Chapter 2: Of Women and Muffins
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Summary: Jackie and Kelso have some BIG news, and its sending Hyde through a non-herbally induced trip.
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"Women are like muffins, man. And once you've had a muffin, you will put up with ANYTHING to have another one. And they know that."
--Steven Hyde, on women and muffins
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She calls me Steven
I used to hate her for it. The only person who calls me Steven is Mrs. Forman. And I don't mind that so much. But Mrs. Forman certainly isn't Jackie.
You'll notice that I said I *used* to hate it. I don't anymore. And that's the part I really hate, man. You know, the not hating it. It's like me suddenly trusting--or working for--the government. Weird.
It has been three days since our kiss, and my lips are still tingling. And when Jackie says my name, her voice whiny and high-pitched, they tingle even more. It's different. It's strange. It's...well, mainly, it's annoying.
Because, in case you've forgotten, this *is* Jackie we're talking about.
All I want is for things to go back to how they were. To when I wasn't going to jail for Jackie, or hitting guys named Chip who called her a bitch, or having weird dreams about kissing her again. I want to go back to when I thought the girl was hot, but I couldn't stand being near her anyway.
Now, I wait for her. Unconsciously, I glance over to the door of Forman's basement, just to see if she's coming.
A second later, I catch myself and mutter, "Stop being such a pussy, Hyde."
And then one minute later, I'm staring at the door again.
Which I guess Forman has had enough of, if the way he said, "Expecting someone?" is any indication.
"No, man," I replied cooly.
"Then why do you keep looking at the door?" Donna asked, always the observant little busybody. (Where did I learn the word "busybody"? I have been hanging around Mrs. F for too long, man.)
I said, "Just wondering where Kelso is off to. He's usually here being an idiot. I'm concerned for the general public. Oh, wait, no. I'm not."
Donna snorted and pushed her long red hair out of her face. "Probably off...uh...*birdwatching* with Jackie."
I stared. I mean, I knew what "birdwatching" really meant. It meant they were hot and heavy. But I could not comprehend that sentence. "Jackie...and Kelso? Are you kidding me?"
"You didn't hear they got back together? Huh. Well, they did. And now life makes sense once more."
My head was spinning. Like I was on a trip that wasn't herbally induced.
Why would Jackie get back together with Kelso? He was one of my best friends, yeah, but he was also a liar and a cheater, and he'd broken her heart a thousand times.
A voice in my head that sounded annoyingly like Red Forman said--or, rather, yelled--"She loves him, dumbass! She doesn't care that he's a first-class idiot, or that he's a jackass."
"I warned her he's probably cheat on her again," said Donna, interrupting my growing dread that my conscious--which I was pretty sure I didn't have--or my inner monologue, or whatever, was the voice of Red Forman. "But for some strange reason she still believes in him."
"Hey, look," said Forman. "It's the happy couple themselves."
And at that moment, in burst Kelso and Jackie, grinning like...well, like they'd gotten into my stash. They looked so happy, man. I guess they were still in the honeymoon period of their new relationship.
"Guess what!" screeched Jackie in that adorably annoying way.
"You've tested positive for VD?" Eric guessed.
Donna laughed and said to Jackie, "I told you hanging around with Kelso would be bad for your health."
"No, you guys, that's not it," said Kelso, unaware he had just been burned.
"Well, then what is your fanastic news that you need to share with us?" I asked, not really caring, although it was a question I regretted the moment Jackie Burkhardt, eyes wide and sparkling, giggled, unable to control her excitement, "Michael and I are engaged!"
A/N: Okay, okay. I know they're still in high school at this point and therefore cannot get married. But all will be explained in the next chapter. (Think promise ring, only there's actually no ring involved. Just a promise.))
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Summary: Jackie and Kelso have some BIG news, and its sending Hyde through a non-herbally induced trip.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Women are like muffins, man. And once you've had a muffin, you will put up with ANYTHING to have another one. And they know that."
--Steven Hyde, on women and muffins
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She calls me Steven
I used to hate her for it. The only person who calls me Steven is Mrs. Forman. And I don't mind that so much. But Mrs. Forman certainly isn't Jackie.
You'll notice that I said I *used* to hate it. I don't anymore. And that's the part I really hate, man. You know, the not hating it. It's like me suddenly trusting--or working for--the government. Weird.
It has been three days since our kiss, and my lips are still tingling. And when Jackie says my name, her voice whiny and high-pitched, they tingle even more. It's different. It's strange. It's...well, mainly, it's annoying.
Because, in case you've forgotten, this *is* Jackie we're talking about.
All I want is for things to go back to how they were. To when I wasn't going to jail for Jackie, or hitting guys named Chip who called her a bitch, or having weird dreams about kissing her again. I want to go back to when I thought the girl was hot, but I couldn't stand being near her anyway.
Now, I wait for her. Unconsciously, I glance over to the door of Forman's basement, just to see if she's coming.
A second later, I catch myself and mutter, "Stop being such a pussy, Hyde."
And then one minute later, I'm staring at the door again.
Which I guess Forman has had enough of, if the way he said, "Expecting someone?" is any indication.
"No, man," I replied cooly.
"Then why do you keep looking at the door?" Donna asked, always the observant little busybody. (Where did I learn the word "busybody"? I have been hanging around Mrs. F for too long, man.)
I said, "Just wondering where Kelso is off to. He's usually here being an idiot. I'm concerned for the general public. Oh, wait, no. I'm not."
Donna snorted and pushed her long red hair out of her face. "Probably off...uh...*birdwatching* with Jackie."
I stared. I mean, I knew what "birdwatching" really meant. It meant they were hot and heavy. But I could not comprehend that sentence. "Jackie...and Kelso? Are you kidding me?"
"You didn't hear they got back together? Huh. Well, they did. And now life makes sense once more."
My head was spinning. Like I was on a trip that wasn't herbally induced.
Why would Jackie get back together with Kelso? He was one of my best friends, yeah, but he was also a liar and a cheater, and he'd broken her heart a thousand times.
A voice in my head that sounded annoyingly like Red Forman said--or, rather, yelled--"She loves him, dumbass! She doesn't care that he's a first-class idiot, or that he's a jackass."
"I warned her he's probably cheat on her again," said Donna, interrupting my growing dread that my conscious--which I was pretty sure I didn't have--or my inner monologue, or whatever, was the voice of Red Forman. "But for some strange reason she still believes in him."
"Hey, look," said Forman. "It's the happy couple themselves."
And at that moment, in burst Kelso and Jackie, grinning like...well, like they'd gotten into my stash. They looked so happy, man. I guess they were still in the honeymoon period of their new relationship.
"Guess what!" screeched Jackie in that adorably annoying way.
"You've tested positive for VD?" Eric guessed.
Donna laughed and said to Jackie, "I told you hanging around with Kelso would be bad for your health."
"No, you guys, that's not it," said Kelso, unaware he had just been burned.
"Well, then what is your fanastic news that you need to share with us?" I asked, not really caring, although it was a question I regretted the moment Jackie Burkhardt, eyes wide and sparkling, giggled, unable to control her excitement, "Michael and I are engaged!"
A/N: Okay, okay. I know they're still in high school at this point and therefore cannot get married. But all will be explained in the next chapter. (Think promise ring, only there's actually no ring involved. Just a promise.))