PART III
Tuesday
0830 Zulu
JAG Headquarters
(Harm is in his office unmercifully going through mounds and boxes of case loads. Surprising to himself, as boring and somewhat demeaning as these tasks were, the Admiral had made a good choice for him to do this. He was efficient and determined moving through the endless stacks of cases, but it was a fantastic review for him of the law that he had to admit, he missed practicing. Suddenly there was a knock on the door.)
"Hey Sturgis come on in"
"Harm, so how are you enjoying my former office?"
"Oh you mean this closet with a dead rat in the wall stinking up the place; it suits me just fine."
"Harm, I know some of this is going to seem uncomfortable for you and possibly a bit strange until you are fully adjusted to being back, but if having your old office would help, well I'll talk to the Admiral about it.""
"No, that won't be necessary buddy. I understand the Admirals decision, and this is a welcome change."
"Really?"
"Yeah, so don't worry about me. I'm fine doing this grunt work and I'll be fine in this renovated broom closet."
"Uh huh?"
"Ok, hey since you look like your going to be here all day and night, how about you and I grab a beer tomorrow?"
"You buying?"
"Consider it your welcome back party." (Sturgis smiles and leaves. Harm goes back to his work.)
Wednesday 1730 Zulu Betzingers Bar
(Harm and Sturgis are sitting at a table drinking and talking. The conversation is chummy.)
"So how did your first few days back go?"
"Well most of the critical reviews are done and it doesn't look like Imes' departure is going to cause any rapists and murders to walk."
"That's a welcome relief. The Admiral will be happy with the results and I would think with your speed and diligence."
"Let's hope so. I don't want to push paper forever."
"It's only been three days Harm, give him a little time. He has to learn to trust your instincts and judgment again, but you know that he wouldn't have asked you back if JAG wasn't where you belonged."
"I know... but a, telling me that is not why you offered to pick up the tab so spill it."
"Excuse me?"
"What's on your mind Sturg? We're friends so go ahead and say it."
"Alright, but look in truth I'm glad your back, and I know you had to work through your issues your self, and that generally you prefer to do it yourself."
"But..."
"What the hell happened to you? I mean you left without word, to anyone. No calls for almost six months. I know who you are Harm, but there were enough people worried about you. You do have friends you know."
"Well I was on assignments most of the time...which I can't talk about by the way" (he smiles)
"And when you were in town you couldn't call to let anyone know you were ok."
"I called Bud to congratulate him on the baby...but I had to move on...at least temporarily to try and find some peace of mind."
"Harm, we didn't abandon you."
"I know, but Sturgis. Look I can be blunt with you right?"
"Of course."
"When I left JAG six months ago I lost the two things that were most valuable to me. I had to separate myself from everyone; you know that so I could regain control over my life. Now I'm back, and it's what I want. You have all fared well without me so I have the challenge of reproving myself and showing you all that I am worthy of my enormous ego."
(Sturgis laughs) "Well Harm, you have changed a bit then. I would have wagered that you would have put up a fight with the Admiral and wanted things to be the same as they were before."
"People change my friend. I have to roll with the new. But don't get too cocky, I'm not out of a fight by any means...something I'm sure you'll see next time we're in court."
(Sturgis laughs.)
"Sturgis really, I'm fine. But thank you for your concern."
"I would say you are anything but fine Harm; you haven't confronted all your issues yet. The most important one is still lingering if you ask me."
"I will deal with everything, I just need some time."
"Promise me you'll talk to me if you need anything...or someone, Mac, anyone. We have all been a bit mystified with your whereabouts and concerned about you the past six months."
"I don't want to talk about Mac Sturg. That's a subject that is off limits with me."
"Harm, she cares a lot about you. And you can't tell me that you don't feel something for her. Hell you threw away your life for her safety."
"Sturg drop it. As Far as Mac goes, it's strictly professional from here on out. She made it painfully clear that she didn't want a future with me six months ago and she has someone who seems to make her happy in her life now. I got in the way of her happiness once and I won't do it again."
"Who Webb?"
"Yeah" (grunts)
"You know Harm, Mac and I aren't on the best of terms now, I can see a little of what she does to drive you nuts, but I also have seen the connection you two had with each other, and that is unmatched."
"Had is the operative word Sturgis."
"You know Harm ...she didn't come back from Paraguay the same as she left either. And you are allowed to be happy to."
"So...she's moved on. And I'm getting there."
