AN (9th Feb 2004): Hi all, I was continuing my writing when I realized that what I written actually belongs in this chapter and it isn't as long as I thought it would be. So please do go and read the last part of this chapter where I have indicated the update as of 9th Feb 2004. I will also incorporate a note in the next chapter when I finish writing it and have posted it up. Again, apologies! At least I wouldn't have ended on a climatic note now!
Warning: This chapter is rated R for violence and rape.
AN: Thanks sooooooo much for all the wonderful reviews that I have received!!! I must say that I definitely uncertain with regards to how this chapter will be received (probably confirms my sadistic nature). However, this chapter is crucial to the plot and it has been planned almost from the start of this story (see references to the past) ;). Thanks so much for all your support and let's start the count down - 1 more chappie to go!
Kaio: Yes, poor Rui will be scarred but the whips have definitely not left the deepest scars! I think this is probably the fastest update I have provided for a long time ne ;) ?
angel310: Oh dear, after reading your comment I can't imagine what your reaction to this next chapter will be !!! *lol* Yes, poor Rui !!! It must be my sadist streak showing :) I think this chapter will answer quite a bit of your questions about Shizuka ne ;)? More Rui and Tsukushi moments! Sure thingy - but I think not exactly in the way you expected ;). I hope this chapter won't distress you overly much and thanks so much for always supporting this story :) !!!
Magicalfoci: Wow, a new reader !!! Thanks so much for your encouraging and kind comments !!!! I'm delighted that you find the "explanations" behind HYD plausible !!!! I must say that I haven't read the novels that you mentioned - are they fantasy? I must say I'm not that well read especially wrt fantasy books. I think I've largely only read those by David Eddings, a couple by Raymond E Feist, a couple by Anne McCarty (did I spell her name correctly?) and of course every single one of the HP series ;)! And with regards to the concepts that I selected from this story - I was thinking of Rui's behaviour and thought "how if Rui has been acting all along?" - these concepts appeared to be most relevant in explaining his behaviour. It's really such a coincidence that you mentioned being raped in late teens around 17 years old . . :) This story is ending soon and I usually update towards weekends :) Thanks again for reading !!!
Yumez: Another new reader !!! Yay !!! Thanks so much for your lovely comments !!!! I'm really glad that you choose to read it in spite of my focus on Rui. Are you then a T&T fan? I hope this time I have not stopped at such a climax as previously? It's just that if I continued, this story would probably be another page or so, so I thought I'd better stop at a convenient point ;) !!! I hope you'll like this chapter!
.:: Stacey ::.: Hi hi! With regards to the mistake Rui made, it was a dark winter evening - his eyes weren't working and he was in desperate need of comfort. You know how sometimes we believe in what we want to believe in rather than in what is plausible and humans will always continue to hope . . I would like to think that Rui was in such a state. :). This chapter probably answers your questions about Shizuka and Tsukushi ne? Thanks so much for your encouraging comments !!!!! And as for R&T chapters - would you consider this one of them ? :)
Nana-chan: Yes, the plot is definitely getting to the climax. Everything is falling into place (I hope, I hope, I hope!). I must say that that it's largely Shizuka that has the major role in Rui's other persona i.e. Stein. Thanks so much for reading and I do hope that things get better soon for you !!! Take care !!!
the_frustrated_writer: Wow . .. Thank you thank you thank you . . your comments definitely made my day again !!! I hope you'll like this new chapter just as well. And I'll definitely read your story this weekend and leave you comments!!!! When will you be resubmitting it? Would you prefer me to read the before or the after version? With regards to autism, I can't remember but I probably surfed the net briefly to check up on certain of the symptoms just in case I make a fool out of myself in front of knowledgeable readers/fellow writers like yourself !! I have to admit my laziness and the lack of time prevents me from doing more detailed research though . . :) Thanks again for your kind comments !!! I'm looking forward to reading your story in 2 days' time!
Jia-Li Endicott : Oh dear, you picked up my masochistic tendencies so fast !!!!! Thanks so much for your encouraging comments !!!! And may I say I was absolutely thrilled that you caught on to Rui's code name which was given to him because he was a genius like Ein"Stein" !!!!! Shizuka was given her name because she is beautiful, elegant and intelligent like "Cleo"patra. And Shadow was Shadow for her abilities!!! Unfortunately, no I'm not bringing Shadow back to life - even though I agree with you that she's perfect for Rui. I knew I shouldn't have killed her off so fast !!!! It's just that I can't think of a rational explanation to bring a dead person back to life. Sigh . . I should have planned more thoroughly!
