Mart Poppins Parody
A/N - Yes, you knew this was coming. The return of the Alyssa/Shannon Disney parodies. Of course, our first co-written story, "Snow White Pop Culture Style", was removed due to content, etc., but we couldn't resist. You requested Mary Poppins, so we gave you Mary Potpins. Enjoy, and please, please, please don't take this seriously because someone obviously took Snow White seriously and that's why it is no more. Loving you!
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Once upon a time in a place called London in a time not to far from the present day, a man named Bert sold crack. Only he thought he was selling musical instruments (because he himself was so drugged up half the time.) One morning, while eating a "pear", he thought he noticed a bunch of ladies flying away with their umbrellas and carpetbags. Even on drugs he knew that wasn't possible. (He was one smart druggie.) So he decided to go over to the Banks' residence. (Not THE Bank, you drugged-up morons! The BANKS FAMILY!)
He forced his way inside and demanded an interview for the job of nanny for the Banks' children, Mari Jowanna and Joint. (Did we mention this was a downtown part of London?) He didn't get very far past the front door, due to the fact that the brooding cook was one of his ex-customers. So he walked back down the street.
Suddenly, this woman came flying down from ... wherever and started to embroider on something. Bert saw this and fell madly in love with her ... right before he passed out from his all night drinking binge. The woman put away her embroidery and knocked on the Banks' door, whereupon a very manly looking woman answered the door.
"Yes?" she asked very nasally.
"Is Mrs. Banks home?"
"I am Mrs. Banks. What do you want?"
"I heard that there was a position available with Mari Jowanna and Joint."
"Oh. That."
The flying woman ran off a list of credentials, introduced herself as Mary Potpins, and found her room upstairs. (Enter Mr. Banks.)
"Who's that?"
"Mary Potpins, the children's new nanny."
"Well, she better be better than that Angel Dust woman."
(Now is the time that we meet those adorable children named after harmful substances.) Mari Jowanna and Joint walked into the nursery and saw Mary Potpins pulling umbrellas, plants, and lamps out of her knapsack.
"Hello, children!"
"Word."
"Two words. How are you?"
"High, man. Dope. Wack."
"Ah, well, that's not good, now is it? And I can see why. Your room is a mess!"
"Don't be trippin', Mary."
"Well someone's going to 'trip' if you don't clean this up! Look, a beer can over here, and some needles in the corner. And ... is, is that alive? And don't let me find out that this is a condom! OH HOLY LORD! You children need some medicine. I took some off a passed out man on the side of the road. 'A spoonful of ... sugar.' Well, better than what you're used to. Open up!"
Suddenly, guitars (of five different colors) started to play and the room started spinning and bright colors came from out of nowhere and well, they all got high. (Personally, the whole thing was a blur.) All the children heard was Mary Potpins crooning, "A spoonful of LSD makes the medicine go dooOOown, medicine go dooOOown ..." Then the room started to clean itself. The beer cans magically placed themselves inside the recycling bins. The vacuum cleaned up all the cigarette butts and little rubber thingies. Then to give them new perspective, Mary Potpins took the children outside to the unknown. (Twilight Zone Theme)
Now, who should have been walking through the park but Barney! No, I'm kidding. It was Bert. (You got all excited, didn't you?) He was very dazed and confused and seemed to think that a child's drawing on a sidewalk was a new type of inhale-able substance. He soon took out a large chunk of his own substance and began to trace the shadow that was looming over him, only to discover it was his love, Mary Potpins! He began to drool on her shoes and wave rags in inappropriate places. (Are we seeing a parallel people? No? Okay, forget you.) He grabbed her hand, she grabbed Joint's crack, and Joint grabbed Mari Jowanna's boob, and they all slipped into the chalk zone. (Twilight Zone Theme.)
There they saw dancing penguins serving them tea and crumpets, farm animals praising Mary's beauty, and they all rode the carousel, which then turned into a fox hunt. Mary won the hunt, and they all had 'candied' apples. Then they sang something like, "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious," in which cartoon characters joined them. Then they found themselves in the rain and they ran home. (Crying, crying, crying!)Following a massive group orgy, they took their medicine again, and passed out.
