No Need for Daniel!
By Cypher
Chapter 1: No Need for Daniel!
"Jack!"
"Hah! Take that weather boy!"
I wince as sounds of a crash follow the voices. Sometimes I wish I had never opened the Stargate. Then again, I wouldn't trade my friendships for the world. I just hope the mountain will withstand their antics. By the way, I'm Daniel Jackson. I was a simple archeologist-anthropologist working for General Hammond, happily studying strange artifacts in the heart of Cheyenne mountain. Life was normal: I got up, went to work, and came home. A predictable, even boring lifestyle, but I enjoyed it.
One day, though, I got curious about the rumored Stargate project. General Hammond told me about the secret project shortly after I joined, and warned me of the dangers of it: low funding, military pinheads, and some idiot group known as the NID. So I kept up with the reports and passed by the door it was hidden in for a few years, and my curiosity just kept growing until finally...I did something to satisfy it. Against Hammond's wishes. And you know what I did?
I opened the Stargate.
Seriously. What the military couldn't do for nearly a decade, I did in less than a fortnight. But opening that door was a lot more trouble than I expected.
"Danny, wanna catch lunch? They have pie."
"Maybe later." That's Jack O'Neill, also known as the Silver Fox. He was the first to enter my life because of the Stargate. He's quite a bit older than me, but is one of the most active people I know. He's a Colonel and somehow seems to be wherever I am. Sometimes I wonder if he can walk through walls, because he's gotten into rooms I'm sure I've locked him out of. But they don't call him the Silver Fox just because of his hair.
A hand slides around my chest. "Oh come on, Danny. Don't be like that."
Did I mention he has the hots for me? Ever since we met he's been trying to get in my pants. He's nearly succeeded a couple times, too. "I said no, Jack. I'm busy. Now go away."
"Colonel O'Neill! Leave Daniel alone!"
I glance at the door and sigh again. That was Paul Davis, a Major who is a liaison from the Pentagon. He's actually about my age, and he's the complete opposite of Jack. Clean cut, civil, soft spoken-
Jack tightens his arm around me possessively. "What're you gonna do about it, Major?"
I can hear Jack's smirk at that statement. He loves pulling rank, especially on Paul. And if you're wondering why Paul is turning red in the face, it's because he's after me, too. Unlike Jack, who threw me over his shoulder once, Paul is more formal. He sends me flowers, candy, even poetry. Neither man seems to notice my attempts to get them to stop.
"I'll tell Dr. Fraiser the Pentagon lost your physical paperwork and you need another."
Ahh, the Doc Fraiser move. I call her Janet. She's the base chief medical officer, and acts like a sister to both Paul and myself. Normally she's a sweet person, but rub her wrong or if a person's life is in jeopardy or if there's a crisis, and she seems to change into an entirely different entity. Mature, knowledgeable, and empowered; it's always amazing to see that transformation occur in the very short woman.
I feel Jack's arm pull away. I should tell you Janet is one of the few people who can intimidate Jack O'Neill. And he wonders why I spend so much time with her.
"I'm going to get you for that, Major."
"I'd like to see you try."
Oh great. They're going to fight in my office again. Well, I have needed a new desk for a while...
"Alright you two, break it up. Colonel, you have paperwork, and Major, General Hammond was looking for you."
Ah, thank you, Sam. The two men are grumbling, but are leaving anyway. Oh yeah, Samantha Carter is-
"Daniel, what're you doing?"
I blink. "Excuse me?"
She walks over and crosses her arms. "I've been hearing your voice-over all day." Her eyes brighten. "Oh, I get it. This is one of those fanfics and you're setting the mood and introducing the characters."
"Er, Sam-"
"Honestly, Daniel, you can't hog the spotlight." Sam cleared her throat. "Okay, I'll take over from here."
"Sam! It's titled 'No Need for Daniel!' This fic revolves around me, not you! Now give me my narration back!"
"You're wasting valuable page space that could be put to better use; like maybe introducing a plot. So shush and let me do this. Otherwise I may just try to get that sample from you again."
Sighing, Daniel backed down. "Fine, fine. I bow to your superior intellect and narrative skills."
"And I'm cute, too." Sam grinned and leaned on the desk. "Well, now that we're done with that first person crap, let me tell you who else is part of our little group. First, there's me, Samantha Carter, the greatest scientific mind in the universe."
