Chapter 4 part two.
Close enough to our galaxy to be Seven AM.
Ignorant pain.
AAAAGH!! My vocal chords are throbbing with pain and exhaustion! This was a stupid thing to do! I said I could - AGH! - take it, I said I could do this, but they were right they were right right right !
FUCK!
I cry out again and again! Shit it feels like my knees are going to brake inside out and snap into pieces! Ever since I started the engines this has be.. been-AAGHK!! My eyelids are weak from the clenching, the limited amount of space is hard for me to move, I can't do anything but try to turn off the engines!
AA-CAGHK!! My throat!! It hurts so much! My legs are going to explode with fire!
Why am I so arrogant, it's a stupidness I could only imagine from ZIIIIAAAAGGGHH!!
...My.. My vision is blurred horribly by my tears! Tears!! Irkens don't cry! It isn't programmed!
Why do I cry!? Not just now! AAHSHIT! Every part of me hurts from the continual force, I can't reach the top right of the control panel to turn the two.... AH!.... two keys for the shut off!
..... The hot tears... burn.... my skin is hot and prickly... it hurts me further..... What will be the p.. point of getting to Zim half dead, if not.... GAH! ...dead already!
I'm wishing.... for a planet or meteor to smash into me... but I know... AAGH!! Our technology ensures my clear path! Fucking intelligence!!!
If I can't- SHIT- reach the... keys... I smash straight through Earth... and I ....won't.....get ... revenge!!
...
AAHHGK!!!
And it's then when my shut-eyes reopen sorely and suddenly, I realise my legs, or more to the point, my knee caps are busted and ripped off. The pain..... is ...
...
Sick.
Bone on bone, goo and blood spurts and collects inside and then outside my lower clothing, forming as a pool at the back of the cockpit, by my boots.
I am silent.
The accursed engines which have brought me such torture, my accursed engines, my brain which has brought me such torture, now have rendred me silent.
The sounds now are only the roaring engines.
I feel....
.........I'm going to vomit.
At least...
I make the motions.
But it stays in my stomach, the force keeps it there.
I lie in the horizontal cockpit, my knees have exploded, and I'm retching with no outcome.
......
And I do it again. I start again with the screaming. This is pain. It's not nice.
Is this what I did to the many prisoners of my torture?
AAAAGGGGGHHHHHHKK!!!!
The piercing scream, even with the engines, hurts my ears.
I must.... MUAAASSSTT!! SSHIT! Turn off the engines!
...
The tears are now red. Staining my face. But my face is already permantly stained. Have my eyes exploded too? No. I can still see, even if it is hazy and crimson. I reach up half-blindly with whatever reserves of energy I could possibly have, my muscles are straining terribly, my thin arms wobbling madly with effort. It's hard. Difficult...
Excruciating...AAAAAFFFUCK!
My left arm falters and falls back down to my side, due to the intense gravity, but my right arm is still there, by my own amazement. I have to reach it, just a few... more.... AAGH!
I feel the first, closest key and with some effort, switch to the left, and I hear an immense great mechanical sigh, of the first engine powering down, and I can already feel the gravity and force decrease, and it is easier to reach the second key.
I turn the second key, the pain still ringing like a siren in my brain.
I have a migraine.
And then I have.... done it... My head smacks onto the floor of the cockpit, a very small distance but it still feels like pain.
.........
......
.............
...
.......
Oh... shit..... my knees.....
my eyes.....
Irk...en.... heal..ing... won't hel..p... much... no..w........
And I pass out...
....
Thank whatever I believe in.....
-
Eight twelve AM.
Series
The warm streams of water raining onto my skin... feels so good. For the first time...
For the first time in such a long time.... in any time.... I feel good about myself....
And it comes from a dream.... I feel perfect.
The warmth is soothing. I feel content. Like me and Dib could finally get along, like I can put my stupid mother
behind me, and at last accept that it was her fault, not Dib's, that she left.
And for the first time in a long time, I smile.
......
It's perfect.
So..... perfect.
....
.....
I pick up the shampoo, in a hazy drowsy fashion, and squeeze it's contents onto my purple hair, massaging it in.
Again I feel good. This is too good to be a dream. Dreams can't make you feel like you have a future again... at least.. that's the way I see it.
..
Time passes and, after fully washing my hair, and standing in the warm water for a time that lasted for longer than was probably good for me, I hear someone knock on the bathroom door.
And they open it. I was sure I locked it.
.....
Through the misted glass I can see a thin black person, and I know it's Dib....
... But he's holding something.
Something long...... mostly black, and even though I can't see it properly, it looks like a metal pipe or... a gun of some type.
I call out, Dib what are you doing, I'm using the shower! but he must not have heard me. I turn it off, and he's now at the misted shower door.
What the hell is he thinking!?
He can't see me in here!
I can now confirm what he is holding.
He raises it and pumps it once, I hear it click click, just like in some film, and he steps back.
I realise what he's about to do, and as he opens the door, taking away the comforting warmth, revealing me, he points the shotgun at my crouching form.
I ask... Why?
He does not respond.
.....
BLAM!
.........
.......
....
..
Have you ever died in a dream? What about in a dream where you were dreaming that you were awake, died and woke up to realise you were dreaming after all?
It scares the shit out of you, not only because you thought you had just got murdered by your shotgun wielding brother, but mainly because from then on you can't actually tell what's real and what's a dream... or a nightmare.
If you jumped to your death... or cut your wrists... or overdosed...
...Would you wake up?
This time I did.....
It's eight forty four....AM...
And I get out of bed and walk towards the window....
I want to test my theory...
Is this a dream?
-
Nine AM
Objection
Hah. Hahahaha!
Laughing. It's nice in small doses. I have only just learnt of this.
I've never had a good reason to laugh about anything, other than when I used to crush Zim, but that was always kind of forced.
