For some reason, I'm in an update-the-old-fics-I-haven't-touched-in-months
mood. Maybe it's because I have a cold. Or maybe it's because Tashilover
blackmailed me! Either way, I'm updating! More Nigel Pivington Jones!
Christmas has come early!
Disclaimer: I own Nigel! And myself! But that's it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"You heard me!" The black-haired boy snapped as Nigel continued to look around in a bewildered fashion for the person that the boy was addressing. All three children brandished their wands at the fellowship. In response, Legolas pointed an arrow at the boy, and Aragorn and Boromir drew their swords.
"Oh!" Nigel said suddenly, pointing to himself. "Do you mean me?"
"Of course he means you," the red-haired boy cried. "You're the one who stole the sword!"
"Ah, yes," Nigel nodded patronizingly. "You see, this is all a misunderstanding! I merely *borrowed* the sword! I do not steal; I'm Nigel Pivington Jones!"
The black-haired boy's wand twitched, and Legolas stiffened, gripping his bow tighter.
"Okay," Platy stepped forward, holding her paws up in an attempt to defuse the situation. "Nigel is right about this all being a misunderstanding, at least."
"Are you a platypus?" The girl asked incredulously.
"I am THE NOBLE platypus," Platy said. "But that's not the point! Nigel, give the sword back to Harry."
"Who's Harry?" Nigel asked.
"How do you know my name?" Harry demanded, transferring his gaze to Platy.
"Oh, so *you're* Harry!" Nigel nodded with sudden understanding.
"You know these children?" Gandalf asked, shifting his staff from one hand to the other.
"Well, not personally," Platy said. "Look, you three are here to get the sword back, right?"
"Uh . . . yeah, that's right," Ron nodded.
"So!" Platy turned to Nigel, a dangerous gleam in her eyes. "Nigel, give the sword back to Harry so they can leave."
"Oh, but . . ." Nigel drew the sword and frowned at it, dismayed. "But I rather like it!"
"Do you think I pheeping CARE whether you LIKE it or not?!" Platy snapped.
The fellowship was deeply confused. They weren't sure whether the situation called for weapons or not, and if it did, they weren't sure where they should be pointing them. Platy had certainly made it sound like the children had a legitimate complaint, and that Nigel was the one at fault. Then again, if those short, thin things were weapons, they weren't about to give the children any unnecessary advantage.
"It's mine!" Nigel whined. "I stole it fair and square!"
Platy bristled. "Nigel, you are going to give that sword back right now, or I swear on all that is holy that I will delete you. I'll have no choice! I'm not going to let the fellowship be put in jeopardy because YOU fancied a sword that wasn't yours!"
So the children *were* dangerous! Legolas leveled his arrow at Harry's head once more. The girl noticed this and pointed her wand at him.
"Watch it, you . . . oh!" Hermione trailed off as she properly noticed Legolas for the first time. Platy saw her mouth the words 'hot damn' and rolled her eyes.
"This is already getting out-of-hand!" Platy snapped, drawing everyone's attention back to her. "Nigel, return the sword this instant!"
Nigel sighed in resignation and walked forward. "Oh, *fine*! You're all an absolute bloody drag, do you know that?!" Legolas watched as Nigel held the sword out towards Harry. Harry lowered his wand and reached for it . . . and at the last moment, Nigel jerked it back out of Harry's reach and sprinted into the darkness, cackling. "It's mine! All mine!"
"DAMMIT, NIGEL!!!" Platy howled.
"IMPEDIMENTA!" Hermione shouted, pointing her wand at where Nigel had disappeared. The spell went zinging off into the darkness. There was an "Oof!" and a muffled thud. Apparently, the spell had hit home.
Unfortunately, Legolas instinctively reacted to Hermione's attack by swiftly knocking her unconscious. Ron's face contorted in rage, and he pointed his wand at Legolas. A moment later, Legolas found himself burping up slugs.
Gandalf had had enough. "STOP!" he bellowed, and everyone froze. "That is quite enough!" With a wave of his staff, he removed the hex Ron had laid on Legolas. "Lower your wands!" Harry and Ron guiltily complied. "That's better! The next time I see Dumbledore . . ."
"You know Dumbledore?" Ron asked, surprised.
"Of course I do!" Gandalf stormed off to where Nigel was slumped on the ground and picked up the sword. He carried it back and handed it to Harry. "Here's the sword. Now, did Dumbledore give you a portkey so you could return to your realm?"
