Warning: The rating of this chapter is PG-15.
AN: My muse has struck again! This is one long chapter where I have finally managed to wrap up everything I needed from the HYD manga except for probably one more major event. No more repetition … … :) Yes, the story will be finally ending. I can't exactly say how long more it will be, but seeing that this is chapter 33, I expect it to definitely end before 40. Would like to end it by chapter 35 but I don't think the events I am thinking of can be squeezed into just 2 chapters. Well, we'll see. In the meantime, thanks to my lovely readers for being so supportive and leaving such encouraging comments even when you are equally busy!!
Dark Phoenix : Yes, what is Shizuka up to this time? The mystery will be solved soon!
Toinks: Thanks for the well wishes and for your encouraging comments!! Sorry to know that you are tied up as well coz your story is really going excellently and I am so waiting to see what mysteries are unfolded :) !!
Nana-chan: Really insightful questions that I'm afraid that I didn't really answer this chapter either!!! The only answer revealed was what happened on the "fateful night"! Unfortunately, I can't answer these questions at this moment otherwise because they are so crucial to the plot that if I did the entire plot will be revealed !!! I'm really glad that you have (as usual) caught onto all the innuendos in the chapter. Thanks so much for your constant encouragement, it really motivates me to continue to strive on !!!!!
Kensingtonkid: Hi hi! I guess your first two questions are kind of answered in this chapter ne? Or at least the truth appears to be starting to emerge from the murky waters? I'm so glad you caught on to all the hidden suggestions in this chapter too! You're right, Tsukasa still did not remember as per last chapter about Tsukushi. Thanks so much for your lovely comments !!!
Kaio: I hope this update is fast enough! *lol* I'm so glad that you're always there to motivate me with your enthusiasm though :) Keeps me on my toes! (And thanks so much for your warm wishes – but actually I was not sick, just busy! Sorry to give the wrong impression !!)
Just a teen: Tell me about it! I just so totally understand how it is to be pressed for time !!! Thanks so much for letting me that you have been constantly reading and that you've liked the other chapters as well. I hope this story will continue to provide nice little surprises all the way to the end ;)
Angel310: Welcome back! Yes, Rui is getting out of control !!! I think it's partly because everything has been building up in him as well. In my story, Akira is actually meant to be very perceptive – he is after all the mature one who falls for older women ;). I think I have managed to stick with the manga ending quite closely – do you think so? Except that the manga ending is not the ending for this story, I continue beyond. Thanks so much for your kind comments !!! (Between, I'm actually not sick, just busy, but thanks so much for your concern – I really appreciate it!)
Celebra: Thanks for the constructive comments – I totally agree that the story was starting to drag!!! Sometimes I wanted to just fly to the end of the manga but I was worried that certain readers who had not read the manga would be confused by the sequence of the events. Your comment fortified my decision to end all repetitions in this chapter (I might have dragged on for another chapter otherwise). This story will probably be ending in another 4 or 5 chapters?
Stacey: Thanks so much for your kind comments! The promise that T&T were talking about was his promise that he would have dinner at her place. I guess in my opinion the importance of the promise was the fact that it represented Tsukasa's "oath" (?) to Tsukushi that they would be meeting in future, kind of a promise that they still had a potential future together ;)! I'm glad you find Rui lovable! I actually tried to be more pragmatic about his character and I thought I had incorporated lots of undesirable traits in his character! Proud, sarcastic, to a certain extent self-centred, arrogant, cold and unfeeling at times, emotionally constipated etc etc etc ;)!
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Rui: You don't really have a good opinion of me do you?
Sheen: How on earth did you draw that conclusion?
Rui: *sarcastically* I mean it was really difficult to do so. After all you did describe certain sterling qualities of mine, I quote "Proud, sarcastic, to a certain extent self-centred, arrogant, cold and unfeeling at times, emotionally constipated".
Sheen: Er … … well that's only one side of the story. I mean haven't heard my opinion on your good qualities … …
Rui: *walking away* Spare me.
Sheen: *still oblivious and starting to count on her fingers* intelligent, having a caring nature beneath that exterior of ice, witty, great sense of humour, understanding, absolutely loyal to friends … … *looking up* Eh? Now where did he go?
