Disclaimer:
I don't own Ranma and I don't own my friends either.
Isn't that sad? sobs
"Survive with only Your Clothes and Your Charm" by dacop
Chapter 10: Samoht is here! Beware women!
Acknowledgement: Bobby for co-writing.
Ok. This is another introduction of another evil twin. If you skipped the last chapter, General Ybbob, Bobby's evil twin, entered. He is a vengeful, wrathful, and overly stupid general who has the power to call the panzer division to attack you. EA and I managed to defeat him. Now, guess who's evil twin enters. Ha ha ha ha ha. -Dacop
The real Bobby: *pulls trigger*
*a piece of chewed up bubble gum comes out*
The real Me: YUCK!!! You dick!!
Miyu: WHAT DID YOU SAY????
The real Me: No. Not you.
Miyu: Oh.
The real Bobby: What do you mean, not me? HER???
The real Me: NO!! I mean... NEVER MIND!!!
Miyu: What is going on?? Hello????
The real Me: No. Um, there was a little bit of rusty brown chucking going on here.
The real Bobby: WHAT??? It was, BUBBLE GUM!! Not shit!!
The real Me: Did I say shit?
The real Bobby: Well, they mean the same thing, dumbass!
The real Me: Miyu, can "I" just see you in the fic? Bobby is just about to blow up.
Miyu: OK!! *puts down phone*
The real Bobby: *head vibrating* Just get on with the story... now.
The real Thomas: Yeah, yeah. HEY!! I have a joke, I have a joke.
The real Bobby: *points Colt 45 to Thomas' head* I said now.
The real Thomas: Yeah yeah.
The real Besa: PEACE!!!
When we last left us, we went to sleep. The end.
The real Me: HEY! I didn't pay you to fool around!!!
Ok. Ok. You got me. When we last left us, we woke up.
The real Me: Much better.
That is enough gibberish. I'm fucking telling the fucking story here.
Thomas: WAAAAAKKEE UPPP!!! It's a BYOOOTEEFOOOLLL!!! DAY!!!
Me: Uhh, asshole. SHUT YOUR LIPS!!!
Thomas: *singing* TZENA TZENA TZENA TZENA!!!!! HABANOT-
EA: *brushing his teeth* SHUT ZHA FUK UF, AFFHOE!!!
Besa: *zaps me* That oughtta wake him up.
Me: NYINYINYINYINYINYINYINYINYI!!!!!!
*zapping stops*
Me: ............ Hey Thomas, Besa ate your sandwich.
Thomas: WHY YOU LITTLE ASSWIPE!!! *punch*
Besa: *gets launched into the air* NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
EA: Uh, asshole. WHAT SANDWICH????
Thomas: Ummm. I don't know. Do you?
EA: *reads mind of Thomas* Can't find anything.
Me: Hey Bobby, wake up.
Bobby: ZZZzzZZzzz.
Me: WAKE UP BITCH!!!
Bobby: *disappears*
Me: Shit.
*bobby kicks my ass, literally*
Me: OW!! You dick!!
Bobby: Speaking of dick, can I kick yours?
Me: Hey Thomas, Bobby ate your sandwich.
Thomas: YOU BASS TERD!!!
Bobby: What sandwich?
Thomas: Beats me. Die, dick!! *punch*
Me: AAHHhhhhh!!! NOT ME, ASSHOLE!!!
Thomas: *sticks head out of window* SORRY! I AM BEING DEPRIVED OF THE TRUTH!!
Bobby: Asshole. *kick*
*Thomas falls out of window and hits a rock*
Thomas: SHI- OW!!!
*Akane knocks on the door*
Akane: HEY!!! WE'RE ABOUT TO LEAVE!!! LIKE NOW!!!
EA: Forget that piece of shit!
(LATER)
*the gang is in a tour bus*
Bobby: Say, Ranma! Thanks for taking us!
Ranma: Yeah. I wonder why that black guy laughed maniacally when I turned my back. And he kept on saying "Now I'll kick his ass. Ha ha ha."
Thomas: Hey! Thanks for not forgetting me!
Bobby: Yeah. We had to carry you ourselves. Oh, and if you're wondering... this ain't you're bed okay? So don't wet it.
EA: Say, did we forget something, or someone?
*two objects fall from the sky and into the bus*
*!!!CRASH!!!*
Me: Hey, where am I? All I know is that ass punched me over there and I am here.
Besa: Thomas, I have your sandwich here.
Thomas: Where?
Besa: *zaps Thomas*
Thomas: NYINYINYINYINYINYINYI!!! *faints*
Besa: Revenge is-
Akane: QUIET, YOU!!!
Besa: -served.
The real Besa: YO!! I wood nut shay dat, foo!!
The real Me: Well, we... no I don't want you to be a nigger... at heart in the fic.
The real Besa: Go. Go. Go. Go screwy. It's yo burth day.
The real EA: HEY!! We're wasting words here! Back to the story!
(BACK TO THE STORY)
Bobby: So what happened to the sinful fish?
Me: It was rotten to the spinal cord.
Thomas: I don't get it.
*silence*
Thomas: AAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
(IN ANOTHER PART OF THE BUS)
Akane: Hey, Ranma. Did you bring your lunch?
Ranma: Ummm, oh no. Yes?
Akane: Liar. Besides, I made more lunches just in CASE.
Ranma: *writes his will and testament*
Akane: HMPH!!! If that's the way you're gonna act, I'll just give it to those bozos at the back of the bus.
Ranma: He he. Good luck. He he.
Soun: Hey driver!! Stop!!!
Ranma: Huh??
Soun: Who's that???
Miyu: *running* HEY!!!! I TOLD YOU NOT TO LEAVE ME, YOU MEANIES!!!!
