KUDOS!
Mortalsora: "Weird chapter"? I have one of those? Why doesn't anyone ever tell me that?! I need to know, damnit!!!!! Glad you liked it.
TTT: Okay, Tommy. (sorry, couldn't resist) Umm, you must have a high floor. Or a very low computer.
Wolfboy1988: NO, SPEAKING IN CAPS LOCK IS NOT COOL. IT'S SUCKISH-BONISH! WHICH IS WEIRD FOR ME TO SAY, SINCE I'M CURRENTLY SPEAKING IN IT MYSELF. And I have not seen any Saturday Night Live sketches, so I can't include them.
Mikoto Zoku: You'll like this chapter.
A/N: Okay, I don't know if more than 4 people reviewed last chapter, since the review function was fuked up, but only 4 reviews?! That's a disgrace! You know this story is worthy of getting approximately 500 reviews in less than 24 hours! For each chapter, damnit!
Pff, ignore that. As I said, the review function was fuked up, but I mailed them about it. I hope it works better now.
There is probably still Defiance spoilers. What do I know? I can't even remember what I have written.
****************************************************************
So the gang are at the cavern with a fuking lot of aliens in it.
Kain: Bit of a stupid place to end the chapter, don't you think?
It's a cliffhanger!
Kain: But a sucky one!
Come on, 'sucky' is not even a word.
Kain: Doesn't seem to stop you from using it.
Kain will now be punished with battery acid.
Kain: SONUVABITCHTHATDOESHURTAHOLELOT!
It's 'wholelot', Kain.
Kain: Now's not the time to discuss grammar.
'Nother acid-bath.
Kain: IT BUUUUUUUUUUUURNS!!!!!!
Jamie: How come you are simoultaniously talking to yourself and being bathed in acid at the same time?
Kain: So you can't see him?
Sammy: See who?
Kain: Bugger.
A swarm of aliens appear.
Kain: Bugs!
Ed: BOOYAH!
A xenomorph jumps Kain.
Kain: That is not a worm! Woah, flashback!
Sammy: I hope this won't involve bongs.
Kain: Hey, these zenomorfs-
Jamie: Xenomorphs, Kain.
Kain: Xenomorphs, Kain, sorta look like the lighning demons from Soul Reaver 2.
Sammy: No they don't.
Kain: FUK U U LIEK BUTS!
Sammy: Say what?
Jamie: God-damn internet crap.........
Kain: 4ll j00r base are b3l0ng to us!
Sammy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! NOT L33T!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! MY CAPS LOCK KEY HAS JUST GOTTEN ITSELF STUCK. THEREFOR, I WILL WRITE LIKE THIS FROM NOW ON!
Kain: WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT!
Sammy: No need to shout, Kain.
Kain: I'M ON THE OTHER SIDE OF A ROOM, THAT'S LONGER THAN THE TITANIC. I DAMN WELL NEED TO SHOUT!
Jamie: HOW COME YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEAK IN CAPS LOCK?
Sammy: Because I'm a woman.
Jamie: EQUAL RIGHTS, MY ASS!
Ed: BOOYAH!
The 10 "bouncers" from Blood Omen 1, oh wait a minute runs in.
Jamie: BOOBIES!
Ed: BOOYAH!
A black demon from Soul Reaver 2 shows up.
Kain: SONUVA-
It smacks him very hard in the head. Then Ed and Jamie slams it with their combisticks. Vorador pops in.
Vorador: They slam their sticks against each other........ Wink wink!!
Kain: Vorador, that was last chapter, you pope!
Vorador: Don't you mean dope?
Kain: I stand by my statement!
Vorador: Damn religious jokes........
A disc goes flying by. It takes an alien's head clean off, and Sammy growls, like predators do, when they behead someone.
Sammy: ROAR!
Kain: Easy there, Xena.
Sammy: YALALALLALALALALLALALALALALALALALAL!!!!!!!!
A predalien pounces Kain, sending them both through a mirror, that's nearby. The alien dies from it.
Kain: I sense........ RIPOFF!
As he walks away, the Kains in the glass shards come to life. 3 of them pick up a pitchfork. They aim it at Kain's butt.
Mini-Kain 1: RAMMING SPEED!
They run over, and impale his ass.
Kain: OOOOOOOOUUUUUUUCCCCCCHHHHHH!!! SOMEONE'S been watching Army of Darkness lately........
Jamie: This is getting bizarre!
Wagner starts playing. You know, the one they used to scare the Vietnams in Apocalypse Now.
Jamie: ...............Case in point.
Kain: Whatever. We still have 5 pages to fill out.
Sammy: Say what?
Kain: Well, just 4 now.
