Disclaimer: Primagen is the final boss in Turok 2, and therefore, I don't
own him. In fact, all I own in this story is the predators.
Kudos.
Omega: Damn, you write some long reviews, dude! And how the hell should I be suggesting songs?
Mortalsora: Well, political correctedness sucks bone, so I just had to make fun of it.
Popeland: STONE!
Mikoto: No, Kain is!
Tommie: What, you think political correctedness is a good thing? Because I don't! MUAHAHAH! Oh, and I also hate Bush.
A/N: Okay, people, final chapter! Hmm, I thought I had gotten 5 reviews from different persons. Bizarre. I guess Wolfboy1988 got banned.
********************************************************************
?????: Now, my vengeance shall return!
Kain: Return? Do you realise how stupid that sounds?
?????: Shut up! *Cries* (pansy) It's not my fault that the author writes in shitty ways!
????? gets bathed in battery acid.
Ed: BOOYAH!
Rayne comes into the room.
Rayne: Hey, this isn't where my dad is! That squid led me the wrong way! RAAAAAGH!
Kain: Oh my god, it's the goddess!
He then bows down Muslim style in Rayne's direction.
Rayne: Weirdo!
She walks over to him, and blasts him in the head with a shotgun.
?????: ENOUGH OF THIS INSOLENT BANTER!
He was hidden in darkness before, but light comes on now.
Sammy: BUBBA?!
?????: ............no...........
Jamie: Holy shit, it's Indy!
Indy: YES! It is I!
Kain: You guys have weird grammar!
Indy: Be silent, you insolent fool!
Kain: I can see you have the evil-dude-lingo down, but do ya walk the walk?
He pulls out his reaver, and jumps up on the platform, that Indy is on.
Kain: And now.......... You die!
Indy casually smacks Kain down from the platform.
Kain: OUCH! What predator class is he?!
Sammy: Last time we saw him, he was a heavy predator.
Jamie: We didn't have Jobie with us back then.
Kain: Hmm, this really should have been said in the beginning of the story.......
Indy: I AM BEYOND THE HEAVY PREDATOR CLASS!
Jamie: Pipe down! We're trying to explain our background on the worst possible time.
Indy: You people were always bizarre!
Jamie: Possibly. But why did you attack us at that hunting trip, where we thought you died?
Indy: I'll tell you why. Because Eddy there stole my preddy girlfriend! (notice the pun?)
Jamie: You did, Ed?
Ed: BOOYAH!
Indy: Since he has no regrets about it, I will only fight him.
Kain: So the rest of us don't have to fight?
Indy: I'll fight Ed. You'll fight Primagen!
Kain: Primagen?
Indy: Actually, you'll fight your grand son!
Kain: I knew I should have used protection back then........
Indy: THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, DAMNIT!
The winged alien flies out.
Kain: Oh, that one.
It flies down, and scratches Kain in the head.
Kain: OUCH!
Then Primagen flies out of a hole.
Primagen: I'll kill all you wannabe nu-metal band members!
Jamie: dissing the dreadlocks? You're going down!
Him, Sammy and Jobie jumps down a hole, that Primagen flew down in.
Kain: I really really really do hate final battles.
The winged alien smacks him down another hole, as Ed and Indy begins their fight.
Ed: BOOYAH!
Indy: I'll have my vengeance, you fiend!
Meanwhile, down in the hole with Kain.
Kain: I'm gonna turn you into Kentucky's Fried Chicken!
It swoops down, and tries to bite his head off. He ducks, though.
Kain: Quack!
THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, DAMNIT!
Kain: Oh, sorry.
It swoops down again, and Kain once again ducks down. It whips his face with it's tail, though.
Kain: OUCH!
Then it spits acid on him.
Kain: I am getting damn tired of being sprayed with acid!
He then quickly slices it's right arm off with the reaver. The arm grows back out again, though.
Kain: Hmm, must be a trait it inherited from Raziel's vampire blood. In that case, I gotta impale it.