Now I laugh with good reason. Haahahahah! Heehaahahha!
I am happy.
Lying in my bed.
Staring, once again at my patchwaork ceiling. Ha.
Ha....
Yesterday... it plays back in my mind, every bit of it. College, Zim, walk home, Gaz freaks me out, I stay in room, go to store, mexican food, old man, Zim, beating Zim to a pulp, old man hurt, Zim on the floor, walk home, see ambulance on the way, get home, have a revelation with Gaz...
And now I'm laughing.
Hahahaha!
Yesterday's events were.... a turning point.
I know, yes I know that now, things will be better.
Zim will shut up or die now that I have given him fear.
Gaz and I will be better siblings, we'll talk, go places together, buy eachother gifts on holidays, be a real family... minus father.
..... I'll work on him next.
..
....
Ha ha ha.... I'm in a hell of a good mood, and pretty due too.
I havn't felt this good since..... I can't recall.
.....
I start to hum some little catchy theme tune I've heard from somewhere, and just sit on my bed. I should probably have a shower.... soon..ish.
.......
..........
It always gets worse.
I hear, from down the hall, someone open a creaky window. It's Gaz, she's the only one in the house.....
I start to get up....
And I hear.....
How to describe it....
.........
A THUD.
-
Nine twenty nine AM.
Making it up as we go along.
Down an alley, around a building corner, in the city, a little green canine casually walked along the dirty rubbish strewn concrete. If anyone was around to hear it, they would have heard it humming to itself.
Moonlight Sonata.
And someone was around to hear it.
This was a bad part of the city, after all.
A homeless man, clothed in ragged, shades-of-brown, various items of clothing, was sitting with his filthy back against the brick wall. His head lifted when Gir walked past, walked back to the foul smelling man, circled around himself and fell asleep right in front of him.
The old man, being interested in things he had never seen before, offered the little pup some of his liquor, pulling it from one of the many pockets on his person.
With his little eyes closed, Gir's head lifted, sniffed the air, and sipped the little puddle of brown ale.
Gir coughed.
Anyone else might have thought this was cute, for an animal to do. Well, anyone with a home. But the hobo laughed a wheezy laugh, and took a great gulp of the throat burning alcohol. When the man lowered his head from his drink, the little dog had changed.
The man's smiling, unshaven face transformed to one of open mouthed surprise. But in a way that still made him look ugly.
Gir, upon sipping from the puddle of fermented liquid, had somehow....remembered something.
Something that was important, at least, to him.
Gir now properly stood on two little feet, with his arms by his side.
His eyes looked fierce, angry, squinted, instead of the content look of happiness.
Then, and this was what made the poor man really rethink his life, Gir unzipped his skin and revealed himself to be, in fact, a robot, with dark red eyes.
The man, sat rigid, mouth wide open, and stuttered "W-w-wha... f...fu..fuc..k?" The little automaton took three small steps forward, jumped onto the man's folded knees, and now was centimetres from the hobo's face.
Gir did not have a nose. Sometimes this was bad, other times, like now, it was a very very good. In tones of mechanical seriousness, Gir spoke.
"Human..... Where is Zim?"
-
Nine thirty AM. Time for the Nine Thirty News!
The news presenter, a young perky blonde women, read the morning news from JVIZ* News station.
"And today's ultra fresh, really new news" her voice squeaky and high pitched "A homeless man was seen being horribly mutilated by a small puppy, which changed into a robot, by another homeless man!" She was almost childlike. "we go to our live reporter, Ted McCulky. Ted."
"Thank you" the half bald man tried to sound serious and held his microphone to his mouth, in the hopes of looking professional, but just looked like someone trying too hard.
"Yes, we have here the man here who actually saw this happen. But before we talk to him, let's just see what the carnage looks like." The camera pans over to the wall, covered in guts, organs, gore, blood, bile, bone, and other various products of the body. And on the floor ran the same wonderful décor, but with the addition of broken shards of glass. Most of all this was singed or heated onto the wall and floor.
"Yes, a gruesome sight indeed.... And now, the man that is the sole witness. Sir?"
The man who was the sole witness jerkily looked up. He was obviously very spooked by what he had seen. Even in his state of drunken awareness, he sobered up instantly when he saw his friend, Ronny, be ripped apart and beamed to death by a puppy, green nonetheless, that turned into a little robot, by unzipping it's skin.
"W... what?"
"Sir, could you describe what you saw?"
The hobo, whose name was Oxford, for reasons unknown, went pale as the thoughts replayed again and again. He shook his head vigorously, grey hairs falling from nook and cranny of his head.
"Oh..." The reporter hadn't really thought of this. He expected the old man to go through every detail, and earn himself some sort of award, like: Greatest Reporter Ever For Some Reason. "Erm... Well, this was Ted McCulky, hoping to find out more as the gentleman calms down. He smiled for what seemed like an age, and stood motionless. The report was meant to take a little more time, but the abrupt ending left the blonde still applying makeup to her already caked face. She quickly threw down her little set and smiled at the screen as the cameras returned to her. In her haste, she had accidently trawled a mark of lipstick down her chin.
Up in the control room, the manager was not happy. *
Two people were fired for 'Incompetence'.
-
Ten fifty six AM
Oh dear, it's happened again.....
I woke up..... Again... Oh fuck... I've been through this.... Over and over and over tenfold forgotten forever....
I've slept, something, genetically, I am not meant to do... ever..... But I do this almost every night.... An eternal curse as long as I am here.....
....On my.. secret mission.....
Bastards....
...
And I always wake up on the couch.... even when I've fallen asleep in the remains of my redundant lab.... I wake up here. On the couch... facing up... at the ceiling of wires, mostly broken and hollow....
Just like the fucking freak looking up at them....
.....Gir's gone......
Who cares.... what harm could he possibly cause now?