Me: Whoops. *hides*
Thomas: Hurry up, you!!! There's traffic behind us!!!
Miyu: *gets in bus* Pant pant!!
EA: Wassup?
*Miyu punches every inserted character*
Me: Oww. Don't you have a boyfriend?
Miyu: He's just a jerk.
Besa: Hey, want a taste of old sparky here?
Miyu: Threats, threats.
Bobby: Want me to harass you? And you CAN'T see me?
Miyu: Alright, alright. *sits down*
Akane: HEY YOU!!! Who wants to eat what's inside of this tray I got?
EA, Me, and Bobby: *knowing that Akane's cooking is hazardous to your health* No thanks. We're err... full.
Thomas: I will!
Besa: No I will!
Thomas: But I'm hungry!!
Besa: I'm hungry too!
Thomas: You took my sandwich!
Besa: What sandwich?
Thomas: This sandwich. *raises fist*
Besa: Fine. *grumbles*
EA: Hey Thomas, say no.
Thomas: YES!!! I WANT IT!! But not now, I am gonna swim after all.
Akane: YEEEESS!!! Finally someone who appreciates me.
Ranma: You better say goodbye to him while you still can.
Akane: Jerk.
Genma: Now, now. You're engaged remember?
Ranma: Heck, you're just worried about what mom would think.
Genma: Exactly, my boy.
Ranma: *splashes water onto his poor ol' dad*
Kasumi: Ara? The seat is wet.
Nabiki: AAA!! Onna-san!! I thought you got over that years ago??
Kasumi: Now, now. That's not nice.
(AT THE BEACH, BEFORE THE GANG ARRIVED)
Ryoga: It's hopeless. I'll never find Akane or THAT guy at this rate.
Girl: MISTER!!! WATCH OUT!!!
*volleyball hits him on the head*
*!POW!*
Ryoga: OW!!! *faints*
(A FEW MINUTES LATER)
???: Hey. Hey. HEY!!! What are you doing down there? It's hot today!!
Ryoga: Ooooff.
???: Idiot. *kick*
Ryoga: OW!!! *stands up* Why you...
???: Heeeeyy. Take it easy there, stuffed crust.
Ryoga: Well, do you know someone named.... Trevor?
???: *curious look* Can you umm... describe him?
Ryoga: Looked 17. Kinda like you, except had lighter skin.
???: Well, now. Follow me. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Ryoga: Weirdo.
(AT THE BUS AGAIN)
Soun: Minna!!! Get ready!! We're almost there.
Besa: *sticks head out window* WHOOO!!!! KING OF THE ROAD!!!
Thomas: Stop, fooling around, Besa.
EA: Oh, the dead guy talks.
Thomas: What are you talking about?
EA: Ito na ang huling tanghalian mo. (This is gonna be your last lunch.)
Thomas: Eh, basahin mo nga ang ulo ko. Sige. (Try reading my mind. Go ahead.)
EA: *reads Thomas' head* ............ You son of a-
Thomas: He he he he.
The real Me: Hey! I need to say something.
The real Thomas: Uh. Ok. Make it quick, man.
The real Me: Hello, name unknown, Penname darkphoenixlord. To all the readers who can't speak Filipino, skip this. Hoy!! Kamusta pare? Sana naman umabot ka na dito! Tatanungin sana kita tungkol sa Ragna pero... hindi naman ako naglalaro T_T. Pero di bale. Ang kailangan ko lang ay Microsoft Word. He he. Siya nga pala. Kung atenista ka, sabihin mo naman ang seksyon mo sa akin. Para magkakita naman tayo. Kung hindi ka atenista, beeellaaaattt!!!!! He he he. Alamin mo lang na hindi ako berbert (tama ba?). At huwag kang matakot sa fic ko ^_^. Bastos lang naman ang chapps 1 at 2. Yung iba naman, secondary genre na lang. Adventure at slight humor kasi ito di ba? Alam mo, hindi ko ma-picture ang isang nagraragnarok na nagsusulat ng fic. Kasi tayong mga manunulat ay usually "in the dark", agree ka ba? Relieved naman ako na may katulad ako. Wala kasi akong magawa. Puro iskul na lang. Pero salamat sa review ha! Basahin ko ang ibang fic mo sa free time ko. IDOL!!! Ps: Kung gusto mo, insert kita dito. Review mo lang ako ulit kung gusto mo at sabihin mo lang. Oo nga pala. AKO si Trevor. Okay??? Self-insertion to, ne?
The real Bobby: Touching moment man...
The real Me: Shut up!!! BACK TO THE STORY!!!
The real Bobby:
The real Me: Snake? Is that you? He he.
The real Bobby: *dirty finger*
(AT THE BUS.............. I AM SICK OF SAYING THIS.)
Driver: RIGHTO!! Get your fat asses of the damn bus!! I need a whore right now.
Soun: C'mon! Hurry now!
Ranma: Don't forget who brought you here!
Miyu: THANK YOU, DRIVER!!
Ranma: Don't philosophize me.
Miyu: Hee hee! I mean, thanks!!! ..........Ranma.
*the gang left the bus*
Miyu: Ahhhhh!! The breeze feels great.
Me: Hey, read Thomas' mind. He's smiling again.
EA: *trance* He's looking at the sign over there.
Me: Nude beach. *grin*
EA: *trance* Both of you are freaks.
Thomas: *snaps out of grin* HEY!! Where's Besa?
Me: Yeah. Where is he?
(Somewhere in the water...)
Besa: Sayyyyyy. What if I shock the water? Will everyone in the beach die? *zaps*
*due to the volume of the water and the salt, and the limited power of Besa...................nothing happens.*
Besa: Die, you pussies!!
