Chapter 8: It hurt to see her like this
Susan was silent as she walked back to the table, as she sat down she began to sob, tears rolling steadily down her face.
Mark really didn't know what to say. He could hardly say "are you ok?" because she obviously wasn't.
"Who was that? What's wrong?" Mark asked
"It was my mom. My dad was admitted to hospital last night suffering indigestion. He died an hour ago of a massive MI. Completely blew out his aorta and everything. Guess we all knew it was coming and I know we weren't close but.." Susan couldn't go on any further as she began to cry more heavily
"But he was your father, you're bound to be upset" Mark said as he wrapped himself protectively around Susan's shaking body.
"I think I'm going to be sick" Susan cried as she ran to the bathroom
"Its ok honey shhhhhh" Mark whispered as he held back Susan's hair while she vomited violently.
Mark handed Susan a tissue as she slumped to the floor and began to cry again. Mark picked Susan up and took her into her bedroom and placed her down on the bed where she promptly curled herself into the foetal position. Mark felt so helpless. All the times he had consoled patients' families, it was just so much easier when you didn't know the people. But the one time he needed those skills he couldn't find them, to help the woman he loved.
Instead of saying anything he just lay beside her and held her tight. She eventually fell asleep so Mark tucked her up beneath the covers. Mark went into the kitchen and cleared up all the dinner plates and washed up. He knew Susan would be in no mood to do it the next day. He wanted to call the hospital and tell them she wouldn't be in the next day, but he knew Susan she would probably try and go on regardless.
When Mark had finished clearing up he went to check on Susan. She was still asleep. As Mark got into bed beside her she woke up.
"Mark I feel awful. What am I going to do? Will you come to the funeral with me? I need to make arrangements, go and see my family, get flowers, get the casket" Susan was rambling as she began to cry again
"Shhh sweetie. There's plenty of time to do all that, you need to sleep now, you're emotionally exhausted." Mark said as he pulled the covers up around himself and Susan as she rested on his chest. He stroked her hair until she calmly fell asleep. He watched her for a while before falling asleep himself.
Mark knew what it was like to lose a father. Unfortunately he barely had any support when his father died, and he really needed it. So now he was determined to be there for Susan, he didn't want her to feel like she was alone.
When Mark awoke at just before 5am he realised Susan wasn't in bed, instead she was sat looking at some photos in the kitchen.
Mark pulled a chair out and sat down next to Susan at the table. He was on at 6 and knew she was too. He quietly approached the question
"Hey, its just gone 5. Do you want me to call Kerry and tell her we won't be in?" Mark asked as sensitively as he could
"Look, this was when I was 5. When Dad really cared about me and Chloe. Him and Mum were so happy." Was the only reply that came from Susan
"Susan sweetie, do you want me to stay home with you?" Mark approached the question again.
"I don't know why I'm so upset, he never encouraged me when I said I wanted to be a doctor, he just sat in the barker lounger staring at the TV" Susan began to shout angrily.
"Whenever I needed him, he wasn't there. The only time we heard him talk was when he would shout at us or mom. I always used to say to all the other kids that I wanted their daddy. But then there were the times, when we'd come home from school and he'd have hidden things for us to find. Or when Chloe and I asked for a pony, he would say 'you already have one, look' and he'd make us climb on his back and we'd laugh until we fell off."
"And that's why you're upset. Susan he was your Father. You grieve for the good times, forget the bad. When my dad died I was so angry about all the times he hit me, then I remembered the times he'd take me round the battle ships in Hawaii, and I knew I loved my dad and that I was allowed to be upset. Come on I'll call Kerry you're not fit to look after patients, I'll ask if we can have a few days off, we'll go and see your mom." Mark said reassuringly.
Susan got up off her chair and came to sit on Marks lap. It was so warm and comforting just like her Dad's used to be. She put her arms around Marks neck and snuggled into him. He kissed her head and gently rocked back and forward.
Susan eventually managed
"Ok. I'm just going to shower"
Mark got up to phone Kerry, he had never seen Susan like this. It was so rare she ever got so upset. Even when her favourite grandfather died she grieved a little but not much. Maybe this was all that grief plus that for her father coming out.
"Hi Kerry, its Mark Greene. Look, Susan had an awful phone call last night. Her father has died. We need a few days off, I know its short notice, but Susan is in a real state." Mark said
"Really?" Kerry almost sounded as if Mark was lying. "How long do you need? A week?"
"That would be great Kerry, thank-you. We're going to see her mom today to sort out the funeral and everything. See you soon." Mark replied.
"Ok Mark. Bye." Kerry answered.
She could be so cold, but then she had given them a week off so he should be glad of that.