Daniel coughed.
"Alright. Greatest astrophysicist in the world. Happy?" At Daniel's nod, she continued. "I was brought in before Daniel, but I could never get the Gate to work. The rumor around base is I like Jack, but really, we're just close friends. Janet is my confidant, and I'm trying to make Daniel my guinea pig." She smiled sweetly as Daniel spit out his coffee. "Normally I hang out in my lab fiddling with reactors; though come in at the right time and you might find me and my guinea pig just going at it-"
"Talking! We only talk! Honestly!" Daniel had turned a nice crimson shade at Sam's comment.
"Now, we also have two Jaffa hanging about. Teal'c and Bra'tac. They're big, strong, and dependent on tritonin since they lost their symbiotes. They don't say much, and usually they just stand there and look imposing. They're warriors, though, and are wicked with their staff weapons. As long as Major Paul isn't around. For some reason they stink if he's nearby." Sam rubbed her chin. "Still not sure why that happens... There's one more person that hangs around with us, and get this: he's an alien!"
"You don't need to make it sound so astonishing, Sam."
"Quiet, Daniel. He came through the Stargate about a year ago, and he just hung around because he's a little lazy."
"I thought it was because he was outcast from his own society."
"One more word from you and you'll need that physical Major Davis was talking about. Okay, so his stealing naquadria for us is part of the reason he's with us. He's pretty annoying, not to mention clumsy and way too energetic. But for a numbskull, he's bright. His name is Jonas Quinn, and he has this absurd fascination with the weather channel. He's also got a thing for Daniel, though Daniel's clueless about it."
"Huh?" Daniel blinked, realizing he had missed something while refilling his coffee cup.
"And Jonas is too shy to admit his crush. So, that's the basics of who's who around here. Every now and then my father, Jacob Carter, comes through the Gate to eat and hang out with Janet and me. Whenever we need a ship we also contact him and poof, a tel'tak is floating above our heads."
"Poof?"
Sam shot Daniel a dark look. "What other term would you use? Snap? Bamf? Miya?"
Daniel raised his hands in a surrendering gesture.
"So, that's us, the good guys of this fic. Now that introductions are over, let's move on to the plot." Waving, Sam left Daniel's office.
Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Daniel rolled his eyes. "Basically, those are the people of my life. Hell, right? But I'd miss them if they left." Daniel stood and ran a hand through his hair. "I think I'm going to get some blue jello and find Teal'c. He's older than me, and doesn't talk much, but he'll keep Jack and Paul away. At least until the next chapter. Enjoy the story!" With that, Daniel turned off his light and closed the door behind him.
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Author's Prattle: This is my flailing attempt at humor. Those of you who recognize the reference to Tenchi Muyo!, bravo! You'll get a lot of the "in" jokes. If you have no clue what Tenchi Muyo is, or what manga/anime is, well, you may like some of the jokes anyway. After all, everyone's after Daniel, but then, what else is new?
For those of you unfamiliar with Tenchi Muyo!, basically, this teen opens a demon temple to discover the demon is actually an alien criminal. Soon he's got aliens running all over the place, most of whom want to run into bed with him. It's hilarious, and if you ever get the chance to see the series (SUB! Dub is EVIL!), go for it.
For those of you unfamiliar with Tenchi Muyo, or unsure of who's got who's personality, here's a conversion chart for you:
Daniel Jackson: Tenchi Misaki
Jack O'Neill: Ryoko
Paul Davis: Ayeka
Samantha Carter: Washu
Janet Fraiser: Sasami (or Tsunami, depending on how you see her)
General Hammond: Yosho
Jonas Quinn: Mihoshi
Bra'tac & Teal'c: Azaka & Kamidake
Jacob Carter: Ryo-Ohki (Hey, it was either that or Jr, and frankly, who wants to throw a slimy snake?)
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate SG-1. That belongs to SciFi, MGM, whoever owns it. I also don't own Tenchi Muyo. That's property of Pioneer and Hitoshi Okuda.
Well, that's it. I don't know when I'll update this fic, but I will when I can. This may end up being a one shot, but I doubt it. I really wanna do the Mihoshi driving lesson one. As always, I hope you enjoyed, and reviews are welcome!