"Er . . ." Harry shifted, "no, he didn't."
"Wonderful," Platy grumbled, trotting over to Nigel and smacking him repeatedly until he awoke.
"Gah!" Nigel sat up straight, blinking, his pith helmet askew. "The sword!"
"Harry has it," Platy said shortly, "and Harry's keeping it! You can accept that and behave yourself, or I can delete you right now!"
"I'll behave," Nigel said softly, standing up.
"Good." Platy trotted back to the fellowship and gazed thoughtfully at Hermione's unconscious form. "Someone will have to carry her."
"I will," Legolas said, "as it was I who knocked her out." He lifted Hermione without any trouble. "Gandalf?" He looked at the wizard for guidance.
"Well, until we can find a way to get you three back to your realm, you will have to travel with us," Gandalf said, looking at Harry and Ron. "Figures that Dumbledore would forget to give you a way back . . ." he added under his breath. "I believe that some introductions are in order. I am Gandalf the Grey. The Noble Platypus and Nigel you already know. The elf who so unfortunately," here the corner of Gandalf's mouth twitched upward almost imperceptibly, "knocked the girl unconscious is Prince Legolas of Mirkwood. The dwarf is Gimli son of Glóin, and the two men are Aragorn son of Arathorn and Boromir of Gondor. The hobbits are Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee, Meriadoc Brandybuck, and Peregrine Took."
"I'm Harry, Harry Potter," Harry said after a half-second of gaping. "This is my friend, Ron Weasley, and that's Hermione Granger."
"Well, now that we're all introduced," Platy said a bit impatiently, "can we move on? I don't much like it here."
"Yes, yes," Gandalf said, holding the staff aloft. "Be on your guard. There are older and fouler things than orcs in the deep places of the world. It is a four day journey to the other side. Let us hope that our presence may go unnoticed."
~*~
Hermione regained consciousness half and hour later, and Legolas was more than happy to put her down and let her walk for herself. After being filled in by Harry and Ron, Hermione proceeded to gape openly at Legolas as she walked. As a result, Ron was in a foul mood and was especially short with the oblivious elven prince. Platy seemed to find it all intensely amusing, and often burst out in fits of coughing that were really badly- masked giggles.
Nigel's mood closely matched Ron's. He kept darting glances of longing at the sword of Godric Gryffindor, which only caused Harry to guard it more carefully. By the fourth day, tensions were running high.
They had just reached the intersection that Gandalf didn't remember. Hermione was sitting on a rock and gazing at Legolas with a dreamy smile on her face. Ron was vainly trying to engage her in conversation, and getting increasingly upset when she refused to respond. Harry was glaring suspiciously at Nigel and clutching the sword protectively. Nigel was wandering "aimlessly" in Harry's general direction, clearly about to pull something. Legolas was watching Nigel with amusement, and if he was aware of Hermione's staring, he hid it very well. Platy was watching Nigel with a mixture of frustration and anger. The hobbits were completely unaware of the mini-drama that was occurring a short distance away, and were comparing their varying levels of hunger. Gandalf was smoking his pipe and staring at the archways. Aragorn and Boromir were sharpening their weapons, and Gimli appeared to be dozing. Suddenly, Platy leaped a foot straight up into the air.
"I'VE GOT IT!" She shrieked, making everyone else jump a foot into the air as well (except for Gimli, who toppled off of the rock he'd been dozing on). "I can't believe I was so stupid!" She cried, clapping her paws delightedly. Legolas had never seen anyone get so excited about being stupid before.
"You've got what?" Gandalf asked a touch irritably, looking at Platy from under his bushy eyebrows.
"The solution!" Platy leaped about triumphantly. The hobbits exchanged eager glances. They had no idea what she was talking about, but it certainly sounded exciting.
"Solution to what?" Boromir asked, raising his eyebrows.
"To getting these three back to Hogwarts!" Platy pointed at the teens. Harry and Ron brightened considerably, while Hermione's face fell. "The book, they can use the book! It's PERFECT!"
"The book!" Pippin got a bit *too* caught up in the moment, leaped up, ran over to Legolas's pack, and pulled out the book. Platy ran forward, paws outstretched, but she was too late. Pippin opened the book, and with a blinding flash, the fellowship, the platypus, Nigel, and the three teen wizards disappeared.
