Author's note : Hi all! Sorry for this loooooooooong lapse in writing – it really wasn't intentional! I was overseas for two weeks and unfortunately had no access to the computer. Just came back for a couple of days and quickly whipped out this chapter. As always, thanks for all the lovely comments I received :) And for all the rest of the updated fanfics, I'll be reading them soon! Just have to catch up with work and stuff for the moment!
Lian: Hi welcome back! Hope you're enjoying life as a housewife! Thanks so much for taking time to read this story!
kensingtonkid: Hello there! I guess the main question is how much does Shizuka like Rui? She does at least see him as a friend because that's they have always been – childhood friends and playmates. Is she acting? In what way? What's her aim? I have a vague idea that I'm slowly still trying to straighten in my head :) Thanks so much for your encouraging comments.
orenjipanda : Did Rui love her? Ah the all encompassing question? I think that Rui likes Shizuka quite a bit and definitely she's his favourite gal at the moment – there's no one else in his life. However, there's always such a thing as being in love with the idea of being love rather than being in love for real. My interpretation from the manga is that he doesn't really understand love as such and Shizuka has always been around for him. So his violent reaction (at least from my POV and in this story) is partly resulting from being betrayed because I believe that betrayal always cut the deepest. And from the last chapter, Shizuka betrayed him in everyway and the worst way possible which shattered his self-confidence to a certain extent.
*Yan* : Good on ya! You picked up exactly what I was trying to highlight! The fact that betrayal hurts the most – especially for a trusted friend and worse when you are starting inevitably to fall for the person because of circumstances and other fators!
angel310: Thanks so much for your lovely and kind comments! Really enjoyed reading your perspective !!! Is Shizuka as evil as she seems? Does she have a valid excuse? Or is she even more evil than meets the eye? I'll try to answer these questions later in the story (I'm still working some ideas out in my head). The only feeble excuse is that she NEVER meant for Rui to find her out – she didn't want to hurt him in that worst possible way, which unfortunately was what she ended up doing. There was no way Rui could have stayed – he didn't trust himself not to lash out at her. He was secretly afraid that it was really his fault too that Shizuka turned to someone else – simply because he wasn't lovable enough … … :)
Angel Tala: Thank you thank you for your generous comments! I must apologise for this late update and I hope you will like the coming chapter!
Blackcat: Always love reading your comments, I'm so glad that you feel so strongly about the story !!!! That is the best compliment that I can receive – the fact that my readers can empathize with the characters!!! Poor ole Rui, how much more do I plan to torture him ??? ;) ;)
ToinKs: Thanks so much for your kind comments as per always !!!! I am confusing myself with regards to Shizuka's intentions! I have to confess that I'm trying to work out that part in my mind – trying to determine what's the best and most convincing path! Rui is indeed devastated … … ah that poor boy when you think what I've done to his "perfect" life as depicted in the manga ;)
Nana-chan: You're right about the fact that Rui should be doing something to stop Shizuka's plans. However, at the moment he knows too little to go on and Shizuka is his friend after all. So he's lying low at the moment, not too sure about what he can do … … :) I actually must say that I like writing angst more than happy stories ;) Somehow, it seems easier to write angst !!!! Thanks so much for your lovely comments!
piglet : You are so right! It's almost inhuman of Rui to be exposed to so much hurt and not end up suicidal !!!! I'm trying to find reasons for him to continue living through each of his ordeals. First, his "duty" to his country, then Shizuka, then his friends and when will Tsukushi join in the crowd? I do hope that with each chapter you find more of the answers to your questions which were so spot on that I couldn't answer the bulk of them for fear of revealing the plot further !!!
Rui: You lazy bump, how could you leave your story hanging for 2 weeks?
Sheen: Have mercy on poor little me your highness, I really had no choice !!!
Rui: You should have broken into a house, and secretly used someone's computer and internet!
Sheen: But I'm technologically challenged and I have a fear of heights!
Rui: You always have an excuse for anything don't you?
Sheen: It's not an excuse it's the truth!
Rui: Just continue working hard and stop giving me such a hard life. I'll go easy on you then … … Deal?
