Kudos.
Omega XSabre: I wouldn't mind being included, but if you're thinking about having me co-author it, I'm gonna have to say no. I simply won't have the time for that. (and if that's not what you meant, I have just said something very irrelevant.) And what are these things you've been saying behind my back about owning those stained bedsheets? It's a lie. A LIE, I TELL YOU! Besides, everybody knows that my bedsheets are-
Kain: Just hold it there.
Anyway, I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION! RAAAARGH!
Mortalsora: I always knew he had a fetish for pain. Those torture instruments in his mansion was for himself!!
Mikoto Zoku: I still say Kain is cooler.
WolfBoy1988: You like crossovers, eh?
Tommie: Yep. A Defiance parody...........
A/N: Ladies and Gentlemen; I have news for you! In a ploy to get more reviewers, I have decided to sell out and be politically correct (since I'm a gimmick-employer), so I can get a G rating, instead of this PG-13 rating, that only gets me the elite reviewers, since we all know that quantity should go ahead of quality. God bless the democracy, where it doesn't matter if you're right, just how many idiots claim the same thing.
*************************************************************** Kain: Dear audience, due to Concept selling out, this chapter won't be offensive at all. After all, we don't want little kids getting corrupted, by this nasty story, which only serves to offend the general populace, what with it's "s*xual jokes" and lack of any necessary points, but those corrupted and Satanically evil viewpoints of the author, which he expresses through characters, that he himself didn't invent. Enjoy this chapter, which will be ridden of any fun parts whatsoever, in order to make it non- offensive. **********************************************************
We start off where we left in last chapter. Where Kain and Zack De La Roach of Rage Against The Machine had a nice decent conversation, that trailed off into the end of the chapter.
Kain: He must be able to write decent stories without all that offensive nonsense he usually employs.
Zack: Amen to 'dat, brotha!
Kain: I just feel, that he shouldn't make all those jokes, that are so insulting and belittling to people, that haven't done anything to him. Things are only funny, when no one gets hurt.
Zack: What were brotha talkin' 'bout with Mikoto Zoku and Ratface on Messenger, with brothas not deserving jobs all the time? If a brotha don't get a job, it's racism, yo!
Kain: As it is with women and homosexuals and general oppressed minorities who don't get a job. It's just discrimination!
Zack: Yeah!
An actual sane person walks in.
Corey: Kain, what the H*ll are you talking about?! HEY! WHY WAS IT CENSORED?!
Kain: We are all sick of potty mouths....
Zack: Actually, that's offensive to sick people.
Kain: Oh, I forgot. We are tired of-
Zack: That's offensive to lazy people.
Kain: Oh yeah. We don't want to hear your potty mouth anymore, Corey.
Corey: And why has your hair been cut short, Kain?
Kain: You know, Zack, I think we should get rid of this Corey person.
Zack: I think you are right, Kain. IN THE NAME OF ANTI-DISCRIMINATION, BROTHA!
They sh**t him.
Kain: Oooops! We shot him! Oh my God, look at all that bl**d!
Zack: We will get rid of it, before the chapter is posted!
They rewind to just before they k*ll Corey.
Corey: I know what you are gonna do! (Runs off)
Kain: Well, that saved us the trouble.
Zack: You know what, Kain? I love you like a brotha!
Kain: I love you, too, you stereotype you.
They hug.
Kain: You are my bestest friend, Zack. Wanna help me make the world a better place, so we can pick flowers?
Zack: I can't. I have to write a new song, that will criticise Bush.
Kain (über-shocked): You don't like Bush?
Zack: Uhh, no.
Kain: I am offended by you!
Zack is dragged off by two government agents, who look oddly like Mr Smith from The Matrix.
Kain: I was offended by that movie! It was secretly a rant against Christians and the government!
Oh for Hell's sake!
