Repercussions and Resolutions
Author: kjoseph
Disclaimer: JAG and its affiliates are properties of Paramount Television,
Belasariaus productions, and CBS. No profit is gained from this writing
exercise. It's just for fun.
Authors notes: I wrote this soon after "Close Quarters" aired. I was happy
with the way the arc went, but thought they left a lot unsaid and could
have gone other directions with character development and follow through. I
borrowed a few lines from "Touchdown, Back in the Saddle, and Close
Quarters". This is my take on what did happen and what should have happened
through the first third of season nine. Feedback is always appreciated, but
please be kind.
PART I: Personal journal of Harmon Rabb Jr. 5/03: "I once read a book where the author stated that bad things come in three's. Well I couldn't agree more, at least if you were to use my life of late as an example. Of all the crazy stunts I've pulled during the course of my near twenty years in the United States Navy, resigning my commission and donning a single person, self financed rescue mission to Paraguay was about the craziest thing I probably ever could have done. Of course that is in hindsight, not what I was thinking (or should have been thinking) at the time. Admiral Chegwidden was right; I do act on emotion too often. My decisions have generally served me well over the years in my service to God and country as well as my untamed pursuit of justice in and out of the court room. However some times they get me in more trouble than its worth."
"Emotions are something I run off of but I can usually keep them in check when it comes to a direct order form my Commanding Officer. When it comes to emotions outside the office they remain blocked off behind closed walls at least when it comes to relationships. Expressing myself to another, and undeniably when it comes down to love. The disappearance and death of my father and the death of the only two women I have ever come close to loving have undeniably caused this automatic shut down when it comes to getting close to a woman beyond the physical. Well that's not entirely true. I was in love with another woman. In fact I probably still am. It is an emotion that I have shut out for the past seven years, in honesty I confess it only to this journal that I write in and never to her. Never verbally that is, but I am convinced I have done more than enough to show it."
"Control is something that I have to have. As an aviator it is a matter of second nature and survival; as a lawyer it is a matter of success, determination and the discovery of the truth. Much a necessity to me as air is to live. And as much as it pains me to admit it, she is the only person that can make me loose control over my emotions and just about everything else I do. She was my partner, my best friend and the reason I made the hot headed decision to go to Paraguay in the first place. She was in trouble and I knew she needed me to rescue her. Without self doubt, without hesitance, and without compromise, I told Admiral Chegwidden in no uncertain terms that I would do just that and no rules, regulations and political red tape would stop me. Blame it on my large ego and hero complex, I went in full throttle to a known terrorists compound and with the help of Gunny saved her Marine behind and her new boyfriends as well. Oh didn't I mention that? While on her Op, with Webb, they seemed to have developed some sort of feelings for each other that apparently supersede what I thought Mac and I were working towards. Hey I know I'm not the brightest tool in the shed when it comes to love, but I do love her, I just denied it too long I guess."
"Snapping to attention and telling the Admiral that I resigned and was going after Mac was my personal wake up call. I had always known it to be true, but at that one I decided to toss in the towel on my career at JAG was the moment I admitted it to myself. Strangely enough I did half expect to tell her once I found her, but with all the murderers, terrorists and CIA traitors roaming around, I didn't get much of a chance to do so. I did however get the opportunity once again to stick my foot in my mouth thanks to my oh so wonderful communication skills and well you know the rest of the story, blew up the Stinger missiles, saved Mac and Webb from being tortured to death and as a reward lost the women of my dreams to a Spook. Yep a CIA spook that through the seven years I've dealt with him has never shown an ounce emotion. I guess being tortured near death changes a man."
"My friend Sturgis once told me that for a guy that flew the fastest jets in the Navy; I was the slowest man on the earth when it came to admitting my feelings for someone. He was and still is right. Mac once asked me what I would be willing to give up for her. The Admiral asked me what I would be willing to give up to keep her. The answer is that of the same. I gave up the one thing that made me, well me, I gave up the Navy. Sure in the past I gave up Renee and other women when things got too serious, because hell, they weren't for me when it came to long term. But the Navy made up me, and giving that up without a single compromising thought was the final straw holding the damn of feelings back. Now without the job I want and the women I want, I find myself giving up her, friendship and all, so she can be happy with someone else. Yeah, I am a warrior in the courtroom and on the battle field, but when it comes to competition for love, I don't have the first damn clue how to fight the battle; and its obvious Mac isn't going to show me the way."
