Disclaimer: If I could own Fruits Basket, then I would, believe me!! But then again so would all of you guys reading this, I assume…?! But anyway, in reality, I don't own it, and so can only fantasize about 'what if'… and write this fanfic! Hehe, so on we go!
Note: This is a Haru/Yuki fic. They do get together, and there will be yaoi eventually, so bear with me! This is a particularly angsty chapter, but also one in which lots happens, so you'll have to put up with the angst to get to the action! Hope you like! Enjoy ^_^
Note: Thanks heaps to all my reviewers – I'm so happy that people want to read my work! ^_^ Don't worry M0rbidity, I'll try to keep you away from my throat by updating when I can! Thanks muchly to Tessa Marlene, cHrRyB1Ssm, Animegoil, Sorrowful Memory, chronic-fever, machoupitchounette and you too, NaPap! You're inspiring me to neglect my schoolwork (hah, who needs it?!) to write more delicious Haru/Yuki fluff! Neway, enjoy! ^_^ SpringSnow
White Love – Breaking Point
In the end, Haru had walked Yuki to Akito's wing of the house. Neither spoke, but Haru squeezed Yuki's hand before letting him go in. Yuki didn't see him settle down against the hallway wall to wait.
As it turned out, he didn't have to wait for long. Something was different today. Akito's voice rose and fell, interspersed by laughter as usual, but now Haru could hear other noises – like small whimpers. What is going on? He wondered, concentrating with an almost inhuman intensity on the door and the noises coming from beyond it.
~***~
Inside the room things were indeed different, a fact which Akito was relishing. He wasn't sure why, but today the rat's normally impassive exterior appeared to be chipped. Usually, the malevolent family master got almost no reaction from Yuki to his words and his whip. Even with a torn and bloodied back, the rat remained quiet. Rather than frustrating him, Akito enjoyed the challenge of trying to get a sign from Yuki of his discomfort, his pain.
Today, his perseverance appeared to have paid off!! As Akito lashed and taunted him, Yuki could not prevent small, choked sobs tearing through his lips. With every sound, the family master seemed to gain more strength, until his whip rose and fell with an almost delirious, feverish intensity. His eyes were alight with a manic joy as he watched blood seep from the welts covering the small rat's back.
~***~
Yuki was hurting. This was not a rare occurrence, by any means, but today it appeared that his self-control had indeed been broken. Try as he might, he could not keep thoughts of Haru, his devoted Haru, out of his head. The ox tried so hard to protect Yuki, even when as now there was nothing he could do. Haru didn't know, but Yuki had noticed the younger boy becoming increasingly drawn as the waiting took its toll.
It was their conversation that morning that had decided it. That someone was willing to wait for him, to stand by and hope, even when all they could do was watch him suffer – that meant something. Yuki was feeling stabs of guilt, that he had allowed his friend to use himself up for his sake, and it was this feeling, above all the other mixed-up emotions churning through Yuki's head, which he could not shake.
He was sick of it – sick of it all. He was the rat, dammit! He shouldn't feel so helpless when it came to Akito. It was as if he let the vulnerability of his childhood self infect him whenever he heard that name. He associated Akito with power, and with terror, and this attitude just increased the family master's potency. Yuki gritted his teeth against the pain and allowed another painful sigh to escape his clenched jaw, as he became more and more agitated. He was setting himself up for this torture. The real reason for Akito's fascination with him was that Yuki was so weak. That he allowed every little thing to impact on him so heavily.
Over-sensitivity was ingrained in Yuki's personality. He found it very difficult to see the humour in a joke made at his expense, for example, and this extended to every part of his life. The same principle applied here. He allowed Akito to do this to him – his very nature almost encouraged the treatment.
Everyone thought that Yuki was impassive to criticism; that he had no concept of self-doubt. They couldn't be more wrong. The truth was that Yuki despised himself. He held nothing but contempt for that pitiful creature whom everyone considered special. The lucky, clever rat of the zodiac.