2 of those fatass vampire hunters with sledgehammers from Defiance runs in.
Kain: SOMEONE'S been playing Defiance through again.
Yep. Only took me around 10 hours this time! ^_^'
Kain: Damn sweat-drop-smileys........
Anyway, the fatasses smack Kain around with their sledgehammers.
Kain: IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS! Oh wait, that's not correct........ IT HUUUUUURTS!!!!!
Fatass 1: Suck it up, vampire scum!
Kain: At least I don't have a moustache!
Fatass 2: Are you dissing our moustaches? DIE!
He gets smacked around again. Man, Kain needs to learn how to fight.
Kain: A cyberdemon! My kingdom for a cyberdemon!
A cyberdemon appears.
Fatass 1: We're so screwed!
Approximately 500000000 rockets are launched at the fatass vampire hunters.
Kain: Groovy!
He gets rockets in his face, too. Well, maybe he suck at fighting, but it's damn hard to kill him, that's for sure.
Kain: Shut up! You're just mad, that Defiance made you religious!
Look, just because I say "God-damnit!" a whole lot of times, doesn't mean I'm religious now.
Kain: Yeah, right! Don't you know it's a sin to take God's name in vain?
Since Kain seems to have gone religious on us, he will now be bathed in battery acid.
Kain: IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS!!!!!!
Jobie: OOGAA BOOGAA!!!!
Kain: SHUTA UPA!
Kain is starting to get pissed off, so he picks up an alien with that attack he did in his first fight with Raziel in Soul Reaver 1, sending the alien over to him, where he proceeds to cut it's head off.
Kain: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Ed: BOOYAH!
Kain: SHUTTY UPPYAH!
Jamie: This really is getting weird.
Kain: You've been saying that the entire evening! It's time you get some new mantra to chant!
Jamie: SOMEONE'S been reading Maddox lately.....
****************************************************************
Raziel is strapped to a cliché evil table. NOT for kinky experiences, though. (I know you're all out there, all you perverted Raziel fans.)
?: Ready to get impregnated, Raziel? (A/N: Okay, I retract my statement........)
Raz: SAY WHAT?
?: Don't go all Sammy on me.
An egg is placed in front of Raziel. It slowly opens.
Raz: Hey, is that a hand coming out?
A facehugger jumps his face.
Raz: HELP! THERE'S A GIANT VAGINA JUMPING AT M- (A/N: Well, facehuggers DO look like that. Honestly! Ask any Alien expert!)
****************************************************************
Kain: Hmm, something has happened to Raziel.
Jamie: how do you know?
Kain: Because we have just been inactive for 10 lines, and Raziel is the only other character of significance in this story.
Sammy: Huh?
Kain: Never mind.
Now, I don't really have any ideas for what to do next, so Sammy will kick Kain in the groin, for no good reason at all.
Kain: Hey!
Sammy: Take this, you stupid dope!
She kicks him in the groin.
Kain: I really do need that cup, Mortalsora suggested....... OOOOOUCH!!!
*****************************************************************
The scene is a road. Moebius is to be used as a speedbump.
Moebius: I'm doing what in the what-what?
A car drives into him, splattering him out!
All LOK fans: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!!!!!!! BOOYAH!
Ed: BOOYAH!
Blood of Angels: NOW he remembers..........
********************************************************************
Kain: I'm actually getting kind of hungry.
He goes into the jungle, in search of blood.
Jamie: But we're in a cave, still.
Okay, Kain tries to find his way around the cave.
Kain: SONUVA-
After countless of alien attacks, heavily armed marines, and people, that impale themselves in the name of bananas, the gang finally finds-
Kain: The exit to the cave?
No, a lair of facehuggers, who have just sensed the gang.
Kain: ........FUDGESTICKLES!
(Hey, page 7!)
Kain: DAMNIT, NOT THAT AGAIN!
What, it takes up space.
Kain: I don't care! You will not do that stupid stuff!
You know, Kain, this is a PG-13 rated story, you can say 'shit'.
Kain: SHIT YOU!
Although not if the grammar's fuked up. Kain is bathed in battery acid.
Kain: DAMNIT! IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS!
Ladies and Gentlemen, my arm has an itch! I must have gotten a god-damn mosquito bite! Or if I'm lucky, it's not a mosquito. I really do hope they're still dead.
Kain: You see? "God-damn"! I told you you had gone religious!
Shut up. Kain is once again bathed in acid.
Kain: SONUVABITCH!
Sammy: That's discriminative!
She kicks Kain in the groin. He keels over.
Kain: Bloody......hell........
*******************************************************************
5 reviews, damnit! Or more! DAMNIT! I curse too fukin much.
