Author's Note: Hi all! I do hope that you won't find this chapter being too repetitive of HYD. What I have been trying to do is to highlight the underlying currents that have not been emphasized in HYD because they will have implications for the future plot. Once again, I'd like to thank my reviewers for their lovely reviews! They are extremely motivating and keeps me writing … … :)
angel310: Ah a new reader! Thanks so much for your wonderful comments !!! I'm really glad that you like "A different POV" too. I actually also feel that it's quite silly to recopy the storyline from the manga and that I should simply skip quite a lot of parts. So I'm really relieved that you feel I have been able to add certain bits to modify the story (and I really hope to make it more worth reading as well ;) )! What I will most probably do is to either alter the later part of the story or extend it beyond the current timeframe for a while. Probably it'll be a bit angsty :) Thanks again for your support!
Toinks: Hi hi hi! I saw your new chapter as I was in the process of posting this up. Will be dropping by shortly! I was also thinking like you i.e. guys resolve their diffs in a way that gals never would. It would be just like Tsukasa to forget everything over a new computer game (remember how he offered Rui the squid he caught as a peace offering and then told him that he didn't really want him to eat it anyway, but still giving it to him?). Also, I thought it would be just like Rui's character to let things go quietly and not make a fuss when he realized that his friend really did not have such intentions. :)
kensingtonkid: Wow and you actually took so much trouble to post a review ??? Thanks so much !!! I'm really grateful :) Rui liking Tsukushi in the end? ;) Let me keep you in suspense for a while longer ok? ;) My bad! But yes, currently Rui certainly pays attention to Tuskushi. Partly because it started with Shadow, partly because she's so different from other girls, and she's often a victim of circumstances that reminds Rui of his "painful past".
Lian: I have to say that I definitely agree with you. I really like scenes where Rui plays his violin! You are right, the girl is definitely Makino Tuskushi. Thanks for reading!
Nana-chan: You definitely hit the nail on the head! I am focusing on Rui's POV and I'm trying to add certain twists where to explain that things are actually not as straight forward as what they appear on the surface. Hopefully, I'm succeeding! I'm trying not to bore you all by too much repetition. So please let me know if it starts getting stale ok? Thanks so much for your kind comments!
*Yan*: I'm glad you aren't too disappointed that Shadow isn't Tsukushi. And yes, Rui's silence is going to cost him. On the other hand, knowing Tsukasa's character, I believe he would have probably gone after Tsukushi just as ferociously even if he knows that she likes Rui, not himself, being under the impression that Rui is in love with Shizuka. Between, I hope I'm not moving too fast?
Pure innocence: Tsukasa tends to be too presumptuous ne? That was one of my favourite quotes in the last story as well!
Sheen: Now Rui, we would like to know how exactly you feel about Shizuka and Tsukushi.
Rui: What business is that of yours?
Sheen: Oh, it's just that your fans are extremely interested in knowing who really like. Or do you not know?
Rui: You're the one writing me up to be one totally confused twisted character who can't even decipher his own feelings and you dare to ask me that question?
Sheen: *surrenders* Okay okay, that ends our interview for today!
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Chapter 17 – Mind Games
"Rui!" My entire
body stiffened when I heard the familiar sweet voice. My head snapped to the right and my eyes widened as I looked at the
vision running up to me. Then a pair of
slim arms wrapped themselves around my neck and a pair of soft lips touched
mine gently for a long moment.
"Shizuka!" Finally she was back with us. We had all been anticipating her return since she called us a week ago. I looked at her glowing face. "France seems to suit you, you're looking lovelier than ever." She laughed and withdrew from me as Tsukasa, Akira and Soujirou came up and kissed her warmly in turn. I observed her quietly and impassively as we walked to the coffee shop on campus. Shizuka had really transformed over the past two years. There was a new maturity and wisdom (or maybe cynicism?) in her brown eyes and the angles of her face had become more womanly. The years of modeling had rubbed off on her, she held herself more confidently and there was just the right touch of seductiveness in her inherently graceful movements, making her an extremely desirable woman in any man's eyes. However, being sick and tired of intrigue, I had to admit that I preferred my friend of prior years and hoped that her nature had not changed too drastically. For a moment, my thoughts drifted to an incident that took place a few days ago … …
"What are you doing kissing a poster?" Dark brown eyes stared at me with a hint of jealousy in their depths. "It's really weird … … just because your childhood s… …sweet heart is coming back … …" I froze for a moment. Was that what everyone thought Shizuka was to me? There was nothing ever like that between us. We cared for each other more like siblings. In fact, there was a period of something similar to "sibling rivalry" between both of us when we both attempted to be the best agents in what we did. However, her words planted the seeds of doubt in my mind. What if the time apart form each other altered the nature of our relationship? Not wanting to dwell uselessly on pure speculation, I decided to change the subject.
"Do you like me?" I suddenly blurted out as I took a step closer to her, noticing that she was trembling a little. I cursed the devil on my left shoulder and chided the angel on my right for not stopping the latter's "naughtiness".
