Chapter 2

Cloud and Tifa's Not So Romantic Get Away!

Well, well, well! It seems like Tifa and Cloud are finally going to be alone for a little slap and tickle time! I just may have to change the rating of this story!

… not. Cloud was far too obsessed with Aeris to even pretend to want to have a romantic time with Tifa. Cloud would probably have rather been on a date with Aeris' corpse if given the choice between Aeris' corpse and Tifa! I guess that would make Cloud a crazy, skitsophrenic, NECROPHELIAC!

Well, since Cid threw all the characters off his airship at random times, Cloud and Tifa had landed right at Corel! Boy, were they happy to be at Corel, the most fun place in Final Fantasy 7! They could meet real, live coal diggers! And see bona-fide coal!

Just kidding. They were happy because they could go to the GOLD SAUCER! The RPG equivalent to Las Vegas and Disneyworld COMBINED! They hopped onto the flying station train thingy and were on their way!

" Please enjoy your stay!" The flying station train thingy lady attendent said, before exploding as soon as she left.

" Oh no, Cloud! We don't have the gold pass with us! And we don't have any money for another pass!" Tifa gasped, just realizing it. " I gave the gold pass to Cid!"

" Well, WHY would you do something like that?!" Cloud exclaimed, as if EVERYONE knew better than to give things to Cid.

" Because he was the head of the party while you were gone." Tifa replied, which makes sense, I guess.

" Don't worry, I've got this under control." Cloud said, walking up to that guy at the gate with the Trojan outfit.

" Hey, sir." Said Cloud, trying to sound all cool and smooth.

" Welcome to the Gold Saucer! If you have 5000 gil you can purchase a day pass, but if you have 50000 gil you can purchase a GOLD pass!" The trojan dude said. I bet that's all he's ever said in his whole life.

" What if I don't have ANY money?" Cloud asked slickly.

The trojan dude blinked. " Um… then I guess you can't go in, actually."

" What if I just walk in anyway?" Cloud said, and you could SO tell he was just about to do just that.

" That wouldn't be very nice. That wouldn't be being a good citizen." The trojan dude admitted.

Cloud went ahead and walked through. The trojan dude just kind of watched him sadly. He was wishing that he were a bigger man, a STRONGER man. A man that could crush Cloud's spikey little head in.

" Sorry." Tifa told the trojan dude and followed Cloud in. The trojan dude was about to call security, but it was too late, and he exploded.

" WELCOME, BOY." Said Dio, who had nothing better to do besides wait for Cloud to visit the Gold Saucer. Don't remember who Dio was? Well, if you can remember who Choco Billy was, you should at LEAST remember who Dio was.

" Who are you?" Cloud asked, who has also seemed to forget who Dio was. Tifa had never met Dio.

" WHAT? Dio is offended! Throw them into the prison!" Dio shouted.

" We had to quit doing that, sir, since it was illegal." Said some little guard dude who would explode later.

" Well that's just… PREPOSTEROUS!" Dio exclaimed, and then strutted off.

" Okay… that was weird." Said Cloud.

" Let's go do something FUN, Cloud!" Tifa said, and was just about to drag him off to the round house that provided a romantic view of Gold Saucer, when Cloud had decided that he would go to the arcade instead. So Tifa decided she would follow Cloud because otherwise she would… have nothing to do!

Tifa watched Cloud play Mog House over and over again because it was his favorite game in the whole world. Sometimes Cloud would be evil and not feed the moogle any kupo nuts. Sometimes he would be evil and feed the moogle TOO MANY kupo nuts. I guess it made Cloud feel like a big man, beating up on that poor non-existant moogle!

Tifa could only take so much of Mog House before starting to make that little sighing sound you make when you don't want to make it TOO obvious that you would rather be somewhere else doing something different.

" Hooray! Mag loves Mog!" Cloud exclaimed for the twenty-fith time. The stoned guy that is always watching Mog House sniffed. " It's so…beautiful…"said that guy.

" Cloud, can we go do something else?" Tifa asked.

" …WHY?" Cloud replied incredously, as if he could not comprehend the thought of anyone NOT wanting to watch him play Mog House.

" I'm hungry." Tifa said, which was just one of her many reasons.

Cloud said good-bye to Mog House very sadly, and followed Tifa as she led him to the hidden food court in the Golden Saucer that you can only find after you bring Aeris to life by making her out of all 35 of the 1/35 soldiers but I'm just kidding that's impossible.

" Come back and let me watch Mog House again!" The stoned guy called, since he's too lazy to play it himself. Or maybe he just likes watching other people play it.

At the café, they had tea! And spanish rice and beans! Yum! After that, Tifa dragged Cloud off to the movie square, where Kate and Leopold was playing in a nonstop crappy marathon. All the stupid people in the world that actually thought Kate and Leopold was a good movie had all gathered 'round and were watching it obsessively, crying everytime Leopold was sent back in time.

" Let's go watch that!" Tifa said and dragged Cloud in to watch it enthusiastically. I guess she thought it would be romantic. She was really annoying the whole time, laughing too loud at jokes that weren't funny and crying at the parts that were trying too hard. Cloud was thinking about Aeris the whole gosh darn time!

After Kate and Leopold was over, Tifa decided that the two of them should leave and go to the ROUND square! Oooooh! Tifa took Cloud's hand, and Cloud just sort of let her drag him since his brain had melted because of the stupidness of Kate and Leopold. Then again, he didn't have much of a brain to begin with. Duh.

" I'm sorry, the Round square is closed right now." Said a lady getting ready for post-explosion at the Round square.

" It's ALWAYS closed now. When will the Round Square be open again?" Tifa demanded.

" Next year." The lady answered.

" But by next year everyone will be DEAD since Meteor is going to crash into the Planet!" Tifa said unpaitently, glaring at the lady.

" Oh well." The lady shrugged. Actually, maybe the wouldn't be dead. At one point Barret tells Tifa they have like five days left, and then you spend like… ELEVEN days getting the huge materia and all that. Barret is a LIAR!

At this point, Tifa noticed that Cloud had foolishly wandered off. She panicked and started running around like a mad hen looking for him, but she couldn't find him. Instead she found a dog, and had stupid dramatic monolouge with it. Unfortunately, the dog wasn't feeling like that shojo crap, so it left. And neither did I, so you know what? I left too.