Disclaimer: *yawns lots and lots* Like I own anything here! Ok, Harry Potter related stuff belongs to J.K. Rowling and her people etc. J.R.R. Tolkien and his people own all Lord of the Ring's related stuff. I own nothing and I make no money from doing this. All I get from writing this is a sore neck, lack of sleep, coffee addiction…I could ramble on for ages :) Ooooo I also don't own Monty Python and the Holy Grail! It belongs to whoever owns it! LONG LIVE MONTY PYTHON! *Throws them lots of kisses*

**

Dumbledore opened the doors to the Great Hall in a dramatically fun way, and as he stood in the doorframe everybody went silent. He sighed as looked around him. There were protesters everywhere, all brandishing silver and green protester board things, i.e. placards.

"Now, now, what seems to be the problem?"

Dumbledore smiled in that all-knowing-yet-seemingly-stupid way of his at the angry mob of people. Lucius Malfoy stepped forward,

"Albus! This time you've gone too far!"

He pointed at the Slytherin banners and flags. Which were still pink and lilac. And which still had cute little rabbits pictured all over them. Dumbledore blinked,

"Yes?"

Lucius sighed irritably,

"ALBUS! The Slytherin colours have been changed to," Lucius tried to control his anger, as his red face spat out the words, "PINK and LILAC."

A small white rabbit hopped over and jumped onto Lucius' shoe. And went to the toilet. Lucius growled,

"And the …mascot has been changed to… rabbits. Lots. Of. RABBITS."

Dumbledore nodded, for Lucius had made a fair assessment of the situation.

"So it appears."

"WELL?"

"Well what?" asked Dumbledore innocently, loving every moment of the conversation.

"We," Lucius waved across the Great Hall, which was packed with Slytherin students and their ex-Slytherin parents, "Would like it changed back to the way it was IMMEDIATELY. Or we shall be informing the Ministry of this indignity you have imposed on us!"

Cheers erupted throughout the hall at Lucius' short yet thoroughly prepared threat/speech. Dumbledore sighed and gave a wave of his hand, changing the colours back to silver and green, and returning snakes back to the Slytherin house flags. Dumbledore decided to leave the protesters to do their own thing, and left the Great Hall closing the doors behind him.

Honestly, thought Dumbledore, they're such moaners in that house! There's nothing wrong with rabbits. Have they never seen the terrifying rabbit in Monty Python and the Holy Grail?! That's enough to scare the daylights out of anyone on a Quidditch pitch…Dumbledore peered through the keyhole at the Slytherins.

"…URRRRRRRRRGHHHHHH - ARRRRRRRRRGGGHHHHHHH…" Screamed Dumbledore inside himself too shocked to let a sound actually pass his lips.

They were doing… THE SECRET SLYTHERIN VICTORY DANCE!

Dumbledore was rushed to Madam Pomfrey, suffering from severe shock/freaked-out-ness/repulsion/emotional scarring and was unable to speak until hours later.

It was… a sight.

**

The Fellowshippers were all in separate boats floating merrily along the river that they were on. It was a stunning journey, because of the stunning surroundings with lots of beautiful trees and the like. (A/N: I'm sure you get the idea, I trust your luvlie imaginations lol)

Snape, Sam, Boromir and Frodo were in one boat. Frodo was asleep, and Sam had been giving Boromir and Snape dirty glares every time they looked at Frodo. Sam oooooed suddenly and grabbed onto Snapes arm. Snape pushed him off and said angrily,

"What did you do that for?!"

Sam quivered and pointed over the edge of the boat near to where Snape sat. Snape peered over the edge and saw nothing but what looked like a drifting log.

"Mr. Severus sir, that…that log has… has EYES!"

Snape rolled his eyes and turned to Sam.

"Are you deliberately trying to get on my nerves? Are you asking for me to throw you overboard? I am NOT in the mood for silly hobbit games – nor will I ever be. Now live me in peace before I do something irrational that I'll regret."

Or not regret, thought Snape, who would be happy enough for the hobbit to drown – and would feel no remorse over drowning him personally. Sam pulled on Snape's robes again,

"Seriously, sir, the log has EYES!"

"Oh for goodness sake Samwise Gamgee! LOGS DON'T HAVE EYES!"

Snape looked at the strange log again, and there were no eyes that he could see. Snape's head was pounding – he hated travelling on water. And now the stupid hobbit was trying to wind him up with this absurd notion of logs with eyes.

