Author's Note: Hi all! Had a bit of a mental block but now the story should flow smoothly at least for the next couple of chapters (I hope)! Enjoy !!!!

p.s. sorry Nanachan, I didn't realize the weblinks I placed for my other stories didn't turn up. Putting them up again!

Lindkher: Oops, sorry I saw your comment too late. I do hope that you mange to see this, but just in case I'll post this reply again in my next update. Thanks so much for your kind comment – I must say it really made my day because I had tried to incorporate certain of the things that you highlighted !!! Thanks again !!!

Blackcat: Hi hi! Glad you like the light-heartedness of the last chapter. I'm afraid this chapter contains some darker themes, but not quite as dark as certain of the other chapters. A mix of angst and light-hearted bits I hope? Did Rui's thoughts in the bedroom meet your expectations ;) ?

angel310: Hi Angel! Yes, Sheen is my penname although it is also a real name that other people have!!! So Rui receives a sudden awakening in this chapter? Ah but to what extent? ;) Ah sorry about rushing the last part ! Actually, the depth of emotion was carried over to this chapter! I guess it was mean of me to stop at that point in time ne? I hope you find this chapter making up for the lack of Rui's perspective in the last chapter ;)

Toinks: Thanks for your kind comments! You definitely hit the nail on the head – there is more than meets the eye … … coming up in this chapter … … *drums rolling* (between sorry for the silly mistake I made – I honestly forgot and thought that you had written only up to chapter 6 … … sorry!)

Kaio: A new reader !!! Hey thanks, I'm so glad you like this story. Ah so you think Rui is sexy I this story … ..

Sheen: *nudges Rui* see, I've managed to improve your image in my story from an ice block to a sex symbol !!!

Rui: *blushing slightly* that's nothing to do with you! It's my own natural charm … …

Sheen: *coughing fit* excuse me – I think something just got stuck in my throat.

Rui: *dark red* fine be that way!

Sheen: *bewildered* but there was really something stuck in my throat! *shrugs* Ah well, the new age sensitive men … …

.:: Stacey ::. : Wow, thanks so much for your lovely comments! I hope what I have written about "what took place during the night" is up to your expectations ? :)

crybaby: Yay, another new reader! Do you consider what I have written in this chapter as Rui "doing something" ? ;)

kensingtonkid: I love this part of MG too !!! Ah the ever enigmatic Shizuka !! I think in my story I made her even more confusing than Rui. What are her motives? What is she thinking? Why is she so temperamental? What does she feel about Rui? Hopefully certain of these questions will be answered along the way! Thanks so much for you kind comments as always !!

just a teen: I hope that you'll like what was in Rui's head during his time with Tsukushi in the bedroom! Thanks so much for your encouraging comments – I haven't really straightened out my thoughts with regards to what will happen eventually, but am still working on that!!

*~Vean~* : Yes, another new reader! Welcome and gosh you do read fast. Did you manage to read all 27 in one day ???? Thanks so much for your kind comments. I hope this update is fast enough for you!

trevtrev: This has got to be a record – another reader !!! Thanks so much for your comments – I'm so glad that you like this story !!!

Nana-chan: You are definitely right! I didn't realise it, but yes, Rui does seem to be less dark and depressed when his mind is on Tsukushi, doesn't he? I guess it's because he's preoccupied with something else so he isn't focused on his own problems and also he associates Tsukushi with innocence, humour, naivety and in general all things positive and pure! His "dark, troubled persona" (love this description of yours) shows itself for an instance in this chapter. Thanks so much for your kind comments. My other works (some uncompleted) are pretty varied.

If you enjoy reading something like this, I have written something on Itazura Na Kiss @ www . winglin . net / fanfic / SheenI / (note there should be no spaces between the dots and slashes but I couldn't get it to be uploaded otherwise) ; It isn't anything original. I simply followed the manga storyline and incorporated more of the characters' thoughts, and similar to this, the guy was a genius (hope you don't get bored by the repetitiveness).

I translated and modified a non-english story that I read – it has more adult themes and is written in a more cynical tone with a more sarcastic sense of humour. www . winglin . net / fanfic / SheenA /

Then, my first fanfiction that I ever placed on the net. I don't really know how to describe it but it is set more in historical times. www . winglin . net / fanfic / SheenT /; I have only given you the links of my completed works coz the rest are still hanging there and I don't know when I will complete them so … … (And if you happen to read them, would love it if you could share your opinion and insight about them with me. Thanks!)

Chapter 26 – Nipping the Bud

When Tsukushi finally turned to me, I could feel the tension radiating from her as she struggled to keep a nonchalant smile on her lips. However, amidst the natural nervousness of being left alone in a room with a normal healthy male, there was a vulnerability hidden in the depths of those brown eyes that eloquently informed me of her fear of facing rejection because of her own inadequacies, because she was not lovable or beautiful enough.

