A/N: Whoohoo! Another chapter written today. Gosh, I am proud of me and my strange coffee-filled mind. Ooooooh I'm all choked up from watching Sense & Sensibility at the moment, yay Alan Rickman as the Colonel! *Sniffle*Anyway ever onwards and quite possibly downwards in the minds of the critics and literary professors…

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, it's J.K. Rowling's and her peoples. I don't own Lord of the Rings stuff, it belongs to J.R.R Tolkien and his peoples. I don't make money from this, unfortunately. Oh and I don't own Sense & Sensibility. Well actually, I own the DVD, but that's not what I meant. And I don't own Alan Rickman. Or Snape.

I don't really own much do I?

**

Ron lay uncomfortably on the ground up on Weathertop trying to get to sleep. He was cold, he was wet, he was hungry, and he was watching Hermione follow Strider…WAIT! Why was Hermione following Strider?! That's not allowed! Ron tried to get up, but sagged back down due to lack of energy. STUPID Strider. Stupid Strider and his stupid muscles and his stupid sword and his stupid hair and stupid name and stupid sexiness. Ron sniffled quietly to himself, knowing that if he didn't have complete control of his tear ducts his eyes would spring a couple of leaks. Stupid me, thought Ron. Stupid me and my stupid repetition of stupid. Why can't I think of anything else to say? Probably because I AM stupid! Stupid is a stupid word anyway…

Snape sat beside Ron glaring into the darkness. Oh yes, he thought, oh yes, Mister Gandalf, you have not yet seen the last of me! Who do you think you are with your big staff and your silly pointy hat? Snape flicked away a nearby stone as he watched Hermione follow Strider, another new member of his 'People to kill in Middle-Earth' list.

"Professor?" asked Ron timidly, sitting up to face Snape.

"Oh what do you what now Weasley?" Snape replied irritably.

"I just wanted to ask…" Ron muttered quietly, "…I wanted to ask you about women…"

Snape froze. What did he mean by women? Surely the boy knew what a woman was! Oh my God…! A thought had come to Snape suddenly, what if the boy is asking me about sex? But he had to know what sex was… right? I mean, he was a teenage boy… it was only healthy to…to…Snape shuddered, then said slowly with his throat as dry as the Sahara desert,

"W-women?"

"Yes, women."

"What do you what to know… about them?"

"Well…I mean, although I completely refuse to accept it or even hold with the thought, you must have had a girlfriend at some point in your life Professor…"

Oh God! Thought Snape, he IS going to ask me about sex! He's going to pry into my sexual endeavours! Putting on a false smile he said, in a slightly higher pitched voice than normal,

"Yes, Mr. Weasley, I have had my share of… relationships in my time."

Ron, not really expecting Snape to have actually had any sort of relationship with any woman other than his mother, flushed with surprise and embarrassment. There was one of those awful awkward silences. Like the ones you get when you meet the person you were best friends with when you were 10, who you never really liked, and you ask about their Grandmother. Who, just to inconvenience you, has died. Snape broke the silence,

"Well?"

Ron shuffled uncomfortably and started with one of the oldest lines in the book,

"It's just, I have this friend…called, umm," Ron's eyebrows wrinkled in quick thought, "…Jon, and he likes this girl…"

Snape raised an eyebrow, Oh-oh…I smell a 'and her name is Germione' coming on. So, the little boy has a little crush. How sickening…Snape smirked to himself in the darkness. This could prove useful…

**

Suddenly Strider came crashing through the rubble to where everybody was lying, shouting,

"Black Riders! Quickly arm yourselves!" He turned to Snape, and said to him alone,

"Remember! Don't let Frodo put on the ring! It'll attract them to him even more! They'll try to kill him!"

Strider bounded off, pulling out his sword to protect the hobbits. Snape's eyes glinted in the darkness. Kill him? Snape quickly glanced around to see if anyone was watching him, then ran away from the clearing to hide behind one of the crumbling stone pillars. He watched as the riders overpowered the hobbits and as Frodo fell, dropping his knife, in front of the pillar Snape stood behind. Snape giggled happily to himself and whispered eerily,

"Frodo… put on the ring… put on the ring…"

"Nooooooo…!" said Frodo in a torn voice.

"I said put it on damnit!"

"I can't…I can't…"

"For God's sake man! The ring makes you invisible! Put it on… and they won't see you…" Snape licked his lips in delight, as he saw Frodo slowly let the ring engulf his finger, then nothingness.

"Stupid hobbit," muttered Snape, "Well, that narrows my 'People to kill in Middle-Earth' list down to…" Snape thought for a moment, "Gandalf the Horrid-ash-colour, Strider the over-dramatic warrior, 3 jolly Hobbits and that barmaid in Bree who slapped me."

Snape rubbed his hands happily and walked out from behind the pillar, to find the Black Riders gone and Frodo reappearing. With a voice of mocking concern, Snape gasped,

"Oh no! Frodo the hobbit we all love and adore has been stabbed through the heart! Damn! I wish it had been me instead, I can't bear the pain of losing such a close and dear companion…!"

**

Dumbledore shouted at the book and threw it across the room,

"Damn Severus! Why does he always let his grudges cloud his morals!"

Fudge walked in the door, just missing a knock on the head by a heavy looking book.

"So, Albus, I hear you lost two students and a teacher in a Muggle story-book. That's got to be a new record for insane incidents in Hogwarts, even under your Headmastership!"

Dumbledore shrugged modestly,

"I do try Cornelius, I do try."

"And you do realise that there are two red-haired boys outside your door running a betting office on outcomes of the story?" Fudge smiled happily at a lovely looking biscuit in his hand, "I have to say, they did tempt me into betting a small amount that their brother Ron will confess his love openly to Miss Granger in chapter 7! And look," he indicated to his hand, "They gave me a little biscuit too!" Fudge popped it greedily into his mouth. Dumbledore winced and looked away, hearing a fury of bird twittering a few seconds later.

**

A/N: Chapter 7 will be in Rivendell! *over-excited voice* Is that blonde guy Gilderoy Lockhart? Will Snape meet his match on wanting the ring with Boromir? Will Hermione stop drooling over Strider? WILL Ron declare his love? And will Snape get his magic back? And will I ever stop asking questions about parts of the story that haven't been written yet? Probably. Should have this chapter up in a short while, because there's a LOT of coffee pounding through my system right now…

New review! Yay! Thank you to Silver*Chime ^_^

Please review if you like this, and if you don't, I'm sorry but I'm only human! Can't please everyone! Well…I could if I wanted to, but I'm too lazy!

Everybody be happy and keep on smiling :^_^!