And the emaciated, slightly slimy creature that had been tailing the company and spying on them from behind some boulders disappeared as well.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hehehe . . . you can guess where they've all ended up . . .
Greeneyes616: Hee, thanks so much! I'm glad that people are recommending me, and gladder still that the recommendees (is that a word? It is now!) are enjoying it!! :D
Meee: Aw, thanks! :P Stop looking at me like that, I updated! I just can't resist those puppy-dog eyes, darn it . . .
SoCruel: I don't think anyone can really *control* Nigel. I can threaten him, but that's about it. :) And a tallyhoe to you, too! :P Thanks!
ElvenPirate41: Yay! Thanks for all of your reviews! Nigel is a silly twit! He's like a mixture of Gilderoy Lockhart and a really, really spoiled six-year-old terror! :P
AlienAgentPirate9Duh: Hehe, thanks! I continued!
Tanquessiel: Aww, wow, thanks a bundle! We must be pretty similar, then, because Platy is basically me . . . as a platypus. So in way, this is a very bizarre self-insert! Glad you liked it! :D
Huinesoron: Yep, the HP gang's here! And Hermione seems to be joining the ranks of Legolas fangirls, hehe. I figured that if she was the type to fall for Lockhart, she'd be the type to swoon over Leggy-lulu as well. And Ron is jealous! XD I feel so evil . . . but in a good way! Thanks for reviewing!
Whizzothecrunchyfrog: And I've updated again! Thanks bunches, I'm so glad you like it!
Tashilover: There! I've updated, you blackmailing . . . you! Now it's your turn! :P Hope this chapter was worth the horrendously long wait. And as to how I came up with Nigel's name . . . well, it was sort of a joint effort between me and my dad . . . actually, it's a very, very long story. If you really want to hear it, let me know and I'll e-mail it to you.
Lady LifeCharm: Thanks so much for all of your really, really nice reviews! They gave me warm fuzzies! :D Glad you like it!!!
Dragonfire: Hehe, thanks! No, they don't . . . but it turns out that Gandalf and Dumbledore are old pals . . . since Dumbledore has his picture in his office and all. :P So glad you like it!!
Well, I actually got off my lazy (or, more accurately, distracted) bum and updated this fic! Let me know if it was appreciated by REVIEWING!!!!!!
~Platy
Disclaimer: I own Nigel! And myself! But that's it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"You heard me!" The black-haired boy snapped as Nigel continued to look around in a bewildered fashion for the person that the boy was addressing. All three children brandished their wands at the fellowship. In response, Legolas pointed an arrow at the boy, and Aragorn and Boromir drew their swords.
"Oh!" Nigel said suddenly, pointing to himself. "Do you mean me?"
"Of course he means you," the red-haired boy cried. "You're the one who stole the sword!"
"Ah, yes," Nigel nodded patronizingly. "You see, this is all a misunderstanding! I merely *borrowed* the sword! I do not steal; I'm Nigel Pivington Jones!"
The black-haired boy's wand twitched, and Legolas stiffened, gripping his bow tighter.
"Okay," Platy stepped forward, holding her paws up in an attempt to defuse the situation. "Nigel is right about this all being a misunderstanding, at least."
"Are you a platypus?" The girl asked incredulously.
"I am THE NOBLE platypus," Platy said. "But that's not the point! Nigel, give the sword back to Harry."
"Who's Harry?" Nigel asked.
"How do you know my name?" Harry demanded, transferring his gaze to Platy.
"Oh, so *you're* Harry!" Nigel nodded with sudden understanding.
"You know these children?" Gandalf asked, shifting his staff from one hand to the other.
"Well, not personally," Platy said. "Look, you three are here to get the sword back, right?"
"Uh . . . yeah, that's right," Ron nodded.
"So!" Platy turned to Nigel, a dangerous gleam in her eyes. "Nigel, give the sword back to Harry so they can leave."
"Oh, but . . ." Nigel drew the sword and frowned at it, dismayed. "But I rather like it!"
"Do you think I pheeping CARE whether you LIKE it or not?!" Platy snapped.
The fellowship was deeply confused. They weren't sure whether the situation called for weapons or not, and if it did, they weren't sure where they should be pointing them. Platy had certainly made it sound like the children had a legitimate complaint, and that Nigel was the one at fault. Then again, if those short, thin things were weapons, they weren't about to give the children any unnecessary advantage.
