Kudos!
Omega Xsabre: I don't know how to get smileys included. And since you seem to be a Raziel fan, you'll hate me for this chapter.
Mortalsora: Well, he's stupid enough to try. And Kain gets even more pissed off than Adam Sandler, so you know he has it bad.
Tommie: (sorry, couldn't resist) Well, as long as I don't have to pay, I'm cool.
Mikoto: Well, Vorry's a perv.........
Wolfboy1988: Excellent idea!
A/N: Okay, updates have been lacking, since reviews have taken a long time. I blame you guys. (I rule at getting people to review, don't I?) Also, this story might not continue for so long. I'm kind of getting impatient for starting a Defiance parody, and an unknown project to all but me! (and Ratface, but he's not reading this, until he has finished Defiance, so it doesn't matter.)
Oh, and Slayer rules!
**************************************************************************** ********
Kain: Man, I'm so sick of being burned with battery acid, and knee-groined by Sam. THIS HAS GOT TO STOP!
Sammy: Deal with it.
Jamie: Yeah, Kain, quit your bitching! You'll live.
Ed: BOOYAH!
Kain gets an evil glint in his eye.
(punchsound) (punchsound) (punchsound)
Sammy: OUCH!
Jamie: OWWIE!
Ed: BOOYAH!
(punchsound) (punchsound) (punchsound)
Sammy: Not again, damnit!
Kain: Deal with it.
Suddenly, approximately a lot of facehuggers jump at the group.
Kain: Sonuva-
One flies for his face, so he catches it by it's tail, and starts swinging it around. He's got no one to throw it at, though.
Kain: There are 4 fuking predators standing around me!
I don't care. You have no one to cast it at.
Kain: Then what do you propose I do?
A fuking lot of fundamentalistic Christians show up.
Jehova's Witness 1: Discover the power of the Lord!
Jesus freak 1: JESUS will save you!
Kain: Whatever.
He throws the facehugger at motherfu- I mean Jesus freak 1.
Kain: Damn straight!
The group now faces an army of facehuggers, and a church. I mean, a bunch of idiots. I mean fundamentalist Christians! (religious nuts are gonna flame me for this chapter.)
Kain: I hope this is not gonna be like chapter 4 of The Shining, Oh wait a minute.
Sammy slaps Kain.
Kain: Like I said..................
(punchsound)
Jamie: Hit my sister, eh?
(punchsound)
Jamie: *cries*
Kain: That'll teach ya!
Ed: BOOYAH!
Sammy: A real man never hits a lady. Never!
Kain: Well, I'm a vampire, not a man.
Sammy: I thought there was something about the hair..........
Kain: What's that?
Sammy: Nothing, nothing.
Suddenly, the whole cave flashes, and an explosion erupts.
Kain: WOAH! Terminator 2 flashback!
Anyway, the cave explodes.
(Explosionsound)
At the soothed spot, stands a pissed off Kain. The reason he's pissed, is because the explosion awoke Raziel in the reaver, and he is ranting at Kain.
Raziel: Kain, you bloated bastard!
Kain: What have I done?!
Raziel: You didn't thank me for my sacrifice! (clonks Kain in the head)
Kain: OOOOW!
(punchsound)
Raziel: ...............ow..............
The entire band of Slipknot, the world's heaviest band (there are nine bandmembers, that's gotta be a lot of weight) runs in and headbangs Kain into submission.
Kain: Owwww!
(punchsound) (punchsound) (punchsound) (punchsound) (punchsound) (punchsound) (punchsound) (punchsound)
Entire Slipknot: OUCH!
Kain: Wow, synchronically!
It starts raining.
Kain: IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS! Hey, where are all the others?
Jamie (telepathically): Kain, we have been kidnapped!
Kain: YAY!
Jamie: Asswipe. You're on your own. You must rally the forces of Willen- whoops, wrong story.
Kain: Who's really the asswipe?