"I'm sorry to have to say this Mr. Severus," said Sam with a slight huff to his tone, "I may be seen as a simpleton, sir, and I may be seen as the village idiot, sir, but I know a pair of eyes when I see them and I see a PAIR…OF… EYES!"

Snape tightened his hands into fists slowly and smirked slightly,

"You are right on two accounts: Yes, you are a simpleton. Yes, you are the village idiot. But there are no damn EYES on that damn LOG!"

Snape glared down at Sam, who glared back (much to Snape's annoyance) then turned away and tended to a now woken up Frodo. Snape fixed his pulled-on robes and stared out across the water. After a couple of minutes of deep thought and pondering about lots of random stuff, Snape looked down at the log again.

"Hah, eyes!"

Snape said quietly to himself, in mocking of Sam. Snape was getting fed up of being here, and was now beginning to worry over how long he would actually be stuck in Middle-Earth. Bored, Snape took out his wand and give the floating log-looky-likey an experimental prod.

"Eeeeee! It hurts usss my precioussssssss!"

The log squealed in pain then disappeared under water. Snape blinked slowly at the place where the obviously not-a-log had been, then glanced over to Sam, who hadn't noticed what had just happened. Ah, thought Snape, that was slightly worrying… but whatever it was had gone now at least, right?

**

Later on, the Fellowshippers were setting up camp on the shore.

Hermione was happily learning elfish and talking to Legolas – with much twirling of her hair and crossing of her legs and other flirty things. Everything was going amazingly and totally perfectly for Hermione. Ron hadn't put his stupid foot in it for ages, and she was actually getting a response from Legolas! And the response from Legolas was also causing Strider to turn his head…Ok, well he turned his head once and that was to tell her that she had crumbs on her face, but hey, at least he was LOOKING at her face to notice the crumbs! Whoohoo, thought Hermione, everything is fitting in place perfectly! Now, all I have to do is get Legolas devoted to me, get Strider jealous by continuous cuddling, then dump Legolas once Strider admits his love! Oh, this is going to be so simple.

Ron sat staring at Hermione and Legolas. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. How in any conceivable way was this fair? He'd been with her since the beginning in Hogwarts! Had always stood up for her and cared for her… Ron sniffled slightly and wiped his eyes.

Boromir slammed his fist down on the ground dangerously close to Snape's leg. Snape was now wondering if being 'friends' with the crazed loon was safe. For he really was concerned for his own safety – regardless of having his wand back or not. Boromir was still raving on about wanting the ring. Snape had tried to explain that perhaps it was best to just let it go, after all there were other methods to gaining power…but Boromir's heart and mind remained fixated on the ring. And Snape could do nothing about it, except for put on a false smile.

Then Snape made a mistake.

"Boromir, if you want the ring so much, then just TAKE the damn thing! One little hobbit shouldn't be too hard to overpower." Snape pointed to where he'd just seen Frodo walk off alone into the woods, and said, in what he thought was a joking way,

"Look, now's your chance!"

Then added under his breath, "Go fetch…"

Boromir's eyes lit up and he then ran after Frodo. Snape opened his mouth to say something along the lines of, "Sh*t, I didn't mean you to actually go AFTER…" but decided not to bother, and to just pretend that he had nothing to do with whatever was about to happen.

**

Snape was awoken rudely from his slumber by Hermione, who was babbling a lot of nonsense.

"GIRL! Calm down! And for goodness sake BREATHE! You're going blue!"

Snape shouted, shaking her. Hermione took several deep breaths. Ok, Hermione, calm down… peace, love, and serenity…thought Hermione. Now form words! Speak to Snape! Hermione opened her mouth and closed it again. Snape made a hand gesture, as if to say 'Hello? Hurry up, I don't have all day………'

"Attack-Boromir-horn-Frodo-orcs!"

Hermione said quickly. Both looked confused. Hermione started again,

"That came out wrong!"

"I guessed as much." Snape sneered, "And I suggest that if you aren't going to speak sense, then don't speak AT ALL." Snape paused for a moment and looked around, to see only her and Ron,

"Miss Granger, where is everybody?"

Hermione sagged and said slowly,

"Frodo is missing. Orcs have attacked. Merry and Pippin have run off. Boromir followed. The others are fighting in the clearing behind us. HELP."

On those words, a cousin of the dramatic scene in Moria popped round for a cup of tea and to make Boromir blow his horn on Hermione's 'HELP'. Snape realised that Hermione had been trying to tell him that they were in some form of danger. He looked at her unsure face,

"Miss Granger, I think, perhaps, that you and Weasley should follow after Strider and the others… they are better equipped to fight. I…" Snape looked at the place where Boromir's horn had come from, "I will try and find Boromir and help him…"

Snape stood up and took out his wand. As he ran in the direction of Boromir's horn, he turned to face Hermione and a white-faced Ron and said blankly,

"…Please…keep safe."

