Surfacing
Chapter 3
by Adia
~o0o~
Grace drove back from the bookstore in the city to her apartment on the outskirts of town. She was less than a mile away from her family but had needed that space. At nineteen she had been attending the University for a year and wanted to know who she was on her own. She had turned out to be quite the intelligent and capable woman.
She had indeed kept him with her over the last two years. It showed in her selection of books that lined the shelves on her walls. It showed in the manuscripts and pages of poetry that covered her writing desk in the breakfast nook. It showed in her writing, in the characters that appeared in her stories. It showed in the early mornings and late evenings when she spent her time daydreaming. She didn't have to share him with anyone then. She didn't have to worry about it being wrong. All she had to think of was him.
She drove up the drive and unlocked the door to her tiny rented one bedroom. It was a beautifully warm day and the sun blew in with the breeze through the open windows in the living room and kitchen, passed the sheer white drapes that framed the windows. The air always smelled sweet and she loved to fill her lungs with its scent. She fell onto the loveseat under the window in the living room and pulled her legs up under her as she settled in and opened the book.
Every word amazed her as the story unfolded. By night fall she had finished the entire novel. She was surprised she had finished it so fast but she couldn't be torn away from it. Even when the phone would ring she let the machine get it and kept reading straight through. The world could wait while she was catching up with a man she had missed. By the time she finished the book she was sure that indeed the AD of AD Dailey stood for August Dimitri. There could be no doubting it especially since there was so much of him in the story, so much of herself in the story.
She wondered why he hadn't used his real name. Hadn't he been the one who had said that baring your soul, being honest, was really the only thing in this world worth doing? Indeed he had, but she could also understand that baring one's soul, especially on such a personal topic when telling an autobiographical story in the third person, could be too daring and definitely intimidating. She wasn't sure she would even be able to do that.
Still there was no denying that the novel had come from him. The stories in it, the words that filled each chapter, the story-line that entranced the reader followed much too closely to their own story for it not to be him. Some times it seemed as though the pages were filled with snapshots of them, little moments captured, almost down to the very same words. Conversations in his car, in the kitchen, the woman was younger, though not as young as she had been then. The ending had surprised her just as the review had said it would.
In the end of the novel, after this enchanting woman had pulled him out of his fear and helped him to achieve what he had wanted the reader finds that the woman had died years before and it had been his memory of her that had kept him going. She couldn't help but smile as she remembered his own words to her, "This isn't an ending." After reading the book she knew now that there hadn't been an ending to their own story.
She was intrigued with the idea of the book. Why had the Grace character, for all intents and purposes her character, died in the end? Is that how he felt when they were forced apart? Any doubt she had that he hadn't returned her feelings had been extinguished with his written words. She knew that night when she kissed him in his kitchen that he felt the same. She remembered looking into his eyes and watching them drift down to her lips and back to her eyes. She hadn't been able to resist him then, he had been the one who had encouraged her to live everything in honesty and that's exactly what she had done. She wouldn't have been able to live with herself if she hadn't taken the opportunity.
She remembered how it felt when their lips met, when she was on her toes and she remembered how it felt to hold onto his shoulders, the only thing keeping her balanced. Then it happened, she felt his lips pressing against hers and keeping with her as she came back down on her feet. He followed her and began to deepen it for a moment. And in that moment she felt her head spin and her hands began to tremble more than ever before. She was surprised at the hunger she felt behind his lips. He stole her breath with the surprise of discovering her feelings we not at all one-sided.
She hadn't wanted to let go but knew she had no other choice. She remembered slowly parting her lips from his, tilting her chin up and breaking the seal that had formed. If she closed her eyes tightly enough she could still hear the sound his lips made against hers as she so reluctantly pulled back. Hovering there for a moment after that she could feel his lips whisper over hers just then. Settling back with her feet flat on the ground she noticed just how his body had moved forward and had been drawn into her. He was leaned down to her and he had followed her there. No doubt wanting.