About 10 minutes later Susan emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in a blue towelling robe that had matched the pyjamas she had been wearing the night before. Her hair fell around her face, she looked so pale. Mark guessed she had been sick again.
"Do you want to call your Mom and tell her we're coming up to see her today. Kerry has given us a week off" Mark said
"Hmm ok. I guess" Susan replied quietly.
Susan picked up the phone and dialled her home number. Her mother picked up the phone very quickly, she must have been awake too.
*Phone call*
"Hi mom. Umm Mark and I were going to come up today. We need to get the funeral sorted." Susan said
"Mark?" Susan's mom replied
"Yes Mark Greene. We're together. He's being wonderful about Dad." Susan answered
"That's nice for you, I'm glad you have someone. And it'd be lovely to see you. We're having the funeral in two days. That ok with you? I've already arranged flowers and a casket" She replied
"Oh, oh ok. We'll see you later then" Susan sounded a little hurt. She was hoping that she would get to help her mother with things. Guess that was just her way of coping. Susan slowly placed the receiver down and turned back round to face Mark.
"She's done everything. The funeral is in two days. She says it's ok to go now though." Susan sheepishly said with tears forming in her eyes.
"Well its probably just her way of coping. Come on, lets go and pack, we'll stop round at mine later and I'll pick up some things." Mark answered as he walked over to Susan to give her another hug and walk to the bedroom with her.
A while later they were on their way to Susan's parents. (Well now it was just her mothers) Mark had packed his suit and helped Susan pick out her black skirt and wool jumper. He'd never really done picking out women's clothes before, but Susan didn't seem to know what to pick out, she was obviously still tired and a wreck. She had been sick twice again before they left. A result of not eating.
As Mark looked over at her, she was sleeping. She had wound the passenger seat down so it was almost flat. She looked so delicate, so fragile, all Mark wanted to do was wrap her up in cotton wool and protect her from any harm. Hopefully once the funeral had passed he could help Susan move on.
When they arrived at Susan's Mom's Mark was surprised not to see Chloe, and by the looks of it Susan was too.
"Hey Mom. This is Mark, Mark this is my Mom. How are you?" Susan asked as the two of them hugged each other.
"Baring up. You look awful. I bet you're not eating again and being sick. Am I right?" Susan Mom asked,
"Mom I'm fine, don't worry about me. Hey, where's Chloe?" Susan enquired
"Oh she's at home she's a bit busy, she'll be at the funeral. Oh by the way its tomorrow now. I just want to get it over with, I can't bare to think of your father lying alone in that chapel. I just want to lay him to rest." She replied as a tear began to roll down her face.
Susan approached her Mother again and hugged her. Mark knew they had argued when Susan was younger, but now they were there for each other and that's all that mattered.
"You have your old room. Apart from it is re-decorated and you have a double bed now. We never allowed her one when she was younger." Susan's Mom said to Susan and Mark with a little smile.
That day passed quickly every event just blurred together. Nothing held ay real meaning.
At 10.30am on Thursday 11th June, Susan, Mark, Susan's mother and lots of family and friends made their way to the church. The service was at 11 o'clock, they had opted for a service outside, as it was a lovely sunny day. Still no Chloe though. Susan felt angry, yet again Chloe wasn't there for her or the family. How could she do this?!
Mark held Susan's hand as the vicar conducted the service.
"We commit this body to the ground for the Lord to take into his care. Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust."
Susan threw her rose onto the coffin and turned round to leave. She knew she shouldn't be angry today, but she was. She was extremely angry.
Mark caught her arm as she began to walk off
"Where are you going?" Mark asked
"To find my sister. Just another time she has let the family down. She's probably too drunk or high to even know that he's died. Or she simply doesn't care!" Susan yelled as her mother began to approach
"Susan please calm down." She asked
"Mom, she said she'd be here and she isn't. Aren't you angry with her?" Susan shouted
"She was never going to be here Susan. She's in hospital. She has AIDS Susan, she's dying. She didn't want you to know. She didn't want you to be disappointed in her." Susan's Mom replied
Susan's eyes filled with tears of rage and upset.
"I'm going home!" Susan yelled.
"Susan, wait!" Her mother cried desperately.
"Mom I'm going home. I'm sorry, I don't want to stay. Mark please take me home" Susan begged
Mark looked at Susan's mother, as Susan started walking towards the car, as if to say 'is it ok?'
"Let her go. But please, take care of her." Susan's mom asked.
"I will, don't worry." Mark replied.
When Mark got to the car Susan was vomiting again and crying so hard. He wiped her mouth with his handkerchief and helped her into the car. It hurt to see her like this, but he couldn't imagine what it was doing to Susan.