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Piglet: Hi, welcome back! I have to confess that my story doesn't really emulate the manga or anime strictly and I have (unfortunately) this tendency to infuse the story with my opinions and create events that appear to fit in with the storyline but may be totally different from what the author had intended! So pls don't let this story mislead you. Thanks so much for your kind comments and I hope this update is soon enough!
Chapter 33 – A Mistake?
"Yes?" I allowed a rare genuine smile to grace my lips to let them know that I was fine. However, they did not appear to be too convinced, especially Tsukushi. I heaved a mental sigh. The problem of constantly acting is that when you reveal any true emotions, the people around you think that you are putting on a show. My lips twitched involuntarily as the irony of the situation hit me.
"Are you alright?" Tsukushi persisted as her brows furrowed.
"Why shouldn't I be?" I raised an eyebrow at them and watched in secret amusement as they squirmed and quickly changed the subject.
"Let's have our own party," Soujirou suddenly suggested. "Do you need to hang around anymore, Rui?" I thought for a moment and then shook my head. I could not deny that my father would obviously have preferred me to stay behind to socialize and see the guests off at the close of his birthday celebration. However, he knew me well enough to be satisfied that I had hung around until the cake had been cut.
"Not too far though, just in case."
"All right, it's party time!" He sang out as he shoved us all in the kitchen and started pushing bottles of different types of wine and liquor into our hands as well as grabbing plates of finger food.
"Where are we going?" Tsukushi asked as she tried to balance the bottles and plates that she was holding. I had to admit that she was handling them far better than us. It must be the practice from her second waitressing job.
"Rui's entertainment center aka playroom." Upon unloading the stuff in the room, Tsukushi and I were sent back to the kitchen for additional supplies. When we returned, I realized that the two playboys had been up to their usual tricks because there were two beautiful female additions to my room.
"Shigeru and Sakura will be joining us soon." Akira informed us as he slid his handphone back into his jacket. We played silly drinking games, screened a movie that no one was really playing attention to, blasted the music (the room had soundproof walls), danced the night away and had fun in general. I was dancing with Tsukushi, Akira and the two girls (Tohra and Nayamo) when she tugged at my sleeve made a gesture towards the door. I nodded and grabbed a bottle of champagne and two glasses on our way out.
"The heat and noise was a bit too much?" I guessed as she breathed in the cool night air deeply once we were outdoors.
"Yes, and I wanted to talk to you." I nodded and brought her to one of my favourite spots in the rose garden next to the pond. I laid out my jacket on the grass and forced Tsukushi to sit on it as I settled down next to her. We sat sipping the champagne in silence for a moment.
"Rui."
"Mmm."
"Is Shizuka's engagement a blow to you?" I had been expecting that question ever since she said wanted to talk to me and I had been asking the same question myself.
"No. I care for her but I don't love her anymore, if I ever did." I replied simply as dark brown eyes scanned mine for the truthfulness of my answer. Satisfied by what she saw, she sat back with a sigh of relief.
"Why do you care?" I injected casually expecting her to thump me on the head for asking such a "stupid" question or laugh it off. Instead, she flushed to the roots of her hair.
"You're … … you are one of my best friends after all." Her tone was defensive. I decided to tread on surer grounds.
"Hey, can you hear the waltz?" I could hear the strains of music from a distance.
"Of course, I'm not deaf!" Was her scathing rejoinder. I stood up and held my hand out to her. "Huh?"
"You always said you wanted to learn how to waltz properly." A smile appeared on her face as she accepted my invitation. I don't believe I had such fun in a long time. Part of it unfortunately for Tsukushi was due to her natural clumsiness and part of it her alcohol consumption. She stepped on my toes, made wrong turns, tripped and bumped into me. I could not resist adding my own observations, throwing in witty remarks now and then like a sports commentator. Our laughter rang out constantly. Finally, during a few complex spins (I should have known better than to try those) she got dizzy and was thrown hard against me. The momentum sent me falling backwards. My back painfully hit the ground hard with a loud thump and before I got my second wind, the air was forced out of my lungs as her body slammed into mine. For several heartbeats, my vision dimmed and I saw a few bright spots swirling in the encroaching darkness. Then, I became aware of a hand slapping my face gently and a voice repeating anxiously in the background, "Rui, are you alright? Are you alright?"