"Maybe, or maybe she just moved away...I would wager that most of things she may have said to you and some of the choices she has made are her way of dealing with what she went through. I don't know all the details, but from what I could gather there is bound to be some emotional backlash and baggage from her experiences there. It wasn't a vacation you know that."
"All too well I'm afraid..." (Harm's cell phone rings...) "Hold on a minute"
"Rabb..."
"Hey Harm its Mattie..."
"Hey you."
"I just wanted to make sure you were still coming up Saturday to go flying."
"Wouldn't miss it for the world sweetie."
(Sturgis looks on with a shocking scowl).
"I'll be there by 0930"
"Man, Harm, we're going to have to work at this military thing of yours. All this different lingo and lifestyle is going to drive me a little batty."
"Yeah yeah...hey it's getting late get some sleep and I'll see you Saturday."
"Bye" "Bye"
(Sturgis glares at Harm.)
"A new girl in your life?"
(Harm smirks...suddenly he remembers that he hasn't told anyone about his attempt to attain guardianship of Mattie yet and decides to have a little fun with Sturgis)
"You could ah say that Sturg. I met her about two weeks ago and I tell you buddy, she is absolutely amazing, curly brown hair, feisty and very self assured."
"Oh, well congratulations. What does she do for a living?"
"She's a student."
"Student?" (Sturgis is starting to get obviously confused.)
"Yeah, why?" (Smirks to himself knowing where Sturgis is going with this)
"Oh, Harm, your about 40 now and well you've gone through a lot in the past six months...you are demonstrating the signs of a midlife crisis. Can I ask how old this girl is?"
"Sure, she's 14"
"FOURTEEN!!!! Are you out of your damned mind!"
(Harm can't hold back the laughter anymore and breaks down almost in tears of hysteria)
"What is so damned funny Harm? Ok don't worry you've gone over the deep end. The CIA will do that to you. I understand, we'll get through it...."
"Sturgis, Sturgis calm down".
(Takes a moment and then stops cold...) "Oh so you were just playing with me?" (Gets angry) "I tell you Harm you have a wicked and sick sense of humor." (He gets up to leave)
"Sturgis hold on. I wasn't exactly lying either."
"Then what in the hell are you talking about?"
(Harm is calming down from his hysteria of laughter a minute prior)
"Ok Harm speak..."
"Sturgis what would say if I told you I was becoming a father."
"Thoroughly confused now Sturgis scratches his head." "Well...ah congratulations? Just tell me this fourteen year old is not the mother?"
"There is no mother Sturgis. Sit down apparently there is a lot I need to fill you in on." (Harm begins to tell Sturgis of his plans to attain Mattie's guardianship.)
About an hour later...
"You know Harm; I am shocked, flabbergasted, but well, proud of you. I just hope your doing this for all the right reasons, not just your undying sense of loyalty."
"You know how I feel about kids growing up without parents Sturgis. And she and I click. Bottom line is, there is something she needs that I can give and I need something she has. We are a good match and it will work out fine....if I can convince social services..."
"Well I know a good lawyer if you need legal assistance."
"Are you offering to represent me?"
"No I was referring to Mac"
"Sturgis I don't want her help...let alone don't know how to tell her anyway. We are not where we were and won't be for a long time to come if ever."
"Harm, listen to me well my friend, that woman has followed you around the world on personal quests as you have her. You are both too pig headed and stubborn to admit it, but you are both halves of an unrequited sole. I don't pretend to completely understand Mac, nor where she is right now in her personal life, but I do understand the two of you, and for two people who are the bravest instruments of justice in this country, you are both chickens when it comes to loosing control. And that is the truth Harm; it's not about wanting to be on top, or how much pain you have caused each other in the past. It's the fear that she is the one person who makes you loose control over everything you do and it scares the hell out of you. The same goes for her. She has worked her whole life to gain control and direction after the crappy childhood she had and now that she has it, she is so damned scared that she'll loose it with you, because you are the one person who she would let willingly control her. Loss of control is why you so impulsively resigned your commission, why you put your neck on the line for her dozens of times and why no matter what, no matter how far away you go or how much time passes, the next time you saw her, I'll bet all those feelings you had put aside came rushing back to you and pierced the walls you have put around your heart. And you know what; I'll bet the same thing happened to her."
"Sturgis..."
"No let me ask you...is it over?"
(Pauses and thinks for a moment) "You sound like O'Neil."
"Huh? Who?"