Child: Mommy! That man cussed at us!
Mother: AAA!! Cover your ears! HEY YOU, OVER THERE!! Shut it!!
(BACK TO THE SANDY PART OF THE BEACH)
EA: Besa's there.
Thomas: I bet he's doing an "experiment".
Me: Get the stuff, guys.
Thomas: Before that, *glare* where is my sandwich?
Me: Dumbass.
Thomas: TAKE THIS!! *punch*
Me: Didn't feel a thing. Besides, violence isn't allowed here.
Bobby: HEY!!! I need help here!! The luggage, guys!!!
EA: Yeah! Hurry up with those! Ranma and the others are at the beach already!!!
Bobby: Sloths!!! All of you!!!
(Meanwhile... at the beach)
Akane: Ranma.
Ranma: .......
Akane: Ranma.
Ranma: ......
Akane: RANMA!!!!
Ranma: WAAHH!! What???
Akane: Where are they?
Ranma: Where are who?
Akane: Trevor and the others.
Ranma: Ehh. Who cares? Pass the water will you?
Akane: Ice cream again? You are getting WAY too attached to your feminine side.
Ranma: Heck. You don't know what pressures a man must go through.
Akane: *stands up but trips and falls on Ranma*
Ranma and Akane: *getting red* Ummmm.....
Genma: *hiding in a bush with Soun* Tendo-kun!!!
Soun: Saotome-kun!!!
Genma and Soun: THEY'VE GOTTEN ALONG!!!! YYEEHHEEYYY!!!
Ranma: Huh? *goes to bush* You darn dads..... *punches them*
Genma and Soun: *flies into the air* Good luck, Ranma!!!!
Akane: I mean, who do they think they are? Thinking we're in love.
Ranma: I mean, are you in love?? Or something?
Akane: *getting red* Ranma.....
Ranma: Akane.....
*their heads get closer to each other*
Me: Hello!!!
Ranma and Akane: WAAAHHHH!!! TREVOR!!! Hello!
Me: Heh heh heh. What WERE you doing while I was gone???
Ranma: Nothing. *turns head away*
Akane: Nada. *also turns head away*
Me: Heh. Anime physics. Turning their heads away and turning red.
Akane: What do you mean? My face isn't red.
Me: Only people from the real world can see that.
Ranma: ....
Me: But I have a question. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU TURN CHIBI????
Ranma: Turn into what??
Me: Your eyes become circles and your face becomes round and floppy. It happens when you're mad.
Ranma: Turning chibi... Is that a disease?
Me: *tries desperately to sweat drop but fails* Never mind.
EA: Hey, Trevor. *struggling*
Bobby: That's it, carrier boy. Carry the heavy stuff for master Bobby.
EA: Damn you.
Me: You never change, EA. Even in the Anime world.
EA: Hey, stop taking advantage of me.
Me: Where's Thomas?
*the three of them see Thomas being chased by some women in their bath towels*
Woman: PERVERT!!!
Thomas: *running* AAAAAAA!!! GUYS!!! HELP!!!
Me: Well, you changed. But not Thomas. Something's different about him but I can't just put my finger on it.
EA: You don't mean.
Me: Nah. That can't be it.
EA: Evil twin?
Me: Impossible!
EA and Me: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! ............ THOMAS!!! *run*
Ranma: What is up with those two?
Akane: ????
(AT THE WATER)
Besa: Why won't you die??? *zaps at the water*
*due to the excessive salt, water, and Besa's limited power, he fails... again.*
Besa: They're just sparks!!! Must... zap... stronger!!! *zap*
*nothing happens*
Besa: Noooooo..... I.... have...... failed..... *faints*
Child: AAAAA!! Mommy!! That man is dead!
Mother: Don't look!! Don't look!! People these days. Can't they die somewhere else? Damn...
(AT THE SAND...)
The real Besa: Juz wait juz a farcken minute!!
The real Me: What now, Besa?
The real Besa: Wah em ah sooo stoopeed, yo??
The real Me: And wah ah yoo ah nigga at heart, yo??
The real Besa: Doo nut harazz meh, foo!!
(AT THE SAND...)
Me: Isn't this nice? The sky is clear, I'm with the Ranma cast, the breeze feels great, and Thomas is tied up and gagged.
Thomas: MMMFFFF MMFFFMF MFMFMF!!
EA: Shut up, man. You give us stress.
Bobby: Hey, where's Miyu?
Me: Shower room.
Thomas: *breaks ropes and spits out the gag* AAARRGGHHH!!! I MUST HELP HER!! SHE CANT REACH HER BACK!!!
Me: *pins Thomas down* Since when have you been a perve?
EA: Well, is he a perve in the first place?
Me: He he. Read his head, will you?
EA: *reads Thomas' head* Ummm... All I can see is "I'll kill you, Trevor!"
Me: *sighs*
EA: Wait!!! There's another brain in him!!
Me: I thought he only had half a brain.
EA: Trevor!! He has another human being inside of him!!
Thomas: Ha ha ha. So you found out.
*Thomas splits into two*
Thomas: WHOA!! You guys have no idea what that guy did to me!!
EA: Let me guess. He tried to "influence" you by showing you porn.
Thomas: WAAAAAHHHHHH!!! Somebody hold me!!!
???: Hmph. I was this close!
Me: Who are you??
???: I am his evil twin....... SAMOHT!!!
EA: Anyone see a pattern here? Hmmmm????
(SOMWHERE IN A LIGHTHOUSE OVERLOOKING THE BEACH)
Rovert: *looking through binoculars* Heh heh. There they are. And... I never knew Thomas had a twin!!! Unless.... he's who I was looking for.
*Rovert stares at the man*
Rovert: No way.... Is that you, Samoht?
