I push through the trauma doors with a ten year old girl that's been in an accident. She is unstable, her BP is dropping, and I'm going to loose her airway in a matter of seconds. Sometime I wonder why I became a doctor. I hate seeing so much pain and misery on such blameless children. Abby walks in through the doors and the nurses throw the main jist of the situation at her. We need a chest tube to re-inflate her lung. Someone's got to tube her while her airway is still salvageable. I do not want to perform a traech. She seems to take over, and I'm being pushed off to the side more by every second. She grabs the chest tube out of my hand and start to make the incision for the insertion path. I see her facial expression change from calm to worried, she's stressing the tube too much. I start to push her out of the way gently, but it's no use.
"Abby..."
She shoots me an eerie look but concentrates back on putting the chest tube in. Its not going in, and the girl's BP is dropping. I can't let this happen.
"Abby, move now!"
I try to get the tube away from her but her expression is set, I can't move her. She finally gets the tube in and the BP starts to go up.
"Get out."
She looks at me. I can tell she's getting angry.
"What?"
I walk up to the girl and bend her head back, the tube is handed to me and I slide it effortlessly down her throat. She's stable for now until X-ray comes down and we also need a portable ultrasound from the other room.
"Get out. You are relieved of this case."
She senses the authority in my voice but she takes no heed of it. Great. I'm in for it.
"Why don't you get out. It's not like your doing anything."
I hear one of the nurses yell out that she's throwing PBC's on the monitor. Goddamn it. Internal bleeding. This isn't good. I rush towards the ultrasound so does she.
"Get OUT!"
She grabs the machine from me.
"Shut up and check her lungs."
I check the screen as she's running the ultrasound over her stomach. A nicked liver. She needs surgery. I see Elizabeth running towards the room and I get a sense of relief. She checks the vitals and quickly takes her towards the elevator. I write an order for 3 units of O negative blood to be sent up. The chart is handed to Chuny who runs after the bed. I'm left alone with Abby. Silence. Awkward silence. I'm suddenly thankful for Weaver's enterance. She looks around the room and at both of us, standing covered in blood.
"What was going on?"
I shake my head and she refuses to meet my gaze. I look at Weaver and she's not buying my denials.
"Go into the suture room; I don't care what you do. You have to be able to work together!"
The door swings shut and I look at her. I can see the beginnings of a laugh forming on her lips. We are like two little kids that have been sent to a corner and told to kiss and make up. She rolls her eyes and lets out an exasperated sigh. She starts walking towards the suture room and I follow on her heels.
"Are we seriously doing this?"
She turns around and rolls her eyes at me.
"I need a break. Plus, their Weaver's orders."
I follow her into teh room and shut the door behind me. She sits down on the bed and I take a stool from teh desk in teh corner. We were in here this morning. This place seems to have a magnetic force that draws us closer to it.
"I'm sorry. I should have given you a chance."
She looks at me and shruggs her shoulders.
"I'm not. You were being a jerk."
I was running a trauma in a life or death situation. What am I supposed to be? Polite?
"I"m an Attending. You're a resident. When I tell you to do something, you do it."
I get up. I can't deal with her right now. I can't deal with working with her sometimes. She thinks she can take control of me, and push me below her. Not happening this time.
I walk over to where she's sitting and sit down next to her.
"How about we just not work together on traumas?"
She nods her head and looks back at me.
"Sorry."
I fix her ID on the pocket of her coat. I love how she used to have two of them. One for her med school days, and one for her nurse shifts. I look at her, she has her head buried into her hands. I pull one of her hands away and intertwine my fingers with hers. I do that out of habit. It annoys her sometimes. It might annoy me more, we'll never know. I move closer to see her face, she looks liek she's almost smilling, but I can't tell in the dim light. I lean in and she moves closer, our lips meet. The second time that day. My heart stops beating. Her hands rest on my cheek, pulling me closer and closer to her body. I can feel her pulling me down, on top of her. This feels so wrong. This isn't right. She's manipulating me, using me. I don't care. She can use me all she wants. No. I break away from her kiss.
"I thought you said that we couldn't do this..."
She collapses dejected on the bed.
"We shouldn't."
