Chapter IX

I remember running, running as fast as I could...back to the boat deck; back to him.

"Why did you do it...have you lost your mind, " Thomas tried to preach with me, because of my deed. But he was too tired and his voice begun to lower, until he almost whispered those words.

"No...I will lose it if I go, " I replied.

He took my hands; his tired head fell against mine.

We stood there, in the middle of the people; the panic was growing with every second.

Suddenly I thought about Ida; there was no hope for her...she must be trapped in somewhere.

"Thomas," I said as my head was getting bit clearer. "Where would the Master at Arms take someone under arrest?"

"What?" he said. "Why you are asking this?"

"I'm afraid that I don't have time to explain; please tell me," I begged him.

"Take the elevator to the very bottom, go left, down the crewman's passage, then make a right," he directed. "But, Sarah, I won't let you go alone, in fact I must be crazy to let you do all this."

"Mr. Murdoch, please go with Sarah," he said turning to first officer Murdoch.

"No, I won't allow it...your help is needed here and I will be fine, mr. Murcoch, Thomas," I said, pressing Thomas' hands once more. "I'm sorry, I have to do it".

"Please, hurry," he shouted after me.

Rushing back to the first class corridor and then looking for elevator. Then I noticed one, but the the operator was already closing the doors.

"Please, take me to E-deck," I said.

"I'm sorry, but lifts are closed, " he answered.

"You don't understand...I must get to the E-deck; with or without your help, but without it will take longer."

"Allright, but please miss, make it quick."

I saw decks going past as the elevator made it's way to the E-deck. Then it stopped. A cold line ran across me; the cold ice water was swirling into the elevator. One moment of hesitation...should I go back or stay?

I decided to stay and find Ida. So I pulled the door open and rushed into the cold water, hiking up the floor-lenght dress.

"Miss, I wouldn't go if I were you," the operator yelled with deeply scared voice.

Then, he closed the elevator's doors and started to go back to the upper deck. I screamed him to stay, but he didn't heard me anymore; the fear had taken hold on everyone.

Walking through the third class corridor; seeing all this - the water, coldness. People's luggages, packs were lying on the floors. Many of third class passingers grabbed their personal things, but later had abandoned them. They didn't wanted to leave their things behind; but they left their lifes.

After some time walking, just right ahead was a door and behind it people, screaming to get out. Two stewards were holding them back, telling not to worry.

"You have to wait," said one of the stewards. And then someone screamed "We are waiting our death, if we stay here."

"Ida," I screamed, hoping she will be in the crowd. And just when I had stopped hoping, someone reach out a hand to hold the doors grating. It was her.

"Sarah, I am so sorry, that I said like that...can you forgive me," she asked.

"I am so happy to see you again...I forgive you hundred times," I said. "But now we have to get to the boat deck," then I turned to the stewards. "Please let them out, if they stay, then they are going to die."

The steward searched for the keys. "Only women and children...no men." The steward opened the door; Ida took my hand and we ran as fast as we could. The water was getting higher, the cold and freezing water. We wondered around for too long, when, at last we found our way back to the boat deck.

I saw Thomas talking with officer Lightoller.

"Why are the boats being launched half full?!" he asked.

"Not now, Mr. Andrews," the officer answered.

"There, look... twenty or so in a boat built for sixty five. And I saw one boat with only twelve. Twelve!" he said, while he was pointing down to the sea.

"Well... we were not sure of the weight-- these boats may sink," said Lightoller.

"Rubbish! They were tested in Belfast with the weight of 70 men. Now fill these boats, Mr. Lightoller. For God's sake, man!" said Thomas.

"Please, I need more women and childer here," Lightoller yelled, telling people to come closer.

I turned to Thomas. "I found my friend, she needs to get into a lifeboat".

"Sarah, thank god you are back...quick get into the boat."

"Thomas, I am staying...only Ida....." I turned to look at her, but she was gone. "Ida," I screamed. Where she had gone?

"I'll be right back," I said, looking at Thomas.

I searched her from everywhere; I went back to the steerage corridors, wondered in the cold water - she was gone.

Why she gave up...did she wanted to die?
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When I finally returned to the boat deck, the panic was serious than ever.

All the lifeboats were gone.