"Back to my point about bad things in three's...well first the obvious, I resign my commission in the Navy. A career that I longed and worked hard for no thrown away at the climax of a two minute argument with my former CO. I can't say I completely blame the Admiral. The US government couldn't officially go in to get Mac and Webb, but I'm off the mind that I must protect those I care about. So I leave without hesitation and the rest is history. Second, Mac tells me after this ordeal that there is no chance for us because we both have ambitions to being on top. I'll admit we are competitive with one another and there is no doubt that my next career ambition would have been to become the next JAG, but I would think tossing my career away to safe her six would null and void that argument. Apparently I was wrong. And of course I didn't communicate that to her. Anyway the third whammy occurred upon my successful return to the good old US of A I was told by the "great" Admiral Chegwidden that he had processed my resignation and I was a civilian. Not the hero's welcome that I was half expecting, but not entirely unexpected either. It seems everyone thinks I'm some gung ho stupid cowboy SOB and you know what, they are not entirely wrong. However after all these years of service, success and personal favors for everyone at JAG, I am honestly a bit crushed and abandoned by the only people I have come to consider family. Well life is not without its funny surprises and challenges. Even though I lost my job at JAG, I have now been offered a new job opportunity working for the CIA as a pilot/operative. I'm taking it in my new quest to move on with my life....we will see where the future takes me."
From Touchdown Cut to scene of Harm landing the C130 on the Patrick Henry
Voice of Reporter And the pilot of this aircraft, former Commander Harmon Rabb Jr. of the United States Navy.
Shot of Harm carrying the small Libyan Child in his arms.
Voice of ships Captain Oh no, in all this confusion we forgot.
About what sir?
The news crew...
Pan to shot of news crew filming Harm walking off of the plane with the child.
11/03: "I haven't written in a while; hell it's been six months since I last wrote. It seems I only want to write about my feelings when there is either big change in my life, a conflict or both. Who knows, maybe some day I'll have some good news to put down. Not today however. I've been on various TAD's and none have compared to the amount of action I have seen over the last six months flying for the CIA. I should know by now that trouble seems to just find me wherever I go. Now 37 successful missions and a lost of lonely nights later, I find myself out of a job again. The primary reason was that in route to completing an informant extraction from Libya we sustained critical damage to our aircraft. Because our informant made the last minute decision to bring his entire family along for the trip without telling us, we didn't have enough parachutes and couldn't ditch the plane and bale. Since I had no other options available, I made the decision to land a C130 on an aircraft carrier and the media got it on tape. Now the landing being an accomplishment of its own merit tends to be a big thing in a time of war. So of course the media, who was capturing this as it happened broadcasted it live and well the nation saw what they wanted it to see. Well I can't say I completely blame the CIA and Webb for letting me go. What good am I to the company if people know my face?"
"Mac came to see me. From the way I read her and the amount of time it's been since we spoke and saw each other, I could only infer that she and Webb have been getting closer. Of course I couldn't resist testing her patience with my cheap remarks and comments about it. Not really one of my finest moments, but I definitely was not in the mood to entertain guests. In my defense though, Mac hadn't really come by on her own accord. It seems she needed some help. She dragged me into helping her on Commander Ime's case reviews who I at that point found out, is not a real lawyer. As funny and astonishing as this revelation was, I still wanted to yell scream and literally throw her out after the audacity of her candid attitude with me. We are not the best friends we were, we are not partners anymore, hell we're barely on speaking terms; but as usual I'm a sucker and I helped her out. Our relationship is no where near where it was and our interaction was cold at best, but there is still some care there. Who knows, maybe one day we'll be friends again."
Cut to shot of Harm putting journal away in his desk and walking to his couch. Picking up his guitar he starts to play and remember about his history with Mac scenes from when they first met in the Rose Garden to Embassy, to Deathwatch, The Stalker, Web of Lies Boomerang 1 & 2, Lifeline, Adrift 1 & 2, Jagathon, In Country, Enemy Below and A Tangled Webb.
Saturday 2330 Zulu
"I said that maybe one day I would write down something positive if it ever came along and tonight I think I am doing so. A big change in my life came yesterday while doing some sole searching; and taking up a temporary job of crop dusting. I met a girl. No not a women, a fourteen year old girl. Long story short, we have some things in common in reference to loosing parents at a young age. Sort of a connection of weary soles if you will. Anyway, she is without a parental role model and I am without some real purpose in my life. Maybe I need to help people, I don't know, but this feeling and connection seems to go well beyond that simple need I once lived by. We click and make a perfect match I guess. We shall see how this transition goes. It's going to be an uphill battle to become her guardian, but hey I never back down from a challenge do I?"
