Charlie flapped his wings in surprise as the door to the apartment burst open and its attractive tenant entered the room. Charlie could tell by her brisk stride that Barbara Gordon was in 'all systems go' mode.

"I certainly picked the right time to visit police headquarters, Charlie," she said to her pet parrot. "Daddy received word that the empty Batmobile was located over on Victor Paul Boulevard."

She walked over to the far wall of the apartment and touched a secret panel. A section of the wall revolved around to reveal the wall's opposite side, containing a wardrobe table, wig, and Batgirl costume.

"Let's review what we've learned so far, Charlie," she said as she grabbed her crime-fighting gear and began changing clothes. "Batman, Robin, and I learned that the Joker was being released from prison early, so we decided to keep him under surveillance. He stopped briefly at Honest Gabe's House of Deathtraps, but departed without purchasing anything. He next visited the Department of Motor Vehicles. While he was renewing his driver's license, the mysterious Wizard unsuccessfully attempted to pick a fight with him. A few minutes later, the Wizard had a disastrous driving test that ended with the car in the dumpster. The Joker faked an injury in order to get hauled off in the same ambulance as the Wizard. We caught up to the ambulance at the hospital, but couldn't locate the Joker. Batman and Robin haven't been seen in public since we parted ways that evening."

She zipped up the back of the Batgirl outfit. "Is their disappearance the work of the Joker? The Wizard? Or some new villain who's descended upon our city?"

"It's obviously the Joker," Charlie said, although the proclamation emerged as typical bird squawks

Batgirl ignored the incomprehensible noises. "Batman told me that vehicle malfunctions were the Wizard's specialty when he was in his prime. Couldn't his car 'accident' have all been a ruse to throw suspicion off himself?"

"Wrong, wrong!" Charlie answered, which came out "squark, squark!"

"I can't help feeling that the Wizard is heavily involved in whatever dark scheme is being perpetrated. Hopefully, I'll be able to find some clues in the abandoned Batmobile that reveal where the Dynamic Duo stopped in the last few days. Wish me luck, Charlie!" She fastened her cape as she strode toward the Batgirl Cycle.

"No, the abandoned car is obviously a trap! Listen to me, stupid!" Charlie attempted to say, but Batgirl was already taking her secret freight elevator down to the street. Charlie found himself squawking at an empty room.

******

On the other side of town, another person bursting with nervous energy was pacing his living room. Bald, dapperly dressed, and wearing a monocle, the man checked a phone number in his address book. Before dialing, he peered suspiciously out his window. This would constitute an odd step in the phone dialing process for most, but not for this man. For this man had an appetite for espionage.

And, in a dimly lit room at the Happy Cockroach Apartment Complex, an ancient-looking phone began to ring. The clumping steps of a false leg drew closer to the dusty side table on which the phone perched. After two more clanging rings, a claw-shaped hand prosthetic angrily snatched up the receiver.

"What is it you want? Speak!"

"You have acquired the chair?" asked a voice with a wavering 'singsong' tone.

"Colonel?"

"Danke for the correct application of my title. My dumpkoff neighbors cannot seem to remember. As for the purpose for my call, the chair we spoke of..."

"Ah, yes. Your sharp eye has served our cause well. I was indeed able to obtain the zombie chair from the House of Deathtraps."

"It is functional?"

"Completely. All that was required of me was to scrape the rust from the terminals. These western fools have just handed me the means with which to control their foolish minds, their free will. I am indebted to you for locating it after all this time."

"It was nothing. It takes more than the fall of Berlin to impede the reasoning abilities of the 'Iron Eagle'. Why, just this day I have deduced that it was our dear Hogan seen frolicking at some cabins along Lake Tonto."

"The other Colonel. Interesting - while my scorn is directed at an entire nation, yours is focused like a laser upon a single man. He severely damaged your reputation, did he not?"

The bald man became very animated. "Nein! Those were lies! No soldiers ever escaped from Stalag 13! Not one! I will not be held responsible for fabrications flamed by scurrilous rumors!"

"No insult was intended. Be assured that few even recall those old tales. How many years has it been now since the Allies prematurely declared victory?"

The caller regarded the ceiling as he tried to remember. "It seems like the distant past, but Robin the Boy Wonder has not yet grown to manhood, so it cannot have been that long.

"I will tell you the real reason for the Boy Wonder's seeming eternal youth."

"Yes, yes, I'm well aware of your 'dynamic duplicates' theory. Haven't you ever considered that perhaps Batman employs some manner of stunted dwarf in his missions?"

"Whatever the explanation, I must exercise caution. I witnessed the Batmobile departing as I exited from the Honest Gabriel establishment. The Bat Man may be monitoring my activities."

"I would not worry. I once exchanged words with the Caped Crusaders as they scaled the side of a building. Upon noting their presence, I simply opened the window and confronted them. They knew better than to challenge me and were quickly on their way."

"Still, Batman may have alerted the American immigration officials about my return to Gotham."

"Ah, the American immigration authorities! They pose a threat reminiscent of the French Fighting Legion: nothing more than a weekend diversion!"

Ninety seconds later, when the two had finished laughing, the bald man continued. "If you are concerned about law enforcement, my advice would be to maintain a low profile and postpone implementation of your plot until I return from Lake Tonto."

"Which will be when?"

"Soon. How much longer can Hogan possibly avoid my grasp?"

"Very well. However, my revenge upon this mongrel nation will not be delayed for long."

******

Inside a darkened warehouse in the bad section of town, a red bulb on a control panel lit up. Two burly henchmen watched their boss light up in response.

"It begins, my slaphappy subordinates!" the Joker exclaimed. "That light means that Batgirl has just started the motor of the boobytrapped Batmobile! Now, we'll just arrange a little detour that brings her by for a visit!"

He clapped his hands in hyperactive glee. "I hope she hasn't gotten too attached to Commissioner Gordon. I wonder how she would react if he were to suddenly…cease to exist!"

"HEAVENS!!

WHAT DIRE DEVELOPMENTS LAY IN STORE?

STAY TUNED!

THE WORST IS YET TO COME!"