**************************************************************
I can't do this. I just can't. I have to be offensive! Do any of you realise how hard it is to be politically correct? Fuckin' hell! Pardon me, while I go and wash my face, before I go chapter 4 on this chapter. (Little injoke, for those of you, who read chapter 4 of you-know-what)
****************************************************************
In order to compensate for the lack of controversy, a porn clip will now be showing.
................................................ ................................................ ................................................
Oh, go find one yourself! I can't give you perverts everything! Here, have a scene with the "bouncers".
*************************************************************
Kain (waking up): WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! What a nightmare! Is my hair intact? (checks hair) Thank God! It is. I mean, thank Satan!
Isn't that supposed to be my line?
Kain: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! THE SELLOUT! THE SELLOUT!
Kain, that was just a dream.
Kain: Excellent! Now just exactly why was I sleeping?
Because I didn't have any ideas, so I had to pretend to be a sellout, in order to write something, until my ideas come back.
Kain: Please have comed back, please have comed back.
(Eyebrows are currently raised MUCH!!!!!!!)
Kain: Where exactly were I last chapter? Oh yeah, I had to go save the others.
He gets up, and walks toward the stereotype evil lair on a high cliff. The lab is shaped like a Baphomet symbol.
Kain: I can tell Concept's tired again.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Kain: Case in point.
He walks toward it. Suddenly, Frodo runs into him.
Kain: Watch it, midget-bitch!
Frodo: Is that so? (slam-dunks Kain)
Kain: Oh, you'll get it for that!
He does a circle-kick for Frodo, but he just ducks, and kicks Kain in the shin.
Kain (Holding his leg and jumping around): MOTHAFU-
It may be controversial, Kain, but it's still a PG-13
Kain: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!
He gets jumped by Frodo, and they start ripping the fight in Austin Powers 2 off.
Kain: THAT'S FREAKING NOT A WORM, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!
Eventually, he throws Frodo into the bushes, where he belongs. Then he gets beaten up by EVERY FREAKING ELIJAH WOOD/FRODO FAN IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, BOTH GIRLS AND BOYS!
Kain: ...................................Ow..................................
He gets up (How, after that brutal beating with lipstick?), and runs for the nearby forest.
Kain: Hey, there's a cabin with an evil face!
He goes into the Evil Dead-ripoff house.
Kain: Hey, there's a tape recorder!
He starts it. Coughdumbassstupididiotidiotidiotcough.
Tape recorder: Enob skcus ssendetcerroc lacitilop. Ehehwyreve ssa fo sdnik lla skcik ysrevortnoc.
A demon flies towards Kain!
Kain: HOLY SHIT!
He closes the door, before the demon can fly in, and then starts screaming, because that worked against the demon for some reason in the movies. The demon stops.
Kain: Excellent!
Rayne jumps up, right in front of his face.
Kain: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHH!!!!!!!!!!!
And if you've played the games, you know that it isn't just Rayne that bounces up and down.
Kain: (drools)
Rayne: PERVERT!
She slaps him hard.
Kain: Oh, come on! Guys WILL look!
Hmm, this chapter does seem to be turning into what I will refer to as "The Chapter 4" from now on.
Rayne: I don't care. I can tolerate that you drool, but not the area you was drooling on.
Audience: o_0
Kain: we have an audience?
Rayne: Yes.
Kain: Rayne, you and me have so much in common.
Rayne: Like what?
Kain: Our names rhyme. And we both drink blood. MARRY ME!
Rayne: NEVER! Besides, you already have a wife.
Kain: So?
Rayne: 0_o
Audience: o_0
(A/N: I have just seen a possible porn ad on the Nosgothic Realm forum! 0_O)
Kain: That's so freaking irrelevant, you stupid "evilutionist"!
No Christian injokes, Kain.
Kain: SCREW YOU! (can all the politically correct morons out there read the insult?)
Rayne: You're rather pissed off, aren't you?
Kain: It'd change, if you'd marry me.
Rayne: I FREAKING WON'T!