"Former Commander Beth O'Neil. You remember you and Mac prosecuted her on the charge of sexual harassment last year."
"Oh yeah, she left the Navy? As I recall you and Manetie got her acquitted."
"She wanted to move on. She works for the company now. She was my occasional partner. She told me that I would know if it was over the next time I saw Mac. That was four months ago."
"Was she right...did you know when you next saw Mac?"
"Yeah, I knew. I knew it when I saw her at my apartment two weeks ago. I knew when she smiled and said hey. And all I could do was give her a tough time because even though I didn't say it I was mad as hell at her and delighted to see her at the same time."
"And so you're saying..."
"No it isn't over, not for me. But...it isn't my place now. I have new responsibilities to look toward. And frankly they are more important than emotional jousts with Mac."
"No argument. But putting up walls from Mac and the people who care most about you will never help you."
"Sturgis, don't tell me I don't have a right to be angry with her. After all this, after tossing my career away and putting my ass on the line I didn't even get a thank you...it's like she expected me to come find her!"
"And after all you both have been through for and with each other; shouldn't she have expected you to come find her?"
"No, I mean, yes of course she could always count on me...just like"
"....Just like she would have come for you...no questions asked."
(Pauses) "Your right...But... before the healing can begin she needs to realize that...not have me or anyone else tell her."
(Sturgis gets up to leave. Drops some money on the table for the check and starts to walk away. He stops, turns to Harm)
"Harm, time doesn't heal all wounds completely you know that better than anyone, but it does help us to regain perspective and insight to our mistakes. Give that to her. Give that to yourself. Don't hide behind your walls. Slowly knock them down. I promise that your friends will be there on the other side when you do."
"Thanks Sturg."
"No problem Harm. Good night."
(He walks out leaving Harm at the table alone. As he ponders his conversation with Sturgis, Harm knows that the choices he makes in the near future will define him as an officer and a person. He knew he had to deal with his feelings eventually, but what to do first. His responsibilities as Mattie's pending Guardian took precedence and he knew it. How would he deal with his anger with Mac and his dissolution with his friends at JAG? He had to deal, he knew that and he would. It just came down to choices... and he knew, it was time for Peter Pan to grow up).
TO BE CONTINUED IN THE SEQUEL: INTIMIDATION AND ILLUSSIONS
(Harm is in his office unmercifully going through mounds and boxes of case loads. Surprising to himself, as boring and somewhat demeaning as these tasks were, the Admiral had made a good choice for him to do this. He was efficient and determined moving through the endless stacks of cases, but it was a fantastic review for him of the law that he had to admit, he missed practicing. Suddenly there was a knock on the door.)
"Hey Sturgis come on in"
"Harm, so how are you enjoying my former office?"
"Oh you mean this closet with a dead rat in the wall stinking up the place; it suits me just fine."
"Harm, I know some of this is going to seem uncomfortable for you and possibly a bit strange until you are fully adjusted to being back, but if having your old office would help, well I'll talk to the Admiral about it.""
"No, that won't be necessary buddy. I understand the Admirals decision, and this is a welcome change."
"Really?"
"Yeah, so don't worry about me. I'm fine doing this grunt work and I'll be fine in this renovated broom closet."
"Uh huh?"
"Ok, hey since you look like your going to be here all day and night, how about you and I grab a beer tomorrow?"
"You buying?"
"Consider it your welcome back party." (Sturgis smiles and leaves. Harm goes back to his work.)
Wednesday 1730 Zulu Betzingers Bar
(Harm and Sturgis are sitting at a table drinking and talking. The conversation is chummy.)
"So how did your first few days back go?"
"Well most of the critical reviews are done and it doesn't look like Imes' departure is going to cause any rapists and murders to walk."
"That's a welcome relief. The Admiral will be happy with the results and I would think with your speed and diligence."
"Let's hope so. I don't want to push paper forever."
"It's only been three days Harm, give him a little time. He has to learn to trust your instincts and judgment again, but you know that he wouldn't have asked you back if JAG wasn't where you belonged."
"I know... but a, telling me that is not why you offered to pick up the tab so spill it."
"Excuse me?"
"What's on your mind Sturg? We're friends so go ahead and say it."
"Alright, but look in truth I'm glad your back, and I know you had to work through your issues your self, and that generally you prefer to do it yourself."
"But..."
"What the hell happened to you? I mean you left without word, to anyone. No calls for almost six months. I know who you are Harm, but there were enough people worried about you. You do have friends you know."