I get up... what's new?
But today is... Saturday? Yes. Yesterday....
....Was.. Friday..... How eventful...
I... left the college... and.... a blur.... my memory... I don't remember anything that happened between leaving the college and getting the shit kicked out of me.......
........
By Dib....
...
Bastard.........
I stand.... And feel very hungry, so I walk into the kitchen..... It hasn't changed since I arrived.... except for the hole in the floor. A trash receptacle used to be there... when I visited the lab frequently... it was my most used mode of transport down... But I destroyed it when I didn't fit... And that was when I still cared.... still cared for the mission... the taking over.... the operation of impending doom unto the lesser forms of life.... All the fucking lies..... I now wonder....... As I lean against the wall, I wince from a slight sting from my abdomen area, the thoughts from last night... Dib... beating me.... he doesn't care....
... Did anyone ever actually believe.... who made up all those lies.... Irkens weren't superior, we just had a better planet, a better start. Better land, rich with minerals, which we mined with our intelligence, but by then, every being in our solar system had intelligence, but only we had a fruitful planet.
And then the lies made the Irkens... hate.
One Irken started a war with everyone else.
He wanted power... and hatred to go hand in hand....
And he got it....
Bastard....
He told lie after lie after lie, and they believed him. And he was tall. He thought ths was a sign that he was better, unique and biologically advanced than everyone else. Taller than any other Tallest. He used his height to look down on everyone else, and they feared him. He was our Rasputin, our Hitler, our very own dictator, blinded by a fury that was only there because he thought it should be.....
Irkens.... In the Human's English language... to Irk someone is to bother them....
Wow, we are the personifica....tion...
Shut up...
I hit my head in a spontaneous spasm of arm movement, and it hurts slightly.
I've done it again.
I've fucking done it again.
I woke up, felt depressed about my current state of affairs, and then reminisced about my life. About me in genereal.
.......It's so.......
......Human.....
Bastard.
I open the fridge. When I first got one, it was fake, but I needed one to store food.
There are some things that this planet does right.
And although most of their food is processed jank yard sewage covered in preservatives..... a bit like Irken cuisine really..... They have managed to create foods that have given me a feeling of happiness.
But we can only devour so much...
Eating. It fuels your body. Neither Humans nor Irkens know how good some foods can be.
They've never had to truely appreciate it.
I have....
Bastard.
-
Eleven eleven AM
Who gives a fuck?
I'm floating.... In space..... And the pain....
The pain..... I'm numb.... form the pain....
I don't think I'm breathing.... my lungs are.... I don't know.....
I'm..... dying.... I think..... in this cockpit........ it is my tomb.......
No... revenge..... no happiness.... no Zim..... my obsession ever since......
It stays forever on.... the horizon.... glowing.... and I do nt get his blood.... I do not shower in his blood... And the laughs.... haunting melodic laughs.... pushing me down.....
...Fuck.... I think.... I've got a fever....
Haha.......Floating through space.... in a narrow ship.... bleeding immensely..... bled..... my knees rendered into pulp..... and I fail.... again.... and again..........
..........but I am talking..... still...... does that make me.... alive?
I think so.....
But for how long? I'm.... in a state of.... half life.... my genetic advanced healing.....can't save me now....
So now I lie... drifting forwards... in my own invention...
Shit....
My eyes drift up, to look in front of me... and I see through the rectangular screen....
And outside.... are planets... cricling a central star.....
Am I......
Here?
Is Zim.... Here? On the green and blue planet?
Earth?
I'm calling you Zim.... Please call me back.....
I'm going to kill you.
-
One PM.
I am Dib, yes this is the life I live and no I am not happy.
I'm not laughing anymore.
I don't think I will ever laugh again.
My eyes are permanently half closed and I am emotionless. It saves time. If you don't get attached, then when you lose something it won't seem so bad. So, I think that's what I will do.
I will keep myself away, stay away from everyone else, let them say what they will say, and I will just forget them forever, becasue if I can't care for them, they won't mean anything to me. They will be the colour grey. a neutral smudge in my vision.
.....
My sister has a broken neck... and she's in a coma.
Like a stupid TV show.... but I don't watch TV. Even Mysterious Mysterious lost it's point to me.
But now I'm in one, sitting next to my sister, who is sitting in a hospital bed and I look at the dirty white floors and her neck is covered in bandage and plaster and her face is bruised horribly and that bastard hasn't even bothered to come here!
I look in the mirror and see that deserter. He's left us alone for so long, and I realise that I'm surprised that he's not here. And that bastard gave me his fucking face. Even the hair I have inherited!
Emotions. They fucking mess you up. Make you believe that there's something special and then it take it away with added grief.
Emotions. I'll cleanse myself of them.
If Gaz dies, after all this shit, I'll.... do nothing.
I'll feel, but I will not let it show. On the outside I will dedicate myself to being a blank canvas.
And that's it.
.......
....
Her hair... Her violet hair.... Her beautiful violet hair is disgusting now, as it has been ruined by blood. Dried blood turns into a black brown stain, and has turned her once shock of colourful hair into something sick and ugly and perverse. She doesn't look like herself.
What would I know?
I only got along with her for about half an hour...
For now, I decide, I'll keep my emotions....
I want to use my anger....
On Zim....
-
Two thirty PM
Why am I not dead?
.... dot.. dot.. dot...
Drip.... drip...drip....
Fuck....fuck.....fuck...
Mother..... I see you.... you look at me and turn away, with dusgust. Why do I make you angry.
I thought it was Dib you didn't like? Is it me? What did I do?
Tell me and I'll make it right. I'm older now, I'll do anything for you. I can obey, give you anything. I'm older, I can help you. I just want you to love me.
Why can't you love me back?
....
The black, dark nothing has taken me. I fell, and cracked like a porcelain doll. My neck has broken.