(SOMEWHERE IN A FOXHOLE NEAR THE BEACH)
Ybbob: Yahh hah!! I see das enemy!! Bobby und das uzhers!!
*Ybbob notices Samoht*
Ybbob: No vay.... You came all zhe vay here, Samoht?
(BACK TO THE BEACH....)
Thomas: I will never eeeevverrrr let you take over my mind, you!!
Samoht: You challenge me????
Thomas: With my strength, I will smite you, creature of.... badness.
Me: Short-lived wisdom, I say.
Thomas: Shut up.
*SHOWDOWN*
Thomas: Take this! *punch*
Samoht: *evades*
Thomas: Grrgghh..
Samoht: Porn throw!!!! *throws porn*
Thomas: *gets cut* AAHHH!!! Papercut!!!
Samoht: Ha ha ha ha ha!!!
Thomas: Take this!!! Punch Vulcan!! *many punches*
Samoht: Porn defense!!! *makes wall of porn*
*Thomas crashes into the "dirty" wall*
*!!!!!CRASH!!!!!*
Thomas: OOWW!! By node!!! *bloody nose*
Samoht: You can't attack me with this ultimate shield!!!
Thomas: Owww...
Me: THOMAS!!! LET US HELP YOU!!!
Thomas: No. This is my fight. WHAT AM I SAYING??? HELP ME, DAMMIT!!!!
Me: EA!!
EA: Right.
Samoht: Don't interfere!!! Porn prison!!!
*Samoht traps Me and Ea in a cage made of..... porn*
Me: NOO!! EA! What are we gonna do? EA?
EA: *look of ecstasy* Ooooohh.
Me: Oh no.
Samoht: Ha ha. I can't believe Rovert and Ybbob failed to beat your asses up!
Thomas: *limping* You know them?
Samoht: Of course! They're my beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehehehehest friends!!!
Thomas: ???
Samoht: Now.... I'll finish you. OW what was that? Something kicked me!!
Bobby: *turns visible* Hah hah. Got you.
Samoht: No. I got you. PORN MASK!!
*a book covers Bobby's face*
Bobby: I camf bweaf!!! *faints*
Samoht: Hah hah.
Me: Where's Besa when we need him?
(AT THE SHORE)
Lifeguard: *pounding on Besa's lung* LIVE!! LIVE!! NOOOO!!! WHY??? WHY??? WHYYYYY????????? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Besa: Ow. Stop that will you? *zaps lifeguard*
Lifeguard: NYI NYI NYI NYI NYI NYI NYI NYI NYI!!!! *faints*
Besa: Now there's someone who needs reviving. Now back to my experiment.
*Besa goes to the shore*
Besa: Now... I see a large wave. With surfers!!! It will be a pleasure to kill them all. He he he he.
Besa: Now!!! Ultimate Besa Shock Wave!!! *zap*
*due to bla bla bla bla bla bla, he fails*
*and also, the wave turns into a tsunami and crashes down onto Besa*
Besa: OH SHI-
*!!!!!! SPLOOOOOOOOOOSHHHHH !!!!!!*
(BACK TO THE BEACH)
Samoht: HA ha HA!!!
Akane: Hey guys!! Who's that??
EA: Hey, Thomas. Akane's here. You're last meal!!
Thomas: What are you talking about?
Me: You just made the biggest mistake of your life.
Thomas: Huh?
Ranma: Good luck, and good bye!!!
EA: Yeah. You are DOOMED, man.
Me: Yeah. You were such a dumbass. WHY THE FUCK DID YOU SAY YES???
Ranma: Well, see you at the funeral guys.
Akane: Guys?
Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! SHE'S HERE!!!
EA: Quick, Thomas!! SAY YOUR PRAYERS!!!
Me: AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Akane: Thomas-kun!!!!
Thomas: SHITTTTT!!!
Akane: *vein pops out of head* You guys better be not talking about THIS!!! *removes cloth*
Thomas: SHIIITTT!!!! NOOOoOooooooOOOOOOoOoO!! Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit!!!!
EA and Me: AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!
Akane: Thomas. Please eat this. It's gonna get rotten you know.
Thomas: I'm tempted.
EA: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Samoht: Yes, Thomas. Eat it and die. HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
Thomas: Stop messing with me!!!!!!
The real Me: WHOOOOOO!!! CHAPTER END!!
The real EA: You sound like Ric flair every time the chapter ends.
The real Besa: YO! Wah did yo doo dat? Ah dun't deserve too bee splooshed bah ah hooge wall of wawa!!!
The real Me: Of course you do!
The real EA: Hey, the showdown isn't over yet!!!
The real Me: Yep.
The real Thomas: Sneak peek?
The real Me: Go ahead. We're long overdue for retirement anyway.
---------------------------------------
Miyu: HIIIYAAAAAA!!! LET GO OF ME!!!
Samoht: Now, now. Be a good girl and take it off.
Miyu: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
*wall explodes*
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
Me: AAAAAAAAA!!! What the fuck are you doing to her??? Get away!!!
Miyu: Trevor!!! You did come for me!!!
Me: Heh heh. Ain't I great?
Samoht: You!!! I thought-
Me: Sorry, man. It will take more than just porn to stop me.
Samoht: Why you......
-----------------------------------------
The real Me: Heh heh heh heh.
*ring ring*
The real Me: Hello?
Miyu: HI!!!
The real Me: Yeah?
Miyu: I saw the tape of chapter 11.
The real Me: Oh no.
Miyu: Why did you make that happen to me???? YOU PERVERT!!!
The real Me: Don't worry. I'll save you anyway.
Miyu: Oh. HEE HEE!! That's ok!!!