Jamie: Shut up. Anyway, as far as we know, the place is crawling with aliens. You're gonna be busy killing them. You gotta rescue us!
Kain: Why, and where?
Ed (telepathically): BOOYAH!
(telepathic punchsound)
Kain: That reminds me, this is the first actual event in a long time. Everything else has just been stupid filler crap.
Cue battery acid.
Kain: IT BUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Easy there, Gollum.
Kain: SHUT UP! YOU DON'T KNOW ME!
Yes I do. I've played 2 games with you.
Kain: Umm.................
Out of words, eh?
Kain: ........ Shut up!
(punchsound)
Ouch.
Audience: What?! COAD just got hit?! Damn!
Kain: Get used to it! Hey, he has passed out!
............................
Kain: Now I rule the fic!
(this is Kain writing) Kain is swarmed by 80000 bisexual ladies with nice boobs!
Corey (popping in): This story is only PG-13, Kain.
Kain: Meaning?
Corey: You can only include them, you can't describe your "adventures" with them.
Kain: Whatever.
Kain runs off with the ladies into a cave.
WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN DOING, KAIN?! The ladies all turn into naked Moebiusses.
Kain: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Hmm, it's freaky, I admit that.
Moebius: Haven't done this in a long time.
He strips down to his boxers only, then starts disco-dancing.
Kain: Aw fuck!
Corey: Don't say "fuck"!
Kain: What's the big deal? It doesn't harm anyone. Fuck-fuckeli-fuck-fuck- fuck.
Corey: Man, Concept's so screwed now.
Kain: SCREW IT! I'm gonna continue the story now.
Corey: I'm coming with you.
Kain: HELL NO!
He baseball-bats Corey out of the story with his reaver.
Corey: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'LLLLLLLLLLL BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kain: Damn Terminator ripoff.....................
*************************************************************************
Raziel wakes up.
Raziel: What have you done to me, you crazy freak?!
?: You'll find out...... IN TIME!
Raziel: Moebius?
?: Wha- NO!
Raziel: My stomach is killing me.
?: Literally! (drumroll)
***********************************************************************
Kain: I wonder what's in here.
He opens it, and finds...............
Kain: RAZIEL?
Raziel: KAIN?
Kain: The abyss has been unkind.
Raziel: Wrong line, Kain.
Kain: Wha- D'OH!
Raziel: Kain, you gotta help me. Someone has done something weird to me.
Kain: Oh geez, Raziel...... You haven' been involved in a....... a yaoi event?
Raziel: ................. You know, I'm beginning to think you have a yaoi obsession.
Kain: Easy there, Raziel DiCaprio.
Raziel: Screw you, Kain! Hough!
Raziel starts shaking violently.
Kain: Oh shit.
A chestburster erupts.
Kain: Don't they usually not have wings?
It goes straight for his ankles.
Kain: Oh SHIT!
(gnawsound) (gnawsound) (gnawsound)
Kain: SONUVA-
He kicks it, and then it jumps up and bites his groin, Austin Power style!
Kain: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He slams it into nearby iron bars and shit. (no, not literally, you weirdos)
Kain: GOD, THIS HURTS! That is NOT a worm!
It suddenly jumps away from him, and squirms away real quick. (what's that you say? Use it's wings? It can't in such a little age)
Kain: Damn thing. Oh, Raziel.........
Raziel's chest is blown open.
Kain: heh, he's like Janos.
Zack De La Roach: BORN OF A BROKEN MAN, BUT NOT A BROKEN MAN!
Kain: Damn Concept and his damn music jokes........ Hey, Sammy's not here to kick me in my groin! That means the chapter won't end!
Zack: That's what I'm here for.
(Kicksound)
Kain: Bloody murder! (keels over)
**************************************************************
GIVE ME MY BLOODY 5 REVIEWS!
And feel free to flame. You'll get whooped, and I always seem to get more reviews, if I have been flamed.
