The Neverchanging Story

by Gary D. Snyder

Part 3:

As their senses of sight and hearing slowly returned to normal the first thing that Jimmy and the others noticed was a tumult as of many voices speaking and many people nearby. The next thing they noticed with their dimmed vision was that they were in a large hall of unknown architecture, but evidently of great size and age. There were also a number of people passing by, although none seemed to pay any attention to them. Cindy, as was her wont, was the first to speak.

"All right, Neutron. Just where did your latest meisterwerk send us?"

Jimmy was a puzzled as the rest. "I…I don't know," he admitted. "It shouldn't have sent us anywhere. All it should have done was download the information contained in the book."

"And what is up with these geeky threads?" Libby asked.

It was then that the others realized that they were no longer dressed in the clothes they had been wearing when Jimmy had activated the Virtual Instantiator 2000. Instead, they all were wearing a dark blue blazer with some sort of crest over the left breast pocket, white shirts, grey and black striped ties, dark socks, and black shoes. Jimmy, Sheen, and Carl were clad in dark shorts that matched their blazers, while Cindy and Libby had on pleated skirts of the same color. After a quick inspection of the outfits Cindy gave a gasp of recognition.

"I don't believe it!" she exclaimed. "These are Hogsnorts school uniforms!"

"School uniforms?" asked Carl. "Then…that must mean…"

"…that we're all students at the Hogsnorts School of Magic!" Cindy completed. "But…but how?"

Suddenly Jimmy grasped what had happened. "Leaping leptons!" he cried. "The Virtual Instantiator didn't put the story into us. It put all of us into the story!"

"But we aren't in the story," objected Sheen. "At least I don't think so. But if we are, then I demand remuneration from the publisher, concidental similarity disclaimer be hanged!"

Jimmy thought furiously. "No, we aren't in the story, although we could have been made characters that are in the story. But who?"

Cindy had an idea. "Check the inside of your blazers," she instructed the others. "There should be a name tag or label with a name on it." The others checked and quickly found that this was true.

"According to this," said Jimmy, "I'm Larry Fodder."

"And I'm Cholmondeley Snives," added Carl.

"It looks like I'm Calliope Fernthistle," commented Cindy, who seemed strangely pleased by this.

Sheen didn't seem pleased at all by what he found. "Smegleigh Toadspittle?" he said. "Who the heck would have a name like that?"

Cindy fidgeted, not knowing the best way to answer this. "In the books Smegleigh isn't a very popular person. He's kind of a bully who pushes the students in the lower grades around and doesn't like Larry or his friends."

"Yeah, but Smegleigh? I can't go from being The Sheen to The Smeg. It sounds like something that got splattered all over a car windshield. And what kind of last name is Toadspittle? Or Fodder or Snives or Fernthistle? Doesn't anyone here have normal names like Neutron or Wheezer or Vortex?"

"Come on, Sheen, it's not that bad," protested Cindy. "Right, Libby?"

"Actually, I'm with Sheen on this one," replied Libby. "According to this my name is Crinoline Chumbucket. What parent would name their daughter Crinoline?"

"Well, there are music stars named Velvet and Silk and Satin, aren't there?"

"Yeah, but none with a last name like Chumbucket."

"But these people have to have unusual names. They're wizards," Cindy argued.

"Oh, you mean they have all these awesome magical powers that let them read minds and fly and make things vanish and stuff but they can't change their own dorky name?"

"Well, maybe it's not so bad," Carl said. "Maybe your name is from France and is pronounced Shoom-boo-KAY."

"Shoom-boo-KAY, Shoom-boo-KAY," Libby repeated thoughtfully, as though trying the word out for a suitable fit. "That's not too bad. I guess I could live with that."

"Okay, that's settled then," said Jimmy quickly, although Sheen was still scowling. "We know who we are. But now the question is, who are we? What are we doing here? Cindy?"

Cindy took a moment to collect and organize her thoughts. "Okay. Here's how it goes," she replied. "We're all students at the Hogsnorts School of Magic learning how to be wizards and witches. Larry Fodder is the hero of the series and basically saves the day when some sort of problem or danger arises. Cholmondeley, which is apparently pronounced 'Chumley', is Larry's best friend at the school. Calliope is also Larry's friend and she helps him out of some tight spots as well. Crinoline is Calliope's best friend, although she's not especially close to Larry. And as I said, Smegleigh is kind of the bully of the school and seems to go out of his way to make Larry miserable. People believe that Smegleigh has some sort of connection with Lord Folderol, who is a major bad person that you don't really want to tangle with. He's the one who killed Larry's parents and made him an orphan."

"He did?" asked Libby, interested in spite of herself.

"Yes. But he's killed a lot of people's parents so it's not like it's any big deal."

"Okay," said Jimmy, trying to absorb everything Cindy had said. "So what is it that we're supposed to do here?"

"If I knew that, Neutron, I wouldn't have had to read the book. A bigger question is how and when are we going to get out of here?"

"I'm not sure," admitted Jimmy. "The Virtual Instantiator may let us out as soon as the story is over. Or we might be stuck in here until we figure our own way out. I'm not even sure if we're just supposed to be bystanders, if there's something we're supposed to do in the story, if we even can do anything, or what happens if the story doesn't go the way it's supposed to. Until I figure it out, I guess the only thing to do is to let events unfold and see where it takes us."

Although this was not very comforting to the others they realized that for the moment they indeed had no choice. Readying themselves for the unexpected they prepared to face their first experiences at the School of Magic.

End of Part 3.

Author's Notes:

For various reasons, obvious and otherwise, I decided that it would be impractical to make a direct spoof of the Harry Potter series (i.e., the teachers, students, and so forth), so I tried instead to try to capture to flavor of the series instead. Hopefully Harry Potter fans won't be too disappointed if the people, names, and other specifics given in the Larry Fodder and the Hogsnorts School of Magic don't seem especially familiar. This story is more about how the Retroville gang would deal with being in a series based on a wizard and set in a school of wizardry.