He looks around for spikes, while the alien is flying around up in the air. He can't find any, though. He then tries to shoot it with energy bolts. It's too fast, though. However, Kain blew a part of the wall off with one of his energy bolts, and the sunlight hits the alien. It hisses loudly.
Kain: Excellent!
Satan appears.
Kain: D'OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Satan: Yo! Pimpin' it up, dawg! Yo gotst da right method, dawg. Just blast da sucka with sunlight, brotha!
Kain: Could you kindly disappear again?
Satan: No.
Kain: GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY FACE! (impales Satan)
Satan: YO SUCKA! (disappears)
Kain: Finally!
He then tries to lure the alien into the sunlight. The alien is too smart to fall for it, though.
Kain: Blasted!
He walks out of the sunlight, and the alien flies for him. Just as it's in his face, he does some fancy judo moves on it, sending it into the sunlight. Before it gets up and away, he decapitates it with his reaver.
Kain: Another trophy!
The rest of it then disintegrates into nothing.
Kain: Now how do I get out of here?
5 alien queens burst through the wall.
Kain: ..................I hate my un-life.
He blasts them with energy bolts, but without much success.
Kain: FINE! I'll freaking just use my freaking reaver!
He does so. But he doesn't have much better success here, than in the "demon" realm in Defiance, when I'm playing. (aka, he can barely get away from them)
Kain: I HATE YOU, CONCEPT!
But just as they are about to eat him, he unleashes the lightning spell, frying the living facehuggers out of the alien queens.
Plothole-point-outer: but you can only use lightning when you're outside!
He gets hit by lightning, too.
Kain: Yeah, but I freaking blew a hole in the wall, didn't I?
He then climbs up from the pit he's in.
Kain: Okay, who wants some? Ooops, wrong movie.........
Indy: I will get my vengeance on you, fiend. You shall not survive this day! THOU SHALT NOT PASS!
Ed just smacks him around with his combistick.
Ed: BOOYAH!
Suddenly, Indy trips Ed with his combistick, then impales him with it. (yes, this is a ripoff of the last fight scene in Terminator 2)
Indy: HAHAH, I WON!
He then gets severed in several pieces by 3 discs, thrown by Kain, Jamie and Sammy.
Indy: BLAST- (dies)
Kain: He must be born of a broken man.
Kain gets bathed in battery acid, for doing another music joke.
They pull the combistick out of Ed.
Ed: Thank you, guys.
Kain: HOLY SHIT! HE DIDN'T SAY "BOOYAH!"!!!!!!!!
Ed: I guess the impalement cured me. (heals himself with the predator healing equipment.
Kain: Didn't you guys have to fight that insect like dude?
Sammy: We did, and we defeated him.
She pulls Primagen's head out.
Jamie: But what about you, Kain? Didn't you have to fight that winged alien?
Kain pulls out the alien's head.
Indy: HAHAH! NOW YOU'LL ALL DIE!
Sammy: What the hell?! You were dead!!!!
Indy: Not dead enough to not activate the self-destruction mechanism!
Kain: BLASTED!
He jumps up, and decapitates Indy with the reaver.
Kain: We gotta get out of here.
Ed: No shit?
Kain: shut up!
Voice: Self destruction initiated. Destruction in T minus 10 seconds.
They run like hell, and a bunch of aliens chases after them. (about 5000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000000000000000000000000 of them)
Kain: BLASTED!
Voice: Destruction in T minus 5 seconds.
Sammy: WE'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT!
Kain: ALL OF YOU, HOLD ON TO ME!
Sammy: You'd like that, wouldn't you?
Jamie: GOD DAMN IT, SAMMY, JUST HOLD ON TO HIM!
All the predators hold on to him, and he teleports out of the base, about 5 feet from it.
Kain: D'OH!
Voice: Destruction in T minus 1 seconds.
Ed: JUMP FOR IT!
They all attempt to jump away. The base explodes...........
Base: BOOM!
........Sending the 5 hunters flying, unto the predator mother ship.
