but never had a kiss meant so much. It was hope and trust and love, all dangerous emotions Hisoka had done backsprings trying to avoid. It was an indication that Hisoka still wanted him around. Or at least he had.
Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.
He should have known better. He should have seen it coming and stopped it. But he didn't see it coming. He was, after all, an idiot.
His sake didn't burn the back of his throat. As a general rule, that was his signal that he'd had enough for a lunch break.
Wait…lunch. There was something about lunch he should remember. He hadn't eaten. Not too big a surprise. There would be little point to drinking if he had just eaten. He wasn't supposed to meet Hisoka. His partner was doing paper work and ...oh shit. He had been sent to bring back food. Couldn't he do anything right?
Obviously not.
He teleported carelessly, hoping to make up time. The fastest Chinese take-away ever acquired. Opening the door to their office, he noticed Hisoka staring up at the ceiling. He left the food on his desk and looked up. Just the ceiling. No bugs, no cracks, no shadows. Nothing to watch so intently.
"Ne, Hisoka, you okay?" Hisoka flinched, but noticed him. For the briefest of instants, Tsuzuki was relieved. Hisoka would claim to be fine, call him an idiot, and move on with the day. Hisoka's nose twitched and he glared.
"I'm fine." No insult. No calling him an idiot for asking an obvious question. No yelling at him for being late and thus technically taking two lunch breaks. Not even a scathing comment about the sake he knew Hisoka'd smelled on his breath. Hisoka was not fine. Tsuzuki smiled and made his usual pretense of going back to work.
Hisoka was not fine and it was his fault.
Tsuzuki woke sore. His head hurt, his muscles ached, and his throat burned. Carefully he raised himself off the floor. Never again. He would not 'just rest a little' on the floor because the bed was so far away. He'd make it at least as far as a soft surface, no matter how drunk he was. Really. The room started spinning as he tried to stand up. A wave of nausea pulled him back to the ground and he vomited on the floor. Hardwood floors were wonderful things. Easy to clean up. He watched the semi-liquid mess spread slowly. He didn't feel like cleaning. He felt like getting drunk again, but what would be the point? He'd still have to wake up in the morning and go to work. A hangover would not help him face Hisoka.
As though he'd ever be able to face Hisoka again after that afternoon.
It had almost been like working without a partner again. Hisoka hadn't been there.
He could hardly blame Hisoka, though. Hisoka probably had a lot to think about. Like how to get Tatsumi to give him a new partner. The nicest way to tell Tsuzuki he didn't want to work with him anymore. Hisoka was always so nice; he never wanted to hurt anyone's feelings, even those of a certain idiot. Maybe he should bring up the idea of changing partners first. Save Hisoka the difficulty.
Tears fell, adding another bodily fluid to the puddle beneath him.
It hurt so much. It always did, even knowing it was inevitable. He'd hoped, though. He should have known better than to hope, to love. To desire. He didn't want to lose Hisoka, not to something so stupid. Maybe Hisoka could forgive him, if he apologized. That's what he'd do, first thing in the morning. He'd come in on time, bringing food. A bagel, Hisoka didn't like donuts. He'd offer the food and beg forgiveness. Swear he hadn't meant any harm; swear he'd not wanted anything. Not the kiss, not anything else.
Lie through his teeth.
Not that he wasn't used to it. Just one more lie to add to the multitude. It would be worth it; only one lie and Hisoka would stay with him. Maybe. Tsuzuki sighed. He would do it. He'd do anything to keep the possibility of Hisoka staying with him real. He was worse than Muraki.
He couldn't think that way. If he were like that he'd have to die and he'd promised Hisoka he wouldn't. He'd broken enough promises; he didn't want to break another. Especially one to Hisoka. Hisoka deserved so much more than that. So much more than him. Shakily, Tsuzuki stood. Vomit and tears weren't enough. He may not have a straight razor anymore, but there were knives in his kitchen.
There was only a little pain when the knife broke the skin. Barely any blood dripped out before the cut healed itself. He stabbed instead of slicing and left the blade in the wound, letting the skin close around it. Pulling it out hurt more. Bled more as well. Blood now fell into the strange pool starting to dry on his floor. It would be hard to clean up, but Tsuzuki just didn't care. He couldn't be expected to do anything right. He was an idiot. He looked down at the perfect skin on his arms. Not a mark visible. Only one scar had ever took….
Someone was knocking at his door. Tsuzuki dropped the knife in surprise. It couldn't be morning yet. He checked his watch, 3:14. If he were considered late to work at that hour, Tatsumi would have to pass on that instant. No sane person would even be up at that hour.
"Who is it?" Tsuzuki rushed to return the knife to the kitchen. Whoever was at the door did not need to see that. Tsuzuki rushed back to the door and tugged it open.
Hisoka's perfect green eyes stared up at him.