"It's mine!" Nigel whined. "I stole it fair and square!"
Platy bristled. "Nigel, you are going to give that sword back right now, or I swear on all that is holy that I will delete you. I'll have no choice! I'm not going to let the fellowship be put in jeopardy because YOU fancied a sword that wasn't yours!"
So the children *were* dangerous! Legolas leveled his arrow at Harry's head once more. The girl noticed this and pointed her wand at him.
"Watch it, you . . . oh!" Hermione trailed off as she properly noticed Legolas for the first time. Platy saw her mouth the words 'hot damn' and rolled her eyes.
"This is already getting out-of-hand!" Platy snapped, drawing everyone's attention back to her. "Nigel, return the sword this instant!"
Nigel sighed in resignation and walked forward. "Oh, *fine*! You're all an absolute bloody drag, do you know that?!" Legolas watched as Nigel held the sword out towards Harry. Harry lowered his wand and reached for it . . . and at the last moment, Nigel jerked it back out of Harry's reach and sprinted into the darkness, cackling. "It's mine! All mine!"
"DAMMIT, NIGEL!!!" Platy howled.
"IMPEDIMENTA!" Hermione shouted, pointing her wand at where Nigel had disappeared. The spell went zinging off into the darkness. There was an "Oof!" and a muffled thud. Apparently, the spell had hit home.
Unfortunately, Legolas instinctively reacted to Hermione's attack by swiftly knocking her unconscious. Ron's face contorted in rage, and he pointed his wand at Legolas. A moment later, Legolas found himself burping up slugs.
Gandalf had had enough. "STOP!" he bellowed, and everyone froze. "That is quite enough!" With a wave of his staff, he removed the hex Ron had laid on Legolas. "Lower your wands!" Harry and Ron guiltily complied. "That's better! The next time I see Dumbledore . . ."
"You know Dumbledore?" Ron asked, surprised.
"Of course I do!" Gandalf stormed off to where Nigel was slumped on the ground and picked up the sword. He carried it back and handed it to Harry. "Here's the sword. Now, did Dumbledore give you a portkey so you could return to your realm?"
"Er . . ." Harry shifted, "no, he didn't."
"Wonderful," Platy grumbled, trotting over to Nigel and smacking him repeatedly until he awoke.
"Gah!" Nigel sat up straight, blinking, his pith helmet askew. "The sword!"
"Harry has it," Platy said shortly, "and Harry's keeping it! You can accept that and behave yourself, or I can delete you right now!"
"I'll behave," Nigel said softly, standing up.
"Good." Platy trotted back to the fellowship and gazed thoughtfully at Hermione's unconscious form. "Someone will have to carry her."
"I will," Legolas said, "as it was I who knocked her out." He lifted Hermione without any trouble. "Gandalf?" He looked at the wizard for guidance.
"Well, until we can find a way to get you three back to your realm, you will have to travel with us," Gandalf said, looking at Harry and Ron. "Figures that Dumbledore would forget to give you a way back . . ." he added under his breath. "I believe that some introductions are in order. I am Gandalf the Grey. The Noble Platypus and Nigel you already know. The elf who so unfortunately," here the corner of Gandalf's mouth twitched upward almost imperceptibly, "knocked the girl unconscious is Prince Legolas of Mirkwood. The dwarf is Gimli son of Glóin, and the two men are Aragorn son of Arathorn and Boromir of Gondor. The hobbits are Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee, Meriadoc Brandybuck, and Peregrine Took."
"I'm Harry, Harry Potter," Harry said after a half-second of gaping. "This is my friend, Ron Weasley, and that's Hermione Granger."
"Well, now that we're all introduced," Platy said a bit impatiently, "can we move on? I don't much like it here."
"Yes, yes," Gandalf said, holding the staff aloft. "Be on your guard. There are older and fouler things than orcs in the deep places of the world. It is a four day journey to the other side. Let us hope that our presence may go unnoticed."
~*~
Hermione regained consciousness half and hour later, and Legolas was more than happy to put her down and let her walk for herself. After being filled in by Harry and Ron, Hermione proceeded to gape openly at Legolas as she walked. As a result, Ron was in a foul mood and was especially short with the oblivious elven prince. Platy seemed to find it all intensely amusing, and often burst out in fits of coughing that were really badly- masked giggles.