Mortalsora: "Weird chapter"? I have one of those? Why doesn't anyone ever tell me that?! I need to know, damnit!!!!! Glad you liked it.
TTT: Okay, Tommy. (sorry, couldn't resist) Umm, you must have a high floor. Or a very low computer.
Wolfboy1988: NO, SPEAKING IN CAPS LOCK IS NOT COOL. IT'S SUCKISH-BONISH! WHICH IS WEIRD FOR ME TO SAY, SINCE I'M CURRENTLY SPEAKING IN IT MYSELF. And I have not seen any Saturday Night Live sketches, so I can't include them.
Mikoto Zoku: You'll like this chapter.
A/N: Okay, I don't know if more than 4 people reviewed last chapter, since the review function was fuked up, but only 4 reviews?! That's a disgrace! You know this story is worthy of getting approximately 500 reviews in less than 24 hours! For each chapter, damnit!
Pff, ignore that. As I said, the review function was fuked up, but I mailed them about it. I hope it works better now.
There is probably still Defiance spoilers. What do I know? I can't even remember what I have written.
****************************************************************
So the gang are at the cavern with a fuking lot of aliens in it.
Kain: Bit of a stupid place to end the chapter, don't you think?
It's a cliffhanger!
Kain: But a sucky one!
Come on, 'sucky' is not even a word.
Kain: Doesn't seem to stop you from using it.
Kain will now be punished with battery acid.
Kain: SONUVABITCHTHATDOESHURTAHOLELOT!
It's 'wholelot', Kain.
Kain: Now's not the time to discuss grammar.
'Nother acid-bath.
Kain: IT BUUUUUUUUUUUURNS!!!!!!
Jamie: How come you are simoultaniously talking to yourself and being bathed in acid at the same time?
Kain: So you can't see him?
Sammy: See who?
Kain: Bugger.
A swarm of aliens appear.
Kain: Bugs!
Ed: BOOYAH!
A xenomorph jumps Kain.
Kain: That is not a worm! Woah, flashback!
Sammy: I hope this won't involve bongs.
Kain: Hey, these zenomorfs-
Jamie: Xenomorphs, Kain.
Kain: Xenomorphs, Kain, sorta look like the lighning demons from Soul Reaver 2.
Sammy: No they don't.
Kain: FUK U U LIEK BUTS!
Sammy: Say what?
Jamie: God-damn internet crap.........
Kain: 4ll j00r base are b3l0ng to us!
Sammy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! NOT L33T!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! MY CAPS LOCK KEY HAS JUST GOTTEN ITSELF STUCK. THEREFOR, I WILL WRITE LIKE THIS FROM NOW ON!
Kain: WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT!
Sammy: No need to shout, Kain.
Kain: I'M ON THE OTHER SIDE OF A ROOM, THAT'S LONGER THAN THE TITANIC. I DAMN WELL NEED TO SHOUT!
Jamie: HOW COME YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEAK IN CAPS LOCK?
Sammy: Because I'm a woman.
Jamie: EQUAL RIGHTS, MY ASS!
Ed: BOOYAH!
The 10 "bouncers" from Blood Omen 1, oh wait a minute runs in.
Jamie: BOOBIES!
Ed: BOOYAH!
A black demon from Soul Reaver 2 shows up.
Kain: SONUVA-
It smacks him very hard in the head. Then Ed and Jamie slams it with their combisticks. Vorador pops in.
Vorador: They slam their sticks against each other........ Wink wink!!
Kain: Vorador, that was last chapter, you pope!
Vorador: Don't you mean dope?
Kain: I stand by my statement!
Vorador: Damn religious jokes........
A disc goes flying by. It takes an alien's head clean off, and Sammy growls, like predators do, when they behead someone.
Sammy: ROAR!
Kain: Easy there, Xena.
Sammy: YALALALLALALALALLALALALALALALALALAL!!!!!!!!
A predalien pounces Kain, sending them both through a mirror, that's nearby. The alien dies from it.
Kain: I sense........ RIPOFF!
As he walks away, the Kains in the glass shards come to life. 3 of them pick up a pitchfork. They aim it at Kain's butt.
Mini-Kain 1: RAMMING SPEED!
They run over, and impale his ass.
Kain: OOOOOOOOUUUUUUUCCCCCCHHHHHH!!! SOMEONE'S been watching Army of Darkness lately........
Jamie: This is getting bizarre!
Wagner starts playing. You know, the one they used to scare the Vietnams in Apocalypse Now.
Jamie: ...............Case in point.
Kain: Whatever. We still have 5 pages to fill out.
Sammy: Say what?
Kain: Well, just 4 now.