Her voice shook slightly, "well, guess we're stuck here for the night. They are … …"

"Tsukushi," her babbling stopped immediately and she tensed when I said her name softly, almost caressingly. She was trembling as her wide brown eyes, resembling those of a trapped animal, stared into mine. I found my hand reaching out in an attempt to calm her when I let it fall, not wanting to frighten her even more. I took in a deep breath and made my decision.

"If you want to, I will." My softly spoken words had the impact of a shout in the silent room. Her eyes widened to their maximum circumference and her breath caught in her throat.

As I waited quietly for her decision, I kept my expression carefully guarded. It was not about me, it was all about her, only her. If she wanted me to teach her about physical pleasures, I would initiate her gently and carefully, making it a wonderful and unforgettable experience with minimal pain. I certainly had the skills to accomplish that – my reputation as an excellent lover was not fallacious. I could seduce her, but that was not something I was willing to do. In fact, in a way I hoped that she would not ask this of me. Not because I was not tempted, I had to admit that I was. Quite a bit more than I would have expected in fact. Hey, imagine the raging hormones of a teenage locked in a room with an innocent girl whom the teenager far from disliked, and add onto that the fact that expectations had been placed on him to take certain specific actions. However, other than respecting what Tsukushi really wanted, the other factor holding me back was that I did not want to betray my best friend.

As the myriad of thoughts and emotions swirled through me, I was stunned by a sudden realisation that I had let this little girl get under my skin without meaning to, that I had really come to care for her. My playboy ways had been just an act for quite sometime, and I was no longer willing to share myself with just anyone. The person had to be special to me, and someone I felt strongly for. The new knowledge that I was far from adverse to the idea of touching Tsukushi had the impact of a wake-up call. The only question was exactly what I felt for her … …

"Do you remember a school excursion?" She spoke suddenly, breaking the trance we were in.

"Eh?" I was totally confused as she suddenly started blabbing about excursions and outings. Then I realised that I had received my answer. The tension faded away and I relaxed as she continued talking. Suddenly, Soujirou's words came to mind.

*flashback*

"Do you really love Tsukushi?" I stared at his serious expression in shock.

"Tsukasa thinks you don't," he continued as I remained silent, his eyes boring into mine. "He thinks you only love Shizuka, that you're trying to accept Tsukushi because you're lonely."

Taken aback by his words, I found I had no answers to his questions. Did I love Shizuka? Even that was fuzzy. To be honest, I had the feeling that I was more in love with the idea of being in love. She was there, she was my best female friend, she was beautiful, she was around when I needed her, she was intelligent, she knew my secrets, we were forced together by circumstances … … Was it love? Would I have loved her under different conditions? Was I falling in love with her, had I fallen in love with her when everything happened? Did I fall in love with an illusion? The thoughts were giving me a headache and I closed my eyes, not wanting to think further. However, my mind persisted. And Tsukushi? Did I love her?

"Rui, do you know what you're doing?" His eyes were sympathetic. "All's fair in love and war. If you love her and she loves you, I can only feel sorry for Tsukasa. However, if you don't love her, please keep in mind that he really does … …"

*end of flashback*

"You're always doing your best. For example when you were playing basketball," I suddenly said out of the blue, cutting Tsukushi off mid-sentence. She stared at me with her mouth still hanging open. "I didn't understand why Tsukasa couldn't seem to leave you alone at first. The strange way he obsessed about you … … However, now I do."

My mouth was voicing out my innermost thoughts of its own accord and somehow I could not stop, "honestly, I don't know if I love you or not." Her eyes widened. "They all said I might be looking for someone who would care for me. I thought I could forget about Shizuka, but … …" My voice trailed off as the way Shizuka had manipulated me and betrayed me came to mind. The pain was still there. I realized that I was not ready to open up myself to anyone yet, that I had to learn to trust again. However, there was something I could and had to apologise for.

"Why did you come back, Rui? Why … …" the memory of her choked voice still haunted me.

"If I didn't come back, you and Tsukasa … …"

"Don't apologise," she cut me off gently. "I don't regret anything and I feel happy sometimes."

"Sometimes?" It was my turn to be surprised.

"Yeah," she nodded as she smiled at me. Her eyes were understanding although they held a trace of pain. "I never dreamt that you would open up and talk to me in this way. You used to be so quiet and withdrawn. The only thing you would tell me is that you didn't give a damn about other people, including me." I smiled as she mimicked my attitude with great accuracy. "So I'm happy talking to you and being your friend." I swallowed the lump in my throat. Tsukushi I don't deserve you, but I've always known … …

She thought I had fallen asleep after I moved to the bed. I kept my breathing even and my eyes shut as I felt her gently pulling the blanket over me.

