CHAPTER ELEVEN: JACK'S TURN
Vicky rapped lightly on the door to Sam's lab.
"Come in."
Sam looked up to see Vicky enter hesitantly. She looked a little nervous but more relaxed. Giving her a smile Sam asked, "so how did go?"
"OK, I guess." She looked thoughtful for a moment before continuing, "it is a relief to be able to talk to someone. Don't get me wrong, you and everyone here have been really great, but there are certain things that I can't talk to people about. And some things that I can't talk to you especially about." She looked at the floor before peeking up at Sam to see that she was doing the same."
"I'm sorry..."
"Don't' be, you or for that matter Jack, can't be responsible for how you feel. You have never done anything wrong. This is about me and how I feel. And quite frankly I don't really know how I feel."
"Well, you have been put in a tough situation. It's understandable that it's all so confusing. That's why Colonel Schmidt is here."
"Hey look, Zippy finished the mini Zats. What happened to this one?"
"The Colonel."
Vicky snickered, "do you think he learned his lesion?"
"You know the Colonel, what do you think?"
They looked at each other for a second before breaking into smiles. "No way!"
~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
Jack ran out of excuses and reluctantly went to Schmidt's office. After knocking he was surprised to have the doctor open the door. Mackenzie always had some minion around to do that sort of thing. The Doctor held out his hand for Jack to shake."
"Hi, please call me Alex. Can I call you Jack?"
"Yeah, sure, you betcha."
"Have a seat and we'll get started. I think that you should start with your relationship and tell me about the explosion where Vicky died."
Jack clenched his jaw and grabbed the arms of the chair like his life depended on it. "Alex, I REALLY don't want to talk about it."
"Well Jack, you REALLY don't have a choice. Until I certify you, you are grounded from missions."
"You really are a mean son of a bitch, aren't you?"
"Believe it or not, Jack, I've actually heard that before."
Jack smiled at that; maybe he would be OK after all. He sure as hell was already better that Mackenzie.
"Well, I guess you know the basics. Were on and extended undercover mission where we had to really be married. She was very good, and so smart that sometimes she scared me." He smiled as he remembered, "she even thought I was funny. Gotta love a woman who appreciated your sense of humor, and I did. I don't know how long it was before I noticed how I felt, but I realized one day that I was head over heels in love. It scared the hell out of me. What if she didn't' feel the same way? I just decided that I would enjoy the time we had and if she didn't feel the same, then at least I had memories. Hell, most people aren't lucky enough to have someone like her in their lives at all."
"Is fear of rejection part of the reason for your confusion?"
Jack clenched his jaw again and glared at Alex again. "Partly. There are...other things, too."
"Major Carter."
//Damn, is the son of a bitch psychic, too\\
"Carter and I have NEVER..."
"Yes, but you do love her."
"Alright, I care for Carter, more than I'm supposed to. She had a boyfriend now, and I think that I have been realizing that even though I care about her, we just aren't meant to be together."
"Does Vicky have anything to do with that epiphany?"
"Maybe, I don't know."
"I am having both of you in for a joint session at 0800 hours tomorrow. My purpose for those sessions will be to guide the both of you to be able to talk to one another. There are many things the both of you must deal with before you can move on, whether or not that is as a couple or not. She is going to need a lot of help in integrating back into Earth's society."
"Of course, I'll help her in any way I can. I'm not looking forward to the whole "couple therapy" thing, but if it will help her than I'll do it."
"Now, tell me about the day she died."
Jack reached for the glass of water that the doctor had given him and drank most of it. Looking at the desk he continued, "it was all my fault."
Alex watched Jack and waited patiently. It was several minutes before Jack spoke.
"We were going to meet a contact. I had several things to do so Vicky waited outside of our apartment and played with a neighbor's kid and their dog. She saw me coming outside and yelled that she would get the car. I was walking toward the car and was looking right into her eyes. She gave me a big smile...she...started the car...and it...just blew up."
"What happened next?"
"I really don't remember. I was told that I had to be held back from trying to get her out. They said that there was no way she could have survived the explosion."
"How did that make you feel?"
Jack gaped at him for a moment. He couldn't the son of a bitch asked him that. "HOW THE HELL DO YOU THINK I FELT? I JUST WATCHED MY WIFE GET KILLED AND IT WAS MY FAULT!" Alex flinched at the shouting.
There was the sound of running feet and someone pounded on the door. "Sir? Are you OK in there?"
Schmidt went and opened the door so that the airman could see him that he was fine. He Knew from experience that this was only way to reassure him. "I'm fine, some times therapy sessions get loud."
"Are you sure, Sir?"
"Do I look like I'm not fine?"
"Umm, no, Sir. If you're sure?"
"Yes, I am. Now if you don't mind, it is not conducive to a good session to interrupt it."
"Sorry, Sir. I'll be leaving now."
Alex closed the door and headed back to his seat. Jack looked very contrite, "Alex, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled."
"That's Ok, Jack. Sometimes when buried pain comes out it does so rather forcefully. Now I want to tell me how Vicky's death was your fault."
"It was my car, I should have been driving. I should have known."
"How? Did you have any idea that your cover was blown? Any intel that you were a target? Did you have any idea that there was a bomb in the car?"
"No, but I should have."
"How? Jack, sometimes you do the best you can and bad things still happen. Sometimes life just sucks and there is nothing you can do about it. Now, let's talk about you being captured in Iraq."