She remembered the look on his face when she finally opened her eyes. He hadn't looked at her with any trace of regret, except perhaps a mirror of her own regret that nothing further could happen that night. He looked as amazed as she had, entranced. She remembered his breath falling in quiet gasps when their lips parted. In the silence that surrounded them she could swear she had heard his heart beating just as fast and loudly as her own. As his lips curled into a soft smile and his eyes closed as he re-lived the moment, he looked as though he were in heaven. She could still hear the soft intelligible sounds coming from him as he sighed heavily and opened his eyes to her and he let out an unsteady breath. One that they had been holding it in for far too long.
The moment had been stored away in both of them. No one had made any mention of it, not to eachother and not during the meeting. Some things were better left unsaid because there were times in life that were simply too beautiful, too sacred to talk about. This had been one of those moments. And this way, it would always be theirs. Alone.
Her eyes opened wide as she was startled out of her reminiscence. The doorbell was repeating its ringing. She bounced off the sofa and placed the novel down on the coffee table before answering the door.
"What took you so long? I called earlier and you never picked up. Mom wants you to come over and help her wrap some presents." Zoe made her way through the open door and made herself comfortable, plopping down on the sofa. Grace was still having a hard time preparing for Christmas in the middle of summer. Though she had been in Melbourne now for nearly three years it was still awkward to get used to having her traditional holidays she had grown up with like Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years with the summer weather so warm. It just seemed out of place to her, as out of place as she had felt when she had first moved there.
Zoe picked the book up off the table, "Interesting title choice. Did you buy this just because it has your name on it?" She flipped through the pages.
Grace snatched it from her sister's hands, "No. I just thought it would be fun to read." She placed the book on top of several other books that lined her shelves, "So how many packages do we have left to wrap?"
"Well, Mom is doing all of Rick's packages now since he's not home and she just finished up mailing the packages to Judy and Dad from us. Where did you find that sweater for Dad anyway?" Zoe absently dangled her bracelet.
Grace grabbed her keys and walked toward the door, "I found it at the mall. Why?"
Zoe hopped up off the sofa and headed out the open door, "No reason."
"Uh-huh. Right." Grace teased as she locked the door behind her and smiled at her little sister. Zoe had been harboring a crush on a boy from school who had been paying a lot of attention to her lately and Grace knew she had been thinking of getting him something for Christmas. Talking to Zoe she would absolutely deny that he was her boyfriend but talking to Lily, Grace found that the boy was very fond of Zoe and had even given her the bracelet that dangled from her wrist.
If only life were as simply now as it had been at Zoe's age. Feelings were much clearer and easier to understand. Nothing was difficult or confusing. Emotions were not as complicated as they were now. Like or dislike, the layers that lie in-between had not yet been discovered. Nothing seemed impossible and at that age want was not as hollowing an emotion as it was now. Back then Grace didn't have to worry about not having what she wanted but now it was all she could think about.
The house was cool and the ceiling fans hummed as the warm light from outside shone in through the windows. It was beautiful inside her mother's house with the Christmas tree standing at the edge of the living room wrapped in lights. Lily fixed Grace a glass of milk and a slice of Pumpkin pie left over from their "American Thanksgiving in Summer." Some family traditions were too strong to break.
"Have you even had anything to eat all day?" Lily asked Grace worriedly.
Grace nodded between bites, "Yeah Mom, don't worry, I'm doing fine."
Lily had a tendency to worry about Grace now that she was on her own and Grace knew that her mother was simply concerned about her because she loved her not because she thought Grace incapable of taking care of herself, although sometimes it seemed that way.
"Judy sent you a letter a couple of weeks ago, we forgot to pass it along to you, she keeps forgetting your new address." Lily handed Grace the envelope and Grace tore at the corner of it, removing the letter from inside.
There was a long letter with a pale yellow flyer attached to it. She scanned the letter not picking up any words before flipping to the flyer and reading the heading, "Book Signing Schedule for: AD Dailey." Grace's heart began to pound and she folded the letter and the flyer up quickly and clumsily tucked it back into the envelope.
Lily's attention was caught by the flushed look on Grace's face, "What wrong honey?"