No one seemed to realise that it was partially this preconception of him as being special that impacted so heavily upon him. He wasn't anything out of the ordinary, really. Sure, he could kick that stupid cat's butt in a fight, but then the idiot still needed to learn to control his fists and not let his fists control him. When he accomplished that, he would probably be a formidable opponent. Until then, however, he wasn't a challenge. Was that special? So he was popular at school – did that make him special? If anyone at that school actually knew him, Yuki knew that he would not be nearly so well liked.
In truth, Yuki was just that – a rat. He knew that in order to counteract the abnormality that was the curse he had to be seen as nice, and so he acted in a way he knew would cause people to accept him. He was so uncomfortable with being himself that he had long ago forsaken this in favour of a pleasing mask – ever since his friends had been taken away from him as a child. The only people since then with whom he felt that he could let his guard down and be himself with were Tohru, and Haru.
Tohru had a magnetic quality about her, that was apparent, and yet try as he might Yuki was not able to fully accept her friendship. His memories of pain from whenever someone from outside the family found out about the curse caused him to keep a wall up, in order to preserve himself in case of the same happening again. All the Sohma's knew that Akito was holding Miss Honda's presence at Shigure's over their heads, as a constant threat against disobedience. He knew that what happened to the other children (Hatori having to erase their memories… L ) was unlikely in Tohru's case, but was unable to take the chance with himself – to open up fully to her, and then have her taken away. Keeping up a barrier between them, albeit a thin one, was the only way Yuki could cope. When he was with her, he was able to be happy – to forget his troubles for a time. But as much as he wanted to, there was no escaping the fact that she was not a Sohma, and therefore couldn't connect with Yuki the way she so sincerely wanted to. It was Yuki's own inescapable inhibitions when it came to those outside the Sohma curse that prevented him from seriously pursuing an intimate relationship with her. 'Friends' was the best he could give her.
With Haru, Yuki had never needed a wall, and he could not bring himself to close off from the ox at all. Haru was the only person in his life with which Yuki had been able to be himself, always. Yuki had never told him, but the younger boy was his anchor – the one he turned to when everything else in his life was going wrong. He was Yuki's only hold against the terror and insanity of his position in life. Haru had always been there, had done all he could and given all he had for Yuki. It was time to recognise that commitment.
~***~
"Yuki!! Where is he?!" Ayame shrieked, racing into the Sohma family compound. He had heard that Yuki was here, that he hadn't been seen for over a fortnight at Shigure's. This time, Ayame was not prepared to sit back and do nothing to aid his younger brother. There was no one else who could save him… for that matter, Aya wasn't even sure if he could save him – but he was sure as hell going to try.
For too long he had sat by and watched his brother suffer, as Ayame tried to deal with being cursed. There had always been some rationalisation to stay away from the rat – school, friends etc. For too long had he pushed Yuki away – rejected his brother before his brother could reject him. No more. He was here for redemption – but more importantly, he was here to help Yuki, no matter the cost to himself.
He had made this resolution that morning, and had gone straight to Shigure's house. He knew that he was going to need some support to be able to help Yuki at all, and the only person he trusted to help him, and not to just laugh in his face when they heard what he was planning to do, was Gure.
Ok, so Shigure had laughed, but only until Aya convinced him that he was *deadly* serious - and that it might come to that, given the madman they were dealing with. Gure thought *he* was mad, and told him so repeatedly, but still agreed to help with a reasonably good grace.
When they arrived at the main house, the loveable couple went to find Hatori, who directed them towards Akito's quarters. Sighing, the reserved doctor followed as Aya enthusiastically dragged a less eager Shigure towards those rooms. Call me insane, but I don't think that Ayame has really thought about what he's getting himself into here… Hatori thought rather morbidly. *Sigh*… the pressures of being the only Sohma who actually thinks before they act…
It appeared that he was right, as usual. When the three reached their destination, Ayame hesitated. Haru was standing up against the door, fists clenched, quivering with the strain of not going Black, kicking the door down and KICKING THAT BASTARD'S ASS!!! … But that probably wouldn't be a good idea, and might end up doing more harm than good for Yuki… thought his more rational White side. Damn it was hard work having a split personality sometimes. This same argument had been running through his head for the past half hour, ever since the sounds from inside had started.