Kain: Can I hump your leg, then?
My, this ficcy is getting bizarry. And so is my spelling.
Rayne: NO, YOU CAN'T!
Kain: Now who's pissed off?
Rayne: Just go to the friggin' lab, okay!
Kain: You have the spelling abilities of McDonald's current commercial designer.
Randy Jackass: i'm lovin' it!
Kain/Rayne: ............................ (brutally slaughters Randy)
Randy: No one loves me! (dies)
Kain: I wonder why..........
Rayne: Bye!
Kain: No, wait!
He follows her, then sees, that she is heading towards the mountain with the evil lab. She goes into a secret entrance, then he follows her into it.
Kain: RAYNE? WHERE ARE YOU?
For his stupidity, he will now be bathed in battery acid.
Kain: IT BUUUUUUURNS!!!!!
??: BOOYAH!
Kain: Oh great, not you guys.
Sammy: What's wrong with us?
Kain: I'd rather meet Rayne again. And- Hey, where are all your masks?
Jamie: Es ist missing.
Kain: .................WHAT?
Jamie: It's gone, you pope!
Kain: Don't you mean dope?
Jamie: I stand by my statement.
Kain: Damn repeating religious jokes......... HOLY SHIT! SAMMY'S GEORGEOUS!
And she truly is. Well, as gorgeous as a predator can be. (she really is quite ugly)
Sammy: HEY!
(kicksound)
Bloody hell! (author keels over)
Jamie: Kain, you gotta get us out of here!
Kain: Okay.
He frees them.
BAM!
Kain: What the hell was that?!
?????: Now, my vengeance shall return!
Ed: BOOYAH!
Kain: You know, Sammy, for a predator, you're quite pretty.
Sammy: you think so?
Kain: Yeah. But actually, I was hoping that you'd be offended, and get it over with, so this stupid chapter can end.
Sammy: Always my pleasure, Kain.
(Kicksound)
**************************************************************
5 reviews, please. (told you I had sold out)
Omega XSabre: I wouldn't mind being included, but if you're thinking about having me co-author it, I'm gonna have to say no. I simply won't have the time for that. (and if that's not what you meant, I have just said something very irrelevant.) And what are these things you've been saying behind my back about owning those stained bedsheets? It's a lie. A LIE, I TELL YOU! Besides, everybody knows that my bedsheets are-
Kain: Just hold it there.
Anyway, I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION! RAAAARGH!
Mortalsora: I always knew he had a fetish for pain. Those torture instruments in his mansion was for himself!!
Mikoto Zoku: I still say Kain is cooler.
WolfBoy1988: You like crossovers, eh?
Tommie: Yep. A Defiance parody...........
A/N: Ladies and Gentlemen; I have news for you! In a ploy to get more reviewers, I have decided to sell out and be politically correct (since I'm a gimmick-employer), so I can get a G rating, instead of this PG-13 rating, that only gets me the elite reviewers, since we all know that quantity should go ahead of quality. God bless the democracy, where it doesn't matter if you're right, just how many idiots claim the same thing.
*************************************************************** Kain: Dear audience, due to Concept selling out, this chapter won't be offensive at all. After all, we don't want little kids getting corrupted, by this nasty story, which only serves to offend the general populace, what with it's "s*xual jokes" and lack of any necessary points, but those corrupted and Satanically evil viewpoints of the author, which he expresses through characters, that he himself didn't invent. Enjoy this chapter, which will be ridden of any fun parts whatsoever, in order to make it non- offensive. **********************************************************
We start off where we left in last chapter. Where Kain and Zack De La Roach of Rage Against The Machine had a nice decent conversation, that trailed off into the end of the chapter.
Kain: He must be able to write decent stories without all that offensive nonsense he usually employs.
Zack: Amen to 'dat, brotha!
Kain: I just feel, that he shouldn't make all those jokes, that are so insulting and belittling to people, that haven't done anything to him. Things are only funny, when no one gets hurt.