...And yet I live? Is this my punishment, for disobeying you, not being what I should have been for you? Am I the personification fo your hatred? If so, did you create me just as an outlet, which you could throw away?
Then it would seem this is your fault?
She hits me hard across the face, hers is contorted and twisted sickeningly into seomthing not resembling a face at all. I fall to the floor, the black invisible floor, whatever I was standing on, I am now sitting on it. She looks at me..... I am wrong. I am always wrong. I am an abortion that lived, I should be dead. I should not have progressed past a foetus. An ugly, flesh-ball of shitty cells, bearing the hate and odium of her life.
Is there anyway for me to say sorry?
NO! She screams at me, spit flying at my face. Her eyes are blood red and her hair is frayed and spiky. Her flesh is raised with veins that throb and pulse oozing poison, fuelling her brain.
And all I want is her to love me.
I beg for her forgiveness, but she swiftly kicks my chin hard and my head flies back and hits the transparent floor, it feels like my scalp has opened and my brain feels like it is on show for medical students.
My bloodshot eyes open and I see a night sky above me.
The setting has changed.
This is a nightmare.
I want my mother back.
Mother, don't leave me.
I scream out for her to come back, for the monster women to come back to me and pick me up....
But she hates me, and I am the child she never wanted.
I slowly get up.... and around me is the neighbourhood.... our neighbourhood... Where I grew up.... where we grew up... me and Dib......
I look at our house... it looks much newer.... And I see her....
She's coming out of the door... she looks younger, but worried and grief stricken... Mother.... don't leave.....
She exits the house and closes the door. I look up as white comes into my view of the upstairs window...
That bastard of a father watched her leave... and let her walk away.... he didn't deserve her....
He didn't care.... he watches as her beautiful thin form walks away, wrapped in a coat, with her head down.
He watches and moves away from the window.... he gave up the best thing in the world.... he caused my loss..
And the door opened again... Does this mean he did try to stop her?
Did he care? Did he want her too?
No. Father doesn't care.
But Dib did.
An infant Dib, with tears streaming down his face, came running from the house and ran after her. He stumbled and fell, hurting his face. And he lay there, sobbing and reaching out for the mother who wasn't his.
He wanted her too.
Like me.
He wanted my mother as well.
We both lost out, because of a father who doesn't want anything to do with us.
....I stand here and watch, and feel cold. I'm only wearing a hospital gown. Thin fabric. I stand and watch the little Dib crawl on the floor, crying and reaching out with one hand, he calls for her, and she keeps walking, and eventually disappears into blackness.
She vanishes, Dib vanishes, the house vanishes and the neighbourhood vanishes.
It's fading away, and I can't do anything, transfixed to the spot. I open my mouth... and nothing comes out.
And all that's left is the darkness.
.........
............
..............
I haven't woke up..... What? This is a nightmare. It hasn't ended!
Dark! I can't see anything!
Oh God!
Mother. Help me please.
I'm drowning in silence and my blindness is torture!
Fuck!
I'm not waking!!
-
Three fourteen PM
Descent
So, Dib, any last words? I am so magnificent! I, the almighty ZIM! Have captured this pathetic earth simian, and there is nothing that it can do! Mwahahahahaha!!!
I AM ZIM!!
"You'll never get away with this Zim!" his retorts are common of these filthy pig faces, they believe they're heroes, they think if they believe enough, they'll win somehow..... stinking humans.... Zim needs no hope! Zim wins with his mighty brains!!
"Any minute now and my fellow Eyeballs will come through that door......" I jump and point at the door, and scream 'Fool! The door cannot protect you!'
The Dib beast looks sceptical, and responds to my superior retort, "I said my fellow Eyeballs..."
'NAY! You're organs are pathetic Dib! Relenquish your life and never bother me or my jiggleeez ever again!!!' I really am so great. I smile a superior Irken smile, and press a button on a remote device, and the table he is strapped to is mechanically pushed up, then faces vertically, then down, so that he is facing my metal lab floor. I can see him squirming like an adult Smorloch, and I begin a maniacal laugh, which I can see makes him fear me! I know this! I am ZIM!
A metal slide... slides from the floor, revealing a pit of revenous fish, known of the peoples of earth for their golden scales..... Dib will perish!
........
......Woo.... the robot arm.. is, eh... kinda slow huh?
The little dangerous earth fish jump hungrily, and Dib is so oozing with fear, he has completely stopped moving and looks bored! Hah, his ugly liquid emotions betray his face of meats! Fear my claws!
Al...most... there...!
.....
Hah.... good times..... at least.... good times only becauseof my ignorance. Forgive my Human, but they say ignorance is bliss. I didn't know about the Tallest's secret about me. When they did tell me, my life was never as eccentric as it used to be.... or quite as.... unplanned.....
...Goldfish?
How the fuck did I think that would work?
...Hah...
....
I'm watching the television again... on my couch....
And Gir is back...........my eyes dart back and forth from him to the TV, and he's coated in blood... dried blood... he looks quite black now....
He's just been sitting there, since about an hour ago.... Not watching anything in particular, just sitting. I got up gingerly, and went into the kitchen earlier. He followed me, and I sat back down... and he followed, and sat with me....
He's never acted like a SIR before.....
-
Chapter Part end.
- - - - - - - - - -
AN: Hmmmm, yes........
This chapter isn't really finished... just ended for now until the next update of the chapter. So I guess
there will be three parts to chapter four. Yep.
- - - - - - - - - -
*If you think I actually know or care about how a news manager guy works, then you're wrong.
Horribly wrong.
- - - - - - - - - - -
AN again: The third part includes Dee completing her venture to Earth. Dib goes off for a murderous rampage, and Gir protects his master at any and all costs. Meanwhile, will Gaz die? Perhaps. I don't know, I haven't written it yet!