I opened my eyes and found myself staring into Tsukushi's frantic eyes and groaned rather dramatically, "I think I have just been knocked down by a train." A sigh of relief escaped her lips as she quickly flung her arms around me.
"You scared me out of my wits you idiot!" Her voice was muffled against my shirt. I was about to retort sarcastically that I doubted that would be any great loss seeing that there was not much to start with when her voice started getting a little shaky. "Thank … … thank goodness you're alright, Rui … … I … … I don't know what I will do if … … if anything happened to you … …" Stunned to say the least, my first thought was that she had to be PMSing as my arms closed around her comfortingly. When her head finally lifted from my chest, the raw emotion in those slightly teary eyes that met mine took my breath away. We stared at each other for a long moment as the rest of the world receded into the background and suddenly the entire universe was simply us, just like it had been since time began. I suddenly became very aware of the fact that Tsukushi's body was still sprawled across mine. Almost in a trance, I raised my hand to her face gently wiping away a single errant tear with my thumb.
"I'm not worthy of your tears, Tsukushi," my softly spoken words were laced with pain and a thousand other emotions. She stared at me for a moment longer, the same pain reflected in her eyes. Then with a soft sigh of surrender, her eyelashes fluttered shut as she leaned forward and my entire body jolted with surprise as those soft lips touched mine.
I froze for a split second, then my brain shut down as the reflexes took over. My eyes closed and I deepened the kiss as one hand cradled the back of her head protectively and the other wrapped around her waist possessively, drawing her body tightly against mine. Her response had been initially tentative, almost shy. She parted her lips slightly as my tongue brushed against her lips gently, encouragingly them to part. Our tongues touched briefly, almost timidly, and the kiss exploded. In spite of my history, I had never experienced these fireworks going off in my head. It was electrifying. Somehow, our positions shifted and I found myself lying on top of Tsukushi as my mouth ravaged hers passionately.
She made a soft sound of protest when my mouth left hers and then sighed in contentment when my lips started worshipping her neck. I loved the taste and feel of her silky skin and she smelt wonderful – like wild flowers. I breathed in deeply as I nibbled lightly and kissed my way down to her collarbone, eliciting a sound resembling something between a purr and a moan from her. My hands moved up and down her sides in a soothing motion as her fingers stroked my back. My lips travelled to her right shoulder and I pressed a tender kiss at the spot just below her shoulder. I loved the intimacy of such an action that conveyed eloquently a man's most ardent feelings without the need to say a single word. I knew we should not have gone as far as we did and that what we were doing was morally wrong if Tsukushi was still in love with Tsukasa. However, passion has a way of taking over especially when common sense and self-control have been dulled by wine … …
Everything that happened subsequently took on a dreamlike quality as both of us were lost in a passion induced haze … … the sound of her zipper as it was tugged down seemed strangely loud … … the way she blushed furiously and tried to cover herself shyly when her soft, creamy flesh was first exposed to my heated gaze … … her soft sighs, moans and an occasional giggle as my trembling fingers and mouth touched her reverently (so my Tsukushi was ticklish) … … the wonderful feeling of her fingertips lightly exploring my bare chest, shoulders and back as my muscles flexed reflexively under her tentative touch … … the way she trembled as my fingers stroked her soft silky thighs … … exploring hands and mouths touching and tasting … … my fingers finally slipping under the sheer thin material of her damp undergarment … …
"Rui!" Her ecstatic cry rang out as her body arched and then convulsed in ultimate pleasure when I touched her, her hands clutching my arms tightly. The passionate response brought a smile to my lips. Dazed eyes met mine when her body stopped spasming. I chuckled at her bemused expression and tickled her, extracting a few reluctant giggles. "Stop it, Rui!" My smile froze as the smile on Tsukushi's face wavered and died when she caught her breath as the enormity of what we had just done started to sink in. I watched helplessly as pain, regret, embarrassment and shame passed over her expressive face as realisation dawned. She closed her eyes tightly, clutching her dress to her with trembling fingers. I turned away giving her privacy to get dressed as I buttoned up my shirt with hands that were as unsteady as hers. When the rustling sounds stopped, I turned around slowly and saw that Tsukushi was dressed again with her back facing me. My heart twisted in pain when she shrank from my touch as I gently placed my jacket around her shivering form.