Lian: Yes, Tsukushi is jealous !!!! *evil chuckles* Well, but I guess she would have to be a saint not to be when she saw what she thought was Rui holding and kissing another girl in his arms ;) I hope this update is fast enough !!!
just a teen: Thanks so much for letting me know that this fic still holds your interest and for your encouraging comments !!!!!! I think the events in these last few chapters will be very very fast moving because I no longer am restricted by HYD's storyline! Hip hip hooray !!!! ;)
kensingtonkid: Hi hi hi! Yes you are correct about who spilled the beans! I hope you don't mind my not repeating it here coz it is repeated in this chapter !!!! I hope this chapter and the explanation that I have provided satisfies you !!! However, I must say that more explanations will be provided in the next chapter when I get down to writing it ;) Thanks so much for always leaving me a comment !!!! It's really motivating to have someone consistently supporting you all the way !!!! Thank you !!!
piglet: Yes, I've faced that same prob before !!! I think quite a few rules have been changed on this website since I joined. That was a great suggestion - I agree that it would have made the ending more climatic !!!! I'll do that next time ;) Thanks so much for your encouragement and constructive comments !!!a
Chapter 35 - A Recurring Nightmare (Rated R)
There was no hint of recognition in those emotionless eyes that met mine. As I looked at the cold beauty who was radiating a deadly aura, I realized that the doppelganger standing in front of me was a complete stranger. I was starting to contemplate the possibilities of Shizuka having a biological twin separated from her from birth when Hitler spoke.
"So my beauty?"
"It's him." My breathing stopped when I heard Shizuka uttering those words. It was really her. My eyes bore into hers with a burning accusation as my heart screamed - traitor, liar, scum of the earth! Instead of showing any sign of repentance, a chilling and cynical smile appeared on that lovely face and transformed into a contemptuous sneer.
"I told you that there was no point in resisting, Stein." Hitler spoke again. "Now let's make up for the time we wasted in trying to get to know each other better. I will tell you exactly what I want you to do for me, agent." He explained succinctly their need for me to decode and code messages (obviously to keep tabs on our side, provide false leads and to lay traps), as well as to provide them with a detailed account of every message that we had captured to date.
"No." I said as a strange calmness descended. So they had known from the start. All the abuse was simply to toy with my mind and to better understand how I functioned in order to break me down further. And of course they had hoped to glean my cooperation without having to reveal their wild card for future operations, should I escape from this ordeal alive. Unfortunately for them, I had withstood their torture and hence forced their hand.
As I glanced at Shizuka who was standing silently at Hitler's side resembling a beautiful but lifeless wax doll, the words of her last letter sudden came to mind. ". But things are not always what they seem. Let me explain, please . ." Almost involuntarily, my lips twisted into a bitter smile. Indeed, she was even more of a traitor than I had expected. Never in my wildest dreams would I have expected her to be capable of betraying a childhood companion - the term friend could no longer be used to describe her. I had obviously never known her at all. Yet, somehow there was a pain in my heart when I recalled her kind, emphatic, understanding and caring nature in the past. Was everything a lie or was that her true self before she was corrupted?
" . . another way to persuade you, I see." Hitler was saying when I finally brought my attention back to him. "Bring in the other present." He was obeyed instantly as the guards roughly shoved someone into the room, the momentum sending the person sprawling onto the floor. To my horror, I found myself staring at a somewhat roughed up and very frightened Tsukushi who was staring at me in shock.
"This sweet young thing was hanging around when we visited and we had to bring her along as well. However, I understand from Bella here that she's a good friend of yours. Perhaps she will be able to assist us in persuading you to be more communicative."
"Let her go, she is of no consequence in your plan," I said staring at Hitler as I ignored Tsukushi.
"Ah, more communicative already." He smiled gleefully as he rubbed his hands. I gritted my teeth and stubbornly held my tongue.
"Rui? Shizuka? What is going on?" Tsukushi's voice was quavering.
"Your little friend here is being a bit stubborn, so we need your help to convince him to be more cooperative."
"To do what?" Her voice sounded more alarmed with each passing minute.
"Oh, just some coding and decoding and translation of messages."
"You are mad! Quite mad!" I glanced at Tsukushi who was now staring at Hitler with disbelief and conviction on her face. "How on earth can you expect Rui to know things like that? I'm sure it's more of him not being able to help you than not wanting to help you!"
Hitler threw back his head and laughed, "I see you don't know what he is. Well done, Stein. Great deception skills - we need to keep that in mind for future reference. Go on, tell her what you are."
"I have no idea what . ." Instantly, a fist crashed into my face. My bruised lip split open and I tasted blood in my mouth.