I still can't find a reason why we can't be together.
"Why?"
She looks up at the ceiling, anything to avoid looking at me.
"Because it's complicated between us... Everything's too complicated."
I sit up and she does the same.
"We can work through it."
I look at her, looking for some sign of hope. She stands up and walks over to me. Her deep brown eyes burn into mine.
"No. We can't."
"Abby..."
She shoots me an eerie look but concentrates back on putting the chest tube in. Its not going in, and the girl's BP is dropping. I can't let this happen.
"Abby, move now!"
I try to get the tube away from her but her expression is set, I can't move her. She finally gets the tube in and the BP starts to go up.
"Get out."
She looks at me. I can tell she's getting angry.
"What?"
I walk up to the girl and bend her head back, the tube is handed to me and I slide it effortlessly down her throat. She's stable for now until X-ray comes down and we also need a portable ultrasound from the other room.
"Get out. You are relieved of this case."
She senses the authority in my voice but she takes no heed of it. Great. I'm in for it.
"Why don't you get out. It's not like your doing anything."
I hear one of the nurses yell out that she's throwing PBC's on the monitor. Goddamn it. Internal bleeding. This isn't good. I rush towards the ultrasound so does she.
"Get OUT!"
She grabs the machine from me.
"Shut up and check her lungs."
I check the screen as she's running the ultrasound over her stomach. A nicked liver. She needs surgery. I see Elizabeth running towards the room and I get a sense of relief. She checks the vitals and quickly takes her towards the elevator. I write an order for 3 units of O negative blood to be sent up. The chart is handed to Chuny who runs after the bed. I'm left alone with Abby. Silence. Awkward silence. I'm suddenly thankful for Weaver's enterance. She looks around the room and at both of us, standing covered in blood.
"What was going on?"
I shake my head and she refuses to meet my gaze. I look at Weaver and she's not buying my denials.
"Go into the suture room; I don't care what you do. You have to be able to work together!"
The door swings shut and I look at her. I can see the beginnings of a laugh forming on her lips. We are like two little kids that have been sent to a corner and told to kiss and make up. She rolls her eyes and lets out an exasperated sigh. She starts walking towards the suture room and I follow on her heels.
"Are we seriously doing this?"
She turns around and rolls her eyes at me.
"I need a break. Plus, their Weaver's orders."
I follow her into teh room and shut the door behind me. She sits down on the bed and I take a stool from teh desk in teh corner. We were in here this morning. This place seems to have a magnetic force that draws us closer to it.
"I'm sorry. I should have given you a chance."
She looks at me and shruggs her shoulders.
"I'm not. You were being a jerk."
I was running a trauma in a life or death situation. What am I supposed to be? Polite?
"I"m an Attending. You're a resident. When I tell you to do something, you do it."
I get up. I can't deal with her right now. I can't deal with working with her sometimes. She thinks she can take control of me, and push me below her. Not happening this time.
I walk over to where she's sitting and sit down next to her.
"How about we just not work together on traumas?"
She nods her head and looks back at me.
"Sorry."
I fix her ID on the pocket of her coat. I love how she used to have two of them. One for her med school days, and one for her nurse shifts. I look at her, she has her head buried into her hands. I pull one of her hands away and intertwine my fingers with hers. I do that out of habit. It annoys her sometimes. It might annoy me more, we'll never know. I move closer to see her face, she looks liek she's almost smilling, but I can't tell in the dim light. I lean in and she moves closer, our lips meet. The second time that day. My heart stops beating. Her hands rest on my cheek, pulling me closer and closer to her body. I can feel her pulling me down, on top of her. This feels so wrong. This isn't right. She's manipulating me, using me. I don't care. She can use me all she wants. No. I break away from her kiss.
"I thought you said that we couldn't do this..."
She collapses dejected on the bed.
"We shouldn't."
I still can't find a reason why we can't be together.
"Why?"
She looks up at the ceiling, anything to avoid looking at me.
"Because it's complicated between us... Everything's too complicated."
I sit up and she does the same.
"We can work through it."
I look at her, looking for some sign of hope. She stands up and walks over to me. Her deep brown eyes burn into mine.
"No. We can't."