Grace put on a smile and tried to calm her nerves knowing that she really had nothing to hide, "Uh, nothing. I just thought I'd save the letter till I get home. I mean, since I'm here I want to spend my time with you guys." She took a sip of her milk and folded the envelope in half and placed it in her back pocket then beamed back at her mother, "So, how many more gifts do you need help wrapping?"
Successfully changing the subject Lily went on with her business of getting all the holiday preparations in order. Grace stayed to help and to share dinner with the family before going back to her apartment for the night. In a way she had been longing for nothing more than to be back in her apartment, for the privacy to be able to read the letter from her Aunt without looking over her shoulder. Where she could react in anyway she wanted without having to hide anything. She wanted to be honest with herself. The flyer included with the letter had been eating her alive, gnawing at her imagination from the moment she saw it. She didn't know what to make of it and was scared to think of the implications that came along with it.
Luckily the drive home was short and she was inside her apartment on the sofa before she opened the envelope again. She placed the envelope on the edge of the coffee table and stared at the folded letter in her hands for a moment before lifting it open. Her eyes skimmed over the usual greeting from her aunt and the first couple of paragraphs until she caught the sentence starting with, "Concerning the flyer I've enclosed..." Her heart beat began to speed and she was gripped to the letter. She nearly couldn't believe the words she read.
Judy began to explain that several months ago she had gotten a new shipment of books into Booklovers. As she was shelving some of them she noticed one titled, "Saved By Grace" written by an unknown author, his first novel, AD Dailey. She had heard that it was receiving rave reviews and an impulse had made her set a copy aside to read in the back room. When she had finished reading the novel she loved it so much that she insisted on inviting the author to Booklovers for a book signing. When she got the reply from the author she found that he had been booked for the next few months due to a tour over seas and that it might be a while before he could give a signing at her store, but would still love to do so. Enclosed with the letter regarding the signing at her store was a flyer of the tour dates that he had booked so far and at the bottom right edge of the page there was a photo of the author with his pen name under it.
Judy went on to explain that something had sparked her memory. She knew she had seen him before but couldn't place it. Still it persisted and finally the memory came to her of the play that Grace and Jessie had been in when they had been in high school. He had been the director and she remembered seeing him then but she knew his name had not been Dailey. It had been Dimitri, she remembered Grace speaking of him, highly of him and then she remembered Lily and all that had happened between him and her niece before they had moved. It had been hard talking to Lily back then about it with an objective point of view but she had always believed that Grace was an adult, a brilliant young woman who was strong and capable of making her own decisions. She had trusted her and Judy, herself knew how precious it was to be loved by someone you admired, especially when you needed it the most.
After discovering that she had more of a connection to the author than she had ever expected she wrote him back again. This time to thank him for his consideration and to keep Booklovers in mind when his schedule freed. She had wanted to mention something about Grace but didn't know how to or if it were even her place. Judy knew that his novel had been receiving overwhelming positive response so when she found that he would be doing several signings in Australia she wasn't as surprised as she would have been with other first time authors. She had to admit his novel was compelling and the title, of course, now begged the question of how much of it had been inspired by her own niece.
Still, she felt that the least she could do was share the information with Grace. The letter read simply, "I thought you should know." This would give her the chance to decide for herself if she wanted to see August again. Judy suggested in her letter that perhaps Grace could come to one of his signings but also reminded her that it was purely her own choice. August would have no idea that Judy Brooks was any relation to Grace Manning and so it would be all Grace's choice. "It's all up to you," her aunt left the subject at that and closed the letter.
Grace sat staring at the flyer in amazement. She knew that her Aunt had been in some ways sympathetic about her feelings toward August but she had never discussed them in depth with her. But then again, she and Judy were a lot alike and obviously Judy understood that. Grace's eyes began to flood with tears. It was a wonder to her now why she felt this strong emotion come over her, it wasn't sadness. Her tears were not as those she had cried when she had left August, instead they were of an incredible happiness. An overwhelming sense of fortune for being given this second chance. Her hands were trembling as she held the paper and her lips turned in a smile that spread across her face. Finally, the truth was unbound after being held in all these years as she decided that she would in fact be daring enough to take it, this second chance she had been given.