"Tsukushi … … I'm sorry I shouldn't have … …" I began and stopped, not knowing how to continue.
"This … … was a mistake … … we were drunk … …" Her voice shook as she determinedly kept her face averted from mine.
"This was not a mistake!" I said vehemently. "If you think what took place simply resulted from the alcohol and our hormones, you are completely … …"
"Rui, we must forget this ever happened. Thank goodness nothing really … … We have to make sure it never happens again." She cut me off as her eyes finally met mine. I felt my heart breaking at the guarded expression on her face. She did not trust me – my Tsukushi was wary of me.
"I'm sorry if I caused you any pain but I can't regret this. It meant something to me even if it didn't to you, Tsukushi … … I love you … …" Her eyes widened with shock as she stared wildly at me for a moment. My expression must have convinced her that it was not the champagne speaking because I saw her eyes darkening with some emotion as tears started brimming in her eyes. Then with a broken cry, she turned and fled into the darkness.
"I love you, Tsukushi," I shouted after her, but she did not turn back. "I love you … …" I whispered again as I looked at her vanishing figure. There was only one thing to do. For the first time in years, I got myself dead drunk.
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I found myself standing quite a distance from the dango shop where Tsukushi worked, just needing to see her and make sure that she was fine – from afar. My fingers rubbed my temple as I leaned against the wall, hoping that the pressure crushing my skull would soon be gone. For the umpteen time, I cursed my own stupidity. I had forgotten just how painful a hangover could be. Due to my lack of focus, I almost missed her departure. I quickly went after her as her figure disappeared around the corner.
"How many times do I have to tell you that Rui isn't my boyfriend?" Her unusually shrill voice made me pause and I peered cautiously around the corner.
"Who says that Rui is your boyfriend?" Tsukasa roared as he leant over her. There was something in his voice that I had not heard for a long time – jealousy. I realised with a mixture of relief and dread that he had finally regained his memory. After a long moment (Tsukushi is sometimes rather slow), she gave a small incoherent cry and pounced on him. I turned and walked away as fast as I could when I saw them embracing, the pain in my head paling in light of the more terrible ache in my heart.
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The footsteps stopped next to me. However, I did not turn my head as I knew who it was.
"She asked about you today." I did not respond.
"How long more are you going to avoid them? You can't keep this up forever."
"You'll be surprised," I muttered. I was really grateful when Akira simply kept quiet and did not rub it in by telling me "I told you so".
"We are not F4 without you, Rui." He finally said.
"I need more time." He sighed.
"What?"
"Huh?" Akira turned to face me with a puzzled expression on his face.
"Just spit it out already," I rolled my eyes at him.
"There's something not quite right. I mean on the surface everything seems fine and they both act lovey dovey. Ooops sorry … …" he paused as I winced.
"Continue." I said quietly.
"It's Tsukushi. I mean she's as all over him as she can be for Tsukushi. That's just exactly it - a bit too all over him. Naturally, she should be more clingy for a while given the circumstances that she almost lost him. Yet, there's something strange about her behaviour. I can almost swear that I have seen guilt in her eyes when she looks at him and then she tries too hard to be extra nice to him, almost as if she's trying make up for something." I swallowed at Akira's astute observations. His eyes were penetrating when he turned to look at me. "Rui, tell me. What on earth happened between both of you?"
I looked away as I said with a touch of bitterness, "nothing permanent that you need to be concerned about." With that, I left.
I lost track of time as I wandered around aimlessly. When I was aware of my surroundings again, I realised that my feet had carried me to one of J's "hangouts". My lips twisted in an ironic smile. It had only been a few days since my conversation with J although it seemed like ages ago. Apparently, I would be free to work this weekend after all. Since it was Friday and I was already at his doorstep, I decided to see if he had anything that I could start on. There was nothing like intellectually-demanding hard work to prevent one from thinking and dreaming about things that one can never have.