The next day, Mary told Mr. and Mr. Banks, (pun intended), that she was going to take the children out for fish. On their way to the market, they saw a man on his roof navigating, and Joint vowed to be just like him one day. Onward they went and were met by a dog, named Andrew. Andrew barked at them for a while and Mary had no clue what was going on. So, she used it as an excuse to visit her Uncle Albert.
*SHOCK SHOCK* Barney was there when she and the children arrived. No, I lied again, it was only Bert. He explained that it was his Uncle Albert, too! (But incest wasn't a big problem for them, so whatever.) Anyway, onto Uncle Albert. Oh, brother, what a crack head. Literally. He was floating and having a tea party on the ceiling. SO, everyone joined him and exchanged naughty jokes and bodily fluids, and they went home again after becoming extremely depressed.
Mary Potpins, Mari Jowanna, and Joint returned home bearing no fish. This made the Misters Banks very put out, meaning they had to cook the maid for dinner.
Now the next day was Mary Potpins day off, (so the real Mr. Banks please stand up), so the NON-suffragist Mr. Banks took the children to work with him. Mr. Banks gave Joint a tuppence to do with as he chose. However, once they got to the bank where Mr. Banks worked, (how ironic!), Joint wanted to feed some birds with his money. So, an old man interrogated the children and frightened them away. Mid-run, Joint shoved the tuppence down a bird's throat and then ran into Barney, who by now if you haven't figured it out is Bert. Bert took the children home and they met Mary Potpins. They swept the chim-bleys and frolicked on the rooftops covered in muck and dirt and sweat and filth until morning.
Mr. Banks returned and fired Mary Potpins. She laughed in his face and stuck a blunt in his mouth, bid the children 'adieu', and told them to go fly a kite, which they did while bonding with the other Mr. Banks.
THE END!!!!
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A/N - Well, here we are. If you'd like to check out my "The Little Mermaid"/"Phantom of the Opera" parody co-written with DJ Tifa, it is entitled "Phantom of the Opera Presents" and is listed under "Phantom of the Opera" and "DJ Tifa". Thanks! PLEASE REVIEW!
A/N - Yes, you knew this was coming. The return of the Alyssa/Shannon Disney parodies. Of course, our first co-written story, "Snow White Pop Culture Style", was removed due to content, etc., but we couldn't resist. You requested Mary Poppins, so we gave you Mary Potpins. Enjoy, and please, please, please don't take this seriously because someone obviously took Snow White seriously and that's why it is no more. Loving you!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Once upon a time in a place called London in a time not to far from the present day, a man named Bert sold crack. Only he thought he was selling musical instruments (because he himself was so drugged up half the time.) One morning, while eating a "pear", he thought he noticed a bunch of ladies flying away with their umbrellas and carpetbags. Even on drugs he knew that wasn't possible. (He was one smart druggie.) So he decided to go over to the Banks' residence. (Not THE Bank, you drugged-up morons! The BANKS FAMILY!)
He forced his way inside and demanded an interview for the job of nanny for the Banks' children, Mari Jowanna and Joint. (Did we mention this was a downtown part of London?) He didn't get very far past the front door, due to the fact that the brooding cook was one of his ex-customers. So he walked back down the street.
Suddenly, this woman came flying down from ... wherever and started to embroider on something. Bert saw this and fell madly in love with her ... right before he passed out from his all night drinking binge. The woman put away her embroidery and knocked on the Banks' door, whereupon a very manly looking woman answered the door.
"Yes?" she asked very nasally.
"Is Mrs. Banks home?"
"I am Mrs. Banks. What do you want?"
"I heard that there was a position available with Mari Jowanna and Joint."
"Oh. That."
The flying woman ran off a list of credentials, introduced herself as Mary Potpins, and found her room upstairs. (Enter Mr. Banks.)
"Who's that?"
"Mary Potpins, the children's new nanny."
"Well, she better be better than that Angel Dust woman."
(Now is the time that we meet those adorable children named after harmful substances.) Mari Jowanna and Joint walked into the nursery and saw Mary Potpins pulling umbrellas, plants, and lamps out of her knapsack.
"Hello, children!"
"Word."
"Two words. How are you?"