Hunters: *wham* OUCH!
They fall down on a ramp, and gets transported into the ship.
Kain: Now, since we're done, can I get home?
Predator leader: No, we need to congratulate you on your help in this mission.
Kain: Congratulate this! (whaps the leader with his reaver)
Pred-leader: Destroy this rude person, please.
Ed: No! He helped us!
Jamie: Yeah, without him, we wouldn't have made it.
Sammy: And he's hot!
They all look at her.
Sammy: In the sense of being a good fighter, damnit!
Kain: Blasted, that means that if I can score Rayne, I only get to have 2 wives.
Jobie: JOBIE CONGRATULATE KAIN WITH HELP! UGGA-BUGGA! ME THUNK ALIENS ON HEAD! (drools)
Kain: Well, it's been nice meeting with you psychos, but I'm leaving now. Bye bye.
Jamie: bye, Kain.
Sammy: bye, Kain.
Ed: Bye, Kain.
Jobie: BYE BYE, GREY HAIR!
Kain: Oh, another thing, you guys.
Jamie: Anything, Kain.
Kain: Please don't request my help another time. (teleports away)
Sammy: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight........
***************************************************************************
Kain: It's good to be back at the sanctuary!
Umah: (tapping her foot) I hear you've been hitting on Rayne.
Kain: Yeah, your point being?
Umah: (whips out a chainsaw) I don't like it, when you try to get more women than me.
Kain: Uh-oh......... (telepathically) Uhh, preds, a little help here?
Jamie: You said we shouldn't contact you again.
Kain: Oh god, she's getting clos- AAAAAAAAAAARRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JESUS, WOMAN, YOU'RE WORSE THAN ELIZABETH!
***********************************************************************
And now, the credits! Guerilla Radio, by Rage Against the Machine, since I'm listening to that song right now. And it's un-censored!!!! Since I'm just copying and pasting. Therefor, I don't take responsibility for any typos.
Transmission third world war third round A decade of the weapon of sound above ground No shelter if youre looking for shade I lick shots at the brutal charade As the polls close like a casket On truth devoured Silent play in the shadow of power A spectacle monopolized The cameras eyes on choice disguised Was it cast for the mass who burn and toil? Or for the vultures who thirst for blood and oil? Yes a spectacle monopolized They hold the reins, stole your eyes All the fistagons the bullets and bombs Who stuff the banks Who staff the party ranks More for Gore or the son of a drug lord None of the above fuck it cut the cord
Lights out Guerilla Radio Turn that shit up Lights out Guerilla Radio Turn that shit up Lights out Guerilla Radio Turn that shit up Lights out Guerilla Radio
Contact I highjacked the frequencies Blockin the beltway Move on DC Way past the days of bombin MCs Sound off Mumia guan be free Who gottem yo check the federal file All you pen devils know the trial was vile Army of pigs try to silence my style Off em all out that box its my radio dial
Lights out Guerilla Radio Turn that shit up Lights out Guerilla Radio Turn that shit up Lights out Guerilla Radio Turn that shit up Lights out Guerilla Radio Turn that shit up
It has to start somewhere It has to start sometime What better place than here What better time than now
All hell cant stop us now All hell cant stop us now All hell cant stop us now All hell cant stop us now All hell cant stop us now All hell cant stop us now
**************************************************************************** ***************
Okay, now you know what I'm planning to do next. But there's a little something extra. At some point, I'll do an R-rated sketch show. (Now where did I get that idea from? CoughMortalsoracough) So look for that at one point, too. Ah, screw it! I'll just tell you at one point in one of my next stories when I'm doing the first sketch. As for my next stories, one of them is the Defiance parody. The other one, the secret one, is......... DUM DUM DUM!
Readers: What is it?
It's exciting, isn't it?
Readers: Shut up and say it!
An Evil Dead parody! RAAAAAR!
Ed: BOOYAH!
And now for your enjoyment, Moebius in a tank, saying that he farts in our general direction.
Moebius in a tank: I fart in your general direction!
