I don't own any character that I'm parodying. Please don't send Hate Mail if you don't like something, comment about it instead. A bunch of characters are introduced in this chapter and the next. In other words, there will be characters coming out the wazoo. The Mains were taken care of in the first chapter. Oh and I STILL don't own Excel Saga (darn). Now enough of my rambling, on with the fic!

Chapter 2: Cruising Through the Ocean

"Great day for a cruise, don't you think dad?" Edward asks Sasuke while walking to the ship.

Sasuke says "Sure is…" as he ruffles his daughter's hair.
Ed screams "DAD, YOU PIMP!" and runs up to the ticket taker. Malitia is already there. "Hiya Malitia!" She says when she gets close enough to her.

Malitia kicks Ed in the shin. "Hi shrimp" she replies.

"OWWWWIIEEEEEEE! THAT HURT!" Edward shouts.

In another area, Rinoa is also screaming but for other reasons. "Owwww! Traveling via distorted space hurts!"

Spark isn't bleeding like Rinoa is, so she gets off of her and uses a healing spell on her. "Better?" She asks caringly.

Rinoa gets up, sighing "For now…today's the thirteenth, anything can happen…"

"Don't talk like that," Fox warns Rinoa, staring at her "You could have just given the ship some of your bad luck…"

"WHO SAYS I HAVE BAD LUCK?" she screams at Fox when Force comes out of the warp hole, knocking Rinoa down to the cement again "Owwww… maybe your right…"

Force sets Med down and helps Rinoa up "Sorry about that…"

"It's not your fault, don't be sorry"

"Bad luck again?"

"…You could say that…"

Rea-rea looks at the St. Valentines paint job "Wow…all red…."

Med jumps over to the bow, where about 50 giant sanguine colored roses against a roseate backround "Looky! Roses! They're so pretty!"

Zero looks at the roses too. "Wow…that took a while to do…" he comments.

Med starts running in circles around the group. "Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty ROSES!" she shrieks.

Zero smirks and grabs rea-rea. "Better start boarding" he tells her as he jumps onto the main deck, shows the ticket guy their tickets and jumps back down for rea-rea and his luggage. "Beat that Force!", he taunts before he does a backflip onto the ship.

Rinoa sighs, "Does he EVER stop doing that?"

Force shakes his head, "He probably won't stop showing off even when he's dead…"

As the rest of the group boards the ship, Excel and company are running to get on the boat.

"WAIT FOR US!" Excel screams though a megaphone as she pulls Key behind her.

Illpalazzo rushes after Excel, holding Hyatt in his arms. He flashes the ticket by the crewman and he runs aboard. He runs to their room and sets her down on the bed. Of course, she not dead…she's sleeping. Yeah, we'll work with that.

Back to Excel, she found Rikku and Ropponmatsu the 2nd on board. God knows what they are planning on doing…Key wandered off somewhere and has a bunch of groupies hanging around him.

"Oh, my angels…you are all so stunning, There is enough of me and my music to go around!" he laughs as he walks past Iwata, Misaki, Watanabe and Ropponmatsu the First.

Watanabe sweatdrops "Where could Ayasugi be…" he thinks out loud and Ropponmatsu hears him.

"She just past us five minutes ago, being carried by a man several years older then her. They went down approximately 3 floors into an unoccupied second class bedroom. She is now lying on a bed" She reports to Watanabe, who then freaks out.

Watanabe runs to the elevator closest to him and presses the down button. As soon as he presses the button, he gets trampled by Void, followed by Kitty with a Machete. "Come back here Void, I wanna TALK to you!" Kitty lies as she runs after Void.

Iwata walks up to Watanabe, looks down and laughs "And you call me stupid…"

Misaki punches Iwata into a pole "I just felt like doing that" she smirks as a horn sounds.

The PA starts talking in the captain's voice. "Hello, hello! My name is Cid and I'm your captain of this cruise. It's the St. Valentines maiden voyage today and all you lucky people are here to witness it! I hope you all enjoy yourselves on this trip!" The PA then shuts off as the champagne bottle is broken on the bow of the ship.

A few people start cheering and clapping but then stop because they realize they look stupid.