Close enough to our galaxy to be Seven AM.
Ignorant pain.
AAAAGH!! My vocal chords are throbbing with pain and exhaustion! This was a stupid thing to do! I said I could - AGH! - take it, I said I could do this, but they were right they were right right right !
FUCK!
I cry out again and again! Shit it feels like my knees are going to brake inside out and snap into pieces! Ever since I started the engines this has be.. been-AAGHK!! My eyelids are weak from the clenching, the limited amount of space is hard for me to move, I can't do anything but try to turn off the engines!
AA-CAGHK!! My throat!! It hurts so much! My legs are going to explode with fire!
Why am I so arrogant, it's a stupidness I could only imagine from ZIIIIAAAAGGGHH!!
...My.. My vision is blurred horribly by my tears! Tears!! Irkens don't cry! It isn't programmed!
Why do I cry!? Not just now! AAHSHIT! Every part of me hurts from the continual force, I can't reach the top right of the control panel to turn the two.... AH!.... two keys for the shut off!
..... The hot tears... burn.... my skin is hot and prickly... it hurts me further..... What will be the p.. point of getting to Zim half dead, if not.... GAH! ...dead already!
I'm wishing.... for a planet or meteor to smash into me... but I know... AAGH!! Our technology ensures my clear path! Fucking intelligence!!!
If I can't- SHIT- reach the... keys... I smash straight through Earth... and I ....won't.....get ... revenge!!
...
AAHHGK!!!
And it's then when my shut-eyes reopen sorely and suddenly, I realise my legs, or more to the point, my knee caps are busted and ripped off. The pain..... is ...
...
Sick.
Bone on bone, goo and blood spurts and collects inside and then outside my lower clothing, forming as a pool at the back of the cockpit, by my boots.
I am silent.
The accursed engines which have brought me such torture, my accursed engines, my brain which has brought me such torture, now have rendred me silent.
The sounds now are only the roaring engines.
I feel....
.........I'm going to vomit.
At least...
I make the motions.
But it stays in my stomach, the force keeps it there.
I lie in the horizontal cockpit, my knees have exploded, and I'm retching with no outcome.
......
And I do it again. I start again with the screaming. This is pain. It's not nice.
Is this what I did to the many prisoners of my torture?
AAAAGGGGGHHHHHHKK!!!!
The piercing scream, even with the engines, hurts my ears.
I must.... MUAAASSSTT!! SSHIT! Turn off the engines!
...
The tears are now red. Staining my face. But my face is already permantly stained. Have my eyes exploded too? No. I can still see, even if it is hazy and crimson. I reach up half-blindly with whatever reserves of energy I could possibly have, my muscles are straining terribly, my thin arms wobbling madly with effort. It's hard. Difficult...
Excruciating...AAAAAFFFUCK!
My left arm falters and falls back down to my side, due to the intense gravity, but my right arm is still there, by my own amazement. I have to reach it, just a few... more.... AAGH!
I feel the first, closest key and with some effort, switch to the left, and I hear an immense great mechanical sigh, of the first engine powering down, and I can already feel the gravity and force decrease, and it is easier to reach the second key.
I turn the second key, the pain still ringing like a siren in my brain.
I have a migraine.
And then I have.... done it... My head smacks onto the floor of the cockpit, a very small distance but it still feels like pain.
.........
......
.............
...
.......
Oh... shit..... my knees.....
my eyes.....
Irk...en.... heal..ing... won't hel..p... much... no..w........
And I pass out...
....
Thank whatever I believe in.....
-
Eight twelve AM.
Series
The warm streams of water raining onto my skin... feels so good. For the first time...
For the first time in such a long time.... in any time.... I feel good about myself....
And it comes from a dream.... I feel perfect.
The warmth is soothing. I feel content. Like me and Dib could finally get along, like I can put my stupid mother
behind me, and at last accept that it was her fault, not Dib's, that she left.
And for the first time in a long time, I smile.
......
It's perfect.
So..... perfect.
....
.....
I pick up the shampoo, in a hazy drowsy fashion, and squeeze it's contents onto my purple hair, massaging it in.
Again I feel good. This is too good to be a dream. Dreams can't make you feel like you have a future again... at least.. that's the way I see it.
..
Time passes and, after fully washing my hair, and standing in the warm water for a time that lasted for longer than was probably good for me, I hear someone knock on the bathroom door.
And they open it. I was sure I locked it.
.....
Through the misted glass I can see a thin black person, and I know it's Dib....
... But he's holding something.
Something long...... mostly black, and even though I can't see it properly, it looks like a metal pipe or... a gun of some type.
I call out, Dib what are you doing, I'm using the shower! but he must not have heard me. I turn it off, and he's now at the misted shower door.
What the hell is he thinking!?
He can't see me in here!
I can now confirm what he is holding.
He raises it and pumps it once, I hear it click click, just like in some film, and he steps back.
I realise what he's about to do, and as he opens the door, taking away the comforting warmth, revealing me, he points the shotgun at my crouching form.
I ask... Why?
He does not respond.
.....
BLAM!
.........
.......
....
..
Have you ever died in a dream? What about in a dream where you were dreaming that you were awake, died and woke up to realise you were dreaming after all?
It scares the shit out of you, not only because you thought you had just got murdered by your shotgun wielding brother, but mainly because from then on you can't actually tell what's real and what's a dream... or a nightmare.
If you jumped to your death... or cut your wrists... or overdosed...
...Would you wake up?
This time I did.....
It's eight forty four....AM...
And I get out of bed and walk towards the window....
I want to test my theory...
Is this a dream?
-
Nine AM
Objection
Hah. Hahahaha!
Laughing. It's nice in small doses. I have only just learnt of this.
I've never had a good reason to laugh about anything, other than when I used to crush Zim, but that was always kind of forced.