He then gets crushed by a 16 tons weight bolt.
Kudos.
Omega: Damn, you write some long reviews, dude! And how the hell should I be suggesting songs?
Mortalsora: Well, political correctedness sucks bone, so I just had to make fun of it.
Popeland: STONE!
Mikoto: No, Kain is!
Tommie: What, you think political correctedness is a good thing? Because I don't! MUAHAHAH! Oh, and I also hate Bush.
A/N: Okay, people, final chapter! Hmm, I thought I had gotten 5 reviews from different persons. Bizarre. I guess Wolfboy1988 got banned.
********************************************************************
?????: Now, my vengeance shall return!
Kain: Return? Do you realise how stupid that sounds?
?????: Shut up! *Cries* (pansy) It's not my fault that the author writes in shitty ways!
????? gets bathed in battery acid.
Ed: BOOYAH!
Rayne comes into the room.
Rayne: Hey, this isn't where my dad is! That squid led me the wrong way! RAAAAAGH!
Kain: Oh my god, it's the goddess!
He then bows down Muslim style in Rayne's direction.
Rayne: Weirdo!
She walks over to him, and blasts him in the head with a shotgun.
?????: ENOUGH OF THIS INSOLENT BANTER!
He was hidden in darkness before, but light comes on now.
Sammy: BUBBA?!
?????: ............no...........
Jamie: Holy shit, it's Indy!
Indy: YES! It is I!
Kain: You guys have weird grammar!
Indy: Be silent, you insolent fool!
Kain: I can see you have the evil-dude-lingo down, but do ya walk the walk?
He pulls out his reaver, and jumps up on the platform, that Indy is on.
Kain: And now.......... You die!
Indy casually smacks Kain down from the platform.
Kain: OUCH! What predator class is he?!
Sammy: Last time we saw him, he was a heavy predator.
Jamie: We didn't have Jobie with us back then.
Kain: Hmm, this really should have been said in the beginning of the story.......
Indy: I AM BEYOND THE HEAVY PREDATOR CLASS!
Jamie: Pipe down! We're trying to explain our background on the worst possible time.
Indy: You people were always bizarre!
Jamie: Possibly. But why did you attack us at that hunting trip, where we thought you died?
Indy: I'll tell you why. Because Eddy there stole my preddy girlfriend! (notice the pun?)
Jamie: You did, Ed?
Ed: BOOYAH!
Indy: Since he has no regrets about it, I will only fight him.
Kain: So the rest of us don't have to fight?
Indy: I'll fight Ed. You'll fight Primagen!
Kain: Primagen?
Indy: Actually, you'll fight your grand son!
Kain: I knew I should have used protection back then........
Indy: THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, DAMNIT!
The winged alien flies out.
Kain: Oh, that one.
It flies down, and scratches Kain in the head.
Kain: OUCH!
Then Primagen flies out of a hole.
Primagen: I'll kill all you wannabe nu-metal band members!
Jamie: dissing the dreadlocks? You're going down!
Him, Sammy and Jobie jumps down a hole, that Primagen flew down in.
Kain: I really really really do hate final battles.
The winged alien smacks him down another hole, as Ed and Indy begins their fight.
Ed: BOOYAH!
Indy: I'll have my vengeance, you fiend!
Meanwhile, down in the hole with Kain.
Kain: I'm gonna turn you into Kentucky's Fried Chicken!
It swoops down, and tries to bite his head off. He ducks, though.
Kain: Quack!
THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, DAMNIT!
Kain: Oh, sorry.
It swoops down again, and Kain once again ducks down. It whips his face with it's tail, though.
Kain: OUCH!
Then it spits acid on him.
Kain: I am getting damn tired of being sprayed with acid!
He then quickly slices it's right arm off with the reaver. The arm grows back out again, though.
Kain: Hmm, must be a trait it inherited from Raziel's vampire blood. In that case, I gotta impale it.