"Stop it!" I heard Tsukushi scream as the same fist slammed into my stomach and I collapsed on the floor with a groan.
"Shut up." I looked up in time to see another guard striking Tsukushi in the face.
"Don't touch her!" I yelled, regretting my words instantly as Hitler gazed at me contemplatively.
"Interesting." He commented. "Hit her again!"
"Stop!" I sucked in a deep breath and then repeated the same word in all the languages I knew - I assure you that it took a few minutes before I actually stopped speaking. The entire room was silent during my little "performance" and even the guard paused. When I finished, I looked at Hitler and observed a gleam of satisfaction shinning in his eyes. I realized the only way I could save Tsukushi was to bring in Tsukasa and pretend that I did not care all that much for her.
"I'm sure you don't know that Miss Makino Tsukushi over there is the girlfriend of the only son of the influential Doumyouji family in Japan, in addition to being a good friend of mine. If you value your country's trading relationships with Japan in the very least, you would not do anything foolish to provoke the Doumyoujis. It would be tantamount to committing political suicide. I assure you that you will be unpleasantly surprised by the extent of their power." Those cold shrewd eyes bore into mine for a long moment after I completed my little speech.
"Bella, is what he says true?"
"Yes, sir. It may be better to leave her out of this matter."
"Please kindly keep me updated with regards to such interesting facts next time."
"Yes, sir."
"Shizuka . ." Tsukushi was staring at Shizuka with shocked wide eyes. The latter ignored her assiduously.
"Stein, now please proceed to inform us of the messages that you have decoded in the past fortnight."
"None."
He sighed in disappointment, "I would hate to have to do anything more drastic to you, Stein. However, it is obvious that you are lying." I shuddered at the cold cruelty evident in those narrowed eyes that were staring into mine. "This is your last warning, Stein. Let me warn you that I am well versed with all your inner demons. And whilst we are on the subject, may I warn you that you may not leave with your sanity intact?" I was paralyzed with fear. Surely, he did not know about my past . . my demons . . I stared at Shizuka who averted her face, before turning back to the devil reincarnate who was grinning sardonically at me. I knew then that he knew everything. I resolutely pressed my trembling lips together, sealing my fate with my own hands. His brows drew together and he nodded curtly to his guards.
Numbed by shock and terror, I simply stood there motionlessly as time slowed down to a crawling pace. The door opened and more guards entered until the entire room was swarming with them. Shizuka disappeared and Tsukushi was pushed to a corner of the room.
"I thought you'd love an audience," Hitler said as Tsukushi looked on, her rapidly paling face filled with terror as the guards surrounded me.
Buried memories resurfaced . . the fear, the pain, the humiliation, the degradation . . I was young then and I could not defend myself. Now, I had trained myself to be a deadly weapon. My body tensed as I got ready to take them all or to die in the attempt . .
"Stop!" Hitler suddenly yelled and everyone froze obediently as he strode towards me. "You will not struggle or fight back. If you do, their next target will be her. Her fate is totally in your hands." The thin lips twisted into another cruel smile as he made a gesture to two guards who immediately took up their posts at either side of Tsukushi. "Of course if you change your mind and decide to cooperate any time soon, feel free to inform the guards and they would naturally have to stop their activities to update me with regards to your decision . ."
I remained frozen in my position as my brain worked furiously, trying to think of a way out of the two horrific choices that I was given. He got impatient with my silence and made another gesture to the two guards. Tsukushi let out a yelp of surprise and pain as one of them pulled her up by her arms and twisted them behind her back with one swift movement, whilst the other gripped hold the collar of her shirt and ripped it open. I could literally hear the sounds of her buttons popping off the shirt and scattering onto the floor as her plain cotton bra was revealed. Her deathly pale face was a mask of terror.
"Stop!" I shouted. To my surprise both guards actually obeyed. I closed my eyes for an instance and took in a deep breath before determinedly lifting my shaking hands to my shirt. Before my resolution could fail me, I set my teeth and unbuttoned my shirt, shrugging it off. I tried my best to ignore the jibes, whistles and suggestive comments as I focused on stemming back the horrible memories of the past that were threatening to overwhelm me. I knew it was not so much the horrors awaiting me, but my nightmarish past that could really break me. As my hands went to the waistband of my jeans I paused, wanting to save Tsukushi from witnessing the ordeal and my humilation.
"Tsukushi, close your eyes." The calmness of my voice took my by surprise. I could have been discussing the weather. From the corner of my eye, I saw Hitler frown at my composure.
"No, make her watch. I'm sure Stein would appreciate an audience . ." A guard entered the room and Hitler left after a brief whispered conference.