"Oh two positive pieces of news now as I'm in the Navy now. Or again depending on how you want to look at it. Yep, you read correctly, Admiral Chegwidden tracked me down after six months of silence, and we had a bit of coming to terms with our issues. Even though we were at an impasse with one another, it actually it went better than I would have expected and better than either one of us probably deserved. He didn't directly apologize and neither did I as we both don't feel that's what the real issue was/is. He made a lot of statements about me, some good some bad, but all rang true. In the end, the oblivious decision was to accept his offer and have my commission reinstated. Now that we had come to an understanding with one another I begin a journey of new and old. The road back for us to come to this decision and offer though was somewhat eye opening for me and how and why he asked me to return is something I will never forget..."
Yesterday 2000 Zulu Hanger at Grace Aviation
The scene finds Harm working on his biplane Sarah, talking with Mattie Grace. They are talking about some of Harms crazy stunts he's pulled while in the air when Admiral Chegwidden arrives. The Admiral walks up while Harms back is turned to him and is about to speak when Harm speaks first.
"What brings you out here Admiral?"
"How the hell did you know it was me without looking or hearing me?"
"It's an old habit from a former life." (Harm stops working on the plane and turns to Mattie) "Mattie this is an old colleague of mine Admiral Chegwidden...Admiral Chegwidden this is Mattie Grace." (The Admiral offers his hand to the young girl Not taking his hand, she turns to Harm)
"Is this as the jackass that fired you Harm?"
(AJ stunned that a 14 year old girl has just shot him down. Back-peddling a little, AJ re-tracks his offered gesture and looks for the right words.) "Well I didn't exactly fire him; I just wouldn't let him have his old job back."
"Don't sugar coat your own shit Admiral, you fired him."
"Who is this... Harm?"
"Mattie Grace; of Grace Aviation of course" (with a sly smile).
"Of course she is" (Dryly)
"Mattie do me a favor and excuse me for a couple of minutes"
"No problem Harm" (She turns to AJ)
"Wish I could say it was a pleasure meeting you Admiral" (She leaves to go to her office)
"Sweet girl Rabb, friend of yours?"
"Boss actually."
"You have got to be joking."
"No AJ I'm not. How did you find me?"
"I know this is where you keep Sarah, and just figured...How are you Harm?"
"You didn't drive 80 miles to bullshit with me AJ you could have just called if you wanted to know that. Hell you could have called a lot of times in the last six months if you really wanted to know how I was doing." (AJ lets Harms comments slide without retaliation.)
"I spoke with Webb; he let me know about your forced career change. Can't say though that after that landing last week on ZNN, I didn't expect it either"
(Harm is turned facing AJ, looks mad and confused.) "Well...Webb should know...seems you and he finally have something in common" (referring to both of them firing him)
"Harm I don't think he had much of a choice in the matter."
"No I guess he didn't. Then again Webb doesn't have a choice for a lot of things he does."
"I'm not here to debate you on your pissing contest with Webb Mr. Rabb..."
"Well then what the hell do you want with from me AJ?"
"To talk to you" (plain and blunt).
(Harm gets in his face and is about 3 inches away and yells.) "You tossed me out on my ass six months ago without a second thought. After all the times I saved your six, slaved for you, covered for you, hell I disregarded the rules and helped you save Francesca in Italy.I stood by your side, never challenged your judgment or command and when we have a conflict of conscience over someone I thought we both care about you didn't give a good god damn!"
"You don't think I wanted you to go to Mac and bring her back!?"
"I think your reluctance to do anything useful proved that one!"
"Well then listen up son, because you're only going to hear this once! I did want you to go after her, but I was under orders not to do anything! This was a black op. Mac knew what she signed on for and my hands were tied no matter what I wanted to do!"
"So you hid behind your orders Admiral...I couldn't do that."
"And you never do when you don't agree with them! Harm you have driven me over the edge time and time again from the first assignment I have ever given you. Almost 8 years now I've put up with your wining and bickering not too mention childish antics. You have caused me to loose what little hair I had left when I came to JAG in less than a month! I have taken more shit from officers and politicians for you and covered your ass more times than any CO in any military should. So don't pull this all the times I helped you crap with me. I've done as much for you as you've done for me..." (AJ Pauses for a moment) However you have also proved yourself time and again. Whether you want to call the majority of your actions heroic..."
(Harm interrupts) "I don't..."
"...Or whether you want to call it for the good of service, it was still you. Your actions, your choices and the lives you helped and saved because of their results...were all you. If anyone was born to be an officer in the United States Navy... it was you. You have gone above and beyond the call of duty more times than I can count and for reasons I'd rather not discuss. As your CO I did what I had to do and I stand by that decision, but as your friend I know I let you down."
"So what then, forgive and forget AJ? Is that what you drove all the way out here for?"
"No Harm, its not forgiveness I want from you."
"Good, so what is it then?"
(AJ pauses knowing this is going to take some time.)
"Let's take a walk Harm."