Sheen: Er … urm …
Rui: *groans* I knew it! Goodness knows what else you have up your sleeve … …
Sheen *sheepish grin*
Chapter 22 – Home Again
My footsteps echoed heavily as I climbed the last few steps to the rooftop. Somehow, I found myself heading for Etoku the moment I dropped off my bagpack at my house. I needed company desperately, not daring to trust myself to be alone and cooped up in my room. I did not know what I would do if I had to face the four blank walls in my room - probably go insane … …
It was obvious from the ruckus in the school gardens where my friends were. My lips twisted into a bitter smile. Hopefully, Tsukasa, Soujirou and Akira would prove more trustworthy than … ... Shizuka. A small knife twisted in my chest as I thought of her. The hurt was too fresh, the wound too raw. The acute pain of having been betrayed by one of my closet childhood friend and "sweetheart" still lingered on, not dulled by the passing of time as yet.
I paused for a moment in front of the door leading to the rooftop pondering how I should act when I saw my friends. My cover would obviously be that Shizuka and I had a fight and effectively broke up. So how should I appear to my friends? Broken? Upset? Hiding behind a brave front but torn up internally? I realized ironically that I would hardly have to act at all. The only lie that I would be telling would be the real reason behind my … … not seeing eye-to-eye with Shizuka and subsequent return to Japan. Taking in a deep breath, I forced a smile onto my face as I opened the door and stepped out.
"Hello, it's been a while." Four heads whirled around at the sound of my voice and four pairs of eyes widened as varying degrees of surprise appeared on their faces. I was rather surprised to see that Tsukushi was also up here with my friends, not to say of her physical proximity to Tsukasa. What had happened between them in my absence? Her eyes were round with shock and she was blinking them rapidly as if wanting to ensure that I was really there and not a hallucination that would disappear when she woke up. This was a contrast from the last time I saw her, a brave smile forced on trembling lips and silver droplets falling from those eyes as they watched me walk away with a terrible sadness in their depths … …
"Rui, what are you doing back here in Japan?" Soujirou had gotten over his shock and had leapt over, thumping me hard on the back.
"Why didn't you call us?" Akira added.
"I just came back last night. Wanted to give you a surprise." I said. "So what's new?" My eyes fell on Tsukasa's arm that had somehow found his way possessively around Tsukushi's waist during my conversation with Soujirou and Akira.
"She's my girlfriend now." I looked at the instant rebellious expression that fell across Tsukushi's face as she pushed his arm away and stamped on his foot. Ouch, I winced internally for Tsukasa. That looked painful.
"Well, that's too bad for me," I teased secretly amused as Tsukushi's eyelids stretched to their maximum circumference as her face turned several shades of red and Tsukasa's eyes almost disappeared under his huge frown. After getting warned off Tsukushi by my testosterone-driven caveman mannered best friend, I deliberately smiled at her before being dragged away for drinks by my three friends. I realized that this new uncharacteristic behaviour was throwing everyone off balance and that it was almost effortless on my part to adopt. Furthermore, it did fit in with my current circumstances – I could have turned into a playboy either because I was hurt too deeply by my "breakup" or had been liberated and realized that I did not care that much about Shizuka. Though somewhat puzzled, Soujirou and Akira were glad to have a new playmate who was willing to drink and have fun with them. I guess Tsukasa on the other hand was relieved that my earlier "friendliness" to Tsukushi was in line with my "new" behaviour and because of any newly discovered special interest in her person.
"Hey, so why did you come back? What happened to Shizuka?" That bluntness was characteristic of my best friend. I knocked back my vodka shot, taking the few extra seconds to contemplate my answer.
"We broke up."
"Why?" This time, he got a nudge in his ribs by Akira. I kept my face expressionless as I signaled for another short and gluped it down, ignoring the anxious looks that Soujirou and Akira were starting to give me.
"Things didn't work out." I said cryptically, hoping that they would drop the subject. I did not want to tell them too many lies.
"Then you can join us tonight! There are so many lovely ladies out here." Akira quickly cut in as he gave me a wink.
"Yes, I'm sure you must have learnt quite a few tricks in France with all those lovely French ladies." Soujirou wriggled his eyebrows at me suggestively.