~o0o~
Grace drove back from the bookstore in the city to her apartment on the outskirts of town. She was less than a mile away from her family but had needed that space. At nineteen she had been attending the University for a year and wanted to know who she was on her own. She had turned out to be quite the intelligent and capable woman.
She had indeed kept him with her over the last two years. It showed in her selection of books that lined the shelves on her walls. It showed in the manuscripts and pages of poetry that covered her writing desk in the breakfast nook. It showed in her writing, in the characters that appeared in her stories. It showed in the early mornings and late evenings when she spent her time daydreaming. She didn't have to share him with anyone then. She didn't have to worry about it being wrong. All she had to think of was him.
She drove up the drive and unlocked the door to her tiny rented one bedroom. It was a beautifully warm day and the sun blew in with the breeze through the open windows in the living room and kitchen, passed the sheer white drapes that framed the windows. The air always smelled sweet and she loved to fill her lungs with its scent. She fell onto the loveseat under the window in the living room and pulled her legs up under her as she settled in and opened the book.
Every word amazed her as the story unfolded. By night fall she had finished the entire novel. She was surprised she had finished it so fast but she couldn't be torn away from it. Even when the phone would ring she let the machine get it and kept reading straight through. The world could wait while she was catching up with a man she had missed. By the time she finished the book she was sure that indeed the AD of AD Dailey stood for August Dimitri. There could be no doubting it especially since there was so much of him in the story, so much of herself in the story.
She wondered why he hadn't used his real name. Hadn't he been the one who had said that baring your soul, being honest, was really the only thing in this world worth doing? Indeed he had, but she could also understand that baring one's soul, especially on such a personal topic when telling an autobiographical story in the third person, could be too daring and definitely intimidating. She wasn't sure she would even be able to do that.
Still there was no denying that the novel had come from him. The stories in it, the words that filled each chapter, the story-line that entranced the reader followed much too closely to their own story for it not to be him. Some times it seemed as though the pages were filled with snapshots of them, little moments captured, almost down to the very same words. Conversations in his car, in the kitchen, the woman was younger, though not as young as she had been then. The ending had surprised her just as the review had said it would.
In the end of the novel, after this enchanting woman had pulled him out of his fear and helped him to achieve what he had wanted the reader finds that the woman had died years before and it had been his memory of her that had kept him going. She couldn't help but smile as she remembered his own words to her, "This isn't an ending." After reading the book she knew now that there hadn't been an ending to their own story.
She was intrigued with the idea of the book. Why had the Grace character, for all intents and purposes her character, died in the end? Is that how he felt when they were forced apart? Any doubt she had that he hadn't returned her feelings had been extinguished with his written words. She knew that night when she kissed him in his kitchen that he felt the same. She remembered looking into his eyes and watching them drift down to her lips and back to her eyes. She hadn't been able to resist him then, he had been the one who had encouraged her to live everything in honesty and that's exactly what she had done. She wouldn't have been able to live with herself if she hadn't taken the opportunity.
She remembered how it felt when their lips met, when she was on her toes and she remembered how it felt to hold onto his shoulders, the only thing keeping her balanced. Then it happened, she felt his lips pressing against hers and keeping with her as she came back down on her feet. He followed her and began to deepen it for a moment. And in that moment she felt her head spin and her hands began to tremble more than ever before. She was surprised at the hunger she felt behind his lips. He stole her breath with the surprise of discovering her feelings we not at all one-sided.
She hadn't wanted to let go but knew she had no other choice. She remembered slowly parting her lips from his, tilting her chin up and breaking the seal that had formed. If she closed her eyes tightly enough she could still hear the sound his lips made against hers as she so reluctantly pulled back. Hovering there for a moment after that she could feel his lips whisper over hers just then. Settling back with her feet flat on the ground she noticed just how his body had moved forward and had been drawn into her. He was leaned down to her and he had followed her there. No doubt wanting.
