Chapter 5

Sephiroth and Long, Steamy Days at Costa Del Sol!

Hey! Hey! REMEMBER SEPHIROTH? That's right, he was in the first chapter if you read the first chapter. If you didn't read the first chapter, you're one of those lazy people that just reads the updated chapter before deciding you like the story or not, THEN you read the whole thing. Well, if you DID read the first chapter, you'll remember Sephiroth was in it. And you'll remember he was gonna go have some fun without adult supervision with a skateboard and hip clothing!

But this chapter is about Shera.

…just kidding! Who cares about Shera? Let's get on with the Sephiroth chapter.

Well, after Sephiroth teleported to Costa Del Sol from the Northern Crater, he SUPPOSED that he should hunt Cloud and the gang down, but did he do that? No, of course not! He was finally free of mean old Jenova's slimy clutches, and he was going to relive every day he had missed out in his childhood, which meant starting from the day he was born.

So Sephiroth began to walk purposely down the street towards the beach, so he could hang some… 360s? Yes? Help me out here, I don't know any surfing terms.

" GASP! IT'S YOU…!" The man in the street at Costa Del Sol screamed, pointing at Sephiroth for dramatic effect. " THE MAN IN THE BLACK CAPE!"

" I'm not wearing any black cape!" Sephiroth replied indignantly, and it was true! Sephiroth was wearing a white t-shirt (because even if it makes you look fat, you won't take in as much heat!) and cacki pants… WITH SANDALS!

" Oh, sorry, my mistake." The man in the street said, and went back to standing in the street.

As Sephiroth continued on his way, he ran across a group of children who had tied a dog to a lamppost and were now kicking a soccer ball into it's face mercilessly.

" Look at the game Mr. Spikey-Yellow-Head taught us!" One shrieked foolishly, striking the ball as the dog gave a pitiful scream. Sephiroth shook his head sadly, and left the scene. He then began to sing to himself.

" And I think it's kinda funny, think it's kinda sad… uh… dreams had dying, best I ever had… MAD MAD WORLD! OH, YOU MAD MAD WORLD, WHY DO YOU DO SUCH THINGS?! WHY COULDN'T WE AND THE JETSONS LIVE IN PEACE?!" Sephiroth broke down sobbing in the middle of the street, but then found the courage to continue walking to the beach.

At the beach, people were doing… beach things! They were playing volleyball and surfing, tanning and swimming, laughing and exploding, and guess what? They were all nude! Including Sephiroth!

…just kidding. Had you going there for a second, huh? Pervert.

But all the other stuff was true, the surfing and the exploding. Sephiroth couldn't decide what he wanted to do first! He knew he didn't want to explode, but he had never done any of these other things. But since the people that were playing that crazy volleyball game looked so happy, he decided to join in!

" Um… can I play?" Sephiroth asked shyly, gazing at the net longingly.

" NO! THIS IS MY BALL, AND MY NET AND MY BEACH SO I DECIDE WHO CAN PLAY AND WHO CAN'T!" Yelled this angry little man we'll call… Donny.

" Give me the volleyball, Donny." Sephiroth said mysteriously, eyes glowing all creepy-like.

"…no…" Donny said, starting to go into a trance.

" Let me play volleyball and become one with the planet." Sephiroth said.

" No… volley-ball…spike…world championships…" Donny mumbled like a fool, and finally just gave Sephiroth the volleyball. Then Donny wandered off to find a cliff, and when he did, fell off it!

So, if I can remember how to play volleyball from my middle-school days, the teams were all organized, and it was Sephiroth's team to serve! A girl we'll call Bonny was first up! She threw the ball into the air and struck it hard! It went flying over the net and was then sent back by some dude named Tonny! And guess what? IT WAS GOIN' STRAIGHT TOWARDS SEPHY!

Sephiroth just sort of stared crazily at the ball as it came speeding towards him, then caught it like some stupid person who doesn't know how to play volleyball. Or just some stupid person who made a harmless mistake.

" I caught it!" Sephiroth yelled like a fool. He danced around with the ball, and expected everyone to clap and cheer, but of course they didn't. His dancing slowly grounded to a halt, and he stared at all his angry teammates.

" No, STUPID. You're supposed to strike it back over the net!" A girl named Conny told him angrily.

" Oh…" Sephiroth said sadly, and rolled it back over to the other side's server, who was named… Fonny. He struck the ball hard and fast, and once again… it went straight towards Sephiroth! Oh, why does it keep going towards poor Sephy? Little did he knew Dobby the Houself had been tampering with it, because he didn't want Sephiroth going back to Hogwarts.

Sephiroth kept his eye on the ball, and then punched it. Unfortunately, it just crashed into the net in front of him.

" UP." Lonny told Sephiroth sarcastically, making a hand gesture.