(Harm and AJ start walking on one of the deserted strips adjacent to the hanger. Neither is sure of the other. AJ stops looks at Harm and speaks first breaking the silence.) "Harm, I'll be honest with you. I'm in a bit of a bind right now. As you know Commander Imes has been discharged from the Navy for forging her bar acceptance. I need someone to replace her ASAP. I would like that someone to be you. It would involve the full reinstatement of your commission as Commander and no penalty would be assessed for your six month absence. Hell I think we can probably get your tour with the CIA credited to your file as some undercover TAD this way you would stand full chance for any promotional opportunities that the future would bring...should you earn it of course."
"Lets not forget you told me I was "unreliable and not a team player" so why now why me of all the people available?"
"I stand by what I said. You run on emotion, you drive me nuts, and you have some kindergarten communication and responsibility issues that you damn sure need to work out before accepting this offer."
"Oh really and what would those be?"
"Harm, as good as you are, hell as great as you are in the cockpit of an F- 14 or in the courtroom, your ego is the size of Mount Everest and your convictions to honor and chivalry tend to get you in more trouble than its worth sometimes. You have the ability to do things others only dream of. You say you don't act in heroism, I say I agree, you act in spite of heroics; you act from a need to protect those who suffer and those you care about. It's what drives you to not know how to fail and what makes being a JAG what you do...its who you are."
"So what's the problem then?"
"You let that emotion constantly control your decision making. Harm there are times you need to let go of the control and trust in others. Especially those who believe in you. Until you do that, nothing in your life will come together the way you want it. Not your career, not your relationships with your friends, and not your relationship with Mac."
"I have no relationship with Mac."
"That is a debatable statement and that is for you two to figure out."
(AJ lets that sink in for a moment and then speaks) "You keep running the other direction son and tell me, where has it gotten you? Have you found happiness? Are you content to say the least?"
"Point taken. Why did you come here now?"
"Because someone much wiser than I pointed out that I was being a stubborn ass not listening to what my heart was telling me and what my head dictated. Because sometimes a good leader needs to concede that his heart needs to do the talking and take the wheel. I thinks we both made decisions that cost us. You your career amongst other things, and me a fine attorney and officer in my command...and a friend. I stand by my decision Harm, you disobeyed an order..."
(Harm interrupts him) "...You know I don't regret going after Mac and Webb no matter what it did cost me, so what makes you think I won't do it again? Where is this new found faith coming from? Why do you want me of all people back?"
"Because quite frankly you are the best! You are what makes up the definition of an officer and a gentleman and you are to crux of the justice that the UCMJ strives for. The Navy needs you, your friends need you, and son your country needs you."
"I want an honest answer from you...what would you have done?"
"Excuse me?"
"Had it been Meredith in Macs place what would you have done?" (AJ stares at Harm. This is the first time Harm has ever verbalized his feelings for Mac in one way or another. Not that he hadn't suspected for some time. And that suspicion had been confirmed when he resigned without as much as an inkling of hesitation. Why they never got it together was beyond him, but he knew he had to answer Harm's question. It was one he had struggled with himself since he found out Mac was missing. The line between duty and honor had been blurred by emotion and possibly love. AJ knew the answer all to well and he didn't like it at all...)
"Harm, man to man, between you and me...without hesitation, without a second thought and without compromise I would have done the same damned thing. With the exception of following through when I was done."
"What do you mean follow through?"
"You didn't go down there to rescue and damsel in distress, you went after the woman you love."
"Admiral..."
"It's a fact not a question and not beginning of a debate Rabb. One day you'll understand what I mean."
(sarcastically) "And when will that be?"
"The day you actually learn to follow through with everything you've got. Are you satisfied?"
(Harm pauses....then answers.) "I don't know if I'll ever be satisfied."
(AJ knows what's coming next. He turns to leave and starts walking away while Harm stays put and reflects.) "Son when you are ready to "stop being Peter Pan" and ready to grow up and start serving your country and stop serving yourself...give me a call...we'll start fresh."
(With that AJ puts on his ball cap and walks down the runway away from a stunned Harm.) "Admiral Chegwidden!"
(AJ turns about face and stares down Harm.)
"Do you honestly believe we can start fresh sir?"
"I don't say things I don't mean Harm and I know I'm willing to try. Are you?"
"I don't make promises I can't keep."
"So what is it then? Serve your country or serve yourself...(laughs to himself) who knows maybe you'll find the two go hand in hand one of these days."
"I think it's about time I found out sir..."
(Harm extends his hand to Chegwidden. Chegwidden takes the offering. Things certainly were not perfect, but there was a foundation that had just been formed...a start.)
"0900 Monday morning Commander Rabb."
"Yes sir...and Admiral...thank you."