She remembered the look on his face when she finally opened her eyes. He hadn't looked at her with any trace of regret, except perhaps a mirror of her own regret that nothing further could happen that night. He looked as amazed as she had, entranced. She remembered his breath falling in quiet gasps when their lips parted. In the silence that surrounded them she could swear she had heard his heart beating just as fast and loudly as her own. As his lips curled into a soft smile and his eyes closed as he re-lived the moment, he looked as though he were in heaven. She could still hear the soft intelligible sounds coming from him as he sighed heavily and opened his eyes to her and he let out an unsteady breath. One that they had been holding it in for far too long.
The moment had been stored away in both of them. No one had made any mention of it, not to eachother and not during the meeting. Some things were better left unsaid because there were times in life that were simply too beautiful, too sacred to talk about. This had been one of those moments. And this way, it would always be theirs. Alone.
Her eyes opened wide as she was startled out of her reminiscence. The doorbell was repeating its ringing. She bounced off the sofa and placed the novel down on the coffee table before answering the door.
"What took you so long? I called earlier and you never picked up. Mom wants you to come over and help her wrap some presents." Zoe made her way through the open door and made herself comfortable, plopping down on the sofa. Grace was still having a hard time preparing for Christmas in the middle of summer. Though she had been in Melbourne now for nearly three years it was still awkward to get used to having her traditional holidays she had grown up with like Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years with the summer weather so warm. It just seemed out of place to her, as out of place as she had felt when she had first moved there.
Zoe picked the book up off the table, "Interesting title choice. Did you buy this just because it has your name on it?" She flipped through the pages.
Grace snatched it from her sister's hands, "No. I just thought it would be fun to read." She placed the book on top of several other books that lined her shelves, "So how many packages do we have left to wrap?"
"Well, Mom is doing all of Rick's packages now since he's not home and she just finished up mailing the packages to Judy and Dad from us. Where did you find that sweater for Dad anyway?" Zoe absently dangled her bracelet.
Grace grabbed her keys and walked toward the door, "I found it at the mall. Why?"
Zoe hopped up off the sofa and headed out the open door, "No reason."
"Uh-huh. Right." Grace teased as she locked the door behind her and smiled at her little sister. Zoe had been harboring a crush on a boy from school who had been paying a lot of attention to her lately and Grace knew she had been thinking of getting him something for Christmas. Talking to Zoe she would absolutely deny that he was her boyfriend but talking to Lily, Grace found that the boy was very fond of Zoe and had even given her the bracelet that dangled from her wrist.
If only life were as simply now as it had been at Zoe's age. Feelings were much clearer and easier to understand. Nothing was difficult or confusing. Emotions were not as complicated as they were now. Like or dislike, the layers that lie in-between had not yet been discovered. Nothing seemed impossible and at that age want was not as hollowing an emotion as it was now. Back then Grace didn't have to worry about not having what she wanted but now it was all she could think about.
The house was cool and the ceiling fans hummed as the warm light from outside shone in through the windows. It was beautiful inside her mother's house with the Christmas tree standing at the edge of the living room wrapped in lights. Lily fixed Grace a glass of milk and a slice of Pumpkin pie left over from their "American Thanksgiving in Summer." Some family traditions were too strong to break.
"Have you even had anything to eat all day?" Lily asked Grace worriedly.
Grace nodded between bites, "Yeah Mom, don't worry, I'm doing fine."
Lily had a tendency to worry about Grace now that she was on her own and Grace knew that her mother was simply concerned about her because she loved her not because she thought Grace incapable of taking care of herself, although sometimes it seemed that way.
"Judy sent you a letter a couple of weeks ago, we forgot to pass it along to you, she keeps forgetting your new address." Lily handed Grace the envelope and Grace tore at the corner of it, removing the letter from inside.
There was a long letter with a pale yellow flyer attached to it. She scanned the letter not picking up any words before flipping to the flyer and reading the heading, "Book Signing Schedule for: AD Dailey." Grace's heart began to pound and she folded the letter and the flyer up quickly and clumsily tucked it back into the envelope.
Lily's attention was caught by the flushed look on Grace's face, "What wrong honey?"