"Wha … …what? Who the hell would like y … …" Before she finished the sentence, I acted on an impulse. My hand shot out and caught hold of her small and fragile looking wrist. With one smooth motion, I pulled her to my side and bent down, letting my lips caress those soft, rosy cheeks. My curiosity was satisfied. Her cheeks were as soft as Shadow's but warmer. The latter was not surprising seeing that she was blushing so hard that she was almost magenta. When I released her wrist, she wobbled a little before her legs gave way and she landed on the floor with a bump. I winced internally, hoping that she had not injured herself on my behalf. I could not help but start comparing huge discrepancy between her actions and Shadow's before I reminded myself of my decision to put a stop to my obsession with Shadow. Tsukushi was a totally different and unique individual.
"Haven't you been longing for me to do that?" Somehow, the flirtatious words slipped out of my mouth without thinking. I mentally observed the side effects of being around Soujirou and Akira too long.
"Are … … are you Hanazawa Rui?" The incredulity in those innocent brown eyes was almost laughable … …
"Rui?" I turned to see four pairs of eyes looking at me.
"Sorry."
"You've missed quite a bit of Shizuka's stories about the number of French men who were dying for her attention." What a pity a dry voice said in my mind, I'm sure I would have benefited greatly from hearing such a great chuck of VITAL information.
Outwardly, "sorry," I repeated again.
"What about you, Rui? Do you have a girlfriend?" Shizuka gave me a teasing smile, but there was something contemplative/calculative lurking in the depths of her eyes.
I shifted uneasily, "no."
"Why? You should get one." She seemed to be almost testing me, weighing me up? My suspicious were aroused. What was happening? I did not like playing mind games, and especially not with a friend that I trust. Or could I not trust her any longer? What happened in France? I looked searchingly into those brown eyes for a moment, trying to read her intentions. However, Shizuka had become skilled at hiding her emotions and she maintained an open, friendly and teasing countenance. "After all it's good for a man to be with a woman who would help polish him up!" She continued light-heartedly.
Quite surprisingly, my relatively dense friends had not missed the look that I had given Shiuzuka. I heard Akira whispering to Tsukasa, "… … Shizuka's so harsh … … knows about Rui's feelings … …" I groaned internally at their misunderstanding.
I breathed a little more easily when, "huh?" Tsukasa gaped at Akira in total confusion. Akira shook his head at Tsukasa's "insensitivity" and muttered something under his breath. Then I turned my attention back to what Shizuka was saying.
"… … introduce you to some pretty girls."
"No, thank you."
"I thought you'd say that."
I breathed a sigh of relief when I spotted the familiar twinkle in her eye, "you were just joking around weren't you."
"Of course, I wouldn't hand over my Rui to anyone else!" My eyes widened slightly, now when did I ever become "her Rui". The suggested intimacy made me just a trife uncomfortable. Fortunately at this moment, a guy came up to her and they started talking. She introduced all of us as her close friends and "brothers" to him. Apparently, he was some hotshot working in a hospital. As they chattered, I observed Shizuka narrowly. Why was she behaving this way with me? She was almost … … flirtatious?
She had never acted like that before. Did she want something more from our previous platonic relationship or was this just a new mannerism that she had acquired from France? Perhaps she was used to flirting with all guys like that? Then why only with me but not with Tsukasa, Akira and Soujirou? Yet, here she was telling the stranger that we were like brother and sister. My brow furrowed in consternation. Did I even like her that way? What was she trying to pull? A loud crash near the entrance of the café jolted me out of my thoughts. Everyone got up and went to investigate the source of the noise. I lagged behind as I was not particularly interested in these petty going-ons.
"Is this sort of thing popular amongst high school kids nowadays, Rui?" Shizuka was asking me. I took one step forward to see what was happening and froze. A pair of familiar long lashed dark brown eyes swiveled from Shizuka's face and fixed on mine. The haunted expression resembled that of a dying animal caught in the headlights of a speeding car. I tried counting the fleeting emotions that I could identify – shock, embarrassment, pain and despair. I caught the silent but eloquent plea for help and turned my head to one side for a moment, overwhelmed by the resurfacing familiar emotions. Why could she always stir up emotions that I never want to experience again? When I regained my composure and turned back, I caught sight of the dark despair that had taken over and the tears that were glistening in those eyes just before the long lashes lowered and she bowed her once-proud head in total surrender. Something twisted in my chest at seeing her courageous spirit defeated.
One of the idiots harassing her actually raised the handle of his mop with an gleeful expression on his face, all ready to slam it into her small slender figure. A killing rage filled me for an instance and again the strange fierce protectiveness that I had felt for a fellow victim when she had been about to be raped took over. I kicked out and connected with the handle of the mop before it could touch Tuskushi. Unfortunately for the attacker, the force of my kick directed the handle of the mop back into his stomach. Naturally, it was not my fault that the group was standing so close together that they started falling over like a row of dominoes when the body of their fallen companion was thrown back into them with the force behind my attack.
