Alright. Dude. This is awesome! I'm actually updating something in a less-than-a-month timeframe. Woo. ^^

Soo…since I'm pretty darn sure you'd rather read the next chapter than my thanks to my reviewers, I'll save that for the end of this chapter. Mmmkay? Good.

Disclaimer: Refer to Chapter One…duuuuuuuh…

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Saturos sighed wistfully, and shut his copy of Eragon with glee. With Alex gone since yesterday, he actually had some peace and quiet, and finished the book with very little to no interruption.

He chuckled to himself and took a sip of tea ( And yes, he did extend his pinky finger. ) to further calm his nerves. Just thinking of Alex caused his scaly skin to sweat in fear. He mentally scolded himself. That blue-haired bafoon is gone. He was flippin' hurled over Gaia Falls. No way he'll be coming back anytime –

But, alas, knowing Saturos' luck to be all the more unfortunate, a beam of light materialized in the apartment, and there stood Alex, dripping wet from head to toe.

…soon. He cursed the gods and the spirits for being so cruel to him.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Somewhere up in the heavens, Fate was laughing his ass off.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"So," began Saturos, trying to sound casual, "where exactly have you been?"

Alex shrugged. "I dunno. All I remember was that there was this place where everyone and their uncle was afraid of this sea monster."

Saturos cocked an eyebrow. "Do tell."

"Yeah. I tried telling them that I came from a different world, but no one believed me. Said something about a toxin or something… they even gave me this tee-shirt!" Alex pulled a tee-shirt out of his Magical Disappearing Bag ( copyright RPG Heroes ) and showed Saturos the words imprinted on the back.

I Encountered Sin's Toxin and LIVED!!!

Saturos blinked. "Huh. Well, I'll be darned…"

"Indeed." Alex put the tee-shirt back in the MDB.

"So…" Saturos rose from his chair and placed the tea kettle on the stove, "Any new plans?"

Alex started giggling like a schoolgirl and took a seat at the kitchen island. "Oh, yes, my friend! Yes indeed I do!"

Saturos sighed and turned to his former companion. He sat down across from Alex on the island, "I'm all elf-ears."

Alex grinned, "You'll just love this idea, Satty!"

"What did I tell you about calling me that?"

"Er, sorry. Anyways, I am about to enter Phase II of the Evil Plan of Evil of the Evil Overlord Evil Alex. Evil."

"Which does…?"

Alex pulled the Magical Disappearing Bag out of thin air, and began rummaging through it's contents. Finally, he pulled out a rubber tire. "Putting Firestone Tires on all the children's bicycles!!"

"And that's evil … how?"

"Because the children will get into numerous accidents of inflicted pain!"

Saturos stared at his friend. The Proxian groaned and put his head in his hands. "Alex, you have the plotting skills of a Japanese schoolgirl."

Alex gasped. "You better take that back!"

"Make me."

"Take it back!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"No!"

"YES!!!"

"NO!!!"

"RABBLE!"

"RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!"

And this continued for several hours.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Meanwhile, on a nearby rooftop…

A man dressed in complete ninja garb recorded Alex and Saturos' bickering via binoculars. The man smirked, and lowered the binoculars, exposing to you ( the readers ) his brown-grey skin. This was Ganondorf, the King of Evil, the Keeper of the Triforce of Power, the Gerudo King, the –

Bzzt! Bzzt!

Ganondorf rolled his eyes and with a puff of pink smoke, made his palm pilot appear. No sooner had he done so, he checked the message on the screen.

Dear Ganondorf,

Hi! This is the author. I just wanted to say that you really don't need to give out every title to your name when you are introduced.

Thanks!

Ganondorf sighed and crushed the palm pilot in woe. Oh sure, it was always "Listen to the author" this and "Listen to the author" that. He wasn't the one who had to put up with his companion: a giant floating head.

Andross turned his, er, head towards Ganondorf's direction. "You sure you getting all this?"

"Yessir."

"Good!" cackled Andross. "Soon, we shall collect our data of Alex's progress and return to Evil Overlord Headquarters."

"Why the rush, sir?" asked Ganondorf.

"Fool! Tonight is Pizza Party Night!"

"Fo' shizzle?!"

"Fo sho."

"Dude!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Meanwhile, at the Evil Overlords of Evil Pizza Party Friday Night…( Wow, that was a mouthful… )

"So," began Sauron, in an attempt to make small talk. "what do you do for evil, Voldemort?"

Voldemort took a bite out of pizza. "Well, for one thing, we put all of our spells in books – "

"Wait, you mean you put your spells in your books? And you actually teach the spells like they were math problems?"

Voldemort cackled like a loon. "Yes, and with the power of literature, we shall conquer the world! Winguardium Leviosa!" And just like that, Voldemort disappeared into thin air.

"Dude! That is evil*(1)!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"I hope we're not missing much, sir…" said Ganondorf.

