Um… This is what you get when you add me, my computer, too much easter chocolate, and a really good song. I don't own degrassi, I don't own "Unwell" by matchbox 20, and I certainly don't own this easter bunny that I'm eating. So take whatever is mine, read it and review it, and, uh… enjoy.
Caution- this fic does contain homosexuality, so if you're grossed out by such stuff, go, look at a calendar, realize you're in the 21st century, and find another story to read.
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All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
I don't know how I got here or why I'm here in the first place. The walls are bland and I'm wishing somebody would come tell me that I can leave. I'm misunderstood. Emily isn't evil, she's not bad. She's like a part of me. If they take her away I know I won't be OK. And they told me they would, that tonight I should say goodbye to her.
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
She's gone now. I remember when I first met her. It was after Manny getting pregnant and it looked to me like I'd spend another night alone crying myself to sleep. And then she was there. My first impression was that she was beautiful. She had long, wavy black hair and thin hands, and she told me it would be all right. She wiped my tears, and I lay in her lap and she stroked my hair as I fell asleep. 'Tomorrow,' she whispered. 'Tomorrow we'll show them.'
Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why
She came to school with me the next day. She said to be careful, that if I talked to her in front of everybody, if I told anybody, she would be sent away. She was my angel. I had an english test, and the seating arrangements were that I was sitting next to Craig. This was why I hated going to school; I had to see him. When I saw him my heart started beating faster and faster until Emily stood between our desks, so I couldn't see him, only her. 'Is this good?' I nodded, yes.
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
The next few days at school were like that. I hardly bothered to talk to anybody, and she whispered into my ear how this would all end up OK. Whenever she would do that I would get shivers up my spine. Sometimes, like in class when it was least convenient, she would grip my hand and she made me feel crazy, like I loved her.
I did love her. I told Paige I met somebody new, and she looked at me and raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow. "Does he go to our school?" she asked me.
Emily nodded furiously. "Yes," I obediently answered."
"Oh…"
She didn't question me but started to look almost amused every time I said anything.
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be.
"Paige, why don't you believe me?" I questioned her a few days after, wondering why she thought what I was doing, was wrong. She had witnessed a few times in science when Emily gripped my thigh and laughed in my ear, and I didn't understand. I was just me, with a new love. Emily. She's my soulmate, even more so than Craig was.
I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
After a while, the first bit, Emily told me it was OK to talk to her. We had long and pointless conversations about anything and everything and soon Craig and anybody human was lost to me. She soon introduced me to her friends and family, and we had parties all the time.
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
It wasn't until a month later when Paige came over for the purpose of talking to my mom. She whispered some things, and I heard my name. The next day she took me to the doctor. And to another and another, until it was all a blur. The only major thing I could think of that Emily was still there with me, holding my hand the whole time.
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind
"Schizophrenia," they whispered, though I know for a fact it's still not true. I talked to some people and now I'm supposed to be better.
I never saw her again. We kissed goodbye, and the pills, they said, took her away. But I know for a fact it wasn't the pills that took her away. She had to go.
I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
It's been a year now. I finally talked to Craig, and you'd never guess what happened.
"So, Ash…" he started. "You're OK now, right? Paige said you had this friend, but now she's gone."
"Yeah," I answered, looking over his shoulder and seeing a flash of long black wavy hair, and feeling a hand on my shoulder. "She's gone."
She sits and waves at me, mischievously.
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be