Susan was silent as she walked back to the table, as she sat down she began to sob, tears rolling steadily down her face.
Mark really didn't know what to say. He could hardly say "are you ok?" because she obviously wasn't.
"Who was that? What's wrong?" Mark asked
"It was my mom. My dad was admitted to hospital last night suffering indigestion. He died an hour ago of a massive MI. Completely blew out his aorta and everything. Guess we all knew it was coming and I know we weren't close but.." Susan couldn't go on any further as she began to cry more heavily
"But he was your father, you're bound to be upset" Mark said as he wrapped himself protectively around Susan's shaking body.
"I think I'm going to be sick" Susan cried as she ran to the bathroom
"Its ok honey shhhhhh" Mark whispered as he held back Susan's hair while she vomited violently.
Mark handed Susan a tissue as she slumped to the floor and began to cry again. Mark picked Susan up and took her into her bedroom and placed her down on the bed where she promptly curled herself into the foetal position. Mark felt so helpless. All the times he had consoled patients' families, it was just so much easier when you didn't know the people. But the one time he needed those skills he couldn't find them, to help the woman he loved.
Instead of saying anything he just lay beside her and held her tight. She eventually fell asleep so Mark tucked her up beneath the covers. Mark went into the kitchen and cleared up all the dinner plates and washed up. He knew Susan would be in no mood to do it the next day. He wanted to call the hospital and tell them she wouldn't be in the next day, but he knew Susan she would probably try and go on regardless.
When Mark had finished clearing up he went to check on Susan. She was still asleep. As Mark got into bed beside her she woke up.
"Mark I feel awful. What am I going to do? Will you come to the funeral with me? I need to make arrangements, go and see my family, get flowers, get the casket" Susan was rambling as she began to cry again
"Shhh sweetie. There's plenty of time to do all that, you need to sleep now, you're emotionally exhausted." Mark said as he pulled the covers up around himself and Susan as she rested on his chest. He stroked her hair until she calmly fell asleep. He watched her for a while before falling asleep himself.
Mark knew what it was like to lose a father. Unfortunately he barely had any support when his father died, and he really needed it. So now he was determined to be there for Susan, he didn't want her to feel like she was alone.
When Mark awoke at just before 5am he realised Susan wasn't in bed, instead she was sat looking at some photos in the kitchen.
Mark pulled a chair out and sat down next to Susan at the table. He was on at 6 and knew she was too. He quietly approached the question
"Hey, its just gone 5. Do you want me to call Kerry and tell her we won't be in?" Mark asked as sensitively as he could
"Look, this was when I was 5. When Dad really cared about me and Chloe. Him and Mum were so happy." Was the only reply that came from Susan
"Susan sweetie, do you want me to stay home with you?" Mark approached the question again.
"I don't know why I'm so upset, he never encouraged me when I said I wanted to be a doctor, he just sat in the barker lounger staring at the TV" Susan began to shout angrily.
"Whenever I needed him, he wasn't there. The only time we heard him talk was when he would shout at us or mom. I always used to say to all the other kids that I wanted their daddy. But then there were the times, when we'd come home from school and he'd have hidden things for us to find. Or when Chloe and I asked for a pony, he would say 'you already have one, look' and he'd make us climb on his back and we'd laugh until we fell off."
"And that's why you're upset. Susan he was your Father. You grieve for the good times, forget the bad. When my dad died I was so angry about all the times he hit me, then I remembered the times he'd take me round the battle ships in Hawaii, and I knew I loved my dad and that I was allowed to be upset. Come on I'll call Kerry you're not fit to look after patients, I'll ask if we can have a few days off, we'll go and see your mom." Mark said reassuringly.
Susan got up off her chair and came to sit on Marks lap. It was so warm and comforting just like her Dad's used to be. She put her arms around Marks neck and snuggled into him. He kissed her head and gently rocked back and forward.
Susan eventually managed
"Ok. I'm just going to shower"
Mark got up to phone Kerry, he had never seen Susan like this. It was so rare she ever got so upset. Even when her favourite grandfather died she grieved a little but not much. Maybe this was all that grief plus that for her father coming out.
"Hi Kerry, its Mark Greene. Look, Susan had an awful phone call last night. Her father has died. We need a few days off, I know its short notice, but Susan is in a real state." Mark said
"Really?" Kerry almost sounded as if Mark was lying. "How long do you need? A week?"
"That would be great Kerry, thank-you. We're going to see her mom today to sort out the funeral and everything. See you soon." Mark replied.
"Ok Mark. Bye." Kerry answered.
She could be so cold, but then she had given them a week off so he should be glad of that.
