Thank you crazy reviewers, Goth Girlie Girl (ALLITERATION!) Hellfighter (FIERCE!) Matman (DUDE!) and Bluebubbles (BUUUUUUBBLES!!!!)! (That lady from the Oscars comes out of nowhere) You like me… you really like me! (explodes. What? It's not like she's been in any MORE movies.) Your patronage is very much appreciated! HARDY-HAR-HAR!
EXCLAIMER!! I DO own everyone in this story, especially SHOOPUF DUDE! And if Squaresoft doesn't like that, they can SUE! Then I'll cry.
Chapter 4
Vincent, Yuffie, and the Search for Hojo!
Wow! I wonder where Vincent and Yuffie landed when Cid threw them off the airship? Let's a take a look…
THE CACUTAR ISLAND! Right out in the middle of nowhere, covered in nothing but sand, sand, sand and surrounded by nothing but sea, sea, sea! HOORAY!
NOT! That would be really cruel. Instead, they had landed in the icy realm of… ICICLE TOWN! Which may or may not be worse than landing on Cacutar Island. Either way, both of them have a soft surface that will keep our two sidequest friends alive as they come hurtling down!
" ARGH!" Yuffie cried as they sped down towards Icicle Town at 500 miles per hour. Vincent was using his cape as a parachute and was floating slowly to safety. It might have been easier just to turn into Chaos but… OH WELL!
" Look! It's meteor!" Cried some random Icicle Townsfolk, pointing up to the smoldering figure of a faraway falling Yuffie. (ALLITERATION!) All the townsfolk squealed and ran for their lives… into their houses, which was pretty stupid. They should have run for the HILLS!
Yuffie hit the snow hard and was buried twenty feet into the ground. She would have died but luckily… she didn't!
Vincent drifted daintily down (MORE ALLITERATION!) and sort of stood next to the crazy snow cutout of Yuffie's form. He looked down and called, " Yuffie? Are you okay?"
Yuffie used her L33t ninja skillz to get out of that Yuffie-shaped hole and landed RIGHT next to him, and smiled. " Off course!" She exclaimed.
" Darn." Vincent grumbled and went away to brood.
" Hey look… that's not meteor! It would have melted all the snow!" Some crazy townsfolkanian said, and all of the Icicle Town people found the courage to continue with their lives but then sadly exploded. Yuffie realized that her safety buddy was gone and went off to look for him. She found him checking under rocks and looking inside barrels for Hojo.
" Hey, Vincent! Whatcha' doing?" She asked.
" Searching." Vincent mumbled, shaking a tree.
" For what?" Yuffie wanted to know.
" Hojo." Vincent answered, trying not to sound like it was the most OBVIOUS thing in the world, which it was.
" Oh…" Yuffie said nervously, shifting around. SHE knew the truth. She knew Hojo was dead as a doorknob! " Well… I don't think you'll find him there." She pointed out, as Vincent lifted up the lid of a trashcan.
" YOU KNOW NOTHING!" Vincent yelled, and slammed the lid of the trashcan down angrily, then stalked off.
" Vincent, I do know SOME thing! And that's… you can't keep going like this! You can't keep living your life pretending you're something you're not!" Yuffie shouted after him. " You're a vampire and you have certain needs! If you need blood, Vincent then… EAT ME! EAT ME!"
" Here, go play with this." Vincent snapped, and threw a ball of materia at her. Yuffie said WHOOPEE! And batted it around like a cat would a ball of string. Now, with HER out of the way, Vincent could continue with his quest for the non-existant Hojo!
So, Vincent went up to man in the street ( See the Grand List of Roleplaying Game Cliches) and since that guy was the HOTTEST spot for information in Icicle Town, Vincent tapped him on the shoulder.
" AHHHHH! BISHOUNEN!" The guy screamed, freaking out because Vincent is a creepy pretty little girl!
" Have you seen a mad scientist?" Vincent asked him.
