A/N: Hello! Well here we are. Moria. Which I've kinda hyped up haven't I? O well! That's just what I'm like:)! Would've had this posted sooner, except I couldn't write it due to being in the middle of the babysitting job from HELL. Never again. EVER. Ever, ever, ever… I was, to say the least, emotionally damaged. But that happens to you when you look after the spawn of Satan for 6hours straight.
So basically, apologies for the lateness of this chapter, but I have made it long. Well, it's long in my mind anyway.
Oh, lots of thank you's!
Thank you to Kaira, Nicolette, Zardiphillian Beryllix, Elwen Rhiannon, Sasery and Lexi Lupin! Mucho for your reviews my luvlies! I ~really~ appreciate them! Thanks! xox
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. All the Harry Potter stuff belongs to J.K. Rowling, her publishers, and anyone else who has a hand in the copyright pool. Which isn't me. I'm just playing. All the Lord of the Ring's stuff is J.R.R Tolkien's copyright holders, his publisher's………etc etc, I don't own any of it. Nor do I make any profit from it. Only the happiness of brightening up someone's day for a while. (Mwahahahahaaaaa I'm so corny! But I don't care!)
**
Harry rocked back and forth on a little wooden rocking chair in the darkness of the Gryffindor common room. No one had talked to him for three days now. No one even noticed him when he streaked across the Great Hall screaming,
"I'm HARRY POTTER! Pay attention to MEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'm the famous one! I'M THE BOY WHO LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVED!"
No one had even looked up. Everyone was too busy talking about Ron and Hermione. Hell, they were even talking favourably, to a point, about Snape. No one wanted to know about Harry anymore. Dumbledore wasn't even bothered when Harry pointed out that he was almost murdered by Voldemort Tuesday last. Dumbledore had just shrugged and said in a -I'm-blowing-you-off-and-I-haven't-listened-to-what-you-just-said- manner,
"It happens to every growing boy in their life Harry, it's natural. And whatever they say, you won't go blind doing it."
Harry was left feeling confused and slightly grossed out about this statement, but decided it was best not to question Dumbledore. All everybody wanted to talk about was the damn book. Fists tightening, knuckles whitening, Harry recalled what he had overheard Cho saying earlier,
"Do you know, I never realised how cute Ron was until now? I can't wait until he gets back. He gives me butterflies!"
Oh so Ron is cute is he? Thought Harry to himself. Suddenly Ron was cute because he was in a book, in a BOOK! HAH! Hey Cho-ie baby, thought Harry wildly in his head, I'M the one who got the Philosopher's stone, I'M the one who fought Tom Riddle aka young Voldemort and saved Ginny, and I'M the one who basically WON the tri-wizard tournament and fought Voldemort as himself! Sure, Cedric got killed, but that was a sacrifice I was willing to make…
(A/N: Stole that last line from Shrek!(or something along those lines)Not mine! Belongs to DreamWorks Home Entertainment and whoever else owns the copyrights to Shrek!)
**
"So…" Snape raised his eyebrow as a gesture of hello to Boromir. Gandalf had forced the two of them to take the first watch of the night, feeling that perhaps Snape needed to talk with someone on his own vengeful level. Well, actually, that was the Author's idea, but still. Boromir let out a whistle,
"You're a teacher then?"
"Ha," Snape said rather annoyed, "I prefer the term Professor."
"Ah."
Both men looked around themselves, searching for a drifting conversation topic. Which were, unfortunately, not buzzing around their heads like fireflies.
"Dark, isn't it?" Said Boromir.
"I like the dark." Snape said flatly.
"Oh."
Snape let out a slight cough. God, he thought, this man is mundane. Yet, he was the only other person who thought the destruction of the ring to be…well, bloody stupid.
"So tell me about this ring then." Snape said in a voice that he hoped conveyed that he really had no interest in the topic. He did, of course, but you should never seem too interested in the thing you are trying to steal, for it creates suspicion. Boromir jumped to Snape's bait straight away, naturally, and rambled on for an age about how it should be brought to his father in Gondor, not sent to the open arms of Sauron.
Snape heard enough to know that the man was insane, violent and desperately wanting the ring. In other words, exactly the kind of friend Snape needed to have if his plan to take Frodo's shiny ring was to work.
The two fell into silence once again. And Snape began to think up ways of getting rid of Gandalf and his evil staff. Everytime that staff was near Snape, he could swear that it was staring at him and hissing death threats in the way that sticks of wood do.
"Here, Snape!" whispered Boromir. Snape looked at Boromir, annoyed that his train of blissful Gandalf-killing thought had been broken.
"What do you want now?" asked Snape coldly.
"Dare you to throw a rock down that well to see how deep it is."
"No." Said Snape coldly, trying to return back to his daydream.
"Oh go on!"
"No."
Boromir sighed at Snape's lack of fun-ness and reached for a nearby pebble. He grinned through the darkness at Snape and let the pebble fall down the well.
**
Malfoy screamed as he walked the Great Hall. All the Slytherin flags had little pink bunnies running across them. Fred walked up behind up and patted Malfoy on the back, saying,
"Don't worry. Rabbits can be just as intimidating as snakes. And I'm sure the new pink Quidditch uniforms will go well with the bleach effect you have going on with your hair."
Beside them, George added,
"Hell, it does wonders for Barbie."