Omega Xsabre: I don't know how to get smileys included. And since you seem to be a Raziel fan, you'll hate me for this chapter.
Mortalsora: Well, he's stupid enough to try. And Kain gets even more pissed off than Adam Sandler, so you know he has it bad.
Tommie: (sorry, couldn't resist) Well, as long as I don't have to pay, I'm cool.
Mikoto: Well, Vorry's a perv.........
Wolfboy1988: Excellent idea!
A/N: Okay, updates have been lacking, since reviews have taken a long time. I blame you guys. (I rule at getting people to review, don't I?) Also, this story might not continue for so long. I'm kind of getting impatient for starting a Defiance parody, and an unknown project to all but me! (and Ratface, but he's not reading this, until he has finished Defiance, so it doesn't matter.)
Oh, and Slayer rules!
**************************************************************************** ********
Kain: Man, I'm so sick of being burned with battery acid, and knee-groined by Sam. THIS HAS GOT TO STOP!
Sammy: Deal with it.
Jamie: Yeah, Kain, quit your bitching! You'll live.
Ed: BOOYAH!
Kain gets an evil glint in his eye.
(punchsound) (punchsound) (punchsound)
Sammy: OUCH!
Jamie: OWWIE!
Ed: BOOYAH!
(punchsound) (punchsound) (punchsound)
Sammy: Not again, damnit!
Kain: Deal with it.
Suddenly, approximately a lot of facehuggers jump at the group.
Kain: Sonuva-
One flies for his face, so he catches it by it's tail, and starts swinging it around. He's got no one to throw it at, though.
Kain: There are 4 fuking predators standing around me!
I don't care. You have no one to cast it at.
Kain: Then what do you propose I do?
A fuking lot of fundamentalistic Christians show up.
Jehova's Witness 1: Discover the power of the Lord!
Jesus freak 1: JESUS will save you!
Kain: Whatever.
He throws the facehugger at motherfu- I mean Jesus freak 1.
Kain: Damn straight!
The group now faces an army of facehuggers, and a church. I mean, a bunch of idiots. I mean fundamentalist Christians! (religious nuts are gonna flame me for this chapter.)
Kain: I hope this is not gonna be like chapter 4 of The Shining, Oh wait a minute.
Sammy slaps Kain.
Kain: Like I said..................
(punchsound)
Jamie: Hit my sister, eh?
(punchsound)
Jamie: *cries*
Kain: That'll teach ya!
Ed: BOOYAH!
Sammy: A real man never hits a lady. Never!
Kain: Well, I'm a vampire, not a man.
Sammy: I thought there was something about the hair..........
Kain: What's that?
Sammy: Nothing, nothing.
Suddenly, the whole cave flashes, and an explosion erupts.
Kain: WOAH! Terminator 2 flashback!
Anyway, the cave explodes.
(Explosionsound)
At the soothed spot, stands a pissed off Kain. The reason he's pissed, is because the explosion awoke Raziel in the reaver, and he is ranting at Kain.
Raziel: Kain, you bloated bastard!
Kain: What have I done?!
Raziel: You didn't thank me for my sacrifice! (clonks Kain in the head)
Kain: OOOOW!
(punchsound)
Raziel: ...............ow..............
The entire band of Slipknot, the world's heaviest band (there are nine bandmembers, that's gotta be a lot of weight) runs in and headbangs Kain into submission.
Kain: Owwww!
(punchsound) (punchsound) (punchsound) (punchsound) (punchsound) (punchsound) (punchsound) (punchsound)
Entire Slipknot: OUCH!
Kain: Wow, synchronically!
It starts raining.
Kain: IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS! Hey, where are all the others?
Jamie (telepathically): Kain, we have been kidnapped!
Kain: YAY!
Jamie: Asswipe. You're on your own. You must rally the forces of Willen- whoops, wrong story.
Kain: Who's really the asswipe?