My jaw clenched as I saw one of the guards gripping Tsukushi's chin with a bruising force, tilting her face so that she was staring directly at me. Our eyes locked and held as we exchanged a desperate glance filled with fear, despair and . . a stronger and more tender emotion. I would have called it love if I had not known from prior experience that I was the only one experiencing that particular emotion. I tried to hide my humiliation behind a reassuring smile aimed at her before looking away as I removed the rest of my clothing.
Almost immediately, rough hands reached for me from all directions and before I had time to do more than suck in a deep breath, I was flung face down on the table and held firmly in position. I took my punishment without struggling and was almost totally silent, except for the loud gasp that I could not contain as the vaguely familiar splitting agony first ripped through my body. Somehow I managed to remain relatively still during the debasing and revolting process. My mind battled to retain my control and sanity against the resurfacing the nightmares that exacerbated the entire experience. I tried to shut out the voices that seduced and entreated, promising blessed oblivion in exchange for my cooperation as they continued to inflict physical and psychological pain . .
"Noooooooo!" My mental struggles were interrupted when Tsukushi screamed. It was the shrill cry of a lost soul filled with pain and disbelief. I twisted my head in her direction and the remaining blood drained from my face at the scene that met my eyes. One of the guards was rutting between her legs, his naked body moving back and forth rapidly as his hands held her thighs tightly against either side of his thick waist. The other guard pinned her down as she struggled and twisted beneath her attacker.
Everything faded into the background as I was filled with a killing rage, and then something in me exploded. With a wild cry and a burst of inhuman strength, I flung off all the restraining hands and broke free. My vision turned red and I started taking down the guards methodologically as they tried in vain to stop me. I was no longer bound by any rules of fair fighting, humanity or even compassion. My only objective was to get to Tsukushi and I totally disregarded my own safety in that process. All my moves were swift and deadly with the intent to maim or kill, and I used any weapon (and anything that could pass for a weapon) that I could lay my hands on.
"No shooting allowed!" I heard one of them yelling frantically, "we need him alive."
UPDATED AS PER 9TH Feb 2004
I was unstoppable. The sounds of breaking bones, gunshots, bodies slumping onto the floor, flesh slashed and torn, screams, cries and moans filled the room as I took them down steadily and mechanically. There was so much blood. I knew that I was probably injured but was strangely not feeling any pain. When I finally worked my way to the rapist, I broke his neck with my bare hands. It took just one quick clean twist and then I was dragging his corpse off Tsukushi. Almost instantly, a pair of arms closed around my neck as his partner in crime tried to strangle me. I reacted quickly by slamming the back of my head into his face and heard his nose break with a satisfying crunch. His hold weakened for one second - a second too long. I whipped around and my knee crashed into his crotch as my hand snapped his neck. I looked around the room as his lifeless body dropped onto the floor, still caught up in a killing haze. Broken bodies were strewn all over the room. The surviving guards lay moaning where they fell, most of them unable to move to save their lives.
I turned my attention back to Tsukushi and saw that she was trembling and whimpering where she huddled on the floor. Although I had been expecting it, my heart still shattered when I spotted the telltale trickle of blood down her inner thighs, the crimson drops staining the floor. I was too late. They had broken her, mercilessly ripped her innocence from her. I had failed to protect her. I sank onto the floor next to her, my legs suddenly unable to hold my weight any longer. As I shakily laid a blood-covered hand on her shoulder, she jerked violently and whimpered as she tried to cover herself by clutching more tightly onto the tattered remains of her shirt.
"Tsukushi," her name spilled from my lips in a flood of anguish as I pulled back immediately, guilt and remorse burning through me like acid. "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry."
"Rui?" A soft whimper escaped her lips as she raised her head a little. Her eyes were wild as they peered at me through the tangled mess of her hair - the haunted eyes of a trapped animal in terrible pain.
"Yes, it's me." Before the words left my mouth, she flung herself into my arms and broke down completely, shaking and weeping uncontrollably on my shoulder. I knew there was nothing I could say to make her feel better so I simply held her carefully, making sure that my lower body was not touching her. I kept watch as she sobbed and only left her side when we were attacked by some foolish guards. You would think that they would be more aware of their own limitations and would avoid attacking anyone who had skills far superior than theirs, but obviously they either lacked the common sense or had a secret death wish. After each encounter, I would return to hold her, becoming a little more battered and worse for wear each time. Our rescuers arrived soon after, although their arrival was paradoxically too late by far. I could no longer differentiate between friends or enemies and was attacking everyone who approached us viciously. In the end, they had to render me unconscious with a dart gun . .