The real Me: Riiiiiiiight.
*OFF THE AIR*
"Survive with only Your Clothes and Your Charm" by dacop
Chapter 10: Samoht is here! Beware women!
Acknowledgement: Bobby for co-writing.
Ok. This is another introduction of another evil twin. If you skipped the last chapter, General Ybbob, Bobby's evil twin, entered. He is a vengeful, wrathful, and overly stupid general who has the power to call the panzer division to attack you. EA and I managed to defeat him. Now, guess who's evil twin enters. Ha ha ha ha ha. -Dacop
The real Bobby: *pulls trigger*
*a piece of chewed up bubble gum comes out*
The real Me: YUCK!!! You dick!!
Miyu: WHAT DID YOU SAY????
The real Me: No. Not you.
Miyu: Oh.
The real Bobby: What do you mean, not me? HER???
The real Me: NO!! I mean... NEVER MIND!!!
Miyu: What is going on?? Hello????
The real Me: No. Um, there was a little bit of rusty brown chucking going on here.
The real Bobby: WHAT??? It was, BUBBLE GUM!! Not shit!!
The real Me: Did I say shit?
The real Bobby: Well, they mean the same thing, dumbass!
The real Me: Miyu, can "I" just see you in the fic? Bobby is just about to blow up.
Miyu: OK!! *puts down phone*
The real Bobby: *head vibrating* Just get on with the story... now.
The real Thomas: Yeah, yeah. HEY!! I have a joke, I have a joke.
The real Bobby: *points Colt 45 to Thomas' head* I said now.
The real Thomas: Yeah yeah.
The real Besa: PEACE!!!
When we last left us, we went to sleep. The end.
The real Me: HEY! I didn't pay you to fool around!!!
Ok. Ok. You got me. When we last left us, we woke up.
The real Me: Much better.
That is enough gibberish. I'm fucking telling the fucking story here.
Thomas: WAAAAAKKEE UPPP!!! It's a BYOOOTEEFOOOLLL!!! DAY!!!
Me: Uhh, asshole. SHUT YOUR LIPS!!!
Thomas: *singing* TZENA TZENA TZENA TZENA!!!!! HABANOT-
EA: *brushing his teeth* SHUT ZHA FUK UF, AFFHOE!!!
Besa: *zaps me* That oughtta wake him up.
Me: NYINYINYINYINYINYINYINYINYI!!!!!!
*zapping stops*
Me: ............ Hey Thomas, Besa ate your sandwich.
Thomas: WHY YOU LITTLE ASSWIPE!!! *punch*
Besa: *gets launched into the air* NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
EA: Uh, asshole. WHAT SANDWICH????
Thomas: Ummm. I don't know. Do you?
EA: *reads mind of Thomas* Can't find anything.
Me: Hey Bobby, wake up.
Bobby: ZZZzzZZzzz.
Me: WAKE UP BITCH!!!
Bobby: *disappears*
Me: Shit.
*bobby kicks my ass, literally*
Me: OW!! You dick!!
Bobby: Speaking of dick, can I kick yours?
Me: Hey Thomas, Bobby ate your sandwich.
Thomas: YOU BASS TERD!!!
Bobby: What sandwich?
Thomas: Beats me. Die, dick!! *punch*
Me: AAHHhhhhh!!! NOT ME, ASSHOLE!!!
Thomas: *sticks head out of window* SORRY! I AM BEING DEPRIVED OF THE TRUTH!!
Bobby: Asshole. *kick*
*Thomas falls out of window and hits a rock*
Thomas: SHI- OW!!!
*Akane knocks on the door*
Akane: HEY!!! WE'RE ABOUT TO LEAVE!!! LIKE NOW!!!
EA: Forget that piece of shit!
(LATER)
*the gang is in a tour bus*
Bobby: Say, Ranma! Thanks for taking us!
Ranma: Yeah. I wonder why that black guy laughed maniacally when I turned my back. And he kept on saying "Now I'll kick his ass. Ha ha ha."
Thomas: Hey! Thanks for not forgetting me!
Bobby: Yeah. We had to carry you ourselves. Oh, and if you're wondering... this ain't you're bed okay? So don't wet it.
EA: Say, did we forget something, or someone?
*two objects fall from the sky and into the bus*
*!!!CRASH!!!*
Me: Hey, where am I? All I know is that ass punched me over there and I am here.
Besa: Thomas, I have your sandwich here.
Thomas: Where?
Besa: *zaps Thomas*
Thomas: NYINYINYINYINYINYINYI!!! *faints*
Besa: Revenge is-
Akane: QUIET, YOU!!!
Besa: -served.
The real Besa: YO!! I wood nut shay dat, foo!!
The real Me: Well, we... no I don't want you to be a nigger... at heart in the fic.
The real Besa: Go. Go. Go. Go screwy. It's yo burth day.
The real EA: HEY!! We're wasting words here! Back to the story!
(BACK TO THE STORY)
Bobby: So what happened to the sinful fish?
Me: It was rotten to the spinal cord.
Thomas: I don't get it.
*silence*
Thomas: AAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
(IN ANOTHER PART OF THE BUS)
Akane: Hey, Ranma. Did you bring your lunch?
Ranma: Ummm, oh no. Yes?
Akane: Liar. Besides, I made more lunches just in CASE.
Ranma: *writes his will and testament*
Akane: HMPH!!! If that's the way you're gonna act, I'll just give it to those bozos at the back of the bus.
Ranma: He he. Good luck. He he.
Soun: Hey driver!! Stop!!!
Ranma: Huh??
Soun: Who's that???
Miyu: *running* HEY!!!! I TOLD YOU NOT TO LEAVE ME, YOU MEANIES!!!!
