The Neverchanging Story
by Gary D. Snyder
Part 1:
"Neutron! Prepare to face the wrath of Vortex! Again!"
Jimmy Neutron, 11-year old boy genius, froze in mid-bite of his sandwich. Even without hearing the name he could have recognized the voice at once as that of Cindy Vortex, second only to him as the smartest kid at Lindbergh Elementary and second to none at being an ongoing disruption to his otherwise peaceful existence. Usually he would have responded with a sharp comeback, but today he needed to stay in Cindy's good graces. Resigning himself to the situation he turned to face the livid Cindy, a pleasant smile already on his face. "Well, good afternoon, Cindy," he said. "May I say that the particular shade of purple on your face today is especially becoming?"
"What you can say," Cindy answered with great intensity, "is how you could have ruined our lives this badly!"
"That's right," added Libby Folfax, who had come up with Cindy. Libby was Cindy's best friend and seemed almost as annoyed as Cindy.
"What are you talking about?" Jimmy protested. "What did I do?"
"It's not what you did, you jerk," Cindy retorted. "It's what you didn't do!"
"That's right," added Libby for emphasis.
Jimmy looked puzzled. So did Sheen Estevez and Carl Wheezer, Jimmy's best friends, who had been eating lunch with Jimmy. "Umm, not to be nit-picky," offered Sheen, "but doesn't the Constitution say you can't persecute someone for something they didn't do?"
"Yeah," agreed Carl. "I hope so, because there are a lot of things I haven't done. I haven't robbed any stores, or crossed against the lights, or driven too fast -"
"Why don't you explain why you're so upset," suggested Jimmy, still trying to be diplomatic.
Cindy took a deep breath and began. "You know that we were assigned a book report last month that is due tomorrow?" she said.
"Yes, I'm with you so far."
"And you know that the report was supposed to be on Larry Fodder and the Tureen of Turin, the most popular and hard to find pre-teen book of the year?" Cindy went on.
"Of course," Jimmy replied.
"And despite that, you never bothered to get a copy?"
Jimmy looked embarrassed. "Well, the funny thing is I had some expenses with my lab, and I sort of couldn't afford to get one. So I figured that since you always buy those kind of books that maybe I could borrow your copy when you were done."
Cindy forced a fake laugh. "Well, if that's funny, you'll die laughing at this. You see, Libby told me that she was getting a copy so that I could borrow hers and spend the money on a new pair of shoes I was wanting to buy instead."
"So, I'll just borrow hers from you," said Jimmy who didn't see a problem. "If that's okay with Libby."
"Well, Jimmy," continued Libby, her hands on her hips, "the funny thing about that is that Sheen told me that he was getting a copy and that I could borrow his, so I spent the money I had on a new mix CD."
"Okay," said Jimmy slowly. "So, Sheen, can Libby borrow your copy so that Cindy can borrow it and loan it to me?"
Sheen choked on the milk he was drinking. "Uh, actually Jimmy, I didn't get a copy. Carl told me that I could borrow a copy he was getting, so I sort of spent my money on a weapons accessory pack for my new Battle Commander Ultra Lord action figure."
Jimmy took a few moments to speak, as he had a horrible feeling that he could see where this was going. "So Carl," he said at last, "can you loan your copy to Sheen so that he can loan it to Libby so she can loan it to Cindy so that she can loan it to me?"
"Well," said Carl slowly, fidgeting in his chair, "you see, Jimmy, when you told me you were going to get a copy I thought that maybe I could borrow it from you and so I spent my money on Llamapalooza 2: Now It's Personal instead." He hung his head. "I'm sorry."
Everyone was silent at this. "So we've all been planning to borrow the book from each other and no one ever actually got a copy?" Sheen asked after sorting it out.
"I think you've grasped the situation, Sheen," answered Jimmy.
"The only thing I want to grasp," Cindy snarled, "is Neutron's windpipe. I've checked. There's only one copy left at the Bookstore and More, none of us have enough money to buy it, and now the five of us have to try getting it and reading it in one night." She stalked up to Jimmy and poked a finger in his chest. "Do you know what this means?" she demanded. "It means an incomplete, and gossip, and detention, that's what. One of us is getting an 'F'. Well, it's not going to be me!"
"Yeah, thanks a lot, Jimmy," said Libby.
"But that's not fair!" he protested. "It's not my fault that everyone else decided to borrow a copy to read just because I was going to."
"I know, Jimmy," Carl said sadly. "I guess I shouldn't have thought that I'd be smart if I did the same thing you did."
This hit Jimmy hard. While it was true that he hadn't forced anyone to emulate him he knew that he had sometimes given his friends the impression that he know what was best. He chewed his lower lip, thinking about the situation. Suddenly he brightened. "I have it!" he said.
"Whatever it is, don't give it to me," Libby sulked. "I have enough problems."
"No, the answer to our problem," Jimmy explained. "Look, right after school we can go to the book store and pool our money to buy the last copy. Then, after we get the book, we can all meet at my lab."
"And take turn readings the book?" asked Sheen.
"Not exactly."
"Then who's going to read it?" asked Cindy. "You?"
"Yes. And no."
"Stop that, Jimmy!" cried Carl. "You're making my head hurt!"
"Trust me," said Jimmy as the final lunch bell rang and they headed back to Miss Fowl's class. "I've got it all under control."
End of Part 1.