Snape's eyebrows furrowed in worry at the two of them, and then he ran on into the woods. Hermione and Ron looked at each other.

"That…sounded like he was actually *concerned* about us…" Hermione said softly.

"Hell, of course he is!" Ron grinned, even though he was laying a brick in his pants over the orcs running towards him, "If we die – Dumbledore won't give him his pay-cheque!"

**

"BOROMIR!"

Snape screamed as he saw the man trying to fight off way too many orcs for his own good. Snape raised his wand, thank God I have use of it, he thought. As he opened his mouth to say the word to blast all the mutilated creatures to pieces, he heard thunder and saw a little puff of smoke.

"HAH!"

Snape turned to face the person who had just said 'HAH' in such an obnoxious way. The God of Muggle Fiction (and Sardines) fixed his glasses and grinned. Snape stared and said, confuzzled,

"Who are you?"

"Who I am does not matter! What I am HERE for does!"

The god picked up a large piece of wood and hit Snape around the head. Before Snape hit the ground and passed out, he could make out the stranger's voice saying,

"You've been ruining everything! I'M NOT ALLOWING YOU TO SAVE THE DAY NOW!"

**

Hermione ran over to an arrow-filled Boromir. Ron whispered into her ear,

"Man, you couldn't fit another arrow in that chest even if you tried!"

Hermione hit him angrily, then turned her attentions to a dying Boromir,

"Boromir? Can you hear me?"

She asked him firmly. Boromir nodded slightly,

"I tried to take the ring from…"

Hermione cut him off, saying,

"I know! I know! That much was obvious! But where is Professor Snape? Merry? Pippin?"

Boromir raised a hand slowly and pointed in the direction of lots of orc footprints. Hermione gave Ron an upset look,

"The orcs have got them."

"But… But Snape had his wand!" said Ron desperately.

Boromir waved his hand at the two of them,

"Hello? I'm dying!"

Hermione and Ron ignored him. Hermione stood up,

"I know he had his wand… something must have happened…"

Ron stared after Hermione as she took a couple of steps forward.

"What… what happens now?"

She shook her head slightly,

"I don't really know. I suppose we are to follow Strider," Hermione sighed - because there is no way I am leaving that guy! She smiled at Ron, "And Snape, is to go to with Merry and Pippin."

"What about Frodo and Sam?" asked Ron.

"They," Hermione waved to Legolas as he came bounding through the trees, then turned back to Ron, "Are buggering off on their own to Mordor."

In the background, Boromir gave up on trying to get attention from the two kids and let out his dying groan of – 'I hate being the ignored character.'

*END BOOK ONE – BEING THE TALE OF THE FELLOWSHIPPERS OF THE RING*

**

ROLL ON THE NEVER-ENDING AUTHOR'S NOTES………Hehehe.

(Including an explanation about the Snape/Galadriel thing)

A/N: Going by the book, this chapter spills into the Two Towers, but no matter! Thus, the Fellowshippers are broken. Man, I can't believe I've still got two books to go! I can't wait! Though I'm having trouble figuring out what'll happen later in the 2nd book and the start of the 3rd. Not to worry, re-reading them will give me some clue as to what to do. If you have any small suggestions/ideas (for Hogwarts/Middle-Earth) feel free to email me at (oogieboogiesboys@hotmail.com)!

Ok, btw: Snape and Galadriel? Don't ask WHY I did that. But, I had inspiration from when a got a review (from Elwen Rhiannon - thank you :)!) saying 'How about Trelawney as Galadriel?'

I thought 'Hmmm. What is normally associated with fortune-tellers? Galadriel's mirror could be a Middle-Earth crystal ball! AHA – TALL, DARK, HANDSOME STRANGERS.'  Cliché! So I thought why not?

In my mind I thought it would be cute to make Galadriel like Snape. He got it so hard in Bree when a barmaid slapped him :(!!!! And everybody else has someone…

I'm not sure if I should make Snape *like* her yet, although I may add a little twist at the end about it that I thought up last night. So keep glued to that and you may see it again once I reach like chapter bazillion… hehe.

 THANK YOU TO:  Skateboarding chick, the anonymous reviewer, Cutie Pie, Clare, Aniron Sauron Greenleaf – Took, QueenPurresphone, Uratigid, digitaru, Sasery, Mary Snape!!!!!