"Why not? Let's have fun tonight." I winked at them. For a moment, they were all stunned into total silence before Soujirou made a quick recovery and started listing the bars that we could visit subsequently. Tsukasa stared at me as if I had grown an extra head, but Akira prevented him from making any further comments by challenging him to a drinking match. For the first time, I did not leave with Tsukasa but followed Akira and Soujirou to one of their hangouts. The women instantly flocked to them when we arrived, barely giving us time to sit down. I was introduced to one after another. Instead of being my usual taciturn self, I forced myself to talk to them and soon was surrounded with as many women as the two notorious playboys. I saw Soujirou nodding approvingly at me as he threw me a sly wink and whispered, "not bad my boy, I knew you had it in you as well. It's the natural charm that we all have. Now if only Tsukasa will see the error of his ways … …"
After I started joining Soujirou and Akira on their nightly pursuits, I began to understand why they preferred this type of lifestyle. Time passed quickly as we sat there drinking, the blasting music far too loud for any type of serious or productive mental activities, the feeling of loneliness and emptiness camouflaged by the presence of so many fellow homo sapiens squished in a tight space where all suffered from the lack of oxygen, and our irritating female counterparts who were constantly clamouring for our attention and fighting to be our bed partners. Even now, I feel the tingles of my conscience as I have to admit that we freely took what they offered.
"Don't take it too seriously," Soujirou advised me once when I mentioned the issue casually in a passing remark. "These girls know what they are in for. We never lie to them and our reputation precedes us. Moreover, they wouldn't be with us if they didn't get anything out of it. Think of it this way, they get their fun as we get ours, we spend money on them and they will be able to tell all their friends that they managed to get us in bed." He shrugged. "It's not like any of them are in love with us anyway." If I felt his attitude was a trifle blasé, I kept my thoughts to myself. No one ever said that reality was not bleak and I realized that I was not as hardened as I had thought I was.
So I continued to go out with Soujirou and Akira and we would part each night with different partners. I understood them even more after the experience. They were trying to chase away the loneliness and emptiness of returning to a cold bed in a seemingly uninhabited house. It was indeed addictive to have another living soul to share one's bed, to keep one warm, not to say of the mindless pleasure of physical gratification and the subsequent deep dreamless sleep that one would sink into after being completely worn out and sated. I, however, had an additional agenda. Each night as I tried to lose myself in their bodies, I did my best to make scream out my name in the throes of their orgasm. I needed to hear them screaming their desire for me in uncontrollable ecstasy as they clutched me tightly, needed to prove my manliness and my ability to satisfy a woman time and again before the moment of pure bliss that came with my own physical release. Shizuka had inadvertently shattered some of my self-confidence and pathetic though it may seem, I had something to prove myself as well as to the girls I slept with. However, I tried not to let myself get addicted to these physical pleasures. It was not too difficult because I had not been driven by loneliness, the need for human contact or physical gratification to start off with. Also, I really hated waking up in unfamiliar surroundings next to a complete stranger. The feeling of disgust with a tinge of self-hatred would automatically sweep through me as I threw on my clothes as quickly and quietly as I could before sneaking out of the room. It was worse when the girl woke up earlier then me and I learnt to fend them off rather skillfully.
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To my surprise, Akira came to look for me after the first night. I had just stepped out of a hot shower (which was to become a habit when I returned home from such escapades), thrown on a change of clothes and was rubbing my hair dry with a towel when there was a knock on my door. I opened the door and found him standing there with a thoughtful expression on his face. I waved him in silently and he sat down on my bed which was one of the few pieces of furniture in my large room.
"Rui, I don't know what went wrong and I'm not prodding you for information." My eyes narrowed slightly at his first words. "However, there are things that you need to know if you continue to join Soujirou and myself in our er … … nightly activities." He basically sat me down and like an elder brother started giving me an hour lecture on birds and bees and the ploys that certain females may play in order to "rope" me into marriage. I had to admit that I was taken a little aback, not by the extensiveness of his knowledge, but the insight, maturity and wisdom that he displayed in our little talk.
"You probably don't think this is necessary, but take it from me, you're basically a sheep waiting to be fleeced."
"Thanks." I said quietly at the end. Actually, there was no way that I would fall for any tricks of devious females but I did appreciate his concern. There was a short silence and his eyes narrowed as they bore into mine.