"He looks just like a baby. So peaceful … …" I heard her muttering under her breath and felt her fingers gently brushing back a lock of hair from my forehead. There was a soft sigh and then very softly, "I don't know if I love you or not too. I'm plain confused. But thank you, Hanazawa Rui, thank you for being honest with me. Even though I'm sad, I'm also happy." Then her presence was gone. Some time later, I heard her breathing pattern change from where she lay on the couch. I got up silently and gently carried her to the bed. Although she muttered something and shifted in my arms, the alcohol had gotten to her and she did not wake up. I covered her with the blanket and went to take her place on the couch. I made sure that she was back in her original position on the couch just before the sun rose, not wanting to confuse her any further. However, my eyes did not close once the entire night and I found myself memorizing the patterns of the cravings in the ceiling … …

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

"Stein, an agent slipped up." I stiffened as I stared at J.

"What happened?" A familiar sense of dread welled up in me as I prepared myself for the worst.

"The usual interrogation, torture and the whole works," he had his usual cold calculating mask on, but I could sense that he was more disturbed than he had let on. I shuddered involuntarily.

"She wasn't one of ours." My brows burrowed. Why did he specifically summon me to inform me of the death of a fellow agent in an unrelated organization? The usual rules were that we would have received the information through various indirect means. No personal contact unless the victim was somewhat related or connected to us. Then the clues fell in place - female agent, different organization and connected to me. My blood froze in my veins as the obvious answer came to me as my eyes flew to his.

"Yes, Shadow's dead. I'm sorry." His reply to my unspoken question hit me with the force of a blow. The gentle, compassionate girl who had responded so passionately in my arms was dead. My body sagged as I rubbed a hand tiredly over my face. So this is how it all ends … …

"She was with a friend when she was taken – a close friend. Let's just say that the close friend suffered equal consequences. There was nothing much left of him to bury." His words sent shivers down my spine. "I hate to bring more bad news, but watch your back, Stein. We all have to. We don't know how much she told them." My friends and my family - Tsukushi … … Her name reverberated in my mind as the icy fingers of fear wrapped themselves around my heart … …

I knew that something between us had changed that night. My newly discovered knowledge with regards to the depths of my feelings for her had taken me by surprise, and I also realized that she was falling for my best friend. From her whispered words, I could tell that she had finally decided to shelve her deeper feelings for me and move on, working instead to solidify our friendship. The power to tilt the balance was in my hands – I could change her mind, I knew I could. However, this new piece of information about Shadow had shaken me to the core and made me re-evaluate the danger I brought to all whom I held dear. The image of a broken and lifeless Tsukushi lying in the morgue came to mind and I shuddered again.

Clenching my jaw with determination, I decided that things had gone far enough. I was not in love with her, not yet. And if I valued my sanity, there was no way I would allow myself to fall in love with her. My mind turned to my best friend and I allowed logic to shove all emotions out of the way. He was the best candidate – he was madly in love with her in spite of all his character flaws, she obviously could handle him, he was rich and powerful enough to protect her against any future potentially … … unpleasant situations and would do so, and he had a one-tracked mind … … The only thing that could stand between them was the influence of his family. However, it was better for Tsukushi to have her heart broken than having her life in mortal danger. I had a one-tracked mind too and when I made up my mind to do something … … Let's just say that no one with an ounce of intelligence would get in my way. So I started orchestrating their get together … …

I purposely forgot to inform my best friend that nothing happened between Tsukushi and myself that night although I knew his decision to go to New York was an attempt to forget Tsukushi and sacrifice his own happiness in light of hers and mine. Or at least that was the impression he had given Akira and Soujirou. I allowed him to go under the pretext that I was still pissed about him tearing apart my Teddy Bear when we were young. For goodness sake, I could hardly believe that my highly intellectual friends would fall for a pathetic lie like that. I mean how much importance could someone place on a synthetic inanimate object stuffed with cotton? Heck, but well, I guess we are talking here about people whom I had fooled since the first time we laid eyes on each other.

Drastic as my actions seemed, I knew it was necessary especially in Tsukushi's case. Fond as I am of her, I have to admit that the girl was absolutely hopeless when it came to understanding and recognizing her own emotions. She needed to be jolted awake and how could this be better achieved than making her realize that she could loose Tsukasa for good? And it was just a bonus that Tsukasa hated sharing his toys and had an extremely competitive nature. He would only be more possessive of her if he had almost lost her to his best friend, yours truly. I watched the subsequent events unfolding with barely concealed satisfaction as everything went smoothly according to with my plan … …