Inuyasha and Yuna kiss to start off the cruise, along with several other couples who are either hugging or kissing each other.

Sumiyoshi is such a pig. He took almost all of the buffet's food and jammed the food on all the plates available. He took up 6 full size tables just for his food. He already ate a whole tables worth of food and he moves over to the next one. Well, he could have taken ALL the food, right? So he's not a total glutton after all...yeah, right.

Key and his groupies founded a band called the "White Roses". What a bad pun. Well, they made up a couple songs and with Key singing the vocals, they are better then OK. They're the only band playing in the nightclub right now.

Ropponmatsu the 2nd, Excel, Edward and Rikku are all break dancing. Malitia seems to always mess up Ed's Windmills by throwing a rock at her head. Ropponmatsu does a combo of a flare to a windmill to a backspin. Everybody claps and they all yell in unison "Nice combo!"

Ropponmatsu bows and flicks her ears. "That was a easy one…"

Excel trys to do a skyscraper but falls on to the hardwood floor "Ouch…"

Rikku does a combo too. She starts out with a six step to a coffee grinder to an airbaby, finishing off with a triple headspin. "Way too easy..."

Everybody claps once more.

Edward rubs her head. "This is getting boring now…" she smiles "Lets go annoy people!"

The rest of the group grabs a bunch of midgets, ferrets, cats and anything else they can get their hand on. Edward grabs her "Plunger of DOOM" (tm) and they all run up to the deck.

Going next door to the library, you'll find Spark lounging on a couch in the far corner, reading War and Peace. No matter what you do to get the book away, she'll STILL be reading it. Ropponmatsu the 1st is also reading in the library. She is re-re-re-re-reading her instruction manual. Surprisingly, she seems very into the manual. All this reading ON A CRUISE is boring this narrator, so we will now move to the pool.

Watanabe found Hyatt when Illpalazzo stepped out of the room to get some soda. He and 'Ayasugi' are sitting at a poolside table, talking about their jobs.

"So, Watanabe, how goes you job for the city?" Hyatt asks in her gentle tone of voice.

"Um…it's going…well…" He responds, sweatdropping. He thinks back to his job of his sitting in the same seat, day after day, doing paperwork "What a great job…" he mutters. He looks back to her pale face "So, what about your job?"

Hyatt smiles "My job is going great with my senior there…and the boss can be so understanding…" she starts as she sips her tomato juice. "…You could say that the best job is being able to live with having your boss as a boss and your co-workers as your co-workers, so I've found mine…"

The whole table is then splashed with pool water and Watanabe freaks out. He goes to find the culprit who he thinks is Iwata but is really Fox. "IWATA YOU FREAK!" he shouts in the direction of the wave to be responded with a girls voice.

"Excuse me," Fox says as she glares at Watanabe "I'm not this Iwata person…so much for a simple sorry…"

Watanabe falls over, muttering "Now more people are out to run my relationship with Ayasugi? When will it end...?"

Fox splashes more water on him. "Look, I'm sorry, OK? Get over it…" she insinuates before starting a lap of breaststrokes.

On the other side of the pool, the chase continues. Kitty is running after Void, without a weapon this time, yelling "COME BACK, WE NEED TO TALK!"

Void murmurs while running "Yeah, by talk you mean murder me…"

Kitty tackles Void down to the tiled floor and he pushes her off him. She falls into the water but not without taking Void with her. The lifeguard sent for some crewmen to stop the fight and stop Kitty from drowning Void.

Excel and company is causing chaos on the other side of the ship by hitting people with midgets and eating glass dishes. Ropponmatsu decided that breaking things would be fun, so went to the gym and is bending equipment into itty bitty balls of steel. Edward is having fun plunging Malitia's face and Rikku went downstairs to pilfer some Gil from some stupid passengers.

"If Menchi was here, I wouldn't have to resort to this!" Excel says while swallowing some of the glass.

Speaking of Menchi, she is in Misaki's room, laying on Misaki's bed, on Misaki's cell phone. She called up her boyfriend Wolf and talked to him for a couple hours…then the battery wore out. Menchi puts the phone back on the dresser where she found in and leaves the open room. A mere two seconds she is out the door, she is nearly squeezed to death by rea-rea.