Me: Whoops. *hides*
Thomas: Hurry up, you!!! There's traffic behind us!!!
Miyu: *gets in bus* Pant pant!!
EA: Wassup?
*Miyu punches every inserted character*
Me: Oww. Don't you have a boyfriend?
Miyu: He's just a jerk.
Besa: Hey, want a taste of old sparky here?
Miyu: Threats, threats.
Bobby: Want me to harass you? And you CAN'T see me?
Miyu: Alright, alright. *sits down*
Akane: HEY YOU!!! Who wants to eat what's inside of this tray I got?
EA, Me, and Bobby: *knowing that Akane's cooking is hazardous to your health* No thanks. We're err... full.
Thomas: I will!
Besa: No I will!
Thomas: But I'm hungry!!
Besa: I'm hungry too!
Thomas: You took my sandwich!
Besa: What sandwich?
Thomas: This sandwich. *raises fist*
Besa: Fine. *grumbles*
EA: Hey Thomas, say no.
Thomas: YES!!! I WANT IT!! But not now, I am gonna swim after all.
Akane: YEEEESS!!! Finally someone who appreciates me.
Ranma: You better say goodbye to him while you still can.
Akane: Jerk.
Genma: Now, now. You're engaged remember?
Ranma: Heck, you're just worried about what mom would think.
Genma: Exactly, my boy.
Ranma: *splashes water onto his poor ol' dad*
Kasumi: Ara? The seat is wet.
Nabiki: AAA!! Onna-san!! I thought you got over that years ago??
Kasumi: Now, now. That's not nice.
(AT THE BEACH, BEFORE THE GANG ARRIVED)
Ryoga: It's hopeless. I'll never find Akane or THAT guy at this rate.
Girl: MISTER!!! WATCH OUT!!!
*volleyball hits him on the head*
*!POW!*
Ryoga: OW!!! *faints*
(A FEW MINUTES LATER)
???: Hey. Hey. HEY!!! What are you doing down there? It's hot today!!
Ryoga: Ooooff.
???: Idiot. *kick*
Ryoga: OW!!! *stands up* Why you...
???: Heeeeyy. Take it easy there, stuffed crust.
Ryoga: Well, do you know someone named.... Trevor?
???: *curious look* Can you umm... describe him?
Ryoga: Looked 17. Kinda like you, except had lighter skin.
???: Well, now. Follow me. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Ryoga: Weirdo.
(AT THE BUS AGAIN)
Soun: Minna!!! Get ready!! We're almost there.
Besa: *sticks head out window* WHOOO!!!! KING OF THE ROAD!!!
Thomas: Stop, fooling around, Besa.
EA: Oh, the dead guy talks.
Thomas: What are you talking about?
EA: Ito na ang huling tanghalian mo. (This is gonna be your last lunch.)
Thomas: Eh, basahin mo nga ang ulo ko. Sige. (Try reading my mind. Go ahead.)
EA: *reads Thomas' head* ............ You son of a-
Thomas: He he he he.
The real Me: Hey! I need to say something.
The real Thomas: Uh. Ok. Make it quick, man.
The real Me: Hello, name unknown, Penname darkphoenixlord. To all the readers who can't speak Filipino, skip this. Hoy!! Kamusta pare? Sana naman umabot ka na dito! Tatanungin sana kita tungkol sa Ragna pero... hindi naman ako naglalaro T_T. Pero di bale. Ang kailangan ko lang ay Microsoft Word. He he. Siya nga pala. Kung atenista ka, sabihin mo naman ang seksyon mo sa akin. Para magkakita naman tayo. Kung hindi ka atenista, beeellaaaattt!!!!! He he he. Alamin mo lang na hindi ako berbert (tama ba?). At huwag kang matakot sa fic ko ^_^. Bastos lang naman ang chapps 1 at 2. Yung iba naman, secondary genre na lang. Adventure at slight humor kasi ito di ba? Alam mo, hindi ko ma-picture ang isang nagraragnarok na nagsusulat ng fic. Kasi tayong mga manunulat ay usually "in the dark", agree ka ba? Relieved naman ako na may katulad ako. Wala kasi akong magawa. Puro iskul na lang. Pero salamat sa review ha! Basahin ko ang ibang fic mo sa free time ko. IDOL!!! Ps: Kung gusto mo, insert kita dito. Review mo lang ako ulit kung gusto mo at sabihin mo lang. Oo nga pala. AKO si Trevor. Okay??? Self-insertion to, ne?
The real Bobby: Touching moment man...
The real Me: Shut up!!! BACK TO THE STORY!!!
The real Bobby:
The real Me: Snake? Is that you? He he.
The real Bobby: *dirty finger*
(AT THE BUS.............. I AM SICK OF SAYING THIS.)
Driver: RIGHTO!! Get your fat asses of the damn bus!! I need a whore right now.
Soun: C'mon! Hurry now!
Ranma: Don't forget who brought you here!
Miyu: THANK YOU, DRIVER!!
Ranma: Don't philosophize me.
Miyu: Hee hee! I mean, thanks!!! ..........Ranma.
*the gang left the bus*
Miyu: Ahhhhh!! The breeze feels great.
Me: Hey, read Thomas' mind. He's smiling again.
EA: *trance* He's looking at the sign over there.
Me: Nude beach. *grin*
EA: *trance* Both of you are freaks.
Thomas: *snaps out of grin* HEY!! Where's Besa?
Me: Yeah. Where is he?
(Somewhere in the water...)
Besa: Sayyyyyy. What if I shock the water? Will everyone in the beach die? *zaps*
*due to the volume of the water and the salt, and the limited power of Besa...................nothing happens.*
Besa: Die, you pussies!!
Child: Mommy! That man cussed at us!