" Sorry." Sephiroth said meekly, and rolled it once again back to the other side. Fonny served again and it went towards Sephiroth again! But luckily, by now Sephiroth knew all the basics to hitting a volleyball through the magic of trial and error.

" GET IT SONNY-BOY!" some crazy old man shouted, and OF COURSE Sephiroth thought he meant his truly, so he wound up his fist… and missed! ARGH!

" NOT YOU, ASSHOLE!" The old man screamed, " My son, Sonny!"

Sephiroth looked to see there was indeed a young man standing right next to him, glowering.

Miraculously, eventually they proceeded enough to let Sephiroth have a turn to serve. He threw the ball up into the air foolishly, and then just kinda watched as it went bouncing down, and then rolled on the floor.

" I wasn't ready." He told them. Everyone sighed.

He threw it again… and this time caught it! " Sorry," He said nervously, and everyone groaned.

He threw it again… and this time sort of ran away as it came crashing down to the ground.

" Whew! Thought it was gonna hit me in the head there for a minute!" Sephiroth exclaimed. Everyone screamed in agony and threw him off the volleyball court.

Sephiroth sniffled sadly, and crawled away, once again breaking into song. " Why am I such a mis-fit, I am not just a half-wit… just because my NOSE GLOWS, why don't I fit in?"

Oh, I dunno, Sephy… MAYBE BECAUSE YOU CAN'T PLAY VOLLEYBALL?! But anyway, there was still plenty of other things to do on the beach! What did I say? Volleyball… surfing… tanning… exploding… laughing…

Well, Sephiroth tried laughing by himself for awhile, but that just made him look stupid since he was alone and was laughing at… no one. And he hadn't brought any sun tanning lotion so he couldn't very well do that! So he decided to go surfing… even though he didn't know how!

Good for him that I didn't know how either, so I can't make fun of him like I did with volleyball. So, Sephiroth had all the information downloaded into him on how to surf because Trinity is that nice, and then went surfin' in the…Final Fanta-SAY!

Um… so… yes, he was surfing very nicely along. In fact, he went surfing a little TOO far. In FACT, now he was lost in the middle of the ocean! And his surfboard had spontaneously broken in half. So now poor Sephiroth was gripping the remaining piece of board for dear life! Oh dear, oh dear!

Luckily for him, a giant fish came swimming up. " I will grant you one wish!" The fish said randomly.

" AHHHH! A TALKING FISH!" Sephiroth screamed and blew it up with the Supernova summon. He then began to drift steadily along.

Luckily, he saw a friendly dolphin! MR. DOLPHIN! But Mr. Dolphin was too busy escorting RedXIII at that time, and left Sephiroth in his watery dust.

Sephiroth was beginning to feel very hopeless by now, especially since he was stupid enough not to just teleport away. The rapidly disintegrating surfboard half (yes, it is disintegrating. Why? Me no know!!) was barely the size of his fist now. And so Sephy had to resort to doggy paddling. Like a fool.

Eventually, though, he bumped into a big pink… THING! Why, it was none other than Cait Sith, who had fallen out of the airship in a previous chapter! But you already knew that. Right? RIGHT?! (suspicious look)

Sephiroth climbed on top of the floating blob that is Cait Sith and sat there contently. " I'll just float along on my little pink island!" He exclaimed.

And so they did. Sephiroth decided to name his island Wilson, and held many conversations with it that were deep and personal, but also kind of funny. If it had been a movie, it would have won an Oscar. His one-sided conversations were THAT good. But unfortunately, Gladiator won instead. (fume)

As Sephiroth's chapter became more and more unlikely and made less and less sense, a giant whale named Whamon came floating up! He kindly gave Sephiroth and Wilson a ride to a REAL desert island we'll call… PIKMIN ISLAND! And if you lived in my house, and if you were my little brother who listens to all my crazy ramblings, you would know Pikmin Island is the home of some pretty crazy folks. But you don't, so I'm just gonna have to cut this chapter short. Sephiroth and Wilson (Switched-off Cait Sith) lived sort of happily ever after.

OMAKE! Hayley-san, nani kore wa?

This is a segment that answers some questions you might have. When you review the story, please ask questions and they'll be answered in this segment! But for now, I'LL be asking the questions since almost no one reviews my story. ;_;

Chat: Hayley-san, why is Shoopuf-Dude in the title if he's almost never in the story?

Hayley: GRAWER! BECAUSE I SAY SO! And also because he's the coolest thing since sliced bread!

Chat: What is your favorite anime?

Hayley: I have several! But my top three are Fruits Basket, Cowboy Bebop, and Cardcaptor Sakura!

Chat: What do you like to read?

Hayley: Catcher in the Rye.

Chat: And what's your favorite Final Fantasy?

Hayley: NINE!!!!! NINE-DESU!

Chat: Anything else you want to say?

Hayley: No! Go away!

NEXT TIME…

Reno and Rude's Slightly Gay Male Adventures!