2 of those fatass vampire hunters with sledgehammers from Defiance runs in.
Kain: SOMEONE'S been playing Defiance through again.
Yep. Only took me around 10 hours this time! ^_^'
Kain: Damn sweat-drop-smileys........
Anyway, the fatasses smack Kain around with their sledgehammers.
Kain: IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS! Oh wait, that's not correct........ IT HUUUUUURTS!!!!!
Fatass 1: Suck it up, vampire scum!
Kain: At least I don't have a moustache!
Fatass 2: Are you dissing our moustaches? DIE!
He gets smacked around again. Man, Kain needs to learn how to fight.
Kain: A cyberdemon! My kingdom for a cyberdemon!
A cyberdemon appears.
Fatass 1: We're so screwed!
Approximately 500000000 rockets are launched at the fatass vampire hunters.
Kain: Groovy!
He gets rockets in his face, too. Well, maybe he suck at fighting, but it's damn hard to kill him, that's for sure.
Kain: Shut up! You're just mad, that Defiance made you religious!
Look, just because I say "God-damnit!" a whole lot of times, doesn't mean I'm religious now.
Kain: Yeah, right! Don't you know it's a sin to take God's name in vain?
Since Kain seems to have gone religious on us, he will now be bathed in battery acid.
Kain: IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS!!!!!!
Jobie: OOGAA BOOGAA!!!!
Kain: SHUTA UPA!
Kain is starting to get pissed off, so he picks up an alien with that attack he did in his first fight with Raziel in Soul Reaver 1, sending the alien over to him, where he proceeds to cut it's head off.
Kain: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Ed: BOOYAH!
Kain: SHUTTY UPPYAH!
Jamie: This really is getting weird.
Kain: You've been saying that the entire evening! It's time you get some new mantra to chant!
Jamie: SOMEONE'S been reading Maddox lately.....
****************************************************************
Raziel is strapped to a cliché evil table. NOT for kinky experiences, though. (I know you're all out there, all you perverted Raziel fans.)
?: Ready to get impregnated, Raziel? (A/N: Okay, I retract my statement........)
Raz: SAY WHAT?
?: Don't go all Sammy on me.
An egg is placed in front of Raziel. It slowly opens.
Raz: Hey, is that a hand coming out?
A facehugger jumps his face.
Raz: HELP! THERE'S A GIANT VAGINA JUMPING AT M- (A/N: Well, facehuggers DO look like that. Honestly! Ask any Alien expert!)
****************************************************************
Kain: Hmm, something has happened to Raziel.
Jamie: how do you know?
Kain: Because we have just been inactive for 10 lines, and Raziel is the only other character of significance in this story.
Sammy: Huh?
Kain: Never mind.
Now, I don't really have any ideas for what to do next, so Sammy will kick Kain in the groin, for no good reason at all.
Kain: Hey!
Sammy: Take this, you stupid dope!
She kicks him in the groin.
Kain: I really do need that cup, Mortalsora suggested....... OOOOOUCH!!!
*****************************************************************
The scene is a road. Moebius is to be used as a speedbump.
Moebius: I'm doing what in the what-what?
A car drives into him, splattering him out!
All LOK fans: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!!!!!!! BOOYAH!
Ed: BOOYAH!
Blood of Angels: NOW he remembers..........
********************************************************************
Kain: I'm actually getting kind of hungry.
He goes into the jungle, in search of blood.
Jamie: But we're in a cave, still.
Okay, Kain tries to find his way around the cave.
Kain: SONUVA-
After countless of alien attacks, heavily armed marines, and people, that impale themselves in the name of bananas, the gang finally finds-
Kain: The exit to the cave?
No, a lair of facehuggers, who have just sensed the gang.
Kain: ........FUDGESTICKLES!
(Hey, page 7!)
Kain: DAMNIT, NOT THAT AGAIN!
What, it takes up space.
Kain: I don't care! You will not do that stupid stuff!
You know, Kain, this is a PG-13 rated story, you can say 'shit'.
Kain: SHIT YOU!
Although not if the grammar's fuked up. Kain is bathed in battery acid.
Kain: DAMNIT! IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS!
Ladies and Gentlemen, my arm has an itch! I must have gotten a god-damn mosquito bite! Or if I'm lucky, it's not a mosquito. I really do hope they're still dead.
Kain: You see? "God-damn"! I told you you had gone religious!
Shut up. Kain is once again bathed in acid.
Kain: SONUVABITCH!
Sammy: That's discriminative!
She kicks Kain in the groin. He keels over.
Kain: Bloody......hell........
*******************************************************************
5 reviews, damnit! Or more! DAMNIT! I curse too fukin much.