"Well I was on assignments most of the time...which I can't talk about by the way" (he smiles)
"And when you were in town you couldn't call to let anyone know you were ok."
"I called Bud to congratulate him on the baby...but I had to move on...at least temporarily to try and find some peace of mind."
"Harm, we didn't abandon you."
"I know, but Sturgis. Look I can be blunt with you right?"
"Of course."
"When I left JAG six months ago I lost the two things that were most valuable to me. I had to separate myself from everyone; you know that so I could regain control over my life. Now I'm back, and it's what I want. You have all fared well without me so I have the challenge of reproving myself and showing you all that I am worthy of my enormous ego."
(Sturgis laughs) "Well Harm, you have changed a bit then. I would have wagered that you would have put up a fight with the Admiral and wanted things to be the same as they were before."
"People change my friend. I have to roll with the new. But don't get too cocky, I'm not out of a fight by any means...something I'm sure you'll see next time we're in court."
(Sturgis laughs.)
"Sturgis really, I'm fine. But thank you for your concern."
"I would say you are anything but fine Harm; you haven't confronted all your issues yet. The most important one is still lingering if you ask me."
"I will deal with everything, I just need some time."
"Promise me you'll talk to me if you need anything...or someone, Mac, anyone. We have all been a bit mystified with your whereabouts and concerned about you the past six months."
"I don't want to talk about Mac Sturg. That's a subject that is off limits with me."
"Harm, she cares a lot about you. And you can't tell me that you don't feel something for her. Hell you threw away your life for her safety."
"Sturg drop it. As Far as Mac goes, it's strictly professional from here on out. She made it painfully clear that she didn't want a future with me six months ago and she has someone who seems to make her happy in her life now. I got in the way of her happiness once and I won't do it again."
"Who Webb?"
"Yeah" (grunts)
"You know Harm, Mac and I aren't on the best of terms now, I can see a little of what she does to drive you nuts, but I also have seen the connection you two had with each other, and that is unmatched."
"Had is the operative word Sturgis."
"You know Harm ...she didn't come back from Paraguay the same as she left either. And you are allowed to be happy to."
"So...she's moved on. And I'm getting there."
"Maybe, or maybe she just moved away...I would wager that most of things she may have said to you and some of the choices she has made are her way of dealing with what she went through. I don't know all the details, but from what I could gather there is bound to be some emotional backlash and baggage from her experiences there. It wasn't a vacation you know that."
"All too well I'm afraid..." (Harm's cell phone rings...) "Hold on a minute"
"Rabb..."
"Hey Harm its Mattie..."
"Hey you."
"I just wanted to make sure you were still coming up Saturday to go flying."
"Wouldn't miss it for the world sweetie."
(Sturgis looks on with a shocking scowl).
"I'll be there by 0930"
"Man, Harm, we're going to have to work at this military thing of yours. All this different lingo and lifestyle is going to drive me a little batty."
"Yeah yeah...hey it's getting late get some sleep and I'll see you Saturday."
"Bye" "Bye"
(Sturgis glares at Harm.)
"A new girl in your life?"
(Harm smirks...suddenly he remembers that he hasn't told anyone about his attempt to attain guardianship of Mattie yet and decides to have a little fun with Sturgis)
"You could ah say that Sturg. I met her about two weeks ago and I tell you buddy, she is absolutely amazing, curly brown hair, feisty and very self assured."
"Oh, well congratulations. What does she do for a living?"
"She's a student."
"Student?" (Sturgis is starting to get obviously confused.)
"Yeah, why?" (Smirks to himself knowing where Sturgis is going with this)
"Oh, Harm, your about 40 now and well you've gone through a lot in the past six months...you are demonstrating the signs of a midlife crisis. Can I ask how old this girl is?"
"Sure, she's 14"
"FOURTEEN!!!! Are you out of your damned mind!"
(Harm can't hold back the laughter anymore and breaks down almost in tears of hysteria)
"What is so damned funny Harm? Ok don't worry you've gone over the deep end. The CIA will do that to you. I understand, we'll get through it...."
"Sturgis, Sturgis calm down".
(Takes a moment and then stops cold...) "Oh so you were just playing with me?" (Gets angry) "I tell you Harm you have a wicked and sick sense of humor." (He gets up to leave)
"Sturgis hold on. I wasn't exactly lying either."
"Then what in the hell are you talking about?"
(Harm is calming down from his hysteria of laughter a minute prior)
"Ok Harm speak..."