(Smiles) "Don't thank me yet...you never know you may regret it."
(Harm walks down the path.) "Oh and Commander Rabb..."
(Harm smiles at the sound of that statement turns around to face AJ.) "Yes sir"
"Don't you dare be a minute late...Dismissed!"
"Aye Aye sir."
PART I: Personal journal of Harmon Rabb Jr. 5/03: "I once read a book where the author stated that bad things come in three's. Well I couldn't agree more, at least if you were to use my life of late as an example. Of all the crazy stunts I've pulled during the course of my near twenty years in the United States Navy, resigning my commission and donning a single person, self financed rescue mission to Paraguay was about the craziest thing I probably ever could have done. Of course that is in hindsight, not what I was thinking (or should have been thinking) at the time. Admiral Chegwidden was right; I do act on emotion too often. My decisions have generally served me well over the years in my service to God and country as well as my untamed pursuit of justice in and out of the court room. However some times they get me in more trouble than its worth."
"Emotions are something I run off of but I can usually keep them in check when it comes to a direct order form my Commanding Officer. When it comes to emotions outside the office they remain blocked off behind closed walls at least when it comes to relationships. Expressing myself to another, and undeniably when it comes down to love. The disappearance and death of my father and the death of the only two women I have ever come close to loving have undeniably caused this automatic shut down when it comes to getting close to a woman beyond the physical. Well that's not entirely true. I was in love with another woman. In fact I probably still am. It is an emotion that I have shut out for the past seven years, in honesty I confess it only to this journal that I write in and never to her. Never verbally that is, but I am convinced I have done more than enough to show it."
"Control is something that I have to have. As an aviator it is a matter of second nature and survival; as a lawyer it is a matter of success, determination and the discovery of the truth. Much a necessity to me as air is to live. And as much as it pains me to admit it, she is the only person that can make me loose control over my emotions and just about everything else I do. She was my partner, my best friend and the reason I made the hot headed decision to go to Paraguay in the first place. She was in trouble and I knew she needed me to rescue her. Without self doubt, without hesitance, and without compromise, I told Admiral Chegwidden in no uncertain terms that I would do just that and no rules, regulations and political red tape would stop me. Blame it on my large ego and hero complex, I went in full throttle to a known terrorists compound and with the help of Gunny saved her Marine behind and her new boyfriends as well. Oh didn't I mention that? While on her Op, with Webb, they seemed to have developed some sort of feelings for each other that apparently supersede what I thought Mac and I were working towards. Hey I know I'm not the brightest tool in the shed when it comes to love, but I do love her, I just denied it too long I guess."
"Snapping to attention and telling the Admiral that I resigned and was going after Mac was my personal wake up call. I had always known it to be true, but at that one I decided to toss in the towel on my career at JAG was the moment I admitted it to myself. Strangely enough I did half expect to tell her once I found her, but with all the murderers, terrorists and CIA traitors roaming around, I didn't get much of a chance to do so. I did however get the opportunity once again to stick my foot in my mouth thanks to my oh so wonderful communication skills and well you know the rest of the story, blew up the Stinger missiles, saved Mac and Webb from being tortured to death and as a reward lost the women of my dreams to a Spook. Yep a CIA spook that through the seven years I've dealt with him has never shown an ounce emotion. I guess being tortured near death changes a man."
"My friend Sturgis once told me that for a guy that flew the fastest jets in the Navy; I was the slowest man on the earth when it came to admitting my feelings for someone. He was and still is right. Mac once asked me what I would be willing to give up for her. The Admiral asked me what I would be willing to give up to keep her. The answer is that of the same. I gave up the one thing that made me, well me, I gave up the Navy. Sure in the past I gave up Renee and other women when things got too serious, because hell, they weren't for me when it came to long term. But the Navy made up me, and giving that up without a single compromising thought was the final straw holding the damn of feelings back. Now without the job I want and the women I want, I find myself giving up her, friendship and all, so she can be happy with someone else. Yeah, I am a warrior in the courtroom and on the battle field, but when it comes to competition for love, I don't have the first damn clue how to fight the battle; and its obvious Mac isn't going to show me the way."