I had to admit that there was no rational reason for what I did next, other than that I appeared to have suffered from the most severe brain-freeze ever for a couple of moments i.e. put simply, my brain stopped functioning. My legs moved forward. I found myself bending down and lifting the trembling (and dirty) slight figure huddled on the ground into my strong arms. I was taken a little aback by the fact that she weighed almost nothing. As I held her securely, she hid her face in the crook of my neck as a shaking hand clutched weakly at my shirt. Something about that pathetic yet trusting way in which she sought my protection stirred my temper against her tormentors, "for goodness stake, stop acting so childishly all of you!" I actually raised my voice at the cowering bullies. You could have heard a pin drop in the silent café. I saw the shock and disbelief on everyone's faces including the widening eyes of Shizuka and the slack jaws of my three friends. Ah well, I blame it on my hot temper. My ability to control myself is in no way an indication that it does not exist.
"Rui, what are you doing?" Tsukasa finally came to life and he started shouting at me. However, I could sense that there was something more complex that simple fury this time round. There was something like a hint of betrayal in his eyes. "Have you gone crazy?" He yelled.
"Tsukasa, give it a rest." My calm and cold voice stopped him short. I had enough of the violence caused by his childish bullying ways, especially in relation to this one helpless girl. Also, I was tired of being reminded of my past all the time. I did not think it was necessary for Tsukasa to be as cruel as to break her spirit as mine had been.
"Don't tell me … …" something like comprehension dawned in his eyes, "you like this welfare case?" I barely refrained from letting out a snort. His question did not merit an answer. How could he think that I was in love with this little mite of a girl? He probably thought that his own twisted obsession with her is contagious. My reactions were out of pity. However, my silence was misunderstood by him and resulted in the most serious fight that we ever hand. It almost tore our friendship apart – well, in fact Tsukasa officially ended our friendship in front of all the bystanders. Of course, he regretted his harsh words when he cooled down about the event. However, this taught me an important lesson about the fragility of human relationships and also served to inform me of the extent of Tsukasa's feelings for Tsukushi. Our reconciliation did not take place until the cruise … …
I still remember standing on the deck with Shizuka, having one of our cosy chats. Or at least, listening to her talking about France, enjoying the rare company of a beautiful and extremely intelligent woman. Then suddenly, she started again.
"You must be disappointed." I raised a quizzical eyebrow at her.
"Makino san isn't here tonight."
"Why are you hung up over her?" I turned and looked straight into her beautiful brown eyes.
"Because you like her right? I've been a little jealous since that day when you rescued her in the café … … You're not my Rui only anymore." For the first time, I saw something like possessiveness on her face.
"And what would you say if that is indeed the case?" I asked cautiously. The confusion that I had been feeling since Shizuka came back suddenly hit me with full force. What on earth was she doing toying with me in this way? I had never thought of her in a romantic way until she started with all these mind games, teasing me, hinting at more than platonic feelings for me, doing her best to make me fall for her, and yet at the same time adamantly denying that we were anything more than "siblings" … … Thanks to the seeds of doubt that Tsukushi planted, I had started asking myself whether I was indeed falling for her. With her beauty, brains, our past close friendship and the fact that she knew most of my secrets, I really believe it would not be hard for me to let myself fall for her, although I had to confess that I was not currently madly in love with her. With my past track record for screwing up or getting screwed, I was not willing to let myself step blindly into something that could potentially be a cleverly designed trap. However, she was confusing me so much. I was getting sick of the "clever" games that she was playing.
"Well … … I think she suits you … …" However, her expression
contradicted her words. I could not
hold back a cynical laugh at her obvious hypocrisy and blatant lie. Tsukushi suited me? Yes, we were as similar as fire and ice,
purity and sin, cotton and steel. We
were polar opposites. If she had said
something about opposites attracting each other, I would have been more
convinced of her sincerity.
"Why are you laughing?"
I stopped laughing abruptly and pinned her with my coldest look, "stop pretending and being such a fako. I understand only too well the part you play in society, I am as bad as you. However, pretending for the sake of duty is one thing. Pretending for one's own selfish reasons and hurting others is another. Do you take responsibility for those that you have hurt? Do you even care?" I asked as I recalled all the conquests she was telling us about and the number of hearts that she had broken.
Her faced paled and she flinched from my words as if they were a physical blow, "R … Rui, I never meant to … …"
"Stop it," I clenched my hands into fists, wishing I could run them into my hair and tear them out in exasperation. "Stop trifling with me!" Stop all these mind games! Tell me the truth – what on earth do you really want Shizuka? I was screaming internally. Do you really want my heart? Are you sure? Then, a plan suddenly flashed in my mind. I continued smoothly, "I like Makino Tsukushi? You can't be serious! The one I want is … …" I cut myself short, pleased with my own acting skills when I saw the stunned expression on her face as I allowed my eyes to devour her face. Two can play the game. I believed that my scheme could successfully "dig" the truth from her. Wanting to see how far she was willing to pretend or to test her sincerity, I grabbed her slim wrist and dragged her forcefully indoors … …