"What's wrong, Rui?" His voice was quiet. I averted my face and gazed out of my window that overlooked the rose garden. He sighed and then continued, "I just want you to know that the three of us will always be here whenever you want to talk."
"Things didn't turn out well between us, that's all," I found myself saying as I continued to stare unseeingly out of the window. I did owe them an explanation after all. Hopefully there would be no other questions. There was a slight pressure of a sympathetic hand on my shoulder and then he left just as silently as he came. Somehow, that kind gesture brought back the pain in abundance. Self-pity, I told myself as I clenched my hands tightly into fists leaving the imprints of nails in my palm, it was nothing more but self-pity.
As I dwindled in my pathetic existence, things were moving between Tsukasa and Tsukushi. I was honestly glad that my best friend had finally found someone although I could not help but envy him a little. Hell, I was only human and Tsukushi is really quite a decent girl. However, I soon realized from certain of their actions the possibility that Tsukushi had not fully gotten over her crush on me. It was quite obvious in fact. Take for example the time when Tsukasa "summoned" Tsukushi to the pub where we were lounging in. She was in a fine rage and almost spitting fire at him. Soujirou, Akira and I watched them in amusement as we always did when they were in one of their famous brawls.
Suddenly, there was a strong smell of perfume next to me and I felt an arm slide around my shoulder. In the past I would have shrugged it off immediately or leapt into a fighting stance. However, now I knew that it was another "harmless" but scheming female trying to seduce me. I turned my head and my suspicions were confirmed. A young, rather pretty but over made-up doll stood next to me in a very skimpy outfit. Her two friends made for Soujirou and Akira as she blatantly sat herself down on my lap as her other hand slid around my neck.
"You're my type, handsome," she purred as she leaned toward me. "Gime a kiss?"
"Sure," I said easily as I leaned forward and obliged her.
"No," she pouted. "I want a real deep kiss." I arched one eyebrow and then my arms went around her as I crushed my lips against hers in a long deep kiss. From the corner of my eye I could see my friends watching me in surprise and I certainly did not miss the expression of shock, distress and pain on Tsukushi's face as she stared at us playing tonsil hockey.
"He's changed. He's with different girls every night." I heard Soujirou informing Tsukasa who was fortunately looking at me instead of Tsukushi, his mouth hanging open.
"Something happened with Shizuka." Akira explained. When the doll finally released her death grip on me and consented to find her own chair, I realized that Tsukushi had left. Her departure was too abrupt and unexpected. Putting two and two together, I decided to confirm a nagging suspicion.
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"Hello!" I simply beamed at Tsukushi when she appeared at the stairwell. She obviously did not expect to see me here for shock registered on her face before she slowly approached me with something akin to reluctance.
"He … hello." She said a trifle uncertainly. "How .. so how … was France?" Her voice was actually shaking a little as she wiped her hands on her jeans. I found her nervousness somewhat endearing.
"Nothing special – the streets weren't very clean. There was litter all around."
"Shizuka san is … …"
I quickly cut her off and changed the subject, "so you're now with Tsukasa huh?"
"What?" Her eyes went wide. "No! I'm not! There's nothing between us." She started shaking her head frantically.
"Really?" Partly because I enjoyed teasing her and partly because it had become automatic, I continued quickly, "Then I still have a chance. Can I be your man?"
"What?" Her voice was practically a squeak as her eyebrows disappeared totally under her fringe.
"Well, aren't I good enough for you?" I said letting a slightly defensive tone enter my voice and sat back watching her splutter as she started panicking. I decided not to give her a heart attack.
"I'm just kidding. Tsukasa is my best friend, I can't betray him." I frowned mentally, now what made me add the last sentence? A puzzled expression came onto her face as she started to calm down.
"Hey, would you like to be with me in secret?" Somehow, my tongue ran away from me again. I sighed inwardly. There were side effects from hanging out with the two playboys after all. This time, in spite of the fact that she turned bright red, she managed to force out a laugh at what she claimed was my joke – even though it sounded that she was choking on something – and quickly fled from my presence. My laughter rang out as soon as she departed but it stopped abruptly when I became aware of what I was doing. I realized in surprise that this was the first time I had genuinely laughed since I left France … …