Now I laugh with good reason. Haahahahah! Heehaahahha!
I am happy.
Lying in my bed.
Staring, once again at my patchwaork ceiling. Ha.
Ha....
Yesterday... it plays back in my mind, every bit of it. College, Zim, walk home, Gaz freaks me out, I stay in room, go to store, mexican food, old man, Zim, beating Zim to a pulp, old man hurt, Zim on the floor, walk home, see ambulance on the way, get home, have a revelation with Gaz...
And now I'm laughing.
Hahahaha!
Yesterday's events were.... a turning point.
I know, yes I know that now, things will be better.
Zim will shut up or die now that I have given him fear.
Gaz and I will be better siblings, we'll talk, go places together, buy eachother gifts on holidays, be a real family... minus father.
..... I'll work on him next.
..
....
Ha ha ha.... I'm in a hell of a good mood, and pretty due too.
I havn't felt this good since..... I can't recall.
.....
I start to hum some little catchy theme tune I've heard from somewhere, and just sit on my bed. I should probably have a shower.... soon..ish.
.......
..........
It always gets worse.
I hear, from down the hall, someone open a creaky window. It's Gaz, she's the only one in the house.....
I start to get up....
And I hear.....
How to describe it....
.........
A THUD.
-
Nine twenty nine AM.
Making it up as we go along.
Down an alley, around a building corner, in the city, a little green canine casually walked along the dirty rubbish strewn concrete. If anyone was around to hear it, they would have heard it humming to itself.
Moonlight Sonata.
And someone was around to hear it.
This was a bad part of the city, after all.
A homeless man, clothed in ragged, shades-of-brown, various items of clothing, was sitting with his filthy back against the brick wall. His head lifted when Gir walked past, walked back to the foul smelling man, circled around himself and fell asleep right in front of him.
The old man, being interested in things he had never seen before, offered the little pup some of his liquor, pulling it from one of the many pockets on his person.
With his little eyes closed, Gir's head lifted, sniffed the air, and sipped the little puddle of brown ale.
Gir coughed.
Anyone else might have thought this was cute, for an animal to do. Well, anyone with a home. But the hobo laughed a wheezy laugh, and took a great gulp of the throat burning alcohol. When the man lowered his head from his drink, the little dog had changed.
The man's smiling, unshaven face transformed to one of open mouthed surprise. But in a way that still made him look ugly.
Gir, upon sipping from the puddle of fermented liquid, had somehow....remembered something.
Something that was important, at least, to him.
Gir now properly stood on two little feet, with his arms by his side.
His eyes looked fierce, angry, squinted, instead of the content look of happiness.
Then, and this was what made the poor man really rethink his life, Gir unzipped his skin and revealed himself to be, in fact, a robot, with dark red eyes.
The man, sat rigid, mouth wide open, and stuttered "W-w-wha... f...fu..fuc..k?" The little automaton took three small steps forward, jumped onto the man's folded knees, and now was centimetres from the hobo's face.
Gir did not have a nose. Sometimes this was bad, other times, like now, it was a very very good. In tones of mechanical seriousness, Gir spoke.
"Human..... Where is Zim?"
-
Nine thirty AM. Time for the Nine Thirty News!
The news presenter, a young perky blonde women, read the morning news from JVIZ* News station.
"And today's ultra fresh, really new news" her voice squeaky and high pitched "A homeless man was seen being horribly mutilated by a small puppy, which changed into a robot, by another homeless man!" She was almost childlike. "we go to our live reporter, Ted McCulky. Ted."
"Thank you" the half bald man tried to sound serious and held his microphone to his mouth, in the hopes of looking professional, but just looked like someone trying too hard.
"Yes, we have here the man here who actually saw this happen. But before we talk to him, let's just see what the carnage looks like." The camera pans over to the wall, covered in guts, organs, gore, blood, bile, bone, and other various products of the body. And on the floor ran the same wonderful décor, but with the addition of broken shards of glass. Most of all this was singed or heated onto the wall and floor.
"Yes, a gruesome sight indeed.... And now, the man that is the sole witness. Sir?"
The man who was the sole witness jerkily looked up. He was obviously very spooked by what he had seen. Even in his state of drunken awareness, he sobered up instantly when he saw his friend, Ronny, be ripped apart and beamed to death by a puppy, green nonetheless, that turned into a little robot, by unzipping it's skin.
"W... what?"
"Sir, could you describe what you saw?"
The hobo, whose name was Oxford, for reasons unknown, went pale as the thoughts replayed again and again. He shook his head vigorously, grey hairs falling from nook and cranny of his head.
"Oh..." The reporter hadn't really thought of this. He expected the old man to go through every detail, and earn himself some sort of award, like: Greatest Reporter Ever For Some Reason. "Erm... Well, this was Ted McCulky, hoping to find out more as the gentleman calms down. He smiled for what seemed like an age, and stood motionless. The report was meant to take a little more time, but the abrupt ending left the blonde still applying makeup to her already caked face. She quickly threw down her little set and smiled at the screen as the cameras returned to her. In her haste, she had accidently trawled a mark of lipstick down her chin.
Up in the control room, the manager was not happy. *
Two people were fired for 'Incompetence'.
-
Ten fifty six AM
Oh dear, it's happened again.....
I woke up..... Again... Oh fuck... I've been through this.... Over and over and over tenfold forgotten forever....
I've slept, something, genetically, I am not meant to do... ever..... But I do this almost every night.... An eternal curse as long as I am here.....
....On my.. secret mission.....
Bastards....
...
And I always wake up on the couch.... even when I've fallen asleep in the remains of my redundant lab.... I wake up here. On the couch... facing up... at the ceiling of wires, mostly broken and hollow....
Just like the fucking freak looking up at them....
.....Gir's gone......
Who cares.... what harm could he possibly cause now?