Zack: What were brotha talkin' 'bout with Mikoto Zoku and Ratface on Messenger, with brothas not deserving jobs all the time? If a brotha don't get a job, it's racism, yo!
Kain: As it is with women and homosexuals and general oppressed minorities who don't get a job. It's just discrimination!
Zack: Yeah!
An actual sane person walks in.
Corey: Kain, what the H*ll are you talking about?! HEY! WHY WAS IT CENSORED?!
Kain: We are all sick of potty mouths....
Zack: Actually, that's offensive to sick people.
Kain: Oh, I forgot. We are tired of-
Zack: That's offensive to lazy people.
Kain: Oh yeah. We don't want to hear your potty mouth anymore, Corey.
Corey: And why has your hair been cut short, Kain?
Kain: You know, Zack, I think we should get rid of this Corey person.
Zack: I think you are right, Kain. IN THE NAME OF ANTI-DISCRIMINATION, BROTHA!
They sh**t him.
Kain: Oooops! We shot him! Oh my God, look at all that bl**d!
Zack: We will get rid of it, before the chapter is posted!
They rewind to just before they k*ll Corey.
Corey: I know what you are gonna do! (Runs off)
Kain: Well, that saved us the trouble.
Zack: You know what, Kain? I love you like a brotha!
Kain: I love you, too, you stereotype you.
They hug.
Kain: You are my bestest friend, Zack. Wanna help me make the world a better place, so we can pick flowers?
Zack: I can't. I have to write a new song, that will criticise Bush.
Kain (über-shocked): You don't like Bush?
Zack: Uhh, no.
Kain: I am offended by you!
Zack is dragged off by two government agents, who look oddly like Mr Smith from The Matrix.
Kain: I was offended by that movie! It was secretly a rant against Christians and the government!
Oh for Hell's sake!
**************************************************************
I can't do this. I just can't. I have to be offensive! Do any of you realise how hard it is to be politically correct? Fuckin' hell! Pardon me, while I go and wash my face, before I go chapter 4 on this chapter. (Little injoke, for those of you, who read chapter 4 of you-know-what)
****************************************************************
In order to compensate for the lack of controversy, a porn clip will now be showing.
................................................ ................................................ ................................................
Oh, go find one yourself! I can't give you perverts everything! Here, have a scene with the "bouncers".
*************************************************************
Kain (waking up): WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! What a nightmare! Is my hair intact? (checks hair) Thank God! It is. I mean, thank Satan!
Isn't that supposed to be my line?
Kain: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! THE SELLOUT! THE SELLOUT!
Kain, that was just a dream.
Kain: Excellent! Now just exactly why was I sleeping?
Because I didn't have any ideas, so I had to pretend to be a sellout, in order to write something, until my ideas come back.
Kain: Please have comed back, please have comed back.
(Eyebrows are currently raised MUCH!!!!!!!)
Kain: Where exactly were I last chapter? Oh yeah, I had to go save the others.
He gets up, and walks toward the stereotype evil lair on a high cliff. The lab is shaped like a Baphomet symbol.
Kain: I can tell Concept's tired again.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Kain: Case in point.
He walks toward it. Suddenly, Frodo runs into him.
Kain: Watch it, midget-bitch!
Frodo: Is that so? (slam-dunks Kain)
Kain: Oh, you'll get it for that!
He does a circle-kick for Frodo, but he just ducks, and kicks Kain in the shin.
Kain (Holding his leg and jumping around): MOTHAFU-
It may be controversial, Kain, but it's still a PG-13
Kain: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!
He gets jumped by Frodo, and they start ripping the fight in Austin Powers 2 off.
Kain: THAT'S FREAKING NOT A WORM, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!
Eventually, he throws Frodo into the bushes, where he belongs. Then he gets beaten up by EVERY FREAKING ELIJAH WOOD/FRODO FAN IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, BOTH GIRLS AND BOYS!