Looking up, he saw Ayame, Shigure and Hatori coming to a stop beside him. "What are you three doing here?" He asked, trying harder than ever to keep calm. The last thing he needed at the moment was the quirky but *mildly* irritating Ayame stressing him out. Looking at the snake's uncharacteristically serious face, his heart did a strange waltz in his chest. What were… were they… trying to get Yuki out? But…
"DON'T do anything stupid, ok? Ayame? Shigure? You guys? Just… just think about whether you're going to help Yuki, or not, by just barging in there. If I thought that would do any good, I would have already, you know..?" No response. Aya and Gure were staring straight through Haru, at the door he was obscuring, listening to the… to the sound of Yuki shouting?
What was going on in there?!?!
~***~
Yuki was shouting. In fact, he was doing a lot more than shouting. He had snapped. Finally, after all these years, he was facing his fears. Standing up to face the family master eyeball to eyeball, he let go, poured out all the emotions he had put on hold to cope with being here again.
"HOW DARE YOU? WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO TREAT ME THE WAY YOU DO? LOOK, I KNOW YOU WEREN'T ASKED IF YOU WANTED TO DIE YOUNG, BUT DO YOU HONESTLY BELIEVE THAT THAT FACT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO MAKE MY LIFE – ALL OF OUR LIVES – A LIVING HELL? JUST BECAUSE YOU'LL BE GOING THERE BEFORE MUCH LONGER? OH, WE'LL REMEMBER YOU AT THIS RATE, BELIEVE YOU ME! EVERY YEAR ON THE ANNIVERSARY OF YOUR DEATH WE'LL HAVE A PARTY TO CELEBRATE THAT YOU'RE GONE!!"
Taking a deep breath as he forced his abused limbs to support him a little longer, Yuki continued.
"I'M SICK OF IT! I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS TREATMENT FROM YOU ANY MORE. IF IT'S WHAT YOU WANT, IF IT'S WHAT YOU'VE BEEN AIMING FOR THIS WHOLE TIME THEN I'LL GO AWAY AND KILL MYSELF!! WILL THAT SATISFY YOU?! IS THAT WHAT IT WILL TAKE TO MAKE YOU HAPPY?!? BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M PREPARED TO DO TO MAKE IT STOP! JUST…" He trailed off, his manic burst of energy almost exhausted, "Just make it stop."
Yuki slumped towards the floor, but was caught by a pair… no, by two pairs of caring arms. Willing his leaden eyes to stay open, he tried to register who had caught him. "Haru…" he smiled weakly up at his devoted ox, feeling safe. Everything was going to be ok now that Haru was there. But who…? Looking up, straight into a pair of golden eyes, he tensed, stunned.
Ayame?! But… Ayame didn't care about him… or… maybe Ayame had been telling the truth about wanting to get to know him – for being sorry for the way he had treated Yuki. Maybe Yuki just hadn't bothered to look beyond Ayame's shallow exterior and try to give his brother a second chance. Maybe… sighing, Yuki gave up trying to analyse his confused thoughts and his confusing brother right now; he was losing the battle to stay awake, and had to see what else was going on before he could sleep.
Forcing his gaze up, he saw Hatori and Shigure with Akito… comforting him?!? What the?? Why? How?? WHY THE HELL WAS SHIGURE BEING NICE TO THAT, THAT… Panting, Yuki clung weakly to his friend, and to his brother. He couldn't deal with this at the moment. "Thank you…" he murmured, before finally letting the warm, safe greyness take him in as he lost consciousness.
Hehe… what'd you think? Reviews are welcome! I enjoyed writing this one, so hope you all enjoyed reading. Till next time then! ^_^
SpringSnow