I get up... what's new?
But today is... Saturday? Yes. Yesterday....
....Was.. Friday..... How eventful...
I... left the college... and.... a blur.... my memory... I don't remember anything that happened between leaving the college and getting the shit kicked out of me.......
........
By Dib....
...
Bastard.........
I stand.... And feel very hungry, so I walk into the kitchen..... It hasn't changed since I arrived.... except for the hole in the floor. A trash receptacle used to be there... when I visited the lab frequently... it was my most used mode of transport down... But I destroyed it when I didn't fit... And that was when I still cared.... still cared for the mission... the taking over.... the operation of impending doom unto the lesser forms of life.... All the fucking lies..... I now wonder....... As I lean against the wall, I wince from a slight sting from my abdomen area, the thoughts from last night... Dib... beating me.... he doesn't care....
... Did anyone ever actually believe.... who made up all those lies.... Irkens weren't superior, we just had a better planet, a better start. Better land, rich with minerals, which we mined with our intelligence, but by then, every being in our solar system had intelligence, but only we had a fruitful planet.
And then the lies made the Irkens... hate.
One Irken started a war with everyone else.
He wanted power... and hatred to go hand in hand....
And he got it....
Bastard....
He told lie after lie after lie, and they believed him. And he was tall. He thought ths was a sign that he was better, unique and biologically advanced than everyone else. Taller than any other Tallest. He used his height to look down on everyone else, and they feared him. He was our Rasputin, our Hitler, our very own dictator, blinded by a fury that was only there because he thought it should be.....
Irkens.... In the Human's English language... to Irk someone is to bother them....
Wow, we are the personifica....tion...
Shut up...
I hit my head in a spontaneous spasm of arm movement, and it hurts slightly.
I've done it again.
I've fucking done it again.
I woke up, felt depressed about my current state of affairs, and then reminisced about my life. About me in genereal.
.......It's so.......
......Human.....
Bastard.
I open the fridge. When I first got one, it was fake, but I needed one to store food.
There are some things that this planet does right.
And although most of their food is processed jank yard sewage covered in preservatives..... a bit like Irken cuisine really..... They have managed to create foods that have given me a feeling of happiness.
But we can only devour so much...
Eating. It fuels your body. Neither Humans nor Irkens know how good some foods can be.
They've never had to truely appreciate it.
I have....
Bastard.
-
Eleven eleven AM
Who gives a fuck?
I'm floating.... In space..... And the pain....
The pain..... I'm numb.... form the pain....
I don't think I'm breathing.... my lungs are.... I don't know.....
I'm..... dying.... I think..... in this cockpit........ it is my tomb.......
No... revenge..... no happiness.... no Zim..... my obsession ever since......
It stays forever on.... the horizon.... glowing.... and I do nt get his blood.... I do not shower in his blood... And the laughs.... haunting melodic laughs.... pushing me down.....
...Fuck.... I think.... I've got a fever....
Haha.......Floating through space.... in a narrow ship.... bleeding immensely..... bled..... my knees rendered into pulp..... and I fail.... again.... and again..........
..........but I am talking..... still...... does that make me.... alive?
I think so.....
But for how long? I'm.... in a state of.... half life.... my genetic advanced healing.....can't save me now....
So now I lie... drifting forwards... in my own invention...
Shit....
My eyes drift up, to look in front of me... and I see through the rectangular screen....
And outside.... are planets... cricling a central star.....
Am I......
Here?
Is Zim.... Here? On the green and blue planet?
Earth?
I'm calling you Zim.... Please call me back.....
I'm going to kill you.
-
One PM.
I am Dib, yes this is the life I live and no I am not happy.
I'm not laughing anymore.
I don't think I will ever laugh again.
My eyes are permanently half closed and I am emotionless. It saves time. If you don't get attached, then when you lose something it won't seem so bad. So, I think that's what I will do.
I will keep myself away, stay away from everyone else, let them say what they will say, and I will just forget them forever, becasue if I can't care for them, they won't mean anything to me. They will be the colour grey. a neutral smudge in my vision.
.....
My sister has a broken neck... and she's in a coma.
Like a stupid TV show.... but I don't watch TV. Even Mysterious Mysterious lost it's point to me.
But now I'm in one, sitting next to my sister, who is sitting in a hospital bed and I look at the dirty white floors and her neck is covered in bandage and plaster and her face is bruised horribly and that bastard hasn't even bothered to come here!
I look in the mirror and see that deserter. He's left us alone for so long, and I realise that I'm surprised that he's not here. And that bastard gave me his fucking face. Even the hair I have inherited!
Emotions. They fucking mess you up. Make you believe that there's something special and then it take it away with added grief.
Emotions. I'll cleanse myself of them.
If Gaz dies, after all this shit, I'll.... do nothing.
I'll feel, but I will not let it show. On the outside I will dedicate myself to being a blank canvas.
And that's it.
.......
....
Her hair... Her violet hair.... Her beautiful violet hair is disgusting now, as it has been ruined by blood. Dried blood turns into a black brown stain, and has turned her once shock of colourful hair into something sick and ugly and perverse. She doesn't look like herself.
What would I know?
I only got along with her for about half an hour...
For now, I decide, I'll keep my emotions....
I want to use my anger....
On Zim....
-
Two thirty PM
Why am I not dead?
.... dot.. dot.. dot...
Drip.... drip...drip....
Fuck....fuck.....fuck...
Mother..... I see you.... you look at me and turn away, with dusgust. Why do I make you angry.
I thought it was Dib you didn't like? Is it me? What did I do?
Tell me and I'll make it right. I'm older now, I'll do anything for you. I can obey, give you anything. I'm older, I can help you. I just want you to love me.
Why can't you love me back?
....
The black, dark nothing has taken me. I fell, and cracked like a porcelain doll. My neck has broken.