About 10 minutes later Susan emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in a blue towelling robe that had matched the pyjamas she had been wearing the night before. Her hair fell around her face, she looked so pale. Mark guessed she had been sick again.
"Do you want to call your Mom and tell her we're coming up to see her today. Kerry has given us a week off" Mark said
"Hmm ok. I guess" Susan replied quietly.
Susan picked up the phone and dialled her home number. Her mother picked up the phone very quickly, she must have been awake too.
*Phone call*
"Hi mom. Umm Mark and I were going to come up today. We need to get the funeral sorted." Susan said
"Mark?" Susan's mom replied
"Yes Mark Greene. We're together. He's being wonderful about Dad." Susan answered
"That's nice for you, I'm glad you have someone. And it'd be lovely to see you. We're having the funeral in two days. That ok with you? I've already arranged flowers and a casket" She replied
"Oh, oh ok. We'll see you later then" Susan sounded a little hurt. She was hoping that she would get to help her mother with things. Guess that was just her way of coping. Susan slowly placed the receiver down and turned back round to face Mark.
"She's done everything. The funeral is in two days. She says it's ok to go now though." Susan sheepishly said with tears forming in her eyes.
"Well its probably just her way of coping. Come on, lets go and pack, we'll stop round at mine later and I'll pick up some things." Mark answered as he walked over to Susan to give her another hug and walk to the bedroom with her.
A while later they were on their way to Susan's parents. (Well now it was just her mothers) Mark had packed his suit and helped Susan pick out her black skirt and wool jumper. He'd never really done picking out women's clothes before, but Susan didn't seem to know what to pick out, she was obviously still tired and a wreck. She had been sick twice again before they left. A result of not eating.
As Mark looked over at her, she was sleeping. She had wound the passenger seat down so it was almost flat. She looked so delicate, so fragile, all Mark wanted to do was wrap her up in cotton wool and protect her from any harm. Hopefully once the funeral had passed he could help Susan move on.
When they arrived at Susan's Mom's Mark was surprised not to see Chloe, and by the looks of it Susan was too.
"Hey Mom. This is Mark, Mark this is my Mom. How are you?" Susan asked as the two of them hugged each other.
"Baring up. You look awful. I bet you're not eating again and being sick. Am I right?" Susan Mom asked,
"Mom I'm fine, don't worry about me. Hey, where's Chloe?" Susan enquired
"Oh she's at home she's a bit busy, she'll be at the funeral. Oh by the way its tomorrow now. I just want to get it over with, I can't bare to think of your father lying alone in that chapel. I just want to lay him to rest." She replied as a tear began to roll down her face.
Susan approached her Mother again and hugged her. Mark knew they had argued when Susan was younger, but now they were there for each other and that's all that mattered.
"You have your old room. Apart from it is re-decorated and you have a double bed now. We never allowed her one when she was younger." Susan's Mom said to Susan and Mark with a little smile.
That day passed quickly every event just blurred together. Nothing held ay real meaning.
At 10.30am on Thursday 11th June, Susan, Mark, Susan's mother and lots of family and friends made their way to the church. The service was at 11 o'clock, they had opted for a service outside, as it was a lovely sunny day. Still no Chloe though. Susan felt angry, yet again Chloe wasn't there for her or the family. How could she do this?!
Mark held Susan's hand as the vicar conducted the service.
"We commit this body to the ground for the Lord to take into his care. Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust."
Susan threw her rose onto the coffin and turned round to leave. She knew she shouldn't be angry today, but she was. She was extremely angry.
Mark caught her arm as she began to walk off
"Where are you going?" Mark asked
"To find my sister. Just another time she has let the family down. She's probably too drunk or high to even know that he's died. Or she simply doesn't care!" Susan yelled as her mother began to approach
"Susan please calm down." She asked
"Mom, she said she'd be here and she isn't. Aren't you angry with her?" Susan shouted
"She was never going to be here Susan. She's in hospital. She has AIDS Susan, she's dying. She didn't want you to know. She didn't want you to be disappointed in her." Susan's Mom replied
Susan's eyes filled with tears of rage and upset.
"I'm going home!" Susan yelled.
"Susan, wait!" Her mother cried desperately.
"Mom I'm going home. I'm sorry, I don't want to stay. Mark please take me home" Susan begged
Mark looked at Susan's mother, as Susan started walking towards the car, as if to say 'is it ok?'
"Let her go. But please, take care of her." Susan's mom asked.
"I will, don't worry." Mark replied.
When Mark got to the car Susan was vomiting again and crying so hard. He wiped her mouth with his handkerchief and helped her into the car. It hurt to see her like this, but he couldn't imagine what it was doing to Susan.