"Back to my point about bad things in three's...well first the obvious, I resign my commission in the Navy. A career that I longed and worked hard for no thrown away at the climax of a two minute argument with my former CO. I can't say I completely blame the Admiral. The US government couldn't officially go in to get Mac and Webb, but I'm off the mind that I must protect those I care about. So I leave without hesitation and the rest is history. Second, Mac tells me after this ordeal that there is no chance for us because we both have ambitions to being on top. I'll admit we are competitive with one another and there is no doubt that my next career ambition would have been to become the next JAG, but I would think tossing my career away to safe her six would null and void that argument. Apparently I was wrong. And of course I didn't communicate that to her. Anyway the third whammy occurred upon my successful return to the good old US of A I was told by the "great" Admiral Chegwidden that he had processed my resignation and I was a civilian. Not the hero's welcome that I was half expecting, but not entirely unexpected either. It seems everyone thinks I'm some gung ho stupid cowboy SOB and you know what, they are not entirely wrong. However after all these years of service, success and personal favors for everyone at JAG, I am honestly a bit crushed and abandoned by the only people I have come to consider family. Well life is not without its funny surprises and challenges. Even though I lost my job at JAG, I have now been offered a new job opportunity working for the CIA as a pilot/operative. I'm taking it in my new quest to move on with my life....we will see where the future takes me."
From Touchdown Cut to scene of Harm landing the C130 on the Patrick Henry
Voice of Reporter And the pilot of this aircraft, former Commander Harmon Rabb Jr. of the United States Navy.
Shot of Harm carrying the small Libyan Child in his arms.
Voice of ships Captain Oh no, in all this confusion we forgot.
About what sir?
The news crew...
Pan to shot of news crew filming Harm walking off of the plane with the child.
11/03: "I haven't written in a while; hell it's been six months since I last wrote. It seems I only want to write about my feelings when there is either big change in my life, a conflict or both. Who knows, maybe some day I'll have some good news to put down. Not today however. I've been on various TAD's and none have compared to the amount of action I have seen over the last six months flying for the CIA. I should know by now that trouble seems to just find me wherever I go. Now 37 successful missions and a lost of lonely nights later, I find myself out of a job again. The primary reason was that in route to completing an informant extraction from Libya we sustained critical damage to our aircraft. Because our informant made the last minute decision to bring his entire family along for the trip without telling us, we didn't have enough parachutes and couldn't ditch the plane and bale. Since I had no other options available, I made the decision to land a C130 on an aircraft carrier and the media got it on tape. Now the landing being an accomplishment of its own merit tends to be a big thing in a time of war. So of course the media, who was capturing this as it happened broadcasted it live and well the nation saw what they wanted it to see. Well I can't say I completely blame the CIA and Webb for letting me go. What good am I to the company if people know my face?"
"Mac came to see me. From the way I read her and the amount of time it's been since we spoke and saw each other, I could only infer that she and Webb have been getting closer. Of course I couldn't resist testing her patience with my cheap remarks and comments about it. Not really one of my finest moments, but I definitely was not in the mood to entertain guests. In my defense though, Mac hadn't really come by on her own accord. It seems she needed some help. She dragged me into helping her on Commander Ime's case reviews who I at that point found out, is not a real lawyer. As funny and astonishing as this revelation was, I still wanted to yell scream and literally throw her out after the audacity of her candid attitude with me. We are not the best friends we were, we are not partners anymore, hell we're barely on speaking terms; but as usual I'm a sucker and I helped her out. Our relationship is no where near where it was and our interaction was cold at best, but there is still some care there. Who knows, maybe one day we'll be friends again."
Cut to shot of Harm putting journal away in his desk and walking to his couch. Picking up his guitar he starts to play and remember about his history with Mac scenes from when they first met in the Rose Garden to Embassy, to Deathwatch, The Stalker, Web of Lies Boomerang 1 & 2, Lifeline, Adrift 1 & 2, Jagathon, In Country, Enemy Below and A Tangled Webb.
Saturday 2330 Zulu
"I said that maybe one day I would write down something positive if it ever came along and tonight I think I am doing so. A big change in my life came yesterday while doing some sole searching; and taking up a temporary job of crop dusting. I met a girl. No not a women, a fourteen year old girl. Long story short, we have some things in common in reference to loosing parents at a young age. Sort of a connection of weary soles if you will. Anyway, she is without a parental role model and I am without some real purpose in my life. Maybe I need to help people, I don't know, but this feeling and connection seems to go well beyond that simple need I once lived by. We click and make a perfect match I guess. We shall see how this transition goes. It's going to be an uphill battle to become her guardian, but hey I never back down from a challenge do I?"
"Oh two positive pieces of news now as I'm in the Navy now. Or again depending on how you want to look at it. Yep, you read correctly, Admiral Chegwidden tracked me down after six months of silence, and we had a bit of coming to terms with our issues. Even though we were at an impasse with one another, it actually it went better than I would have expected and better than either one of us probably deserved. He didn't directly apologize and neither did I as we both don't feel that's what the real issue was/is. He made a lot of statements about me, some good some bad, but all rang true. In the end, the oblivious decision was to accept his offer and have my commission reinstated. Now that we had come to an understanding with one another I begin a journey of new and old. The road back for us to come to this decision and offer though was somewhat eye opening for me and how and why he asked me to return is something I will never forget..."