Jamie: Shut up. Anyway, as far as we know, the place is crawling with aliens. You're gonna be busy killing them. You gotta rescue us!
Kain: Why, and where?
Ed (telepathically): BOOYAH!
(telepathic punchsound)
Kain: That reminds me, this is the first actual event in a long time. Everything else has just been stupid filler crap.
Cue battery acid.
Kain: IT BUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Easy there, Gollum.
Kain: SHUT UP! YOU DON'T KNOW ME!
Yes I do. I've played 2 games with you.
Kain: Umm.................
Out of words, eh?
Kain: ........ Shut up!
(punchsound)
Ouch.
Audience: What?! COAD just got hit?! Damn!
Kain: Get used to it! Hey, he has passed out!
............................
Kain: Now I rule the fic!
(this is Kain writing) Kain is swarmed by 80000 bisexual ladies with nice boobs!
Corey (popping in): This story is only PG-13, Kain.
Kain: Meaning?
Corey: You can only include them, you can't describe your "adventures" with them.
Kain: Whatever.
Kain runs off with the ladies into a cave.
WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN DOING, KAIN?! The ladies all turn into naked Moebiusses.
Kain: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Hmm, it's freaky, I admit that.
Moebius: Haven't done this in a long time.
He strips down to his boxers only, then starts disco-dancing.
Kain: Aw fuck!
Corey: Don't say "fuck"!
Kain: What's the big deal? It doesn't harm anyone. Fuck-fuckeli-fuck-fuck- fuck.
Corey: Man, Concept's so screwed now.
Kain: SCREW IT! I'm gonna continue the story now.
Corey: I'm coming with you.
Kain: HELL NO!
He baseball-bats Corey out of the story with his reaver.
Corey: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'LLLLLLLLLLL BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kain: Damn Terminator ripoff.....................
*************************************************************************
Raziel wakes up.
Raziel: What have you done to me, you crazy freak?!
?: You'll find out...... IN TIME!
Raziel: Moebius?
?: Wha- NO!
Raziel: My stomach is killing me.
?: Literally! (drumroll)
***********************************************************************
Kain: I wonder what's in here.
He opens it, and finds...............
Kain: RAZIEL?
Raziel: KAIN?
Kain: The abyss has been unkind.
Raziel: Wrong line, Kain.
Kain: Wha- D'OH!
Raziel: Kain, you gotta help me. Someone has done something weird to me.
Kain: Oh geez, Raziel...... You haven' been involved in a....... a yaoi event?
Raziel: ................. You know, I'm beginning to think you have a yaoi obsession.
Kain: Easy there, Raziel DiCaprio.
Raziel: Screw you, Kain! Hough!
Raziel starts shaking violently.
Kain: Oh shit.
A chestburster erupts.
Kain: Don't they usually not have wings?
It goes straight for his ankles.
Kain: Oh SHIT!
(gnawsound) (gnawsound) (gnawsound)
Kain: SONUVA-
He kicks it, and then it jumps up and bites his groin, Austin Power style!
Kain: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He slams it into nearby iron bars and shit. (no, not literally, you weirdos)
Kain: GOD, THIS HURTS! That is NOT a worm!
It suddenly jumps away from him, and squirms away real quick. (what's that you say? Use it's wings? It can't in such a little age)
Kain: Damn thing. Oh, Raziel.........
Raziel's chest is blown open.
Kain: heh, he's like Janos.
Zack De La Roach: BORN OF A BROKEN MAN, BUT NOT A BROKEN MAN!
Kain: Damn Concept and his damn music jokes........ Hey, Sammy's not here to kick me in my groin! That means the chapter won't end!
Zack: That's what I'm here for.
(Kicksound)
Kain: Bloody murder! (keels over)
**************************************************************
GIVE ME MY BLOODY 5 REVIEWS!
And feel free to flame. You'll get whooped, and I always seem to get more reviews, if I have been flamed.