"Sturgis what would say if I told you I was becoming a father."
"Thoroughly confused now Sturgis scratches his head." "Well...ah congratulations? Just tell me this fourteen year old is not the mother?"
"There is no mother Sturgis. Sit down apparently there is a lot I need to fill you in on." (Harm begins to tell Sturgis of his plans to attain Mattie's guardianship.)
About an hour later...
"You know Harm; I am shocked, flabbergasted, but well, proud of you. I just hope your doing this for all the right reasons, not just your undying sense of loyalty."
"You know how I feel about kids growing up without parents Sturgis. And she and I click. Bottom line is, there is something she needs that I can give and I need something she has. We are a good match and it will work out fine....if I can convince social services..."
"Well I know a good lawyer if you need legal assistance."
"Are you offering to represent me?"
"No I was referring to Mac"
"Sturgis I don't want her help...let alone don't know how to tell her anyway. We are not where we were and won't be for a long time to come if ever."
"Harm, listen to me well my friend, that woman has followed you around the world on personal quests as you have her. You are both too pig headed and stubborn to admit it, but you are both halves of an unrequited sole. I don't pretend to completely understand Mac, nor where she is right now in her personal life, but I do understand the two of you, and for two people who are the bravest instruments of justice in this country, you are both chickens when it comes to loosing control. And that is the truth Harm; it's not about wanting to be on top, or how much pain you have caused each other in the past. It's the fear that she is the one person who makes you loose control over everything you do and it scares the hell out of you. The same goes for her. She has worked her whole life to gain control and direction after the crappy childhood she had and now that she has it, she is so damned scared that she'll loose it with you, because you are the one person who she would let willingly control her. Loss of control is why you so impulsively resigned your commission, why you put your neck on the line for her dozens of times and why no matter what, no matter how far away you go or how much time passes, the next time you saw her, I'll bet all those feelings you had put aside came rushing back to you and pierced the walls you have put around your heart. And you know what; I'll bet the same thing happened to her."
"Sturgis..."
"No let me ask you...is it over?"
(Pauses and thinks for a moment) "You sound like O'Neil."
"Huh? Who?"
"Former Commander Beth O'Neil. You remember you and Mac prosecuted her on the charge of sexual harassment last year."
"Oh yeah, she left the Navy? As I recall you and Manetie got her acquitted."
"She wanted to move on. She works for the company now. She was my occasional partner. She told me that I would know if it was over the next time I saw Mac. That was four months ago."
"Was she right...did you know when you next saw Mac?"
"Yeah, I knew. I knew it when I saw her at my apartment two weeks ago. I knew when she smiled and said hey. And all I could do was give her a tough time because even though I didn't say it I was mad as hell at her and delighted to see her at the same time."
"And so you're saying..."
"No it isn't over, not for me. But...it isn't my place now. I have new responsibilities to look toward. And frankly they are more important than emotional jousts with Mac."
"No argument. But putting up walls from Mac and the people who care most about you will never help you."
"Sturgis, don't tell me I don't have a right to be angry with her. After all this, after tossing my career away and putting my ass on the line I didn't even get a thank you...it's like she expected me to come find her!"
"And after all you both have been through for and with each other; shouldn't she have expected you to come find her?"
"No, I mean, yes of course she could always count on me...just like"
"....Just like she would have come for you...no questions asked."
(Pauses) "Your right...But... before the healing can begin she needs to realize that...not have me or anyone else tell her."
(Sturgis gets up to leave. Drops some money on the table for the check and starts to walk away. He stops, turns to Harm)
"Harm, time doesn't heal all wounds completely you know that better than anyone, but it does help us to regain perspective and insight to our mistakes. Give that to her. Give that to yourself. Don't hide behind your walls. Slowly knock them down. I promise that your friends will be there on the other side when you do."
"Thanks Sturg."
"No problem Harm. Good night."
(He walks out leaving Harm at the table alone. As he ponders his conversation with Sturgis, Harm knows that the choices he makes in the near future will define him as an officer and a person. He knew he had to deal with his feelings eventually, but what to do first. His responsibilities as Mattie's pending Guardian took precedence and he knew it. How would he deal with his anger with Mac and his dissolution with his friends at JAG? He had to deal, he knew that and he would. It just came down to choices... and he knew, it was time for Peter Pan to grow up).
TO BE CONTINUED IN THE SEQUEL: INTIMIDATION AND ILLUSSIONS