**
Gandalf glared down at Boromir and Snape, like a mother who has just discovered a chocolate handprint on her new white top glares at her chocolate covered children.
"Who was it? Which one of you was the IDIOT who just alerted a whole host of orc's of our presence?!" bellowed Gandalf.
Boromir and Snape looked at one another.
"It was HIM!" shouted Boromir angrily, pointing at Snape.
Before Snape could think of a witty and painful comeback to Boromir's accusation, Gandalf had turned on Snape with his stupid staff.
"Sh*t." Said Snape under his breath as the ground suddenly rushed towards him and his mind filled itself with thoughts of nice, juicy lettuce leaves.
**
And so we come to the part in the story where there is a lot of violence. As the orcs filled the room, our lovely little Fellowshippers fought…
Snape became Snape again, and Strider threw him a sword, shouting for him to fight. Snape rushed forward in a heroic manner, in a bid to save Hermione from an attacking orc. This action didn't work out exactly as he had planned it in his mind. As Snape ran, his foot became tangled in his flowing robes, causing him to fall face down onto the stone floor. With a slight grunt as he hit the ground, he knocked himself out.
Ron watched as Hermione tried to fight off an orc. He also watched as Snape fell. Ouch, thought Ron, noting a strategically placed rock under Snape's groin. Dragging himself away from the funny sight of Snape sprawled on the ground he saw an orc coming up behind a triumphant looking Hermione. Crap! Screamed Ron's mind as Ron's legs ran forward and jumped onto the orc's back. Holding on for dear life as the orc shook him violently, Ron screamed over the commotion,
"Hermione!"
Hermione turned around and screamed in the orc's face, and screamed even louder when she saw Ron on it's back.
"Don't worry!" Ron shouted to Hermione, as he struggled to keep a hold of the orc's neck, "I've got it all under control!"
And then with one quick movement, Ron twisted the orc's neck round, breaking it. Hermione fainted, and the orc fell backwards on top of Ron.
**
Dumbledore chuckled as he watched the Slytherin table looking thoroughly embarrassed sitting under pink and lilac bunny filled décor. Oh, he knew it had been the Weasley twins who had hexed the flags, but he felt that, for now, it would be a lot funnier just to let the Slytherin's believe that their colours really had been changed to pink and lilac. A couple of white rabbits hopped across Draco's plate. Giggling, Dumbledore turned to Professor McGonagall,
"Although, I do have to admit to you Minerva, that the live rabbits WERE my doing…"
**
Ron stood up shakily and looked at the dead orc bodies covering the floor. The others were having a discussion about a coat that Frodo was wearing. Some sort of special chain mail. Lucky him, thought Ron bitterly and he poked a bleeding wound on his stomach. As everyone was leaving the room, Pippin suddenly stopped. Gandalf gave him a questioning look. Pippin gasped,
"What about Sevvie?" he pointed to where Snape lay, knocked out.
Gandalf's eye narrowed as he said, through gritted teeth,
"Oh yes. Damn. I was hoping you would have forgotten about him."
Strider bounded over in that mighty warrior way of his and flung Snape over his shoulder, then caught up with the running Fellowshippers.
**
Snape awoke to find himself on one side of a long narrow bridge, along with everyone but Gandalf. God, thought Snape, I hope one of those orcs finished the prick off. Serve him right. Snape suddenly felt a rough grabbing of his shoulder and Hermione, white as a sheet, shouting and pointing,
"Professor! You've got to help Gandalf with the Balrog! Your wand will work! I promise! I…I had put a hex on it…"
Snape was filled with a sudden rage and flung himself at the girl, but as he did so he looked up and saw the fiery demon that Gandalf was screaming at. Snape saw red. And it wasn't just because he was surrounded by fire and the stone walls were reflecting the redness. Oh no, this was a different type of red. Snape said slowly, and not to anyone in particular,
"My wand… works?"
Hermione nodded nervously, and watched as Snape ran out to Gandalf, wand held aloft. Snape arrived just in time to see Gandalf fall, and grab onto the broken ledge as he did so. Snape felt like… like… well, let's just say Snape felt elated. Ecstatic. Euphoric. Letting his mouth smile wickedly with pleasure, Snape shouted,
"Accio staff!"
From beside him, Gandalf saw his staff fly upwards into Snape's hand. Snape licked his lips slowly,
"NOT a wizard…ey, Gandalf?" Snape said slowly, "Nothing but a fool? Nothing but a strange man with fanciful ideas?"
Gandalf winced and said (without too much desperation, Snape noted later on),
"Help me."
Indicating to Gandalf's staff and his wand, Snape said with such a joy of the likes he never felt again,
"I'm sorry. But… it looks like my hands are full."
On those words, Snape stamped down on Gandalf's left hand, causing it to let go of the ledge. Snape watched as Gandalf struggled to hang on by his right hand.
"And THIS," Snape said angrily, "Is for making me have nightmares about CUTE – LITTLE – FURRY- BUNNY – RABBITS!"
Snape pounded his heel down onto Gandalf's right hand, and then watched as Gandalf fell into the abyss, screaming,
"Yooooooooooooooooooooooou Bassssssssssssssssssstarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd…!"
**
A/N: ~Please~ review this if you like it! I'm hoping I ended on a dramatic note, but I do hope it don't come across too serious! Severity is not my motto for life. Immaturity is ^_^!!!