Kain: ...................................Ow..................................
He gets up (How, after that brutal beating with lipstick?), and runs for the nearby forest.
Kain: Hey, there's a cabin with an evil face!
He goes into the Evil Dead-ripoff house.
Kain: Hey, there's a tape recorder!
He starts it. Coughdumbassstupididiotidiotidiotcough.
Tape recorder: Enob skcus ssendetcerroc lacitilop. Ehehwyreve ssa fo sdnik lla skcik ysrevortnoc.
A demon flies towards Kain!
Kain: HOLY SHIT!
He closes the door, before the demon can fly in, and then starts screaming, because that worked against the demon for some reason in the movies. The demon stops.
Kain: Excellent!
Rayne jumps up, right in front of his face.
Kain: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHH!!!!!!!!!!!
And if you've played the games, you know that it isn't just Rayne that bounces up and down.
Kain: (drools)
Rayne: PERVERT!
She slaps him hard.
Kain: Oh, come on! Guys WILL look!
Hmm, this chapter does seem to be turning into what I will refer to as "The Chapter 4" from now on.
Rayne: I don't care. I can tolerate that you drool, but not the area you was drooling on.
Audience: o_0
Kain: we have an audience?
Rayne: Yes.
Kain: Rayne, you and me have so much in common.
Rayne: Like what?
Kain: Our names rhyme. And we both drink blood. MARRY ME!
Rayne: NEVER! Besides, you already have a wife.
Kain: So?
Rayne: 0_o
Audience: o_0
(A/N: I have just seen a possible porn ad on the Nosgothic Realm forum! 0_O)
Kain: That's so freaking irrelevant, you stupid "evilutionist"!
No Christian injokes, Kain.
Kain: SCREW YOU! (can all the politically correct morons out there read the insult?)
Rayne: You're rather pissed off, aren't you?
Kain: It'd change, if you'd marry me.
Rayne: I FREAKING WON'T!
Kain: Can I hump your leg, then?
My, this ficcy is getting bizarry. And so is my spelling.
Rayne: NO, YOU CAN'T!
Kain: Now who's pissed off?
Rayne: Just go to the friggin' lab, okay!
Kain: You have the spelling abilities of McDonald's current commercial designer.
Randy Jackass: i'm lovin' it!
Kain/Rayne: ............................ (brutally slaughters Randy)
Randy: No one loves me! (dies)
Kain: I wonder why..........
Rayne: Bye!
Kain: No, wait!
He follows her, then sees, that she is heading towards the mountain with the evil lab. She goes into a secret entrance, then he follows her into it.
Kain: RAYNE? WHERE ARE YOU?
For his stupidity, he will now be bathed in battery acid.
Kain: IT BUUUUUUURNS!!!!!
??: BOOYAH!
Kain: Oh great, not you guys.
Sammy: What's wrong with us?
Kain: I'd rather meet Rayne again. And- Hey, where are all your masks?
Jamie: Es ist missing.
Kain: .................WHAT?
Jamie: It's gone, you pope!
Kain: Don't you mean dope?
Jamie: I stand by my statement.
Kain: Damn repeating religious jokes......... HOLY SHIT! SAMMY'S GEORGEOUS!
And she truly is. Well, as gorgeous as a predator can be. (she really is quite ugly)
Sammy: HEY!
(kicksound)
Bloody hell! (author keels over)
Jamie: Kain, you gotta get us out of here!
Kain: Okay.
He frees them.
BAM!
Kain: What the hell was that?!
?????: Now, my vengeance shall return!
Ed: BOOYAH!
Kain: You know, Sammy, for a predator, you're quite pretty.
Sammy: you think so?
Kain: Yeah. But actually, I was hoping that you'd be offended, and get it over with, so this stupid chapter can end.
Sammy: Always my pleasure, Kain.
(Kicksound)
**************************************************************
5 reviews, please. (told you I had sold out)