Grace put on a smile and tried to calm her nerves knowing that she really had nothing to hide, "Uh, nothing. I just thought I'd save the letter till I get home. I mean, since I'm here I want to spend my time with you guys." She took a sip of her milk and folded the envelope in half and placed it in her back pocket then beamed back at her mother, "So, how many more gifts do you need help wrapping?"
Successfully changing the subject Lily went on with her business of getting all the holiday preparations in order. Grace stayed to help and to share dinner with the family before going back to her apartment for the night. In a way she had been longing for nothing more than to be back in her apartment, for the privacy to be able to read the letter from her Aunt without looking over her shoulder. Where she could react in anyway she wanted without having to hide anything. She wanted to be honest with herself. The flyer included with the letter had been eating her alive, gnawing at her imagination from the moment she saw it. She didn't know what to make of it and was scared to think of the implications that came along with it.
Luckily the drive home was short and she was inside her apartment on the sofa before she opened the envelope again. She placed the envelope on the edge of the coffee table and stared at the folded letter in her hands for a moment before lifting it open. Her eyes skimmed over the usual greeting from her aunt and the first couple of paragraphs until she caught the sentence starting with, "Concerning the flyer I've enclosed..." Her heart beat began to speed and she was gripped to the letter. She nearly couldn't believe the words she read.
Judy began to explain that several months ago she had gotten a new shipment of books into Booklovers. As she was shelving some of them she noticed one titled, "Saved By Grace" written by an unknown author, his first novel, AD Dailey. She had heard that it was receiving rave reviews and an impulse had made her set a copy aside to read in the back room. When she had finished reading the novel she loved it so much that she insisted on inviting the author to Booklovers for a book signing. When she got the reply from the author she found that he had been booked for the next few months due to a tour over seas and that it might be a while before he could give a signing at her store, but would still love to do so. Enclosed with the letter regarding the signing at her store was a flyer of the tour dates that he had booked so far and at the bottom right edge of the page there was a photo of the author with his pen name under it.
Judy went on to explain that something had sparked her memory. She knew she had seen him before but couldn't place it. Still it persisted and finally the memory came to her of the play that Grace and Jessie had been in when they had been in high school. He had been the director and she remembered seeing him then but she knew his name had not been Dailey. It had been Dimitri, she remembered Grace speaking of him, highly of him and then she remembered Lily and all that had happened between him and her niece before they had moved. It had been hard talking to Lily back then about it with an objective point of view but she had always believed that Grace was an adult, a brilliant young woman who was strong and capable of making her own decisions. She had trusted her and Judy, herself knew how precious it was to be loved by someone you admired, especially when you needed it the most.
After discovering that she had more of a connection to the author than she had ever expected she wrote him back again. This time to thank him for his consideration and to keep Booklovers in mind when his schedule freed. She had wanted to mention something about Grace but didn't know how to or if it were even her place. Judy knew that his novel had been receiving overwhelming positive response so when she found that he would be doing several signings in Australia she wasn't as surprised as she would have been with other first time authors. She had to admit his novel was compelling and the title, of course, now begged the question of how much of it had been inspired by her own niece.
Still, she felt that the least she could do was share the information with Grace. The letter read simply, "I thought you should know." This would give her the chance to decide for herself if she wanted to see August again. Judy suggested in her letter that perhaps Grace could come to one of his signings but also reminded her that it was purely her own choice. August would have no idea that Judy Brooks was any relation to Grace Manning and so it would be all Grace's choice. "It's all up to you," her aunt left the subject at that and closed the letter.
Grace sat staring at the flyer in amazement. She knew that her Aunt had been in some ways sympathetic about her feelings toward August but she had never discussed them in depth with her. But then again, she and Judy were a lot alike and obviously Judy understood that. Grace's eyes began to flood with tears. It was a wonder to her now why she felt this strong emotion come over her, it wasn't sadness. Her tears were not as those she had cried when she had left August, instead they were of an incredible happiness. An overwhelming sense of fortune for being given this second chance. Her hands were trembling as she held the paper and her lips turned in a smile that spread across her face. Finally, the truth was unbound after being held in all these years as she decided that she would in fact be daring enough to take it, this second chance she had been given.
~o0o~