Yesterday 2000 Zulu Hanger at Grace Aviation
The scene finds Harm working on his biplane Sarah, talking with Mattie Grace. They are talking about some of Harms crazy stunts he's pulled while in the air when Admiral Chegwidden arrives. The Admiral walks up while Harms back is turned to him and is about to speak when Harm speaks first.
"What brings you out here Admiral?"
"How the hell did you know it was me without looking or hearing me?"
"It's an old habit from a former life." (Harm stops working on the plane and turns to Mattie) "Mattie this is an old colleague of mine Admiral Chegwidden...Admiral Chegwidden this is Mattie Grace." (The Admiral offers his hand to the young girl Not taking his hand, she turns to Harm)
"Is this as the jackass that fired you Harm?"
(AJ stunned that a 14 year old girl has just shot him down. Back-peddling a little, AJ re-tracks his offered gesture and looks for the right words.) "Well I didn't exactly fire him; I just wouldn't let him have his old job back."
"Don't sugar coat your own shit Admiral, you fired him."
"Who is this... Harm?"
"Mattie Grace; of Grace Aviation of course" (with a sly smile).
"Of course she is" (Dryly)
"Mattie do me a favor and excuse me for a couple of minutes"
"No problem Harm" (She turns to AJ)
"Wish I could say it was a pleasure meeting you Admiral" (She leaves to go to her office)
"Sweet girl Rabb, friend of yours?"
"Boss actually."
"You have got to be joking."
"No AJ I'm not. How did you find me?"
"I know this is where you keep Sarah, and just figured...How are you Harm?"
"You didn't drive 80 miles to bullshit with me AJ you could have just called if you wanted to know that. Hell you could have called a lot of times in the last six months if you really wanted to know how I was doing." (AJ lets Harms comments slide without retaliation.)
"I spoke with Webb; he let me know about your forced career change. Can't say though that after that landing last week on ZNN, I didn't expect it either"
(Harm is turned facing AJ, looks mad and confused.) "Well...Webb should know...seems you and he finally have something in common" (referring to both of them firing him)
"Harm I don't think he had much of a choice in the matter."
"No I guess he didn't. Then again Webb doesn't have a choice for a lot of things he does."
"I'm not here to debate you on your pissing contest with Webb Mr. Rabb..."
"Well then what the hell do you want with from me AJ?"
"To talk to you" (plain and blunt).
(Harm gets in his face and is about 3 inches away and yells.) "You tossed me out on my ass six months ago without a second thought. After all the times I saved your six, slaved for you, covered for you, hell I disregarded the rules and helped you save Francesca in Italy.I stood by your side, never challenged your judgment or command and when we have a conflict of conscience over someone I thought we both care about you didn't give a good god damn!"
"You don't think I wanted you to go to Mac and bring her back!?"
"I think your reluctance to do anything useful proved that one!"
"Well then listen up son, because you're only going to hear this once! I did want you to go after her, but I was under orders not to do anything! This was a black op. Mac knew what she signed on for and my hands were tied no matter what I wanted to do!"
"So you hid behind your orders Admiral...I couldn't do that."
"And you never do when you don't agree with them! Harm you have driven me over the edge time and time again from the first assignment I have ever given you. Almost 8 years now I've put up with your wining and bickering not too mention childish antics. You have caused me to loose what little hair I had left when I came to JAG in less than a month! I have taken more shit from officers and politicians for you and covered your ass more times than any CO in any military should. So don't pull this all the times I helped you crap with me. I've done as much for you as you've done for me..." (AJ Pauses for a moment) However you have also proved yourself time and again. Whether you want to call the majority of your actions heroic..."
(Harm interrupts) "I don't..."
"...Or whether you want to call it for the good of service, it was still you. Your actions, your choices and the lives you helped and saved because of their results...were all you. If anyone was born to be an officer in the United States Navy... it was you. You have gone above and beyond the call of duty more times than I can count and for reasons I'd rather not discuss. As your CO I did what I had to do and I stand by that decision, but as your friend I know I let you down."
"So what then, forgive and forget AJ? Is that what you drove all the way out here for?"
"No Harm, its not forgiveness I want from you."
"Good, so what is it then?"
(AJ pauses knowing this is going to take some time.)
"Let's take a walk Harm."
(Harm and AJ start walking on one of the deserted strips adjacent to the hanger. Neither is sure of the other. AJ stops looks at Harm and speaks first breaking the silence.) "Harm, I'll be honest with you. I'm in a bit of a bind right now. As you know Commander Imes has been discharged from the Navy for forging her bar acceptance. I need someone to replace her ASAP. I would like that someone to be you. It would involve the full reinstatement of your commission as Commander and no penalty would be assessed for your six month absence. Hell I think we can probably get your tour with the CIA credited to your file as some undercover TAD this way you would stand full chance for any promotional opportunities that the future would bring...should you earn it of course."