"Oh, quit your fanwank, boy. We still have much spying to do!"

Ganondorf sighed. "Yes, sir…"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Back at Saturos' apartment…

"RABBLERABBLERABBLERABBLERABBLERABBLERABBLE!!!!"

Both Alex and Saturos had been going at it like this for the past two or three scenes, neither side relenting in their strife to rabble. Finally, a female voice cut through the RABBLE!!!ing.

"Guys, I'm trying to listen!" said Menardi. Wait, Menardi?

Saturos and Alex both stopped their RABBLE!!!ing and turned towards Menardi, who sat on the couch, a PS2 controller in hand, and the Screen of Cut-scenes appeared on the TV screen.

Saturos turned to Alex. "Plot device?"

Alex turned to Saturos. "Plot device."

And so, the two shrugged, shook hands, and became bestest friends again. Next thing you know, the two had took a seat next to Menardi, and watched the cut-scene unfold. The tune to "Auron's Theme" started playing from the speakers as two men – a bleachy haired teenager and a man of 30 clad in red – appeared on the screen. The red-clad man took a swig from his trusty sake jug and stared at the bleachy haired teenager.

"10 years ago…" he began, "Jecht stood in this spot. And he attacked the shoopuff. Then he threw nuts at the squirrel, and took a leak at that tree. Then, he rode the shoopuff… proclaiming himself the king… of the shoopuffs… I'm really drunk*(2)"

Alex blinked. "Hey, that bleachy haired kid looks familiar…"

Suddenly, the cut-scene ended, and the sound of a news bulletin interrupting your favorite television program rang through their ears. A deep, hoarse voice sounded from the speakers. "We interrupt this video game…" - ( Yes, we can interrupt video games… we are THAT powerful, Alex … ) was subtext at the bottom – "…to bring you this special bulletin from your friendly neighborhood Evil Overlords of Evil…"

Saturos put his head in his hands. "Oh, spirits, no…"

Soon, Andross' head appeared on the screen. "Hello… is this thing on? Ganondorf, can't you do anything right?"

Pause.

"What do you mean 'we're on the air'?!"

Alex couldn't help but giggle like a schoolgirl.

Andross blushed madly. "Forget you saw that. Otherwise, I shall eat your spamming soul! But I'm getting ahead of myself." The floating head cleared his throat. "Hello, Alex! We of the Evil Overlords of Evil have realized that – lest you… get out of hand with your plans – you need guidance and good kick in the rear if you want to join our ranks. As such, we shall monitor your progress from now on. In fact, I think Ganondorf is checking out that blonde haired vixen right now…."

Silence.

Saturos calmly stood up, dusted himself off, and headed out of the door.

Silence again.

Several dirty words and curses were heard from outside the apartment, and the sound of a grown man screaming like a girl filled Alex and Menardi's ears. Then the sound of a man's balls being shattered, and the scream that follows came next. A flash of fire illuminated the night sky. The television screen went to static.

Two minutes later, Saturos calmly opened the apartment door, seated himself next to Menardi, and the two began kissing passionately. Alex just stared at them in disgust.

"Oh, get a room…"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

*(1)- Except for a few changed lines, this belongs to Legendary Frog's "One Ring To Rule Them All2" Flash video.

*(2) – This, too, comes from a Legendary Frog Flash Video – this one entitled "Kerri's Big Invention".

Reviewer Responses

[ Joker's Specter ] ~ Well, this chapter introduces some new Evil Overlords – Ganondorf and Andross. Also, I think I might just have Menardi stick around just for some extra flavor. Another thing, no, Saturos isn't an Evil Overlord. I've only introduced seven so far, and beside the two introduced this chapter, the other five are: Sauron; Voldemort; Gendo Ikari; Sephiroth; and Bill Gates.

[ The Faction's Lord ] ~ Ah. Thank you for pointing out my grammatical errors. Man, I reread chapter 2 and boy were there a lot of spelling/grammatical errors there…

Miranda L. ~ An Alex-luster, eh? Anyways, a bishounen is a character in an anime/game that comes from Asia that is ridiculously handsome – and in anime has huge, huge eyes and an unrealistically proportionate chin. And thank you for liking my writing style! ^^;

[ Alexandra Radcliffe ] ~ Yes, Alex really needs to get his Evil Priorities straight, doesn't he? ^^; And yes – Dullahan is as evil as they come. Man, don't you just hate the Boss That Is Harder Than the Final Boss? Moy…

[ magical-flying dragon ] ~ Thank you for adding me to your favorites list! As for Alex achieving his goal … well, I won't say; but I think writing about an organization of evil people is making me evil, so…

Edit 3/21/04 – As it was brought to my attention by my three current reviewers for this chapter, yes, I forgot to lay the claims that two or three jokes in this chapter rightfully belong to Legendary Frog. Sorry – it slipped my mind last night as I was finishing this up. Anyways… yeah, I think that's about it.