The Neverchanging Story
by Gary D. Snyder
Part 5:
For a moment or two there was silence at Sheen's words. Then the class, aside from Sheen's friends, dissolved into laughter. Sheen looked baffled at first, but then seemed to grasp the situation. "Oh, right," he said. "My apologies. Instead of a quarter, does someone have a shilling or euro or whatever it is you use over here?"
The laughter from the class only grew louder at this. The nasty-looking boy who had accused Jimmy of attempting to curry favor with Miss Trelawney called out, "Good one, Smelly!"
This remark angered Sheen. "Hey! In the first place the name isn't Smelly, it's Smegleigh. And in the second place it isn't Smegleigh, it's Sheen. So watch it!" he warned.
The response to his words was, to say the least, surprising. Instantly all the laughter stopped and everyone in the classroom except for Sheen and his friends suddenly froze as if some video recording had been suddenly switched off. From somewhere around them came a familiar voice saying, "Exception 4. Unrecognized instance reference 'Sheen'. Hyperthread restart." And then everything resumed as though the recording had been started again.
Miss Trelawney looked angrily about the room. "That will be quite enough!" she snapped at the class, and the laughter died away. "Mister Toadspittle, resume your seat at once. It's obvious that you haven't prepared for today's lesson whatsoever. And your comments, Mr. Fenboil, are inexcusable. Five demerits for each of you."
Cadwallader Fenboil, though Cindy as Sheen sat down again. So that's who he is. She made a mental note to tell Jimmy when she asked him about the voice and everyone in the class freezing.
Rather than taking his seat, Sheen began pleading with the instructor. "No, really. I can do this," he assured her. He began rummaging through his pockets in a desperate attempt to salvage the situation.
"Mr. Toadspittle…" Miss Trelawney began in a frosty voice.
"Aha!" cried Sheen, pulling a thin rod he had found in an inside pocket his blazer. "Just what I need!" Clearing his throat again, he intoned, "Now, with your kind indulgence, I will proceed to break this stick into a dozen pieces, and then before your very eyes, magically restore it again!" Out of the side of his mouth he whispered to Miss Trelawney, "Would you happen to have any glue?"
"Mr. Toadspittle…" the magic instructor began again, her voice becoming dangerously brittle.
Sheen didn't seem to hear her, as he was attempting to break the rod with his bare hands. Although slender, the wand proved to be surprisingly strong and resilient. It bent nearly in half, but did not break. "Almost have it…" he grunted.
"Sheen, no!" Cindy whispered urgently. "That's a magic wand! Be careful with that!"
Miss Trelawney had had enough. "Mr. Toadspittle, that will be all! Take your seat this instant!"
That got through to Sheen. "Oh, man," he said, his shoulders slumping in despondence. "Bummer!"
What happened next astonished everyone. As soon as Sheen uttered the word bummer a ray of light flashed from the tip of his wand, striking the instructor. For a second or two there was a blinding halo of light where Miss Trelawney had been standing and then it faded. When it was gone Miss Trelawney was no longer there. Instead, a black, extremely agitated cat was in her place which leapt from the floor onto the desk nearest Sheen. The cat hissed and swiped at him, lashing its tail furiously.
"Get to the Headmaster's office!" the cat snarled in Miss Trelawney's voice.
Sheen stared in amazement at the feline, and then punched his fist in the air in triumph. "Yes!" he cried. "I did it! I'm going to the Head Master's office! Take that, all you wizard wannabes!"
"Actually, the Headmaster is the school principal," Jimmy informed him reluctantly.
"Oh", Sheen replied, as that piece of information sunk in. "That's not good."
"NOW!" the cat screeched, pointing at the door with its front paw.
Sheen hung is head and headed for the exit. "Even in a make-believe book I can't do anything right," he mumbled sadly. "Just once I'd like to be the one to get things right. Just once."
As he passed Cadwallader Fenboil the boy gave Sheen a furtive thumbs up and an unpleasant smirk. "Good one," he whispered. "He'll be pleased. And don't worry about her. She'll get hers soon enough, with Fodder and the rest."
Sheen paused for a moment at that, wondering dimly what the boy's words could possibly mean. Then he left the room, lost in his own dismal thoughts.
Poor Sheen, thought Jimmy as he glanced at Cindy, Libby, and Carl. Each of them had also been watching Sheen's departure with looks of sadness and pity on their faces. I've got to do something to get us all out of here. But how? After a moment's thought he checked the inside of his blazer and found a wand similar to the one he had seen Sheen use. Some careful study revealed nothing obvious. The wand appeared to be nothing more than a smooth, carefully polished wooden rod. But clearly there was more to it than met the eye, or at least his eye. If he could examine it and figure out how it worked, perhaps he could devise some means of getting everyone back out again. Maybe Cindy would be able to offer him some help, as she was familiar with the stories. So absorbed was he in his examination of the wand that he was not aware that Miss Trelawney the cat was addressing the class until Cindy nudged him.
"…and since it will be a little while before I can resume instruction," the cat was saying stiffly, "I'm afraid that I'll have to let class out a bit earlier than usual. Everyone is free to go, but for tomorrow's lesson I fully expect each of you to have mastered at least one instantiation and one dissolution conjuration. That is all. Dismissed."
The class as a body rose and began filing towards the door, buzzing amongst themselves.
"Oh, one more thing…" the cat called out after them.
The students turned to face the cat, who was now washing its face.
"Could someone step down to the kitchen and bring me back some tuna? I'm feeling a bit peckish this morning."
End of Part 5.