He looks around for spikes, while the alien is flying around up in the air. He can't find any, though. He then tries to shoot it with energy bolts. It's too fast, though. However, Kain blew a part of the wall off with one of his energy bolts, and the sunlight hits the alien. It hisses loudly.
Kain: Excellent!
Satan appears.
Kain: D'OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Satan: Yo! Pimpin' it up, dawg! Yo gotst da right method, dawg. Just blast da sucka with sunlight, brotha!
Kain: Could you kindly disappear again?
Satan: No.
Kain: GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY FACE! (impales Satan)
Satan: YO SUCKA! (disappears)
Kain: Finally!
He then tries to lure the alien into the sunlight. The alien is too smart to fall for it, though.
Kain: Blasted!
He walks out of the sunlight, and the alien flies for him. Just as it's in his face, he does some fancy judo moves on it, sending it into the sunlight. Before it gets up and away, he decapitates it with his reaver.
Kain: Another trophy!
The rest of it then disintegrates into nothing.
Kain: Now how do I get out of here?
5 alien queens burst through the wall.
Kain: ..................I hate my un-life.
He blasts them with energy bolts, but without much success.
Kain: FINE! I'll freaking just use my freaking reaver!
He does so. But he doesn't have much better success here, than in the "demon" realm in Defiance, when I'm playing. (aka, he can barely get away from them)
Kain: I HATE YOU, CONCEPT!
But just as they are about to eat him, he unleashes the lightning spell, frying the living facehuggers out of the alien queens.
Plothole-point-outer: but you can only use lightning when you're outside!
He gets hit by lightning, too.
Kain: Yeah, but I freaking blew a hole in the wall, didn't I?
He then climbs up from the pit he's in.
Kain: Okay, who wants some? Ooops, wrong movie.........
Indy: I will get my vengeance on you, fiend. You shall not survive this day! THOU SHALT NOT PASS!
Ed just smacks him around with his combistick.
Ed: BOOYAH!
Suddenly, Indy trips Ed with his combistick, then impales him with it. (yes, this is a ripoff of the last fight scene in Terminator 2)
Indy: HAHAH, I WON!
He then gets severed in several pieces by 3 discs, thrown by Kain, Jamie and Sammy.
Indy: BLAST- (dies)
Kain: He must be born of a broken man.
Kain gets bathed in battery acid, for doing another music joke.
They pull the combistick out of Ed.
Ed: Thank you, guys.
Kain: HOLY SHIT! HE DIDN'T SAY "BOOYAH!"!!!!!!!!
Ed: I guess the impalement cured me. (heals himself with the predator healing equipment.
Kain: Didn't you guys have to fight that insect like dude?
Sammy: We did, and we defeated him.
She pulls Primagen's head out.
Jamie: But what about you, Kain? Didn't you have to fight that winged alien?
Kain pulls out the alien's head.
Indy: HAHAH! NOW YOU'LL ALL DIE!
Sammy: What the hell?! You were dead!!!!
Indy: Not dead enough to not activate the self-destruction mechanism!
Kain: BLASTED!
He jumps up, and decapitates Indy with the reaver.
Kain: We gotta get out of here.
Ed: No shit?
Kain: shut up!
Voice: Self destruction initiated. Destruction in T minus 10 seconds.
They run like hell, and a bunch of aliens chases after them. (about 5000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000000000000000000000000 of them)
Kain: BLASTED!
Voice: Destruction in T minus 5 seconds.
Sammy: WE'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT!
Kain: ALL OF YOU, HOLD ON TO ME!
Sammy: You'd like that, wouldn't you?
Jamie: GOD DAMN IT, SAMMY, JUST HOLD ON TO HIM!
All the predators hold on to him, and he teleports out of the base, about 5 feet from it.
Kain: D'OH!
Voice: Destruction in T minus 1 seconds.
Ed: JUMP FOR IT!
They all attempt to jump away. The base explodes...........
Base: BOOM!
........Sending the 5 hunters flying, unto the predator mother ship.
Hunters: *wham* OUCH!
They fall down on a ramp, and gets transported into the ship.