Mother: AAA!! Cover your ears! HEY YOU, OVER THERE!! Shut it!!
(BACK TO THE SANDY PART OF THE BEACH)
EA: Besa's there.
Thomas: I bet he's doing an "experiment".
Me: Get the stuff, guys.
Thomas: Before that, *glare* where is my sandwich?
Me: Dumbass.
Thomas: TAKE THIS!! *punch*
Me: Didn't feel a thing. Besides, violence isn't allowed here.
Bobby: HEY!!! I need help here!! The luggage, guys!!!
EA: Yeah! Hurry up with those! Ranma and the others are at the beach already!!!
Bobby: Sloths!!! All of you!!!
(Meanwhile... at the beach)
Akane: Ranma.
Ranma: .......
Akane: Ranma.
Ranma: ......
Akane: RANMA!!!!
Ranma: WAAHH!! What???
Akane: Where are they?
Ranma: Where are who?
Akane: Trevor and the others.
Ranma: Ehh. Who cares? Pass the water will you?
Akane: Ice cream again? You are getting WAY too attached to your feminine side.
Ranma: Heck. You don't know what pressures a man must go through.
Akane: *stands up but trips and falls on Ranma*
Ranma and Akane: *getting red* Ummmm.....
Genma: *hiding in a bush with Soun* Tendo-kun!!!
Soun: Saotome-kun!!!
Genma and Soun: THEY'VE GOTTEN ALONG!!!! YYEEHHEEYYY!!!
Ranma: Huh? *goes to bush* You darn dads..... *punches them*
Genma and Soun: *flies into the air* Good luck, Ranma!!!!
Akane: I mean, who do they think they are? Thinking we're in love.
Ranma: I mean, are you in love?? Or something?
Akane: *getting red* Ranma.....
Ranma: Akane.....
*their heads get closer to each other*
Me: Hello!!!
Ranma and Akane: WAAAHHHH!!! TREVOR!!! Hello!
Me: Heh heh heh. What WERE you doing while I was gone???
Ranma: Nothing. *turns head away*
Akane: Nada. *also turns head away*
Me: Heh. Anime physics. Turning their heads away and turning red.
Akane: What do you mean? My face isn't red.
Me: Only people from the real world can see that.
Ranma: ....
Me: But I have a question. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU TURN CHIBI????
Ranma: Turn into what??
Me: Your eyes become circles and your face becomes round and floppy. It happens when you're mad.
Ranma: Turning chibi... Is that a disease?
Me: *tries desperately to sweat drop but fails* Never mind.
EA: Hey, Trevor. *struggling*
Bobby: That's it, carrier boy. Carry the heavy stuff for master Bobby.
EA: Damn you.
Me: You never change, EA. Even in the Anime world.
EA: Hey, stop taking advantage of me.
Me: Where's Thomas?
*the three of them see Thomas being chased by some women in their bath towels*
Woman: PERVERT!!!
Thomas: *running* AAAAAAA!!! GUYS!!! HELP!!!
Me: Well, you changed. But not Thomas. Something's different about him but I can't just put my finger on it.
EA: You don't mean.
Me: Nah. That can't be it.
EA: Evil twin?
Me: Impossible!
EA and Me: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! ............ THOMAS!!! *run*
Ranma: What is up with those two?
Akane: ????
(AT THE WATER)
Besa: Why won't you die??? *zaps at the water*
*due to the excessive salt, water, and Besa's limited power, he fails... again.*
Besa: They're just sparks!!! Must... zap... stronger!!! *zap*
*nothing happens*
Besa: Noooooo..... I.... have...... failed..... *faints*
Child: AAAAA!! Mommy!! That man is dead!
Mother: Don't look!! Don't look!! People these days. Can't they die somewhere else? Damn...
(AT THE SAND...)
The real Besa: Juz wait juz a farcken minute!!
The real Me: What now, Besa?
The real Besa: Wah em ah sooo stoopeed, yo??
The real Me: And wah ah yoo ah nigga at heart, yo??
The real Besa: Doo nut harazz meh, foo!!
(AT THE SAND...)
Me: Isn't this nice? The sky is clear, I'm with the Ranma cast, the breeze feels great, and Thomas is tied up and gagged.
Thomas: MMMFFFF MMFFFMF MFMFMF!!
EA: Shut up, man. You give us stress.
Bobby: Hey, where's Miyu?
Me: Shower room.
Thomas: *breaks ropes and spits out the gag* AAARRGGHHH!!! I MUST HELP HER!! SHE CANT REACH HER BACK!!!
Me: *pins Thomas down* Since when have you been a perve?
EA: Well, is he a perve in the first place?
Me: He he. Read his head, will you?
EA: *reads Thomas' head* Ummm... All I can see is "I'll kill you, Trevor!"
Me: *sighs*
EA: Wait!!! There's another brain in him!!
Me: I thought he only had half a brain.
EA: Trevor!! He has another human being inside of him!!
Thomas: Ha ha ha. So you found out.
*Thomas splits into two*
Thomas: WHOA!! You guys have no idea what that guy did to me!!
EA: Let me guess. He tried to "influence" you by showing you porn.
Thomas: WAAAAAHHHHHH!!! Somebody hold me!!!
???: Hmph. I was this close!
Me: Who are you??
???: I am his evil twin....... SAMOHT!!!
EA: Anyone see a pattern here? Hmmmm????
(SOMWHERE IN A LIGHTHOUSE OVERLOOKING THE BEACH)
Rovert: *looking through binoculars* Heh heh. There they are. And... I never knew Thomas had a twin!!! Unless.... he's who I was looking for.
*Rovert stares at the man*
Rovert: No way.... Is that you, Samoht?