Nigel's mood closely matched Ron's. He kept darting glances of longing at the sword of Godric Gryffindor, which only caused Harry to guard it more carefully. By the fourth day, tensions were running high.
They had just reached the intersection that Gandalf didn't remember. Hermione was sitting on a rock and gazing at Legolas with a dreamy smile on her face. Ron was vainly trying to engage her in conversation, and getting increasingly upset when she refused to respond. Harry was glaring suspiciously at Nigel and clutching the sword protectively. Nigel was wandering "aimlessly" in Harry's general direction, clearly about to pull something. Legolas was watching Nigel with amusement, and if he was aware of Hermione's staring, he hid it very well. Platy was watching Nigel with a mixture of frustration and anger. The hobbits were completely unaware of the mini-drama that was occurring a short distance away, and were comparing their varying levels of hunger. Gandalf was smoking his pipe and staring at the archways. Aragorn and Boromir were sharpening their weapons, and Gimli appeared to be dozing. Suddenly, Platy leaped a foot straight up into the air.
"I'VE GOT IT!" She shrieked, making everyone else jump a foot into the air as well (except for Gimli, who toppled off of the rock he'd been dozing on). "I can't believe I was so stupid!" She cried, clapping her paws delightedly. Legolas had never seen anyone get so excited about being stupid before.
"You've got what?" Gandalf asked a touch irritably, looking at Platy from under his bushy eyebrows.
"The solution!" Platy leaped about triumphantly. The hobbits exchanged eager glances. They had no idea what she was talking about, but it certainly sounded exciting.
"Solution to what?" Boromir asked, raising his eyebrows.
"To getting these three back to Hogwarts!" Platy pointed at the teens. Harry and Ron brightened considerably, while Hermione's face fell. "The book, they can use the book! It's PERFECT!"
"The book!" Pippin got a bit *too* caught up in the moment, leaped up, ran over to Legolas's pack, and pulled out the book. Platy ran forward, paws outstretched, but she was too late. Pippin opened the book, and with a blinding flash, the fellowship, the platypus, Nigel, and the three teen wizards disappeared.
And the emaciated, slightly slimy creature that had been tailing the company and spying on them from behind some boulders disappeared as well.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hehehe . . . you can guess where they've all ended up . . .
Greeneyes616: Hee, thanks so much! I'm glad that people are recommending me, and gladder still that the recommendees (is that a word? It is now!) are enjoying it!! :D
Meee: Aw, thanks! :P Stop looking at me like that, I updated! I just can't resist those puppy-dog eyes, darn it . . .
SoCruel: I don't think anyone can really *control* Nigel. I can threaten him, but that's about it. :) And a tallyhoe to you, too! :P Thanks!
ElvenPirate41: Yay! Thanks for all of your reviews! Nigel is a silly twit! He's like a mixture of Gilderoy Lockhart and a really, really spoiled six-year-old terror! :P
AlienAgentPirate9Duh: Hehe, thanks! I continued!
Tanquessiel: Aww, wow, thanks a bundle! We must be pretty similar, then, because Platy is basically me . . . as a platypus. So in way, this is a very bizarre self-insert! Glad you liked it! :D
Huinesoron: Yep, the HP gang's here! And Hermione seems to be joining the ranks of Legolas fangirls, hehe. I figured that if she was the type to fall for Lockhart, she'd be the type to swoon over Leggy-lulu as well. And Ron is jealous! XD I feel so evil . . . but in a good way! Thanks for reviewing!
Whizzothecrunchyfrog: And I've updated again! Thanks bunches, I'm so glad you like it!
Tashilover: There! I've updated, you blackmailing . . . you! Now it's your turn! :P Hope this chapter was worth the horrendously long wait. And as to how I came up with Nigel's name . . . well, it was sort of a joint effort between me and my dad . . . actually, it's a very, very long story. If you really want to hear it, let me know and I'll e-mail it to you.
Lady LifeCharm: Thanks so much for all of your really, really nice reviews! They gave me warm fuzzies! :D Glad you like it!!!
Dragonfire: Hehe, thanks! No, they don't . . . but it turns out that Gandalf and Dumbledore are old pals . . . since Dumbledore has his picture in his office and all. :P So glad you like it!!
Well, I actually got off my lazy (or, more accurately, distracted) bum and updated this fic! Let me know if it was appreciated by REVIEWING!!!!!!
~Platy