Kain: Now, since we're done, can I get home?
Predator leader: No, we need to congratulate you on your help in this mission.
Kain: Congratulate this! (whaps the leader with his reaver)
Pred-leader: Destroy this rude person, please.
Ed: No! He helped us!
Jamie: Yeah, without him, we wouldn't have made it.
Sammy: And he's hot!
They all look at her.
Sammy: In the sense of being a good fighter, damnit!
Kain: Blasted, that means that if I can score Rayne, I only get to have 2 wives.
Jobie: JOBIE CONGRATULATE KAIN WITH HELP! UGGA-BUGGA! ME THUNK ALIENS ON HEAD! (drools)
Kain: Well, it's been nice meeting with you psychos, but I'm leaving now. Bye bye.
Jamie: bye, Kain.
Sammy: bye, Kain.
Ed: Bye, Kain.
Jobie: BYE BYE, GREY HAIR!
Kain: Oh, another thing, you guys.
Jamie: Anything, Kain.
Kain: Please don't request my help another time. (teleports away)
Sammy: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight........
***************************************************************************
Kain: It's good to be back at the sanctuary!
Umah: (tapping her foot) I hear you've been hitting on Rayne.
Kain: Yeah, your point being?
Umah: (whips out a chainsaw) I don't like it, when you try to get more women than me.
Kain: Uh-oh......... (telepathically) Uhh, preds, a little help here?
Jamie: You said we shouldn't contact you again.
Kain: Oh god, she's getting clos- AAAAAAAAAAARRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JESUS, WOMAN, YOU'RE WORSE THAN ELIZABETH!
***********************************************************************
And now, the credits! Guerilla Radio, by Rage Against the Machine, since I'm listening to that song right now. And it's un-censored!!!! Since I'm just copying and pasting. Therefor, I don't take responsibility for any typos.
Transmission third world war third round A decade of the weapon of sound above ground No shelter if youre looking for shade I lick shots at the brutal charade As the polls close like a casket On truth devoured Silent play in the shadow of power A spectacle monopolized The cameras eyes on choice disguised Was it cast for the mass who burn and toil? Or for the vultures who thirst for blood and oil? Yes a spectacle monopolized They hold the reins, stole your eyes All the fistagons the bullets and bombs Who stuff the banks Who staff the party ranks More for Gore or the son of a drug lord None of the above fuck it cut the cord
Lights out Guerilla Radio Turn that shit up Lights out Guerilla Radio Turn that shit up Lights out Guerilla Radio Turn that shit up Lights out Guerilla Radio
Contact I highjacked the frequencies Blockin the beltway Move on DC Way past the days of bombin MCs Sound off Mumia guan be free Who gottem yo check the federal file All you pen devils know the trial was vile Army of pigs try to silence my style Off em all out that box its my radio dial
Lights out Guerilla Radio Turn that shit up Lights out Guerilla Radio Turn that shit up Lights out Guerilla Radio Turn that shit up Lights out Guerilla Radio Turn that shit up
It has to start somewhere It has to start sometime What better place than here What better time than now
All hell cant stop us now All hell cant stop us now All hell cant stop us now All hell cant stop us now All hell cant stop us now All hell cant stop us now
**************************************************************************** ***************
Okay, now you know what I'm planning to do next. But there's a little something extra. At some point, I'll do an R-rated sketch show. (Now where did I get that idea from? CoughMortalsoracough) So look for that at one point, too. Ah, screw it! I'll just tell you at one point in one of my next stories when I'm doing the first sketch. As for my next stories, one of them is the Defiance parody. The other one, the secret one, is......... DUM DUM DUM!
Readers: What is it?
It's exciting, isn't it?
Readers: Shut up and say it!
An Evil Dead parody! RAAAAAR!
Ed: BOOYAH!
And now for your enjoyment, Moebius in a tank, saying that he farts in our general direction.
Moebius in a tank: I fart in your general direction!
He then gets crushed by a 16 tons weight bolt.