"Lets not forget you told me I was "unreliable and not a team player" so why now why me of all the people available?"
"I stand by what I said. You run on emotion, you drive me nuts, and you have some kindergarten communication and responsibility issues that you damn sure need to work out before accepting this offer."
"Oh really and what would those be?"
"Harm, as good as you are, hell as great as you are in the cockpit of an F- 14 or in the courtroom, your ego is the size of Mount Everest and your convictions to honor and chivalry tend to get you in more trouble than its worth sometimes. You have the ability to do things others only dream of. You say you don't act in heroism, I say I agree, you act in spite of heroics; you act from a need to protect those who suffer and those you care about. It's what drives you to not know how to fail and what makes being a JAG what you do...its who you are."
"So what's the problem then?"
"You let that emotion constantly control your decision making. Harm there are times you need to let go of the control and trust in others. Especially those who believe in you. Until you do that, nothing in your life will come together the way you want it. Not your career, not your relationships with your friends, and not your relationship with Mac."
"I have no relationship with Mac."
"That is a debatable statement and that is for you two to figure out."
(AJ lets that sink in for a moment and then speaks) "You keep running the other direction son and tell me, where has it gotten you? Have you found happiness? Are you content to say the least?"
"Point taken. Why did you come here now?"
"Because someone much wiser than I pointed out that I was being a stubborn ass not listening to what my heart was telling me and what my head dictated. Because sometimes a good leader needs to concede that his heart needs to do the talking and take the wheel. I thinks we both made decisions that cost us. You your career amongst other things, and me a fine attorney and officer in my command...and a friend. I stand by my decision Harm, you disobeyed an order..."
(Harm interrupts him) "...You know I don't regret going after Mac and Webb no matter what it did cost me, so what makes you think I won't do it again? Where is this new found faith coming from? Why do you want me of all people back?"
"Because quite frankly you are the best! You are what makes up the definition of an officer and a gentleman and you are to crux of the justice that the UCMJ strives for. The Navy needs you, your friends need you, and son your country needs you."
"I want an honest answer from you...what would you have done?"
"Excuse me?"
"Had it been Meredith in Macs place what would you have done?" (AJ stares at Harm. This is the first time Harm has ever verbalized his feelings for Mac in one way or another. Not that he hadn't suspected for some time. And that suspicion had been confirmed when he resigned without as much as an inkling of hesitation. Why they never got it together was beyond him, but he knew he had to answer Harm's question. It was one he had struggled with himself since he found out Mac was missing. The line between duty and honor had been blurred by emotion and possibly love. AJ knew the answer all to well and he didn't like it at all...)
"Harm, man to man, between you and me...without hesitation, without a second thought and without compromise I would have done the same damned thing. With the exception of following through when I was done."
"What do you mean follow through?"
"You didn't go down there to rescue and damsel in distress, you went after the woman you love."
"Admiral..."
"It's a fact not a question and not beginning of a debate Rabb. One day you'll understand what I mean."
(sarcastically) "And when will that be?"
"The day you actually learn to follow through with everything you've got. Are you satisfied?"
(Harm pauses....then answers.) "I don't know if I'll ever be satisfied."
(AJ knows what's coming next. He turns to leave and starts walking away while Harm stays put and reflects.) "Son when you are ready to "stop being Peter Pan" and ready to grow up and start serving your country and stop serving yourself...give me a call...we'll start fresh."
(With that AJ puts on his ball cap and walks down the runway away from a stunned Harm.) "Admiral Chegwidden!"
(AJ turns about face and stares down Harm.)
"Do you honestly believe we can start fresh sir?"
"I don't say things I don't mean Harm and I know I'm willing to try. Are you?"
"I don't make promises I can't keep."
"So what is it then? Serve your country or serve yourself...(laughs to himself) who knows maybe you'll find the two go hand in hand one of these days."
"I think it's about time I found out sir..."
(Harm extends his hand to Chegwidden. Chegwidden takes the offering. Things certainly were not perfect, but there was a foundation that had just been formed...a start.)
"0900 Monday morning Commander Rabb."
"Yes sir...and Admiral...thank you."
(Smiles) "Don't thank me yet...you never know you may regret it."
(Harm walks down the path.) "Oh and Commander Rabb..."
(Harm smiles at the sound of that statement turns around to face AJ.) "Yes sir"
"Don't you dare be a minute late...Dismissed!"
"Aye Aye sir."