"High, man. Dope. Wack."
"Ah, well, that's not good, now is it? And I can see why. Your room is a mess!"
"Don't be trippin', Mary."
"Well someone's going to 'trip' if you don't clean this up! Look, a beer can over here, and some needles in the corner. And ... is, is that alive? And don't let me find out that this is a condom! OH HOLY LORD! You children need some medicine. I took some off a passed out man on the side of the road. 'A spoonful of ... sugar.' Well, better than what you're used to. Open up!"
Suddenly, guitars (of five different colors) started to play and the room started spinning and bright colors came from out of nowhere and well, they all got high. (Personally, the whole thing was a blur.) All the children heard was Mary Potpins crooning, "A spoonful of LSD makes the medicine go dooOOown, medicine go dooOOown ..." Then the room started to clean itself. The beer cans magically placed themselves inside the recycling bins. The vacuum cleaned up all the cigarette butts and little rubber thingies. Then to give them new perspective, Mary Potpins took the children outside to the unknown. (Twilight Zone Theme)
Now, who should have been walking through the park but Barney! No, I'm kidding. It was Bert. (You got all excited, didn't you?) He was very dazed and confused and seemed to think that a child's drawing on a sidewalk was a new type of inhale-able substance. He soon took out a large chunk of his own substance and began to trace the shadow that was looming over him, only to discover it was his love, Mary Potpins! He began to drool on her shoes and wave rags in inappropriate places. (Are we seeing a parallel people? No? Okay, forget you.) He grabbed her hand, she grabbed Joint's crack, and Joint grabbed Mari Jowanna's boob, and they all slipped into the chalk zone. (Twilight Zone Theme.)
There they saw dancing penguins serving them tea and crumpets, farm animals praising Mary's beauty, and they all rode the carousel, which then turned into a fox hunt. Mary won the hunt, and they all had 'candied' apples. Then they sang something like, "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious," in which cartoon characters joined them. Then they found themselves in the rain and they ran home. (Crying, crying, crying!)Following a massive group orgy, they took their medicine again, and passed out.
The next day, Mary told Mr. and Mr. Banks, (pun intended), that she was going to take the children out for fish. On their way to the market, they saw a man on his roof navigating, and Joint vowed to be just like him one day. Onward they went and were met by a dog, named Andrew. Andrew barked at them for a while and Mary had no clue what was going on. So, she used it as an excuse to visit her Uncle Albert.
*SHOCK SHOCK* Barney was there when she and the children arrived. No, I lied again, it was only Bert. He explained that it was his Uncle Albert, too! (But incest wasn't a big problem for them, so whatever.) Anyway, onto Uncle Albert. Oh, brother, what a crack head. Literally. He was floating and having a tea party on the ceiling. SO, everyone joined him and exchanged naughty jokes and bodily fluids, and they went home again after becoming extremely depressed.
Mary Potpins, Mari Jowanna, and Joint returned home bearing no fish. This made the Misters Banks very put out, meaning they had to cook the maid for dinner.
Now the next day was Mary Potpins day off, (so the real Mr. Banks please stand up), so the NON-suffragist Mr. Banks took the children to work with him. Mr. Banks gave Joint a tuppence to do with as he chose. However, once they got to the bank where Mr. Banks worked, (how ironic!), Joint wanted to feed some birds with his money. So, an old man interrogated the children and frightened them away. Mid-run, Joint shoved the tuppence down a bird's throat and then ran into Barney, who by now if you haven't figured it out is Bert. Bert took the children home and they met Mary Potpins. They swept the chim-bleys and frolicked on the rooftops covered in muck and dirt and sweat and filth until morning.
Mr. Banks returned and fired Mary Potpins. She laughed in his face and stuck a blunt in his mouth, bid the children 'adieu', and told them to go fly a kite, which they did while bonding with the other Mr. Banks.
THE END!!!!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A/N - Well, here we are. If you'd like to check out my "The Little Mermaid"/"Phantom of the Opera" parody co-written with DJ Tifa, it is entitled "Phantom of the Opera Presents" and is listed under "Phantom of the Opera" and "DJ Tifa". Thanks! PLEASE REVIEW!