//I REALLY am beginning to hate this guy\\
Vicky rapped lightly on the door to Sam's lab.
"Come in."
Sam looked up to see Vicky enter hesitantly. She looked a little nervous but more relaxed. Giving her a smile Sam asked, "so how did go?"
"OK, I guess." She looked thoughtful for a moment before continuing, "it is a relief to be able to talk to someone. Don't get me wrong, you and everyone here have been really great, but there are certain things that I can't talk to people about. And some things that I can't talk to you especially about." She looked at the floor before peeking up at Sam to see that she was doing the same."
"I'm sorry..."
"Don't' be, you or for that matter Jack, can't be responsible for how you feel. You have never done anything wrong. This is about me and how I feel. And quite frankly I don't really know how I feel."
"Well, you have been put in a tough situation. It's understandable that it's all so confusing. That's why Colonel Schmidt is here."
"Hey look, Zippy finished the mini Zats. What happened to this one?"
"The Colonel."
Vicky snickered, "do you think he learned his lesion?"
"You know the Colonel, what do you think?"
They looked at each other for a second before breaking into smiles. "No way!"
~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
Jack ran out of excuses and reluctantly went to Schmidt's office. After knocking he was surprised to have the doctor open the door. Mackenzie always had some minion around to do that sort of thing. The Doctor held out his hand for Jack to shake."
"Hi, please call me Alex. Can I call you Jack?"
"Yeah, sure, you betcha."
"Have a seat and we'll get started. I think that you should start with your relationship and tell me about the explosion where Vicky died."
Jack clenched his jaw and grabbed the arms of the chair like his life depended on it. "Alex, I REALLY don't want to talk about it."
"Well Jack, you REALLY don't have a choice. Until I certify you, you are grounded from missions."
"You really are a mean son of a bitch, aren't you?"
"Believe it or not, Jack, I've actually heard that before."
Jack smiled at that; maybe he would be OK after all. He sure as hell was already better that Mackenzie.
"Well, I guess you know the basics. Were on and extended undercover mission where we had to really be married. She was very good, and so smart that sometimes she scared me." He smiled as he remembered, "she even thought I was funny. Gotta love a woman who appreciated your sense of humor, and I did. I don't know how long it was before I noticed how I felt, but I realized one day that I was head over heels in love. It scared the hell out of me. What if she didn't' feel the same way? I just decided that I would enjoy the time we had and if she didn't feel the same, then at least I had memories. Hell, most people aren't lucky enough to have someone like her in their lives at all."
"Is fear of rejection part of the reason for your confusion?"
Jack clenched his jaw again and glared at Alex again. "Partly. There are...other things, too."
"Major Carter."
//Damn, is the son of a bitch psychic, too\\
"Carter and I have NEVER..."
"Yes, but you do love her."
"Alright, I care for Carter, more than I'm supposed to. She had a boyfriend now, and I think that I have been realizing that even though I care about her, we just aren't meant to be together."
"Does Vicky have anything to do with that epiphany?"
"Maybe, I don't know."
"I am having both of you in for a joint session at 0800 hours tomorrow. My purpose for those sessions will be to guide the both of you to be able to talk to one another. There are many things the both of you must deal with before you can move on, whether or not that is as a couple or not. She is going to need a lot of help in integrating back into Earth's society."
"Of course, I'll help her in any way I can. I'm not looking forward to the whole "couple therapy" thing, but if it will help her than I'll do it."
"Now, tell me about the day she died."
Jack reached for the glass of water that the doctor had given him and drank most of it. Looking at the desk he continued, "it was all my fault."
Alex watched Jack and waited patiently. It was several minutes before Jack spoke.
"We were going to meet a contact. I had several things to do so Vicky waited outside of our apartment and played with a neighbor's kid and their dog. She saw me coming outside and yelled that she would get the car. I was walking toward the car and was looking right into her eyes. She gave me a big smile...she...started the car...and it...just blew up."
"What happened next?"
"I really don't remember. I was told that I had to be held back from trying to get her out. They said that there was no way she could have survived the explosion."
"How did that make you feel?"
Jack gaped at him for a moment. He couldn't the son of a bitch asked him that. "HOW THE HELL DO YOU THINK I FELT? I JUST WATCHED MY WIFE GET KILLED AND IT WAS MY FAULT!" Alex flinched at the shouting.
There was the sound of running feet and someone pounded on the door. "Sir? Are you OK in there?"
Schmidt went and opened the door so that the airman could see him that he was fine. He Knew from experience that this was only way to reassure him. "I'm fine, some times therapy sessions get loud."
"Are you sure, Sir?"
"Do I look like I'm not fine?"
"Umm, no, Sir. If you're sure?"
"Yes, I am. Now if you don't mind, it is not conducive to a good session to interrupt it."
"Sorry, Sir. I'll be leaving now."
Alex closed the door and headed back to his seat. Jack looked very contrite, "Alex, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled."
"That's Ok, Jack. Sometimes when buried pain comes out it does so rather forcefully. Now I want to tell me how Vicky's death was your fault."
"It was my car, I should have been driving. I should have known."
"How? Did you have any idea that your cover was blown? Any intel that you were a target? Did you have any idea that there was a bomb in the car?"
"No, but I should have."
"How? Jack, sometimes you do the best you can and bad things still happen. Sometimes life just sucks and there is nothing you can do about it. Now, let's talk about you being captured in Iraq."
//I REALLY am beginning to hate this guy\\