(SOMEWHERE IN A FOXHOLE NEAR THE BEACH)
Ybbob: Yahh hah!! I see das enemy!! Bobby und das uzhers!!
*Ybbob notices Samoht*
Ybbob: No vay.... You came all zhe vay here, Samoht?
(BACK TO THE BEACH....)
Thomas: I will never eeeevverrrr let you take over my mind, you!!
Samoht: You challenge me????
Thomas: With my strength, I will smite you, creature of.... badness.
Me: Short-lived wisdom, I say.
Thomas: Shut up.
*SHOWDOWN*
Thomas: Take this! *punch*
Samoht: *evades*
Thomas: Grrgghh..
Samoht: Porn throw!!!! *throws porn*
Thomas: *gets cut* AAHHH!!! Papercut!!!
Samoht: Ha ha ha ha ha!!!
Thomas: Take this!!! Punch Vulcan!! *many punches*
Samoht: Porn defense!!! *makes wall of porn*
*Thomas crashes into the "dirty" wall*
*!!!!!CRASH!!!!!*
Thomas: OOWW!! By node!!! *bloody nose*
Samoht: You can't attack me with this ultimate shield!!!
Thomas: Owww...
Me: THOMAS!!! LET US HELP YOU!!!
Thomas: No. This is my fight. WHAT AM I SAYING??? HELP ME, DAMMIT!!!!
Me: EA!!
EA: Right.
Samoht: Don't interfere!!! Porn prison!!!
*Samoht traps Me and Ea in a cage made of..... porn*
Me: NOO!! EA! What are we gonna do? EA?
EA: *look of ecstasy* Ooooohh.
Me: Oh no.
Samoht: Ha ha. I can't believe Rovert and Ybbob failed to beat your asses up!
Thomas: *limping* You know them?
Samoht: Of course! They're my beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehehehehest friends!!!
Thomas: ???
Samoht: Now.... I'll finish you. OW what was that? Something kicked me!!
Bobby: *turns visible* Hah hah. Got you.
Samoht: No. I got you. PORN MASK!!
*a book covers Bobby's face*
Bobby: I camf bweaf!!! *faints*
Samoht: Hah hah.
Me: Where's Besa when we need him?
(AT THE SHORE)
Lifeguard: *pounding on Besa's lung* LIVE!! LIVE!! NOOOO!!! WHY??? WHY??? WHYYYYY????????? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Besa: Ow. Stop that will you? *zaps lifeguard*
Lifeguard: NYI NYI NYI NYI NYI NYI NYI NYI NYI!!!! *faints*
Besa: Now there's someone who needs reviving. Now back to my experiment.
*Besa goes to the shore*
Besa: Now... I see a large wave. With surfers!!! It will be a pleasure to kill them all. He he he he.
Besa: Now!!! Ultimate Besa Shock Wave!!! *zap*
*due to bla bla bla bla bla bla, he fails*
*and also, the wave turns into a tsunami and crashes down onto Besa*
Besa: OH SHI-
*!!!!!! SPLOOOOOOOOOOSHHHHH !!!!!!*
(BACK TO THE BEACH)
Samoht: HA ha HA!!!
Akane: Hey guys!! Who's that??
EA: Hey, Thomas. Akane's here. You're last meal!!
Thomas: What are you talking about?
Me: You just made the biggest mistake of your life.
Thomas: Huh?
Ranma: Good luck, and good bye!!!
EA: Yeah. You are DOOMED, man.
Me: Yeah. You were such a dumbass. WHY THE FUCK DID YOU SAY YES???
Ranma: Well, see you at the funeral guys.
Akane: Guys?
Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! SHE'S HERE!!!
EA: Quick, Thomas!! SAY YOUR PRAYERS!!!
Me: AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Akane: Thomas-kun!!!!
Thomas: SHITTTTT!!!
Akane: *vein pops out of head* You guys better be not talking about THIS!!! *removes cloth*
Thomas: SHIIITTT!!!! NOOOoOooooooOOOOOOoOoO!! Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit!!!!
EA and Me: AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!
Akane: Thomas. Please eat this. It's gonna get rotten you know.
Thomas: I'm tempted.
EA: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Samoht: Yes, Thomas. Eat it and die. HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
Thomas: Stop messing with me!!!!!!
The real Me: WHOOOOOO!!! CHAPTER END!!
The real EA: You sound like Ric flair every time the chapter ends.
The real Besa: YO! Wah did yo doo dat? Ah dun't deserve too bee splooshed bah ah hooge wall of wawa!!!
The real Me: Of course you do!
The real EA: Hey, the showdown isn't over yet!!!
The real Me: Yep.
The real Thomas: Sneak peek?
The real Me: Go ahead. We're long overdue for retirement anyway.
---------------------------------------
Miyu: HIIIYAAAAAA!!! LET GO OF ME!!!
Samoht: Now, now. Be a good girl and take it off.
Miyu: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
*wall explodes*
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
Me: AAAAAAAAA!!! What the fuck are you doing to her??? Get away!!!
Miyu: Trevor!!! You did come for me!!!
Me: Heh heh. Ain't I great?
Samoht: You!!! I thought-
Me: Sorry, man. It will take more than just porn to stop me.
Samoht: Why you......
-----------------------------------------
The real Me: Heh heh heh heh.
*ring ring*
The real Me: Hello?
Miyu: HI!!!
The real Me: Yeah?
Miyu: I saw the tape of chapter 11.
The real Me: Oh no.
Miyu: Why did you make that happen to me???? YOU PERVERT!!!
The real Me: Don't worry. I'll save you anyway.
Miyu: Oh. HEE HEE!! That's ok!!!
The real Me: Riiiiiiiight.
*OFF THE AIR*