" WELL! Day after day, it's the same thing! ' Have you seen a mad scientist, have you seen a man in a black cape, have you seen Big Fish!' WHAT IF I HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING?!" The man in the street exclaimed.
" But you're the man in the street!" Vincent reasoned.
" Oh yeah!" The man in the street ran out of the street and stood on a nearby bench. GASP! " Well now, I'm the man standing on the bench!"
" Have you seen a mad scientist?" Vincent asked him.
Did you think I was just going to exclude Yuffie like I did Barret and Cait Sith? Well of course not! I was only going to ignore her for a bit! After all, it's only a few days after Yuffentines day! ( Does anyone else think Yuffentine sounds like some kind of hick way to say Valentines Day?)
After Yuffie got tired of playing with the materia, looked up, and WHAT DID SHE SEE? Nothing! Nada! Vincent was gone!
You may be asking yourself, why does she care? It's not like she and Vincent are BEST FRIENDS or YUFFENTINES or anything. Well, amigo, the reason Yuffie was upset because Vincent was gone was NOT just because she felt bad that he was searching for someone who was already dead, it was because she was only 16 and couldn't get alcohol or play the lottery!
So, Yuffie began to walk around in search for Vincent for her own selfish needs. She checked all the houses at Icicle Inn except for the one with that kid who lets you 'borrow' that snowboard. I don't think that kid would be very happy to see the thieves who stole his snowboard!
She finally found Vincent curled up inside a cardboard box with the flaps over it. She kicked it gently, and the flaps flung open magically! Vincent stared up at her with a pissed look.
" What are you doing?" She questioned.
" Punishing myself." Vincent answered.
" Get out of that stupid box and buy me a lottery scratch-it game!" Yuffie shouted.
" NEVER! I NEED ANOTHER THREE YEARS IN THE BOX!" Vincent screeched, holding onto to the box for dear life while Yuffie tried to shake him out of it. He finally removed himself from it when Yuffie pointed out that he would never find Hojo stuffed in a cardboard box.
" I just don't know where I can find Hojo." Vincent sighed, sitting down in the snow.
" Did anyone ask for some Mojo?" That Buddy Barn Guy asked, opening a coffee stand up right next to them. Vincent shook his head despondently. Yuffie bought some Mojo.
" My, what pointy shoes you have! I thought you wanted some mojo." That buddy barn guy exclaimed, noticing Vincent's feet.
" HO-JO." Vincent repeated, sounding remarkably like a dork.
" OH, HOOOJO!" That buddy barn guy laughed, slapping his forehead. " I don't know what that is. Oh yeah, this is for you." He added, changing into his Buddy Barn Mailman outfit, handing them a letter, and then walking off. He whipped out his magical ocarina and transported off to wherever it is Buddy Barn Guys go.
" You are required to be present for the hearing of the case of the Cids' murder charge?" Yuffie said, reading it aloud foolishly.
" Why would Cid be called in for a murder case?" Vincent wondered outloud.
Both of them imagined the same thing because that makes less to write.
~Imagination Sequence~
" Can I have some tea?" Cid asked the waitress at the little café I'll call… FIFTH HEAVEN!
" One second, please," said the waitress, busy with another customer.
" I want some tea." Cid repeated stupidly.
" WAIT, SIR." The waitress snapped, annoyed.
" GIMME SOME GODAMM @%*%(! TEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Cid screamed while blowing Fifth Heaven to pieces and killing everyone around him. Then the authorites came and dragged him away, while he still was screaming about tea.
~End Imagination Sequence~
" I always thought Reeve would be the first." Yuffie said, shaking her head sadly.
" WHY?" Vincent asked, because you have to admit that's… CRAZY!
" I think he secretly hates us all, since we all abuse and neglect him." Yuffie replied.
Vincent decided to ignore Yuffie, and began talking outloud to himself.
" Now if I were Hojo, where would I be hiding?" He muttered, shuffling around.
" Vincent, I have to tell you something…" Yuffie started but was interrupted by none other than…THE END OF THE CHAPTER!
NEXT TIME…
I'M NOT TELLING! HAH!