You see, rea-rea drank about two or three liters of 'Alcoholic, Non-Alcoholic Beverages'(see bottom of fic for definition) and her blood stream is nearly all full of caffeine. This makes her more hyper then usual and made her think that she has to hug everything that she sees until the drug-like hyperness wears off.

Rea-rea lets Menchi go and speeds down the corridor of to find her next victims. Her next victims happen to be Rinoa and Force who are coming back from archery practice. Rinoa trys to push rea-rea off her. "Come on rea-rea! Get off!" she yells, succeeding.

Rea-rea pulls Force into a tight hug next. Force just sighs and hugs rea-rea back. Rea-rea then starts running up the stairs to the next floor. Force looks at Rinoa. "What was that about?" he asks.

Rinoa shakes her head "You really don't want to know…trust me"

After walking what seems to be a mile to the shooting range listed on the brochure, Force and Rinoa finally sit down against the door to the hockey / ice skating rink. "How big is this ship anyway?" Force inquires.

"It's says its 5 times bigger then the Queen Mary 2 and has over 8,000 different areas to go to for enjoyment…" she reads off the pamphlet and flips it over to the map. "And, if I'm reading this map correctly, then we are right across from the shooting range…"

Force trys to concentrate but can't hear any rounds being shot or anything other then hockey sticks scraping on the ice. "Doesn't seem like it…"

Rinoa gets up and walks to a door and opens it "Maybe here…"

The next sound they both hear are loud bangs and empty rounds dropping. Rinoa gives Force a pair of ear plugs and she puts a set in her own ears. "Guess I was right!" she shouts she he can hear her.

"Just to let you know," Force yells while entering the room "I'm not that great with guns!"

Rinoa takes out a Magnum and hands it to Force. "You can handle this, right? You're a great archer, you should be able to shoot a gun just as easy" she tells him as she takes out her own custom 8mm pistols.

Force trys shooting down a stoic target about 100 feet away and he hits it close to the center. "This will be fine" he decides.

Rinoa hits a moving target 200 feet away dead center with both of her shots

"You see, I told you!"

"You're a much better shot Rinoa" Force says as he shoots at a couple of targets.

"I'll take that as a compliment" she replies as she shoots another moving target 250 feet away until she's out of ammo.

Up two floors, the two Rikku's are making a stealing scheme. What happens is AlBhed Rikku is going to go up to the prey and lure them into talking to her. Then, RikkutheThief is going to tie up the poor sucker with Silver Nightmare and together the two Rikku's will steal all of the person's valuables.

AlBhed Rikku sees Zero walking down the hallway, looking for rea-rea and figures him to be a good target. She walks out of her quarters and walks up to him "Hi Zero, what are ya doing?"

"Looking for rea-rea…you?"

"Just walking around, seeing what this ship has to offer…" Rikku makes a signal with her hand behind her back to let Rikku know that it's time for the second phase of the plan.

Rikku takes out a yards worth of silver string and concentrates. She makes it float before her and aims it at Zero's hands and feet. It wraps around him and when he finally notices what's going on, it's too late. He's on the floor, hogtied and both Rikku's are staring down at him, smiling and giggling.

"Gotcha!" AlBhed Rikku laughs with Thief as they steal his Gil.

"H- Hey! You can't do that!" Zero shouts at them, trying to get himself free.

"Yes we can" Thief grins as she runs down the hall with the gil and AlBhed takes the opposite path.

"Cya Zero!" she waves as she turns the corner with a huge bag full of gil in the opposite hand.

Rea-rea runs up to Zero and hugs him "How are ya?"

Zero sighs, making a bad pun "Tied up"

It takes rea-rea a few moments to comprehend this but when she does, unties Zero. "Better?"

"Yeah…" he says when he hears a bell sound…

Alcoholic, Non-Alcoholic beverages are a type of drink rea-rea, Fox and I all made up this one time. Don't worry; there is no alcohol in it. rea-rea made the name up. It's all different flavors of Mountain Dew mixed up. It tastes good….really, it does! --