...And yet I live? Is this my punishment, for disobeying you, not being what I should have been for you? Am I the personification fo your hatred? If so, did you create me just as an outlet, which you could throw away?
Then it would seem this is your fault?
She hits me hard across the face, hers is contorted and twisted sickeningly into seomthing not resembling a face at all. I fall to the floor, the black invisible floor, whatever I was standing on, I am now sitting on it. She looks at me..... I am wrong. I am always wrong. I am an abortion that lived, I should be dead. I should not have progressed past a foetus. An ugly, flesh-ball of shitty cells, bearing the hate and odium of her life.
Is there anyway for me to say sorry?
NO! She screams at me, spit flying at my face. Her eyes are blood red and her hair is frayed and spiky. Her flesh is raised with veins that throb and pulse oozing poison, fuelling her brain.
And all I want is her to love me.
I beg for her forgiveness, but she swiftly kicks my chin hard and my head flies back and hits the transparent floor, it feels like my scalp has opened and my brain feels like it is on show for medical students.
My bloodshot eyes open and I see a night sky above me.
The setting has changed.
This is a nightmare.
I want my mother back.
Mother, don't leave me.
I scream out for her to come back, for the monster women to come back to me and pick me up....
But she hates me, and I am the child she never wanted.
I slowly get up.... and around me is the neighbourhood.... our neighbourhood... Where I grew up.... where we grew up... me and Dib......
I look at our house... it looks much newer.... And I see her....
She's coming out of the door... she looks younger, but worried and grief stricken... Mother.... don't leave.....
She exits the house and closes the door. I look up as white comes into my view of the upstairs window...
That bastard of a father watched her leave... and let her walk away.... he didn't deserve her....
He didn't care.... he watches as her beautiful thin form walks away, wrapped in a coat, with her head down.
He watches and moves away from the window.... he gave up the best thing in the world.... he caused my loss..
And the door opened again... Does this mean he did try to stop her?
Did he care? Did he want her too?
No. Father doesn't care.
But Dib did.
An infant Dib, with tears streaming down his face, came running from the house and ran after her. He stumbled and fell, hurting his face. And he lay there, sobbing and reaching out for the mother who wasn't his.
He wanted her too.
Like me.
He wanted my mother as well.
We both lost out, because of a father who doesn't want anything to do with us.
....I stand here and watch, and feel cold. I'm only wearing a hospital gown. Thin fabric. I stand and watch the little Dib crawl on the floor, crying and reaching out with one hand, he calls for her, and she keeps walking, and eventually disappears into blackness.
She vanishes, Dib vanishes, the house vanishes and the neighbourhood vanishes.
It's fading away, and I can't do anything, transfixed to the spot. I open my mouth... and nothing comes out.
And all that's left is the darkness.
.........
............
..............
I haven't woke up..... What? This is a nightmare. It hasn't ended!
Dark! I can't see anything!
Oh God!
Mother. Help me please.
I'm drowning in silence and my blindness is torture!
Fuck!
I'm not waking!!
-
Three fourteen PM
Descent
So, Dib, any last words? I am so magnificent! I, the almighty ZIM! Have captured this pathetic earth simian, and there is nothing that it can do! Mwahahahahaha!!!
I AM ZIM!!
"You'll never get away with this Zim!" his retorts are common of these filthy pig faces, they believe they're heroes, they think if they believe enough, they'll win somehow..... stinking humans.... Zim needs no hope! Zim wins with his mighty brains!!
"Any minute now and my fellow Eyeballs will come through that door......" I jump and point at the door, and scream 'Fool! The door cannot protect you!'
The Dib beast looks sceptical, and responds to my superior retort, "I said my fellow Eyeballs..."
'NAY! You're organs are pathetic Dib! Relenquish your life and never bother me or my jiggleeez ever again!!!' I really am so great. I smile a superior Irken smile, and press a button on a remote device, and the table he is strapped to is mechanically pushed up, then faces vertically, then down, so that he is facing my metal lab floor. I can see him squirming like an adult Smorloch, and I begin a maniacal laugh, which I can see makes him fear me! I know this! I am ZIM!
A metal slide... slides from the floor, revealing a pit of revenous fish, known of the peoples of earth for their golden scales..... Dib will perish!
........
......Woo.... the robot arm.. is, eh... kinda slow huh?
The little dangerous earth fish jump hungrily, and Dib is so oozing with fear, he has completely stopped moving and looks bored! Hah, his ugly liquid emotions betray his face of meats! Fear my claws!
Al...most... there...!
.....
Hah.... good times..... at least.... good times only becauseof my ignorance. Forgive my Human, but they say ignorance is bliss. I didn't know about the Tallest's secret about me. When they did tell me, my life was never as eccentric as it used to be.... or quite as.... unplanned.....
...Goldfish?
How the fuck did I think that would work?
...Hah...
....
I'm watching the television again... on my couch....
And Gir is back...........my eyes dart back and forth from him to the TV, and he's coated in blood... dried blood... he looks quite black now....
He's just been sitting there, since about an hour ago.... Not watching anything in particular, just sitting. I got up gingerly, and went into the kitchen earlier. He followed me, and I sat back down... and he followed, and sat with me....
He's never acted like a SIR before.....
-
Chapter Part end.
- - - - - - - - - -
AN: Hmmmm, yes........
This chapter isn't really finished... just ended for now until the next update of the chapter. So I guess
there will be three parts to chapter four. Yep.
- - - - - - - - - -
*If you think I actually know or care about how a news manager guy works, then you're wrong.
Horribly wrong.
- - - - - - - - - - -
AN again: The third part includes Dee completing her venture to Earth. Dib goes off for a murderous rampage, and Gir protects his master at any and all costs. Meanwhile, will Gaz die? Perhaps. I don't know, I haven't written it yet!